My girl said she wants me klarnally (we fuck in 25% completion installments over the course of 3 months until climax)
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@vampire-squirrel
My girl said she wants me klarnally (we fuck in 25% completion installments over the course of 3 months until climax)
You will never 100% idiotproof your creative work & if you try to, you will only succeed in smothering the soul out of it. btw
Sometimes I think that Iâm moderately intelligent and then I realize how frequently Iâm deceived by things meant to fool wild animals
why leave half of the post in the tags this is amazing
being mildly nearsighted keeps me humble
I kind of want to write a low-magic OSR dungeon crawler that takes a page from Ryuutama: Natural Fantasy Roleplay's overland travel system and extends it to conventional dungeon crawls.
For context, travel in Ryuutama does a sort of hex crawl thing with a keywording system for different types of terrain, weather, etc., and mundane clothing and equipment is all keyworded for the environments it's suited for, so like if you're travelling through a zone where it's raining, you can get a +1 bonus because the zone's Rainy keyword matches your waxed poncho's Rainy keyword, etc. There are no penalties for lacking appropriate clothing; rather, the travel mechanics are tuned so that having a certain number of bonuses for appropriate clothing is the baseline expectation, and you'll struggle to make progress without it.
I'm picturing a classic map-the-cubes dungeon crawler that's basically this, except the environmental keywords for individual rooms and corridors can be very eccentric, as can the nature of the equipment that matches those keywords, and the resulting bonuses apply to everything, not just rolls to move from point A to point B. A large part of gameplay would consist of anticipating the environmental keywords you're likely to encounter and outfitting yourselves appropriately.
The point of all this is, of course, to furnish an explicit game-mechanical incentive for player characters to dress like Creature Shop characters even in the absence of abundant randomly generated magical items. Why is my character wearing a live chicken on their head? Fuck you, it's optimal.
If you think I'm actively working on every game premise I describe in detail on this blog, you must have a fascinating impression of what my free time looks like.
knowing when not to open the comments is a skill
internet soft skills
not opening the comments
letting people be wrong
letting people be wrong about YOU
letting people have a bad impression of you (see above)
knowing when your input isn't needed
spotting bot comments
block button
blocking tip: you don't have to wait to have a negative interaction with someone to block them. you can block them without ever interacting with them. I can't tell you how many times I've seen someone being rude to someone else and preemptively blocked them
Friendly reminder how to actually use band aids on fingertips because we see people doing it wrong all the time.
Reminder?! How was I ever supposed to know this?!
Todayâs lucky ten thousand! Wait, no⌠Thatâs for things that are common knowledgeâŚ
With your help, we can make this reach ten thousand people! And then it will, in time, become common knowledge!
Imagine that everywhere in the mechanical engineering world suddenly got infatuated with lasers.
Lasers have a lot of uses! Measuring things, heating things, cutting things, entertaining cats, particle physics. Lasers are pretty cool. Very versatile, very useful, potential to be very powerful.
Someone shows up one day and says "I have developed a never before seen technology! I call it a Death Star."
And it's a 3.4mW laser. Well no, we haven't seen this exact size of laser much since that's not really standard, but that's a bit of a misnomer, and I wouldn't call it new -
"HOLY SHIT GUYS! This Death Star is so entertaining! My cat loves it and it has such a nice color!" The Death Star becomes a viral novelty, and is mildly entertaining, as laser pointers often are.
Somehow, seemingly overnight, this leads to mania. "Lets stick lasers in EVERYTHING! The public loves them!"
More companies make 3.4mW lasers to jump on the bandwagon. Everyone that makes anything vaguely mechanical starts sticking lasers into their designs.
Everyone is calling them Death Stars. Any time there is a "Death Star innovation", it is just that they made a bigger laser.
Ford's next truck comes out and it has "Death Star integrated headlights", where they have just stuck giant lasers in place of their previously functional headlights.
