A missing Link

I'm Jordan, 20 years old i live in lame old Iowa and go to college i study Social Science and Religion, enjoy me some video games and a smooth tune and pizza

[the-memedaddy]

[pandyxmilkovich-blog]

Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.

So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.

So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.

So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…

And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…

[dollsonmain]

Holy shit.

[neptunes-salty-butthole]

This is glorious

[jemthecrystalgem]

I like Dale. He’d break up with a bigoted girlfriend and he wears bathrobes like a cape. Not everyone would wear a bathrobe like a cape.

[jortsbutch]

Some heros wear capes

[jenroses]

I… have only seen this in screenshots.

[emphasis-all-mine]

I never knew Let’s Go Lesbians was based on a true story.

[ricamora]

[mias-back-from-the-dead]

#great now i gotta kinkshame award winning journalist anderson cooper

[subtle-showoff]

Fuck yea Anderson, get those daddys

[i-mister-completely]

He said that with a straight face.

[gaywig]

No he didn’t

[budacub]

“HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE HAD THE HOLY GHOST CUM IN YOU”

[toastbutteregg]

doctor: sir, i'm sorry. the results are in and i'm afraid you have updog

patient: wh- what's updog

doctor, calling a nurse on the hospital's intercom: KAREN GET IN HERE I TOLD YOU I COULD DO IT

[surprisebitch]

BABY Shark do do, do do do do

Baby shark do do, do do do do

Baby shark do do, do do do do

BABY SHARK

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[whiskeycrutch]

Power move of the century.

[kelssiel]

i looked this up cause i wanted to know if you could and you can technically but then you’re instantly guilty of contempt of court and go directly to jail

[sindri42]

Huh. I would think it would fall under the 5th amendment and just mean anything you say in the courtroom can’t be used as evidence one way or the other. Breaking your oath once you make it, that’s perjury at best and a serious crime but just refusing to swear shouldn’t be.

[thefuckisabook]

The fifth is only for not testifying against yourself or your partner.  Besides, they don’t just decide to have you in court, you have to agree to it weeks or months in advance.  You can say to a police officer “I’m not willing to testify” but if you don’t and you end up in a court room and decide to waste everyone’s time, congrats, you’re in contempt.

[wattpadfic-deactivated20170213]

me: goodnight moon :)

moon: should’ve been saying goodnight 5 hours ago its 4am asshole get your life together

[polygonalfish]

Hey, Barry can you add a smiling burger floating gently from right to left?

Thank you Barry.

[suspend]

why is everyone dying to go to the cemetery????

[doodilydingdongdethklok]

[saddest-cat-hours]

Me on my way to eat your ass

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]

Was that caption really necessary

[whatspeaksofter]

IDK, but the music was

[highlandvalley]

[rob-walks-deactivated20210614]

no fucking way

[thinned-skin]

Isthis fucking reallife

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

Man this sports Anime has a really good budget

[ommanyte]

“HE ASCENDED THROUGH THE AIR LIKE A DEFENSIVE ANGELLL!!!!!1!1!1!1”

[madeupmonkeyshit]

i died when they put him back on the floor and started cheering 

[decadenthumor]

[apologeticallyfat]

Lol same

[haunted-camaro]

…

[truly-charmed]

I’ve honestly never been more proud of myself.

[littlemixens]

why do people say “don’t be a pussy” when talking about weakness more like “don’t be a man’s ego” because you know there isn’t nothing more fragile than that

[nothingnowherenoonearchive]

uh 

because “pussy” is the shortened form of the word “pusillanimous”, which means “timid, cowardly”

and not the slang word for the female genital region?

[follow-puppy-luv96-deactivated2]

literally no one else knows this. nobody. 

[definitelyshitty]

WHAT

[tyronesuplac]

Sensational.

[definitelyshitty]

Remarkable.

[geraltcirilla]

it’s a real word

[snarky-gourmet-deactivated20250]

you: pussy

me, an intellectual: pusillanimous