will it be like this forever?

[vampyrevents]

this is a vent blog. if this type of content makes you uncomfortable, block me.

i am seventeen. don't be a creep.

my asks are open for now. you can refer to me as vamp. personal questions will be deleted.

i am a lesbian. any type of bigotry will be deleted. i will block you.

same goes for empty blogs and men. do not interact with me.

this is my sideblog. i will not follow you back.

[vampyrevents]

life is so fun when i get a text from my friend about how she's got a new girlfriend now while i'm balls deep into crying my eyes out about how devastatingly lonely i am

[vampyrevents]

not only romantically but also platonically. i dont have any close friends or friends i would trust with personal stuff

[vampyrevents]

life is so fun when i get a text from my friend about how she's got a new girlfriend now while i'm balls deep into crying my eyes out about how devastatingly lonely i am

[vampyrevents]

will i feel like this forever?

[vampyrevents]

i hope i won't have to spend my birthday alone again beacuse i have no friends to celebrate with

[vampyrevents]

theres truly nothing as amazing as having carpal tunnel at 17

[vampyrevents]

developed severe contamination ocd to the point of hyperventilating if something touche say clothes basically overnight, life is so fun!

[vampyrevents]

school is so draining, i cant wait to graduate

[vampyrevents]

I keep accidentally reblogging stuff meant for my main blog to this one lmao

[vampyrevents]

on one hand im kind of glad that nobody follows me on this account because that just means that every vent I post is still private in a way. my struggles aren't displayed to the masses even though ive posted them publicly. Just a way for me to get things out of my head. but a small part of me wants to know that people see this, that maybe even someone relates to this and I'm not all alone in feeling like this. I dont know, I think I would just like to be seen for once

[vampyrevents]

i hate when my friends get into relationships and I feel like such an asshole for it but suddenly everything's about the dates they're went on and their love life and I am happy for them and I get that that stuff must be exciting but also its just. why is our friendship not about us anymore why is everything about your love life and your relationship? why do you only reach out when something with your girlfriend happened? why dont you ask about how im doing anymore? about how my day is? about how my life has been? and all of it just further reminds me of how out of place I am because im used to all my straight friends getting bfs but the very few other lesbians my age I know online are also always dating people.. and im just so lonely and then I cant help but wonder if maybe it really is me if maybe I am just not meant to date. but I yearn for that love that everybody but me gets to experience so badly. but it is apparently just not meant for me

[vampyrevents]

sometimes it feels like it's never gonna get better

[vampyrevents]

i really love my friends and im super happy for them when they tell me about the dates they're going on but I can't help but feel this all encompassing loneliness in the pit of my stomach because I would love to fall in love but as a lesbian in a pretty conservative town my dating pool is literally non existent and I'm just stuck watching everybody around me experience sweet puppy love that I yearn for so much.. and I feel terrible about myself for not being one hundred percent happy when my friends talk about their love lives because I really am happy for them and I dont want to be a bad friend but I am also just so fucking lonely and it's really hard feeling like I'm the only one struggling to find love

[vampyrevents]

I hate anticipatory grief so much

[vampyrevents]

I feel so out of place all the damn time

[vampyrevents]

things i have diagnosed myself with in the past week (in no particular order):

heart attack (a classic)

kidney failure

internal bleading

multiple organ failure

stroke (another classic)

anaphylactic shock (i dont have any allergies)

pots

brain tumor (yet again a classic)

spinal cfs leak

necrosis in multiple different body parts

[vampyrevents]

seeing her name still makes my stomach drop