An electric toothbrush is now "Powered by Death Stars" and shoots a laser at the tooth its cleaning. You think that maybe this could have actual applications as a sanitizing device if you're being generous, but when you actually look at the product, its laser has no purpose but to point at the tooth and drain the battery.
Mechanical products across the board get noticeably worse as everyone starts stuffing lasers in places where lasers have no right to be.
The lamp business gets in on it. "Here's a Death Star powered lamp!" These guys haven't even tried to stick a laser in their damn lamps. They've just started calling their light bulbs Death Stars and hoped you bought it before you could tell the difference. You at least appreciate that they haven't ruined their lamp about it.
Death Stars are lauded as the solution to all the world's problems. If it's not working, you should stick a laser in it! That'll fix it, everyone says. Once in a blue moon, it's even true! Weather prediction is really good now. But most things are garbage. Like "Death Star powered washing machines". What the fuck does that even mean?
Meanwhile, since all functioning mechanisms are being replaced with lasers, problems start showing up. All mirrors now cost $1000+ dollars, because the whole supply is being used up to make more lasers. The earth heats up, because everyone's blasting lasers at everything. People keep going blind, on account of all the lasers.
You, in fact, study optical mechanics. You know what a laser is, and how it works, and that it was invented many years before any of this nonsense actually started. People keep asking you about Death Stars, since surely you must know so much about them.
You explain that this is not really what lasers are for, except you have to call them Death Stars now, and that they're causing a lot of harm, so you don't like them much.
"Oh, but they're still such new tech!" they reply. "They'll figure out how to make Death Stars that don't burn your eyes out soon, and then it won't be an issue anymore!"
Somewhere, deep and buried, you remember lasers being used in particle accelerators, or in telescopes, or in laser cutters, or funny cat videos. They are, in fact, still interesting. Still cool.
But by this point they have replaced roads with "Death Star Powered Pathways", which are just laser pointers propped up on tooth picks pointing vaguely through the forests.
And you think you are going mad.
And they are still just FUCKING LASERS.
This post is about AI.
normalize being dogshit amateur at your special interests and hyperfocuses. no more autistic savants. yes i am very into that topic no i am not good at it. we exist <3
Hey babe, are you a book? Because I kinda wanna break your spine
Are you a furby? Because I'm doing everything I can to turn you off
Are you. A bottle. Cause I want to throw you in the ocean. to send a message
Are you. Marijuana? Cause I wanna plant you in my backyard. and lie to the cops about it.
You must be vodka. The way my affiliates could arrange for you to be smuggled across eastern europe in a series of small, discrete packages
You are.... a spider. The way you are widely disliked across multiple continents for reasons that appear irrational but likely stem from a primitive survival instinct
You must be a prion the way you're still capable of fucking with my head after I lit you on fire
Are you a spoon. Because I think if I bring you home you'll end up in my roommate's bedroom
You're like a new MRI machine they way you need someone to put you in the hospital
You and I could be a miracle. The way we could never be a thing without the interference of a god
You have me feeling like a fly. The way I need to desperately throw myself at the nearest window
Looking at you is like staring into the sun. It feels bad and the longer I do it the worse it gets
You remind me of my dad
Baby you're like the ocean. Because you're cold, salty to the point of being toxic, and have driven countless men to madness and despair
Girl are you a three legged wardrobe cause you are just the worst dresser
You remind me of an exotic flower the way you keep killing house cats
You make me believe in destiny. The way my struggles to divert you seem futile
Honey are you from Tennessee? Because your crime rate is 63% above the national average
My man is like a cup of coffee, the way his existence is highly dependant on inhumane business practices
If loving you is a crime, then send me to jail. For unrelated charges. So I can get away from you
Thanks to my brother for telling me about this story. [Alt text below]
Brown Swiss in Austria has been discovered using tools in different ways â something only ever seen in humans and chimpanzees
how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)
there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you canât find any post on your own blog, itâs impossible, bluhrblub~
I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if youâre on desktop/browser and you know what youâre doing:
url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant. every single post, every single time. in chronological order starting with the most recent post. note: it will not find #croissants or that time you made the typo #croidnssants. for a tag with multiple words, itâs just /tagged/my-croissant and it will show you everything with the exact phrase #my croissant
