Location: Harlan Johnson’s Cornfield 10:30 PM
For: anyone who sticks around through this whole conversation I guess
Rory had been downing drinks since he arrived at the bonfire about thirty minutes ago, mingling with different guests until he got on the other person’s nerves and shit got awkward. “Did I ever tell you about the time I got robbed trying to fuck this lady I met off of Craigslist?” Rory asked the person sitting next to him with a shameless smile. When drinks were involved, Rory’s filter (although there was not much of one to begin with) completely disappeared. “Yeah, so this was like…2 years ago. Started talkin’ to this lady, she seemed cool, was into some reaaal kinky shit,” He put his hands up defensively, “Not that I’m one to judge! Fuck it, I’ll try anything once. Anyways, she said she was into gunge play. You know what that is? Well, it’s basically when someone covers another person in sticky food and that, uh, gets them off apparently. So, this lady’s food of choice?” He started cracking up, taking a few seconds to regain his composure, “Fuckin’ baked beans! Out of the can.” Rory reached up to wipe off a tear that had formed in his left eye from laughing so hard. “So after texting her for about a week, she finally wants to come over and play. She tells me to run to the store and pick up about twenty-five big cans of beans and that she’s on her way over.” Some beer from his cup sloshes over onto his shoes, some liquid splashing onto the feet of the person sitting next to him. Rory doesn’t notice.
“Anyways, she shows up at my house and immediately tells me to pour all the fuckin’ beans into my bath tub. My stupid horny ass listens, then she tells me to get in the tub. So I’m sitting there, naked in my bath tub, covered in cold beans! Then she hands me this blindfold from her bag and tells me to put it on, so I do.” He pauses to down the rest of his beer, dropping the plastic cup at his feet. “So, my dumbass is just sitting there blindfolded, waiting for the action to start. Like, ten minutes pass, then I hear my front door slam. I pull off the blindfold and call out for her. No fuckin’ answer. So I’m walking around my house, naked and dripping beans all over the floor, lookin’ for this bitch. Then I notice my wallet is gone off the kitchen counter and put two and two together. Anyways,” He pulled out a joint from the front pocket of his shirt and lit it. “That’s why you gotta be careful who you meet online. That’s the lesson. Luckily, I only had forty bucks in my wallet and some expired coupons.”
Apparently there were three types of people in this house. One were the people trying to barricade themselves in away from the threat. Two were the people trying to run out something about a wife and sacrifice themselves to the undead army. The third was apparently this dude that smelled heavily of liquor and somehow had struck up a conversation about Craigslist. She had been lost in thought forming her own plan to deal with the zombies when Rory sat beside her against the table.
Oh for fucks sake.
Any time she opened her mouth to say something in response the man kept talking. All she could do was stare at him incredulously through all the inhumane moaning that happened outside of the house and the feelings of the people in it. But here this asshole was talking about beans and a blindfold. Nikola moved her eyes from his face down to his neck just as the liquid splashed on her shoe. It took everything not to just move her first and throat punch him right then and there.
“I’d say be careful of meeting someone during a zombie invasion that speaks about themselves, naked, in a bean bath. I’m sure there’s a can of beans in this stupid kitchen if you want to relive part of...whatever the hell that was.” She sucked in a breath through her teeth trying to calm her irritation at the drunk man. Turning her face away briefly towards the noise outside. “Expired coupons.” She scoffed and turned to face him again fully.”What is wrong with you?”
