[vampyrealm]

[vampyrealm]

i met my younger self for coffee Lottienat version.

[vampyrealm]

[vampyrealm]

[vampyrealm]

[vampyrealm]

nobody could make me hate them!!!

[vampyrealm]

[vampyrealm]

[vampyrealm]

no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the bedroom, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, exponential, logarithmic, while I gasp for air, scream and see the light, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, backwards, sideways, upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, on a chair, being carried against the wall, outside, in a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle, the the bed of a truck, on a trampoline.

[vampyrealm]

i love doing poorly made memes of my favorite queer profilers.

[vampyrealm]

a mini thread about Jennifer Jareau and motherhood (but it's also about more).

i saw another post here that got me thinking because it was SO right. (https://x.com/userirw/status/1824492869945790864?t=Esoe64fgcQInDkNd_8Pr7A&s=19). and i want to expand my thoughts on it.

a LOT of people claim JJ's only personality is being a mother and, honestly, that alone is quite weird to me because i don't get it at all. Jennifer has plots about her kids just like Hotch did, even if different. undoubtedly the writers DID her character dirty sometimes. but JJ is SO much more than being a mother.

and that's my first point. being a mother the way JJ is, is something to be PROUD of, and talking about her kids "often" is beautiful, and common. they're her children, after all. shaming a person loving its motherhood is pretty sad to me. JJ is a great mother and person — she has the right to bring it up even if it's daily.

second thing is, i REALLY do think JJ does not want to be the mother her own mother was to her. JJ doesn't want to freeze up when the time comes when she has to care, protect, love her sons. doing everything, and literally everything she can and does for them shows nothing but all the love AND fear JJ carries in her constantly. because Jennifer is a woman so full of love that she's been unable to properly process, to properly express either, that now that she has a kid, someone who's so important to her, she's doing her best to show the love that was taken from her, the innocence.

she doesn't want to ever have to see any of her kids as bad as she herself had gotten at some points, and much less her kids how her sister ended. then it comes the fear. the fear of not being good enough — not only as a mother, but as a person, as Jennifer Jareau herself.

JJ's motherhood gave her a reason to be better, to challenge herself at the same time, and gave her a purpose. her sons are the biggest part of her next to her job at the BAU, so OF COURSE she's going to talk about it. JJ is admirable, i'll never get tired of saying it.

[vampyrealm]

[vampyrealm]

thinking about how JJ buries her trauma the most she can. she's someone so deeply afraid of vulnerability. and i think that we sometimes forget that JJ, at a very young age, didn't only lose her sister (which is already hard enough), but lost her support system entirely.

i don't remember the exact episode, but JJ's mother says "I got so caught up in all my troubles that I forgot there was another little girl under my roof who had just lost her sister. You needed me, and I wasn't there." Jennifer lost her family, all she had when she was only eleven years old. and since then, she's been caught up in running away from being hurt in any way, and hurting others just the same. because the moment people know, it becomes real, as she herself stated.

Jennifer Jareau is a woman who trusts very few people, even though she's someone so reliable herself. and why she's so reliable is because she had to learn to be since she was a CHILD. it breaks my heart.

[vampyrealm]

Akane Kurashiki has infested my mind she's very much something i think about a lot.

how she's a scared victim and a mastermind all at the same time. how is that even possible, some may wonder. but it is that way. she's nothing but that; a victim and a perpetrator, a wounded one that turned to wound others. because if she does not, the world as we know will end. she's the one, she's the only one who can do something about it. she's the only one who knows. the only one who sees. the only one who can't die. everyone else is expendable, everyone but her. because she's broken way beyond repair but she still tries, and no matter what, she will accomplish what she has to do.

is her duty, after all, or so she thinks. you guys ever stopped to think that maybe, her duty of saving the world is just an excuse? a lame excuse to justify her own existence. because she had to do the unimaginable to keep on living, and maybe, just maybe, she wants to prove that she deserves it. i don't know she just makes me go insane.

[vampyrealm]

the cost of freedom, the cost of life for Akane is quite literally losing everything she ever knew and had; including herself and who she used to be.

she will never again be the person she was, she will never have a normal fate, she will never have those she love with her — she's destinated to be alone, to not have anything, to be utterly, deeply lonely. because the way she is, almost like a god, could never be at the same level of anyone else. she's above them all, and that's not something she thinks, it's something that's a fact. she, who has seen it all, who has seen eternity, who has seen and got beyond time and space, beyond death itself, could never be a simply human being again.

the price of her freedom, the price of living is her humanity. and nothing will bring that back ever.

[vampyrealm]

i'm not sure how to explain it but Junepei to me is so much more appealing as a not-romantic relationship and more as the complex-longing one they actually have.

Junpei is left hurting and longing for Akane, for the girls she loved and loves completely, but that girl is just as completely gone. so who does Junpei love now? where is the girl he fell in love with? was it ever there at all? he longs and craves and holds into this idea, this image and vision he has of Akane while at the same time being an absolute stranger to him.

on the other side, Akane holds the same into the distant memory of what they were when they were kids; the normalcy and happiness she once had and was so cruelly taken from her. she does love Junpei, i honestly believe they both do love each other, just not in this lovey-dovey way the fandom sometimes pictures. Akane longs and craves for Junpei for the idea and image she has of him as well, because after so much time, she doesn't even know what or who she is — how could she have enough time to know in who Junpei has become?

i personally find it much more interesting how they both crave each other so deeply while they have so many conflicting feelings for each other at the same time.