Wanderer ✈️

[vanessacamille]

Love.

Hey! Wanders been a while. 😊 Just an update I’ve been in a relationship for months now. 

[vanessacamille]

Wanderer ✈️ turned 13 today!

[vanessacamille]

Hey! Universe don’t you think it’s a little bit unfair?

Today, I found myself gouging my eyes out crying for a simple reason that I feel the universe has been betraying me. At the age of 28 my career has not yet set off. Compared to all my batch mates, yes I know my time will come but I’ve been working so hard to make it fly off but the circumstances never allow me. It’s very frustrating. Just when I thought the universe is on my side already, yet again it’s not. I worked so hard to process everything, I was first at everything but a year after I’m still stuck here because of my stupid school. I just found out that almost everyone had taken their exam already while I’m stuck. I feel so hopeless. Like my heart is aching too much. I don’t know. I feel like I really don’t have any purpose right now. Been crying for the whole day and yet, I still feel like crying now. It’s just too much for me. All the burden and pressure. It’s too much. All the pain and suffering feels like endless. 

[vanessacamille]

Find your peace.

In the midst of all the chaos. In these they where uncertainty is everywhere find something that make your heart at peace. I wished i can go back in time and tell my self to prepare for whats coming. May 16, 2021. Today, like any other day since the pandemic starts it’s just a quiet day in my bed. Today is the start of the second heightened alert in my country of residence, sg. Everything is on limit now. Since last year when the pandemic started the world is in chaos. There are too much guns violence in the US. There is war at Israel and Palestine. There is military take over in Myanmar. A lot of people died in the world because of the pandemic and yet, the people are still very complacent. In this world where we need to unite for everyones safety, yet only a number of people will do. These days you can’t depend on someone to save you only yourself can save you. So, be very kind to everyone and to yourself. Life is too short to let your self get stressed on everything. Find the things that make you happy and at peace. Wishing and praying that tomorrow will be a better day compared today.

[taylorswift]

I’m thrilled to tell you that my new version of Fearless (Taylor’s Version) is done and will be with you soon. It has 26 songs including 6 never before released songs from the vault. Love Story (Taylor’s Version) will be out tonight. Pre-order now at https://taylor.lnk.to/fearlesstaylorsversion 💛💛

[vanessacamille]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[vanessacamille]

December 18, 2020 11:35am

I don’t know what happen, suddenly I felt very tired and emotional. I was on my way out to lunch when all my emotions caught up to me. but actually I think this maybe the cause of it. We’ve been battling this pandemic for one whole year now, everyone is exhausted and doing their best to cope up, then, the government said that they will give small token off appreciation for the healthcare workers. So, we thought or expected that everyone will get it. Then, before I come out to eat my lunch I overheard those locals talking about hoe they get the token already and I didn’t get any. 

So, okay. I know I’m fine. I won’t let this thing effect me. I mean just a small token. Lol. I don’t even know if it’s true that they got because we were expecting it by the end of the month. So, okay. I’m about to eat my lunch when suddenly my emotions are on peak. I can’t eat. I know I’m okay. Kept asking myself what’s happening. Drink lot of water just to wave the feelings but tears keep on falling down now. Suddenly I felt sooo tired. Like, every struggles is creeping up on me. Like, the world has been very unfair to me. I got up and went to the bathroom. God! I cried. Like cried. Really sob. Cried heavily until I can’t breath. Like someone did something bad on me. But I just let myself cried. I just let it out all. 

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t cry because of the token. I feel like, I’ve been suffering for quite long and I just suppress it cause I’m a happy person. I don’t delve much on my emotions. The world has been unfair to me since the day I was born. I’ve learn to dealt with it.  Still am. I’m strong but super fragile.

I still thank God that I still have the will to fight. It’s okay to cry cause I know good cry will help you heal. I just hope that I’ll be stronger enough to fight all those demons in my mind. 

Cheers to better days. We can do this self.

xoxo

-V

[vanessacamille]

Just breath, maybe I'll help you. Maybe.

[vanessacamille]

Maybe, I just needed someone to talk to or something to do to make myself busy or distract my brain from thinking. Because every time I feel down. I’ll ended up eating a lot and when my weight increase, I’ll get frustrated and the cycle will never end. And, I hate it. I really hate being like this but I’m surviving. I still survive cause, I need to.

[vanessacamille]

Dear Self, Let's be well. Let's be okay. Let's be...

[vanessacamille]

Somedays are just sad.

[vanessacamille]

Today.

Today, I felt tired. Empty. Unproductive.

Like, I don’t know what’s happening. It’s always like this, one moment I’m okay then, suddenly out of nowhere this feeling creeps out. It get me very frustrated and sad all the time. I suddenly feel like my world stops, like, I’m not growing, like everything is the same since I was out of school. It’s infuriating to think like this but I can’t help it. Every time I want to run, cry or sleep this on, but today it didn’t work. I had so many things in my mind. I can’t. I really can’t I don’t know how to make peace with my own self. I don’t know why it’s too hard to live this day. 

[vanessacamille]

2020

So many things had happen for this past 10 months! My God! I don’t even know where to begin. The pandemic is worst. Really worst, it killed like a million people already. It.s just so sad. But I’m still thankful that I’m healthy. God’s and angel are really protecting me. Never I ever thought that the world would stop. Never. But it did. The world breath. Everything else closes. People are scared to go outside. I wish that, the virus will vanish. I wish that the world would heal. 

[vanessacamille]

Before I get to know this band group my life is just so sad and boring. Lol. I always had a bad mood and tend to off all my social media accounts but when I get to know them all I can say is they made me happy. Like really happy.

[vanessacamille]

I really want to write all the stories in my mind but I don’t know to start. 

[vanessacamille]

Self Mantra: Don’t be ordinary.

Ordinary is BORING. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Be chaos.

It attracts adventure and lesson.

It makes you stumble and stronger.

The kind that people wants to be inspired with.

Be unbothered.

It drives people crazy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Be the only YOU.

So, no one can steal.

They might try, but they won’t succeed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[vanessacamille]

My baby. ❤️❤️❤️

[vanessacamille]

6 years

I can’t. I still can’t. I don’t know why. I still can’t figured out why. I just still can’t. Evrytime I tried the memories still flash back. The rejection. The betrayal. The pain. The heart break. Everything. It’s been 6 years for God sake. Why I still can’t? I can still figured out why people choose other than me. I still can’t. I still feel that I’m not enough. That I’m not the kind of person that someone will like and love genuinely. I still think that I’m not beautiful. If I will right down all my past, I will realized that none of them choose me. And it hurts. It really hurts. I want to stop. I want to be normal. I want to move on. I want to be like my old self before all this thing happened. I want the real confidence without the insecurities at the back of my head. I want to feel happiness without thinking that after a sec someone will takeaway that happiness. I want to be whole. I just... I just need to feel safe. I just need to breath. I just need someone but... I just can’t.