The Vampire Tech Galaxy

Vampirekin, Techkin and Spacekin guy here!! He/They, Transmale(although my gender is more complicated, just call me a dude) 17. Autistic + possibly some other things.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

Hey Hi, welcome to my blog, I'm Toby.

My main is @idkman-fish

And I'm a vampirekin(This one i just found out today and it's freaking me out because theres been signs and my questioning FOR YEARS), Spacekin and Techkin(not robotkin, but similiar ig-)

I've mainly made this blog because I felt like it and so if anyone has questions or tips feel free to send in an ask(I REALLY WOULD APPRECIATE TIPS 😭)

*quietly pins this post*

Vamp out!!

(㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

Bro i am sick of being frontstuck. Let me outttttttt

Too tired for this shit

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

Legit was feeling like fucking abstracting yesterday and then next thing I know Ivan is there and I’m js like “tf? ivan is that you??”

Like i was just lying down very much wanting to kms and then there was this shift and suddenly bro was there- just something silly that cheered me up a little

Still wanna abstract tho a little because i uncovered a memory of after my mom found out I was looking at innapropriate images online- which btw i was like… 10? 11? 12? Idk exactly but all i remember is being fucking shamed by her and yelled at- like this lady. My own mom shamed me, made me feel fucking worthless and disgusting for looking at that stuff(btw it was the most vanilla shit too) when she should’ve yknow… NOT DONE THAT- like afterwards she even made fun of me multiple times and shared with one of her friends about it. Right infront of me.

And then she wondered why I skip certain scenes in movies and shit- nd shit when like… girl YOU CAUSED THIS-

And hell this whole uncovered memory happened because I remembered a friend going “tell me you come from a sex negative household without telling me youve come from a sex negative household” after I shared two of my comfort characters being Asmodeus from OM and Lust sans- like dude no fucking wonder I’m like this- no wonder im traumatised-

I was a kid. And I was shamed and mocked for discovering things someone my age shouldn’t have- and instead of actually explaining that stuff to me and explaining how I shouldn’t have been doing it I was made to feel disgusting for it.

I love my mom but sometimes i just hate her for how she’s treated me at times..

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

now that I think about it I gotta update my carrd and strawpage-

I was working on a new strawpage, but i sorta forgot to continue doing it lol- now i gotta relearn how to use strawpage-

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

Me: having peaceful day having forgotten about a lot of things cuz distracted playing video games

suddenly

the system: yo we're still here-

Me: WTF!?-

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

a bit ago my ex joined the project me and my partner are working on and honestly sometimes I dont know how to fucking feel about it-

for the most part I havent interacted with them and if I have its mainly kept professional and distant,i just dont like interacting with them like at all considering how the hurt me-

our relationship when we were together wasnt the healthiest, they literally threatened once(though jokingly i never liked it) that if I was a man they'd rip my parts off and 'make me a woman'- ontop of me comforting them when they vented, but when I vented I didnt get shit from them only an emoticon like '-._-.' given to me and other stuff like forcing sexual interactions that I'd manage to dodge sometimes by going to bed and stuff- and in general it just was pretty toxic- I felt guilty for literally liking FICTIONAL CHARACTERS over them and shit-

like it wasnt nice- and when I found out they broke up with me(I WAS NEVER FUCKING TOLD MIND YALL. I HAD TO BE TOLD BY THEIR COUSIN AKA MY CURRENT PARTNER. ON VALENTINES DAY. CUZ THEY WERE A FUCKING COWARD WHO COULDNT EVEN BOTHER TELLING ME BEFORE THEY MOVED ON AND APPARENTLY STARTED DATING OTHER PEOPLE.) they literally misgendered me and called me by my deadname, and last time i interacted with them before the breakup they knew I went by they/them and a different name(at the time) so yeah extra shitty on top of shitty.

thinking about it still gets me mad to this day because they had hurt me alot by literally not telling me themself. they couldnt even fucking BOTHER to tell me. no they had to keep me in the fucking dark for GOD FUCKING KNOWS HOW LONG before I had to find out ON VALENTINES DAY.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

had a breakdown and ended up cutting some of my hair off </3 not funny didnt laugh

