(n.) a strong desire to hold a person in your arms
—-☆ thinking about...
waking up next to satoru
.
.
.
you stir in your sleep, face scrunching up as the sun's unnecessarily bright rays filter in through your fluttering lace curtains, brutally attacking your tired eyes. reluctantly, you wake, blinking aggressively in an attempt to adjust to the light of the new day.
a yawn escapes from your lips, and you lazily wave your hand over your mouth, wafting it away. several moments pass, and you attempt to sit up in hopes to stretch out your sleepy, aching limbs.
attempt.
a very futile attempt, as your sluggish body is immediately pulled back down, his deadweight anchoring you to the plush mattress.
satoru
he was draped over you like a weighted blanket, dangerously close to crushing you to death. his arms were locked securely around your waist, practically holding you prisoner in his embrace, and his long legs were messily entwined with yours. you could feel his nose tickling the crease of your neck, his cheek pressed firmly against the curve of your shoulder.
you were stuck. trapped. held captive, even.
though, you wouldn’t say it was a bad thing.
you blink slowly, your eyes trailing down to watch the steady rise and fall of his chest. the sun was shining brighter now, for some reason, casting an otherworldly glow over his angelic features. you suddenly were acutely aware of his presence, his weight, his warmth, his breath; it felt surreal.
you reach out to pinch his cheek, just to check that this is indeed reality, and not an outrageous delusion, a desperate hallucination you conjured up to cope with your crippling loneliness.
his brows furrow, nose scrunching and eyelids twitching as you disrupt him from his peaceful slumber. you feel his weight shift on top of you, his grip around your waist a little tighter.
you watch as his eyes flutter open, long, pale lashes sticking to his eyelids, his pupils dilated from the sudden intrusion of the morning light, the black hole covering half of his striking blue eyes, glassy and tired.
he looked especially beautiful in this moment, the light casting harsh shadows along the edges of his face, making his features stand out. his sharp, icy white hair looked softer, fluffier, the soft glow from the window leaving a golden tint of the tips of snow atop his head.
you feel his grip around you tighten again, his arms squeezing you as if to say ‘good morning’.
a small smile spreads across your lips, your eyes softening at the sight.
“good morning, toru..”
your words come out in a broken whisper, your voice still raspy from sleep. you feel him snuggle closer into you, his hair tickling your neck.
you lay there, caged in his embrace for what seems like hours. the sun is brighter, the air thicker. you hear your nine am alarm ringing, the sound sharp, dissonant and ugly, tearing you away from your peaceful quality time.
after a few moments of struggle, you manage to escape the clutches of his weight, crawling over to your phone to turn off the blaring alarm.
another yawn escapes you, and you sit up, stretching your dormant limbs and cracking your neck. running a hand over your face, you go to get up, perhaps to wash your face, brush your teeth, get dressed, have breakfast. you wouldn’t know, as you’re immediately pulled back into bed, once again locked away in his arms. your back is pressed flush against his chest, his warmth enveloping you. his leg is thrown lazily over yours, arms circling your waist, his thumbs drawing sloppy circles, triangles, and stars in your smooth skin. his face is pressed into the crook joining your your neck and shoulder, soft lips peppering idle kisses along the skin.
“satoru…”
“problem?”
“big one.”
you can practically feel him roll his eyes, a dramatic sigh leaving lips pink lips. several moments pass, and neither of you have moved an inch. you squirm in his grasp, once again attempting to escape. to no avail.
“get uppp— we have things to do.”
“we can do that later!!”
“satoru.”
.
.
.
“let’s just stay for a while, please..”
and you do. who were you to refuse such a request?
🍁 Ellie who comes home acting like she has the strength of a burly man, and the excitement of a tiny puppy as she plonked down a large beaten box that had been weighing her down. "guess what I got." She announced, swinging around, much lighter now, to face you whose still in PJs, lingering in the doorway. "no seriously, guess,"
🍁 Ellie who immediately deflates when you guess correctly first try, because when she picked up the box, it was so beaten one of the pumpkins ripped through, smashed into the kitchen tiles and splat.
🍁Ellie who frowned, sulked the entire time she cleaned up.
🍁Ellie who claims the pumpkin to be your baby because she dropped her own pumpkin.. And talked through the process of carving the pumpkin like she's building a Frankenstein or something........ "His name will be.. Donald. " She stated as she shaved away the letterd D-O-N- meanwhile you were already through the process of gutting it "wait? I didn't even get a say in this." "I'm already halfway through carving his name into him. It's a bit late..." Digging into her grasp and taking the tool out her hand, you take over carving, "Donald is kind of an ugly name..." -N-Y. Donny. You get a funny look. "Donald is better."
