valium girl

☀️Virgo | 🌕 Leo | ↑ Capricorn

[vallymgrl]

Being in a managerial role often feels like being told to stay on the sand with everyone’s belongings at the beach, while they all go off together into the ocean to have fun.

[vallymgrl]

Basically I started seeing the counselling service where they have psychologists etc. I talked to my psych about my adhd shit and he’s been able to organise an assessment with a neuropsych who works at the uni too. He’s legally able to diagnose but I don’t think he can prescribe medication. So my psych gave me a bunch of things to fill out (answering questions on a scale of 1-5 based on the past few years and one on my childhood, and one for someone who’s known me for a long time to fill out, ie my dad). Based on that I was found to be on the spectrum and recommended for further assessment with the neuropsych. I’ve heard there is an actual psychiatrist on campus but I don’t know too much about that. in short, I just went to the counselling services and they helped me from there :)

[vallymgrl]

Just an update on this post from way too many years ago, I finally got an ADHD diagnosis at 28 years old (2 years ago)

[vallymgrl]

well I got hacked but have my account back now Formerly “eatdicks1992″, “nachoesandfeminism” before that, better known as formerly “kattomatic” Just incase you’re confused who tf this is.

Still navigating modern tumblr culture, but will most liekly use this to scream into the void

[vallymgrl]

also I came on here to read through my old posts and find some cringe. I haven’t even gotten past a few pages and I’m already there. I regret so much.

[vallymgrl]

People are still here and you’re the biggest babe ever, have a fab night x

awwwww thank you my love! what relief, I was worried this was going to be a mean message ahahaha. Thank you for making me feel nice :) 

[vallymgrl]

uhhhhh is anyone still on here anymore? hello?

I’m wondering if I should give tumblr another go. I got scared off because I had a dude i met once at 16 following my posts and stalking me at university, and an ex boyfriend monitoring me and keeping tabs on me after our relationship (and sending me anonymous bullying during).

[vallymgrl]

Kinda dig this outfit a little 💋💎✨

[vallymgrl]

I love my work space 💕👌🏻

[ibuprofen300mg-deactivated20190]

Kill Bill: Volume 1 (2003)

“Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

[notascorpio-deactivated20180803]

[badxbaby]

[vallymgrl]

Basically I started seeing the counselling service where they have psychologists etc. I talked to my psych about my adhd shit and he’s been able to organise an assessment with a neuropsych who works at the uni too. He’s legally able to diagnose but I don’t think he can prescribe medication. So my psych gave me a bunch of things to fill out (answering questions on a scale of 1-5 based on the past few years and one on my childhood, and one for someone who’s known me for a long time to fill out, ie my dad). Based on that I was found to be on the spectrum and recommended for further assessment with the neuropsych. I’ve heard there is an actual psychiatrist on campus but I don’t know too much about that. in short, I just went to the counselling services and they helped me from there :)

[bey]

Date someone who you could have fun at the grocery store with

[browneyedunicorn]

This is important

[theslaybymic]

[vallymgrl]

This is so saddening :(

[vallymgrl]

I think a lot about the person I was a few years ago and I have a lot of regret towards the bad decisions I made and people I hurt. I don’t want to make excuses, I’ve been very selfish and I’ve done wrong. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel sick thinking about it. On the days where I think I don’t, my subconscious unleashes the worst of my guilt when I dream that night. I’m guilty of letting my insecurities do the decision making, accepting any attention that came my way to gain instant gratification in attempts to just numb the issue at surface value. I do know that this aspect of me has been taken advantage of and manipulated before, and I’ve gone along with it because sometimes we can’t identify toxic behaviours when they’re coming from a friend. Because friends don’t do that, right? I wish that back then, I was who I think I might be now. I might have been able to look at things objectively, be assertive and say no. But I was so fucking stupid then. God fucking dammit, what was I even thinking? I can’t even begin to understand how one might rationalise what I’ve done. If I had to come across someone like who I was then, I wouldn’t get along with them at all. It’s hard to remember a time back then when I didn’t just follow the instruction  of people who I befriended or go along with whatever they said or wanted. I can remember plenty of times in that part of my past where guys would just start hooking up with me and I would think “okay I guess we’re gonna have to have sex now and it’s too late to stop now”. Shit I’m doing it again, making excuses. It’s just that the extent that I hated myself ran my entire life. Obviously I wasn’t completely inanimate or stripped of free will. I’m so fucking sorry and guilty and I don’t deserve to just get over it to feel better. I deserve to feel sick. I deserve to look over my shoulder everyday anticipating karma’s bite in my ass. And I probably deserve that karma too.

Of course what good is saying sorry ambiguously via vague posting? I’m almost incapable of confronting the things I need to, but I also don’t want to show up uninvited into people’s lives who want to be rid of the thought of me.

I’m truly sorry to everyone who has been in the firing line of my bullshit. I’m so sorry. And I truly want things to go well for you. I hope you’re okay and you deserve to be happy. This shouldn’t be about me, but I want to be better and do better by people.

[bob-belcher]

[vallymgrl]

Had a great weekend! Hanging with this bunch at my beautiful cousins wedding was a definite highlight. Also getting to see beautiful people at a few shows was wonderful as always 😘