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

first kinshift ive noticed in awhile, but its kinda blurry </3

I know who it partially is tho- so yippeee

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

Back on the fracture stuff, we got a new member. and its fucking crazy-

so we now have like a headcount so far of 4- and there may as well be more because we vented about it earlier cuz it freaked host out so much- and we got an answer from someone who was diagnosed basically telling us "Yeah if you've recently discovered this stuff, members will start to make themselves known." and basically talking about all this stuff-

all we gotta say is.

this is confusing, so goddamn confusing, but like we're okay-ish now- just still struggling a bit-

ended up making some members in a game to help get a grasp on what they look like and honestly that was nice-

Sebastian is actually kinda nice- hes a grumpy old man, but hes actually nice- idk his role tho- he wears a vest and all and he has like dark brown hair. (he/him)

Ram(temporarily calling him that) is the one I think I've communicated with the most somewhat- i do know hes some sort of caretaker or protector for me, as hes often shown up when I've age regressed- (he/it)

Goblin(also temp name) is one of the ones I've communicated with the least I think, but we vibe- still dunno her role. (She/They/Him)

Vergil is one who literally just shown up a couple days ago and is our fourth- dunno his role like at all, but if theres one thing I know he communicates quite a bit and he and Sebastian actually get on pretty well.

I'm still struggling to accept all this, but im doing my best to do research on this since I'm not that well educated-

im still calling this whole thing a fracture since I feel its one im most comfortable with since coining it for myself-

ive mostly been able to accept it though because i think I managed to find a good community- and I told my boyfriend about it all the way back when it started happening and told him about the members today- and hes been honestly the best support I've had in this and its helped a lot-

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

atp whenever I think I'm faking I just hit myself with the "WHY WOULD I WANT MORE MENTAL ILLNESS?!" just to get that little part of my brain to stfu about being an 'imposter' because I full well know my experiences are real and valid- its just that part wont shut up some days and i just gotta do that whammy-

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

i find it funny how for a blip in my life I was an anti-furry (I was like 9-11 so like chill) and then later became one-

speaking of which I wanna kinda update my fursona-

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

i fucking hate having the wake up sometimes

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

i wonder what abstraction feels like.

kinda want to kms.

probably wont though.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

decided against it.

still hate life tho.

ngl Jax feels

a little too relatable rn with these past few episodes.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

i wonder what abstraction feels like.

kinda want to kms.

probably wont though.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

A few days ago I literally went and asked advice from a bunch of strangers cuz I wanted help on coming out to my mom about something I feel is a pretty big part of me- or something important to me cuz i want to be able to be open abt shit- only for the bunch of strangers to go "No wtf dont tell her if you dont feel safe telling her" based on my description of her- and its helped me realize

aw shit

she might be abusive.

and i find it so fucking funny

I mean not the best circumstances to find funny, but its at the cost of myself so fuck you I find this funny- cuz I've always defended her on this, because its always been justified to me as discipline and stuff, but now its like... shit she might actually be abusive.-

like I legitimately FEAR her, I flinch sometimes when shes near or raises her hand, I've had multiple instances of her actually hitting me but I ONLY REMEMBER ONE OF THEM, I've had her threaten me with "I'll give you a reason to cry" and other things like she made a threat that I dont remember when we were arguing about something cuz i was talking about trans stuff- and my brain just blocked out the threat RIGHT AFTER SHE SAID IT, like the second after I walked away and sat down I couldnt remember it, at all, all I remember is the fear I fet and automatically me denying what she was threatening me over(she was like "if you tell me you wanna be a man-" which btw i am a trans guy, she just doesnt know it AND SHE DOESNT NEED TO KNOW. I DONT WANT HER KNOWING, SHE CAN KEEP THINKING IM NONBINARY FOR ALL I CARE BECAUSE EITHER WAY SHE WONT FUCKING RESPECT IT-

but wowee

I FUCKING WONDER WHY I HAVE MEMORY ISSUES. I FUCKING WONDER WHY I DONT LIKE HER TOUCHING ME SOMETIMES. I FUCKING WONDER.

i love her, but this. this just backs up all the thoughts ive had before of thinking she was not nice. yes she provides. yes shes my mom. yes i love her and appreciate the fact she literally is my caretaker, shes helped me with a lot, but these recent realizations make me realize oh! SO IM NOT CRAZY.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

feeling a lot better now- but gawd life really hit me with the one two punch BRO-

like bam bam POW- 😭i been K.O'd

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

...i just remembered i literally have anxiety and shit that'd literally cause that kind of stuff.

im

FUCK MY LIFE BRO-