[valcohelpinghand]

Death.

Grief comes in waves. You’ll be fine, then your not. From sad to angry to guilt. It’s awful having to grieve the death of someone, but it’s also awful grieving the loss of someone that’s alive but no longer in your life. A stranger with memories. Watching their life through pictures; As you look at the only pictures you have left of the one you really lost. Both are hard and strange, and I cry for both.

[champagnev3nus]

i’m just tired

the same old mistakes

same old ways

my actions are hypocritical

and my demons

are present

i’m

sorry

for not being the girl

you wanted

-v.o

[bestyouuniveristy]

You have to force yourself to get up early, you have to take care of your responsibilities, you have to be honest with yourself, and you have to evaluate your priorities. Nobody is going to do it for you. These are your goals and your dreams. Everything you want starts and ends with you.

[valcohelpinghand]

Anxiety.

I have been dealing with my anxiety since 2018 and have no idea how it has gotten as bad as it is. Sometimes I feel as though I’m the only one who experiences this much of intense fear but then when I talk to people they tell me the exact same thing, That feeling in your chest as if you have heart burn and it’s getting so hard to breath you end up convincing yourself you’re about to have a heart attack. I don’t know why, but a lot of my own anxiety stems from my fear of death. I’m on sleeping meds, anxiety meds and depression medication and still I watch a damn movie like interstellar and I’m thrown through a loop of fear and constant agony. I’ve been to so many therapists, group therapy and even have been changing up meds for 4 years just to get me okay. Finally found out I’m bipolar so I’ll most likely feel like this for awhile. My emotions constantly going up and down do not help me at all. But I’m working on it.

The one thing that I have found to help me is holding my hand on my heart, closing my eyes and thinking of something that brings me joy while taking in a deep breath. Whether it’s a person or thing, or even just a memory of a time in my life I like. It always seems to help.

Everyone experiences anxiety or any other mental health issues differently so I can only give you what I experience and what helps me but it never hurts to try. I did work as a mental health tech for a year and a half so I’m happy to help if anyone has any questions or just needs someone to talk to, I’m just trying to lend a Helping Hand!

-Valco

[valcohelpinghand]

Life is hard.

I have had a very hard time finding my purpose here on earth and with everything going the way it is in the world it’s an understatement to say I’m a little scared. I struggle with anxiety and bipolar disorder and have even been hospitalized due to my mental illness a couple years back. At this point I can’t even watch the news anymore. The one thing to get my mind at ease is always cleaning or reading books. These past couple years have been hard, for everyone I’m sure, but it’s made me start to think what I really want to do in this life.

From a very young age I’ve always known I wanted to help people. Even if it was in the smallest way possible. I remember growing up and my favorite thing to do was buy things for my friends and family just to see the smile on there face. Seeing there happiness made me happy, and I’m still like that. The first job I ever had was a waitress job and I did that for 3 years. I absolutely loved it, talking to everyone and making there day just by being nice and having genuine conversations with them. There were the hard days though, and if you’ve ever been a server you know what I mean. Then covid hit and we pretty much lost our jobs because no one was leaving their house. I didn’t do anything for 7 months and ended up moving in with my mother at the time as I was also going through a bad breakup. When I moved back to my home town I got a job being a mental health tech at the same place I was hospitalized a couple years back. Pretty insane to think the mentally unstable helping the mentally unstable but these days who doesn’t have some sort of problem? I will say that’s probably the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. To really connect with these people and understand where they were coming from and hearing all different types of stories. Some of these patients would become my bestfriends while they were in there and the only reason I stopped that job was for reasons with the company.

But I do believe everything happens for a reason. As crazy as it might seem while I was working there as a mental health tech I ended up finding the love of my life. Yes, one of the patients. I know it sounds bizarre and probably unethical and your probably thinking, “damn she is crazy if she’s gonna get with someone from the crazy bin.” But there is a lot more to that story that I’ll have to get into later. All I know is that I’m in a good spot in life right now and I have changed so much over the years. I’ve been through a lot and seen a lot more and this is what motivated me to make a blog. I don’t know if it will go anywhere but I do know I want to help people as much as I can even if it’s baby steps. So comment, re-blog this, or even message me if you just need someone to talk to. These are hard times and I just want to be a Helping Hand!

-Valco