🍁Ellie who dangles the inside flesh from it in front of your face and insists it's the ghost of 'Donald' haunting the both of you
🍁 Ellie who starts the debate of "do you think pumpkins are fruit or vegetable?" And after a lengthy debate, a Google search and a few Reddit fact checks, a conclusion is reached, except Ellie refuses to think of it other than a veggie, "nahh, it's definitely a vegetable, it tastes like a vegetable."
🍁 Ellie who brags about her dexterity and oh so advanced skilled as she carves over the markings and makes one eyes look like a bug's compared to the other.
And at the end of the evening you have a freshly carved pumpkin and a mess in the kitchen to clean, yay!
((I may expand on this, but I have nothing else to add ATM, I'm tired)) 29/09/25
REMEMBERING THAT I HAVE OTHER INTERESTS OUTSIDE OF TLOU AND THERE'S SO MANY CHARACTERS OUT THERE THAT I CAN WRITE ABOUT, YET I ALWAYS GO BACK TO SMELLIE WILLIAMS 😖
A/N: this has been in drafts TOO long... im so unmotivated... siiigh.........
A new tiny Coffee shop had just opened, standing conveniently close to the crusty college building, now, Ellie wasn't one for coffee, she's not up for overpriced liquid Adrenaline or the bitter aftertaste, if she wants a caffeine buzz she'll take a Red bull, please and thank you, buttt... Dina dragged her there being the coffee fiend she is. there is no escaping for Ellie.
"Just a latte! oh and maybe a slice of that?" Dina shrugged to the display case with a fresh cake crowned with icing, sitting pretty next to a few pastries behind the glass, shielding them away from the little kid who's face was pressed against the surface drooling for the sweets, the whloe shop was busy actually... its doing well for being open for... what, a week? two? and the tip jar was fat and half full already.
a handful of people were sat at booths, the room was swimming with golden sunlight pouring in through the wide windows revealed by pinned back curtains and a steady hum of conversation/music from the radio played.
"Whatcha want, Els?" Dina nudges Ellie who's oogling, not the food but the pretty barista behind the counter; Your hair swept out your face, apron on, tag with your name in italics adjusted nicely under the strap and patiently anticipating an answer from her,
"Ellie." Dina's lips are pressed into a tight line, and jabs Ellie, effectively jumpstarting her to remember manners. she relised she's been asked a question and she's making intense eye contact with you. "uuhh, yeeaah......"
she has no clue whats going on....
the second her eyes fell on you, she's intrigued. yourmaybe its the fact you looked a little familiar, like she'd seen your face in another plcae before or heard the sound of your voice. or maybe it's a natual thing about you, something appealing that drew Ellie in to listen to your voice, not your words....
wait? what was the question again?
awkwardly. in silence.
"i can give you a few more moments - if you need! there's no rush..." you offer, slowly backing off from the counter your forearm rested on while scribbling orders down. and with a feeble 'yes, please.' from ellie, you twirl arround to prepare a cup of Dina's order.
Dina squinted at ellie.
"What?" she pressed her brows turning to Dina,
"nooothing..." she let her gaze drift... OBVIOUSLY, its not nothing. "you just got that look in your eyes." she snickers.
How could she not?Ellie let a scornful huff out. "cant i glance in the direction of a girl anymore?" she turned back to watch the art of coffee making by your nimble hands,
admiring the choreography from reaching over the counter, pouring the steaming liquid ingo a cup, then cream, then whatever else; its all so rhythmic, like you've done this a million times before and you probably have...
All Too Suddenly, you whip around and it startles Ellie,
You slide down the drink on the counter with a slice of cake and glance to her, "made up your mind yet?"
she blinks. and sees Dina stare at her from the corner of her peripheral.
"yep," she hasn't.... "er, can I get aaaa... " Her eyes quickly darted to the menu above, ".....a number three..." Ellie splutters, wincing...
you point your nose upward, trying to catch a glimpse at where Ellie could see numbers that weren't prices on the menu overhead, "is... that an iced tea...?" you asked ever so politely, Ellie has to mentally kick herself again...
Oh, that soft, soft voice of your's is already fucking with her and you'd barely uttered a few sentences directed to her... Her tail is tucked, safe to say.
