Fucking Ennui

I'm Holly, too curious for my own good. The natural world is beautiful. var sc_project=9225034; var sc_invisible=0; var sc_security="e5e30f6e"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");  

[valirium]

I took a Ritalin and I’m technically not clean anymore.

[kingofthehillcaps]

[deborahstevenson]

Two Directions - collage on paper 8.10.2017

[valirium]

I just want to be happy but I know that this isn't the proper way to do it.

[valirium]

I'm doing eating disorder behaviors. I'm so anxious that it's hard not to. I'm happy to be losing weight but also terrified of gaining it back, to the point where I almost don't want to eat at all. Fuck.

[nevver]

“Up to”

[blackbrucewayne718-deactivated2]

Philando.

[ithelpstodream]

[cactus-in-art]

Wilson Dewey (American, 1915 - 1969)

[oldmanpeace]

[plantinghuman]

Illustrations by Annie Huang.

[knitsandnonsense]

Finished!! I love icord edging! Need to take better pictures but couldn’t wait to share! #yarn #knitting #knit #handknit #websterstreetknittery #thelongskinnywrap #primroseyarnco #scarf #wrap #knitsandnonsense @primroseyarnco @websterstreetknittery

[sovietcafe]

really cool how pictures of me are circulating the internet as reposts to glorify my weight loss, which has brought in a solid flow of teen girl followers seeking out “tips and tricks” because they think i lost so much weight, so fast through some fad diet.

no, stop. i am not ok. this was not something i did with health in mind. i am 23, not 16. and being 23 with anorexia is a lot less cool than being 16 with anorexia. you’ll learn pretty quick, as i did, adulthood and anorexia are mutually exclusive things. one is defined by an onwards progression into maturity, anorexia is simply a total regression of self.

you will lose so much more than the weight. you’ll feel so in control, but then soon you’ll start asking yourself when it stopped becoming a choice to starve yourself. i have suffered deeply, and probably will the rest of my life, for a peace of mind i will never get.

please, do not make the same mistakes as me.

[thinskinrips]

Gotta reblog as someone approaching 21 and still trying to deal with myself. Eating disorders cannot coexist with a normal and fulfilling life. It keeps you from so much. If you have the opportunity and means to recover , do it before it’s too late. Don’t let this monster be, it’ll take up permanent residence before long.

[withering-away-daybyday]

I’m 24 and barely a member of society.

[geminime]

24 and same. I have no life, no friends except my boyfriend and his mutuals… And every week I suffer a breakdown at least twice while trying to manage my career in a tough, professional environment. I’m pretty sure I’m breaking down more than before and this disease is eating away at me. I wish I was normal I’m so sick of this.

[sovietcafe]

i hope we never give up. we are so strong to have even lived this long. just know you aren’t the only one. please, please, anyone in this post – DM me. solidarity is suffering is a support like no other.

i am here.

[vivecguccibelt]

“Bisexuals don’t belong in the LGBT community” ohhh ok I guess the B stands for ‘bitch’ and that’s where you fit in, gotcha

[valirium]

I stopped taking my antidepressant and I feel so fucking bad about it. I think I'm going to wait until school ends to start it again because I really don't know what will happen. Fuck.

[benjoyment]

48 Shades of Lightning  Taken from last night’s thunderstorm. (color hues are unretouched)

[thoughts-memories]