I decided to go down memory lane of my photos (I was looking for something specific) and all these realizations hit me at once. It didn't help that I was comparing my current state to my past state.
It's funny how I look at myself 4-5 years ago and I was so skinny, borderline sick looking almost, then I look at myself now and I definitely gained weight. The other thing I noticed is how mentally unstable I was back then. Not in a good mind frame at all. Compared to now, I am much more stable. So it seems as though I traded in being thin and unstable, to being thick and stable lol.
I still don't know how to wrap my mind around it. I definitely want to be fit and active, so I think it's just a matter of fitting that into my day to day amongst everything else on my plate at the moment. That's a different post, if I ever get around to it. But yeah, I don't want to be stick skinny again, I just don't want to be out of shape and achy. Maybe this post is the motivation I need to get motivated.