Ellie just nodded. Not ever peeling her now rounded eyes from your reaction, noting the soften of your squint before you sink down onto your heels. you nod back at her nod. your face rests. good.
you're just going along with it... and so is Ellie.
Dina nipped Ellie's arm, leaving crescents from her nails and glares at Ellie from the pinch of her eyes, 'stop staring...' Dina utters as she then slipped out her wallet, "nine twenty-five, cash or card?" you ask before there's a beep of payment and the clanking of a wide rimmed cups set against the table. Dina sighs.
"God, you're SO smooth." Dina bubbled in her latte with a snicker, followed slurp.
"mmm, foamy...." Dina hummed into the brim of her steaming drink. "wanna sip?"
"looks like bath suds." Ellie groans and shifts, leaning back into the hard, plastic chair. "suit yourself - you're missing out though," Dina slurped again as the auburn across her stirs her drink around with a swish of her wrist, stretched out away from her as if the cup held poison.
Ellie never liked tea either.
Never tried iced tea.
a scribble of blue catches her eye and she turns over the plastic in her palm, now pulling the cup closer to her face to see the little stars and a half ass, deformed planet.
Along with it is scribbled 'to match your pins' and Ellie glances at her slumped bag by her feet.
God, your handwriting is terrible; rushed. but, God, did it feel good for such an insignificant detail to be noticed by you.
she cant help but let the goofy grin widen from ear to ear. ohhh, that smile she can never supress, Dina stares at her as if confronting a maniac, "uh oh.... i know that smile......." Ellie just brings the cup to her lips and gulps, its awful.
too cold, too watery, too bitter, but its all thrown out the window when she looks at the itty bitty baby-head shaped planet.
"...nothing," Ellie whispers, glancing up to see you move behind the counter, pouring a drink.
"... just a shitty drawing of a planet."
its enough for Dina's eyes to roll from embarrassment, she could never wrap her head around how Ellie could flush pink as a peach from such a small act, "you're an idiot..." she murmurs with a scoffed giggle while Ellie takes another sip, swallowing and grimacing.
YES, she indeed was. she was only becoming more and more of an idiot every day she strut through the double doors, but quickly her confidence dwindled into a dawdle up to the counter and requested 'a small iced tea, thanks.' with a flash of her teeth, acting cool, smooth as if she weren't hyping herself up on the walk there, other times calling Dina up to get her to read her tictok positive affirmations ripped DIRECTLY from the slideshow.
once your back turned, she'd pat her forehead for sweat, just being in the same location made her nervous... "was that too weird...?" she'd mutter to herlsef, overthinking every little blink or pitch change.
oh, and heaven FORBID, her or your hand make brisk contact. Her poor diary would never hear the end of it.
it's become routine by now!
in the mornings, if she didn't have class, Ellie would grab a drink, slide into a booth with a textbook, that in any other situation she'd be catching up on, but she's lined up in perfect direction of getting visuals to go along with her daydreams of you.
She's literally doing part of your job, cleaning her table, wiping it down, making it tidy, sometimes you'd walk by and almost miss the used mug at the table seeing at that was the ONLY thing amiss on it. you'd pick up the used cup, behind it was a crisp tenner and a number scribbled on a clean napkin. a phone number, ‘the drink was very sweet, just like you ;)’ written besides it…
honestly, it's a win-win! you'd get a fat tip and she'd get a warm smile with some sort of familiarity behind your greetings.... she was sort of a 'regular' at this point.
Monday, Ellie's got a full schedule. Tuesday, you had mascara on. Wednesday, you had new lip gloss. Thursday, you tossed your hair in a bun. today, your nails are painted a new colour. she'd caught glimpse when you were cleaning a table, wiping down the surface and her eyes are glued to the fresh blue colour on your nails.
you turn, step closer, shit! are you coming over here?! did you realise Ellie was staring again?! she panics! pretended to be busy- ...busy reading her textbooks, she slams her face down, Smashing her nose into the table with a thud, knocking over the drink, and winces, "fuck!" just as quickly, she pulls up. now all she can smell is printed paper and metallic.
