Fucking Ennui

@valirium

I'm Holly, too curious for my own good. The natural world is beautiful. var sc_project=9225034; var sc_invisible=0; var sc_security="e5e30f6e"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");

5,584 posts

I took a Ritalin and I’m technically not clean anymore.

kingofthehillcaps

deborahstevenson

Two Directions - collage on paper 8.10.2017

I just want to be happy but I know that this isn't the proper way to do it.

I'm doing eating disorder behaviors. I'm so anxious that it's hard not to. I'm happy to be losing weight but also terrified of gaining it back, to the point where I almost don't want to eat at all. Fuck.

“Up to”

blackbrucewayne718-deactivated2

Philando.

Wilson Dewey (American, 1915 - 1969)

Illustrations by Annie Huang.

knitsandnonsense

Finished!! I love icord edging! Need to take better pictures but couldn’t wait to share! #yarn #knitting #knit #handknit #websterstreetknittery #thelongskinnywrap #primroseyarnco #scarf #wrap #knitsandnonsense @primroseyarnco @websterstreetknittery

really cool how pictures of me are circulating the internet as reposts to glorify my weight loss, which has brought in a solid flow of teen girl followers seeking out “tips and tricks” because they think i lost so much weight, so fast through some fad diet.

no, stop. i am not ok. this was not something i did with health in mind. i am 23, not 16. and being 23 with anorexia is a lot less cool than being 16 with anorexia. you’ll learn pretty quick, as i did, adulthood and anorexia are mutually exclusive things. one is defined by an onwards progression into maturity, anorexia is simply a total regression of self.

you will lose so much more than the weight. you’ll feel so in control, but then soon you’ll start asking yourself when it stopped becoming a choice to starve yourself. i have suffered deeply, and probably will the rest of my life, for a peace of mind i will never get.

please, do not make the same mistakes as me.

Gotta reblog as someone approaching 21 and still trying to deal with myself. Eating disorders cannot coexist with a normal and fulfilling life. It keeps you from so much. If you have the opportunity and means to recover , do it before it’s too late. Don’t let this monster be, it’ll take up permanent residence before long.

withering-away-daybyday

I’m 24 and barely a member of society.

24 and same. I have no life, no friends except my boyfriend and his mutuals… And every week I suffer a breakdown at least twice while trying to manage my career in a tough, professional environment. I’m pretty sure I’m breaking down more than before and this disease is eating away at me. I wish I was normal I’m so sick of this.

i hope we never give up. we are so strong to have even lived this long. just know you aren’t the only one. please, please, anyone in this post – DM me. solidarity is suffering is a support like no other.

i am here.

“Bisexuals don’t belong in the LGBT community” ohhh ok I guess the B stands for ‘bitch’ and that’s where you fit in, gotcha

I stopped taking my antidepressant and I feel so fucking bad about it. I think I'm going to wait until school ends to start it again because I really don't know what will happen. Fuck.

48 Shades of Lightning Taken from last night’s thunderstorm. (color hues are unretouched)

thoughts-memories

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