url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest firstÂ
url.tumblr.com/search/croissant isnât as perfect at finding everything, but itâs generally loads better than the search on mobile. it will find a good array of posts that have the word croissant in them somewhere. could be in the body of the post (op captioned it âlook at my croissantâ) or in the tags (#man I want a croissant). it wonât necessarily find EVERYTHING like /tagged/ does, but I find itâs still more reliable than search on mobile. you can sometimes even find posts by a specific user by searching their url. also, unlike whatever random assortment tumblr mobile pulls up, it will still show them in a more logically chronological order
url.tumblr.com/day/2020/11/05 will show you every post on the blog from november 5th, 2020, in case youâre taking a break from croissants to look for destiel election memesÂ
url.tumblr.com/archive/ is search paradise. easily go to a particular month and see all posts as thumbnails! search by post type! search by tags but as thumbnails now
url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio will show you every audio post on your blog (you can also filter by other post types). sometimes a little imperfect if youâre looking for a video when the op embedded the video in a text post instead of posting as a video post, etc
url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/croissant will show you EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant, but it will show you them in the archive thumbnail view divided by months. very useful if youâre looking for a specific picture of a croissant that was reblogged 6 months ago and want to be able to scan for it quicklyÂ
url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio/tagged/croissant will show you every audio post tagged with the specific phrase #croissant (you can also filter by photo or text instead, because I donât know why you have audio posts tagged croissant)Â
the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog!Â
caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or âcustom themeâ) enabled. a âcustom themeâ is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. Iâve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks.Â
if the person doesnât have a âcustom themeâ enabled, youâre beholden to the search bar. still, Iâve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else
if youâre on mobile, Iâm sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if youâre able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, youâll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and itâll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if thereâs no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims)Â
"don't you feel guilty for being such a worthless burden on society" is always coming from some asshole who clearly doesn't feel any kind of shame about talking to other people like that, so what about we just confront your violent ableism directly instead of pretending that personal responsibility is a concept that's actually important to you
I got denied for disability after waiting 2 ½ years for a response and the wording in the letter pissed me off. So I wrote a poem about it.
Image id in alt text
Poem transcript under the cut
will probably post a longer review once im done but all you horny freaks (affectionate) should pre-order @natalieironside s new erotica novel In The Court of the Nameless Queen if you like rugged transfemme girlbosses and can stomach said girlboss getting dicked down by a big spider lady. bonus points if youre into it.
Oh hey i actually still recommend this to my friends all the time so ill go ahead and give it a brief follow-up like i said i would.
I came to this book for the monsterfucking but actually quickly fell in love with the relationship dynamics of the characters. Better than anything else I have yet read, ms. ironside here writes the joy of messy queer relationships and Gender Shit without lingering too long in the expected and drawn out heartache.
I'll quit dancing around the point: Freydis fucks a lot. she fucks her friends and the woman who comes to be her partner and also becomes a consort for a big eternal spider queen, and deftly navigates the bundles of insecurities that come from that. It's a book that's erotic first, but doesn't forget its characters in the process. Even big strong warrior ladies get dysphoric, get anxious about what they mean to their partners. And even a central love interest in a book about getting pumped full of spider eggs can look at that and say "well, thinking about that too long will make me throw up but im so happy for you sweetie."
One last hurrah for the Nameless Queen, a book that genuinely helped me a ton with being more comfortable in my sexuality and navigating my own relationships, and also takes itself lightly enough that even if you arent into piss you'll appreciate the setup for a cheap joke.
oh golly <3
@emberwritesbooks @vampire-squirrel
Seems like your kind of thing
god dammit you're right