"you alright...?!" a panicked voice chimed and Ellie instantly recognised it as yours, "...yeah," she feebly reassured.... beneath a hand clasping over her scrunched nose, tears blurring her vision as you came into view, "this is nothin'..." she pulled the corner of her lips, something of a smile... a very pained smile. she grabbed the cup rolling on it's side on the table and standing it back up, all it's content is drenching her blank notebook. blood dribbled down her cupid's bow, spotted the table which only alerted you more,
"do... do you need a towel, or..?" she nods, keeping her unbreakable smooth act as if there wasn't blood oozing into her palm, "a towel would be nice..." you're already half way to the counter like you're on a mission, "pinch it! i'll be right back-"
she does so, feeling the sting and instinctually sniffling back, watching as you hurry to the counter. the napkin's rough; more paper than tissue really.
Great. now Ellie's actually gotten your attention. not in the way she'd always anticipated..... she'd kind of hoped you'd see her one day and realise how... i dont know, charming? attractive..? ..she could be... maybe...... not bloody, not spooked, or embarrassed or clumsy. not like right now.
she rubbed the throb behind her nose and squeezed her eyes shut...... whats more embarrassing now? slamming her face into the table or the reason she slammed her face? she was probably caught with dreamy eyes anyways.
Ellie felt a light touch sink onto her shoulder, she peeked up, straightening the hunch in her shoulders,
"alright, alright.... lemme see..." you crouched next to her drawn out chair, unease flooding your eyes and knitting your brows together with a damp cloth clutched in the hand that wasn't resting on her shoulder - waiting for Ellie to get the cue its alright to drop her hand.
she felt dizzy from your presence alone, or maybe its the onset of a concussion... either way being so close to you, face to face made her stomach do flips, she can't tell if it's from excitement or nerves though.
she wished it was the other way around right now. wanted to be the one to he reaching out to your shoulder and look you sincerely, wipe away her teary eyes and reassure you she was a hundred percent alright. Despite the blood.
She's just got to search for the right words to be convincing and comforting at the same time through the haze on the oncoming headache.
your sharp hiss and wince make it teeter more to nerves. " are you alright now..?", pressing the damp cloth to her nose, its not broken.... just bleeding. you stand when Ellie takes grip of the cloth from you and immediately get to work mopping up what spilt on the table with another paper napkin...
Ellie never responded to that question. Just kind of sat there feeling stupid. she's never showing her face in this shop again.
"...and that's how i messed everything up. she now thinks im stupid and hates me and...."
"i mean, i wouldnt try to disagree with that opinion...." Dina's voice answered over the phone.
Ellie's laid on her twin mattress, grey spread cover barely covering the edges, blankets bundled as she's been twisting in them every time shes punched in the tummy by regret as she updated Dina over the phone.
"thanks. i feel so much better, deen..." A groan ripped through her throat. "Hey, don't act like this is my fault! You had the chance to act like a normal human being but you ended up with a nosebleed. Actually did you say she helped you?" Dina crunched, speaking between mouth full of Pringles. "that girl paid attention to you. You should be happy if anything."
Her brows pinch together. happy? She rolled her eyes, scoffing. Happy, right. She rolls onto her stomach and smushed her cheek into a pillow, "no, I'm thrilled. I heard some guy snicker behind me... And she looked at me with pity."
"Well..." Dina crunched a final time before swallowing and picking up the phone making her audio clearer. "She did go though the hassle of grabbing a cloth and helping you.... That's saying something..."
Ellie considers this. Yeah, you did. Dina just goes back to munching as she let's Ellie do the math.
"meaning... She cares at least a little. Meaning you still have chance." Ellie turns again, now on her back, "yeah... I guess that makes sense..."
Ding! Her phone blinks awake with a notification, she punches the pin in and sees a message from a new number, probably a scammer....
"Hey, I was wondering if you're ok now," Ellie's jaw ached from how hard it fell open. she'd forgotten about writing her number down! Now you're texting her! first! She reads aloud to Dina "that looked super painful, hope your nose isn't broken."
"She typed that?" Dina chimed, surprised you texted, "Dina, I'm in love." She's face first in a pillow, trying to smother off her smile from ear to ear. Just as wide as the first time you'd done something so small for her. She LOVED that, she CRAVED that, she goes all tingly and dizzy thinking about you doing those things.
"You said that about cat." "Shut up! Be happy for me! Actually, what do I say now? Just act smooth right..?"
