even as that suppliant hand deserts the chapiter of his shoulder, john feels the weight of the world persist in its absence.
   dutchâs expectations have always been a heavy thing to bear, but these days they compound with rising tensions like a busted skiff takes on water, and try as john might to recommend a change of course or abate the elements, he sees everything â dutch, their hopes, his promises, this way of life â slipping, sinking. john imagines the squeeze pressed into his arm was supposed to offer comfort, respite from his doubts, and yet, it feels like another gesture to struggle with. all of it does. dutchâs smile, the fleeced quiet of his voice, the reassurances john wishes he didnât still need.Â
  â i just â â the rifle bites cold through his shirt, chamber crossing firmly against his collarbone. his hands collect it instinctively, well-trained, if disloyal. johnâs brow rumples, because he knows what dutch wants to hear, but saying yes to this scheme is to dangle a foot off the cliff, to court death as alarm bells ring outside.Â
  â â i donât know why we ainât just skip this place, ditch the law and find some folk else to rob. i mean, jesus, dutch, â ( his eyes dart towards a window in the doors separating the vestibule from the rest of the train station. ) â ainât none of âem look like they ride better than coach. so unless you think a pocket watch and a handful of dollarsâll cover both our bounties, we should hightail it outta here while we still got time and bullets. â
The fact that John so clearly doubts him leave a pain somewhere in the outlaw leaderâs chest, mind already damming itself up to any prick of conscience that agrees. The rational part of his mind tells him John is right, that theres no reason to go about robbing the people simply awaiting their next ticket to nowhere .. but Dutch van Der Linde is a proud man, so with straightened shoulders he stares the other down, cigar suddenly crushed under one black boot.
âThose people in there, John - they ainât like you and me. â The urge to explain, to argue, is a strong one .. and the outlaw leader presses on, mindless for the moment about who may or may not be on their trail. âThere is money in there, son. I know it, they know it - just because they donât have it out for all to see... well, tell me, John. Men like us, we ainât takinâ trips, are we? Seems to me thats more than enough reason to assume they have more than what meets the eye.â Fingers adjust the bandana on his neck, pulling it up to cover both mouth and face in an effort to hide, though no doubt the Pinkertons will know who is responsible.
âLast chance, John - either youâre with me or youâre not. But youâll see, son. All you need is a bit of goddamn faith.â Without waiting for a response the older man kicks open the door, fingers drawing the revolvers that wait so patiently in their holsters at his side. Brown eyes flicker briefly to see if the younger is following before turning their attention once more on the room, acts of possible desertion already pushed from his mind.
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