"Act smooth..." Dina frowns but accepts this is her friend...
gojo could write thousands of pages about you, and he'd still have more to say. in his eyes, you were perfect. so kind, so selfless, so intelligent, so beautiful. he could write a plethora of sonnets about your face, how you look when you're trying not to laugh at his stupidly unfunny jokes. the way your lips twitch, the soft corners of your eyes crinkling as you hold back tears, your shoulders rising and falling just slightly as you hold it in.
he'd write endlessly about your eyes. lost in the multitude of shades and colours glimmering in your iris. he'd stare into them intensely, admiring they way they light up when you talk about your passions, how your hands gesture animatedly, your voice pitching in a breathless excitement.
he studies your every move, notices every small action. the little pause you make before speaking, the way you tap your knuckles against your thigh when you're impatient, how you trace circles and stars on every surface you can find.
little actions, little habits that make up pieces of you that he can't help but love.
right now, you're curled up comfortably on the plush sofa in your shared apartment, cosily clad in his hoodie that you had "borrowed" months ago, claiming that it smelled like him. you sit with your legs crossed and a book laid open on your lap, holding a pink mug of herbal tea in both hands, the steam wafting into the air. you take a small sip, cheeks flushed in satisfaction. putting the mug down on the table beside you, you turn the page, neck bent towards the text, completely engaged in your book of the month.
he watches from the matching arm chair beside you, leaning forward, head resting against his crossed arms as he takes in the sight of you, completely relaxed in your presence.
it's perfect
you're perfect
moments later, you finally turn to look at him, his intense gaze distracting you from your reading. you slip your homemade bookmark in the crevice between the pages and close it
"why are you staring at me.." you mumble, reopening your book to appear nonchalant and uninterested. you watch him in your peripheral view, flipping the next page of your book, though you're not really reading it anymore.
"you're pretty" he says instantly, sparing no thoughts in response to your questioning. you roll your eyes, supressing the smile that threatens to spread across your lips.
"you always say that"
"because it's true"
and you look up, a small smile finally blooming on your lips. a soft smile, the kind that makes his chest clench in the best way possible. you're still holding the book, but your fingers stilled, your eyes finally meeting his.
♡*∘ thinking about Ellie inviting you over for a Netflix date...
hearing the chime of a notification, then tapping awake your screen to see a message from your favourite contact saved on your phone, the corners of your lips turn up to a stupid smile you can never help when replying to Ellie's text.
obviously, the first reply that you don't even have to think of when smashing your thumbs to the screen is 'YES CYA' to her 'netflix at mine??' text.
you couldn't get to her dingy apartments quick enough, after a swift knock, the door swung on it's hinges and there stood was an Ellie in a ratty band shirt for PJs, massive grin as you smother yourself in her arms, "nice seeing you too," she snickered in your hair as you couldn't get close enough to her in her hold.
the next hour or so is wastes scrolling through every gloriously horrific trailer Netflix has to offer through all it's platform, with both of you splayed across the couch, tangled with one another, you're draped over her lap, leg thrown over her, her arm clutching you closely, your's loosely encircling her waist, occasionally squeezing whenever you'd both laugh at a shitty line delivered with extravagant poeticness.
"Ugh, God, nothin' good on this dumbass streaming service.." her groans vibrate in her chest and you can feel it buzz as your cheek is mushed against her.
"wait, wait-" you usher, reaching to her lazily propped wrist to yank the controller from her and scroll back to the previous show, "this is true cinema." muttering, you rest back against her chest, as the opening credits roll, "they need to project this on the empire state building some day." Ellie sighs seeing the familiar shots captured, "i swear, you always pick the same movies..." she scratches circles into your scalp, slowly with her words , "...over, and over, and over..."
" cause it's a classic." you muffle between a mouthful of M&Ms, "you should learn to appreciate art in it's purest form." this statement earns the longest eyeroll from Ellie yet, she's setting new records, "i've seen this, like, a hundred times over with you..." she querulously huffs,
"a hundred times lucky then." you're smiling and snuggling closer, its like you're digging into her, burrowing in her warmth.
everything is quiet a moment besides the few strings of intro music, the AC blasting and a few crunches between the two of you as you pop pieces of M&Ms and jellybeans into each other's mouths.
"im just saying, its... y'know, kinda predictable. after the second watch." you huff and deliver a light smack to her arm, "i prefer the term 'safe'."
"boring." she quips and just as you're about to beat on her with a pillow she plucks the remote from your grasp and flicks to another show, "this is what i call 'Art' " she smirks and then another absolutely shitty show no one had ever heard of flashes on the screen.
defeated, you rest back into your human pillow and accept the fate of watching crap for the rest of the evening, her hand rests on the top of your spine. its like this every time you're over for Netflix. the same five shows on rotate depending who's picking, usually it's you.
