Vanessa Seau

Have faith.

[vanessaseau]

CADEN MY ANGEL.

I love you.

When I heard that you had been born I had cried. It was another gain for us in our family, and I loved that my future kids would get to eventually gain an older cousin to play with and to look after. My world was shattered when I found out you had flown up to Heaven, and as much as we all wanted you here we knew God had a plan for you in Heaven. Baby Caden, please say hi to my Mum your Nana in Heaven. May you always be blessed abundantly and lovingly.

I promise to keep your parents close, to hold them when needed to be held, to cry with them when needed to, to laugh with them when need to, to pray for them when they need to be, and to always uphold your life to the very end. I promise for you older sister to always be there for her time of celebration, as she grows older. To be her strength, to be her guide, to be her shoulder, to be her protector and to always share memories of you.

As you descend to Heaven may your journey be a shift one, may the Kingdom of Heaven heal you and bless you.

May you rest in peace.

Love forever and always, 

Aunty Vanessa.

[vanessaseau]

Little Sister,

I see the beauty she upholds as an individual. But why doesn’t she? Every single time a photo is taken, she is immediately naming the things she doesn’t like about her feature. Here I see beauty in it’s natural form, she's truly smiling and to me that’s on thing I take pride in. Not saying this because she is my little sister, but because to me I see it everywhere where girls bring themselves down by saying they lack in some areas and they need to fix other areas.

How rough must it be to never be perfect? So I say this.

We as young women and adults of this world must always remember our natural beauty, wherever they may be. I tell my sister this, You are beautiful in your shape and form because God may you this way. He made it this way so that you are in this image of beauty and self worth. Trust that from his creation you are perfect, and to me that is what beauty should be about. I want young girls, to look at themselves and see what beauty is truly about. It comes in all shapes, sizes and colour and it shouldn't matter if you've got “fat” arms or a “big” nose. At the end of the day, God has created you in his image.

We need to start the self loving and remove self hate, in the end all it will bring us is misery and the world does not need any more hate going on.

BE FOREVER PROUD OF THE BEAUTY YOU UPHOLD, AND ALWAYS SPREAD GIRL LOVE.

[vanessaseau]

My bestfraaaaaan is 22! Happy Birthday to @sg.vb 💕 you know how much I love you! #BestMemories

[vanessaseau]

Day 6: My Faith

My family has always been Christians, my Nan is the most religious person I’ve ever met. She always prays and never once have I seen her not, it’s something I’ve always admired about her.

Her faith was never tested, even when she lost two of her kids and her husband she never once doubted her faith.

So why couldn’t I have been like her?

I’m proud of my faith, I love serving God and I love praising him.. But I don’t feel committed as I should be.. This photo sums up a lot, because without Faith or God in my life nothing is worth anything or possible but with Him all things are truly possible.

I’ve been tested so many times with my faith in God, and so many times I’ve failed. The beauty lies within my Faith, I just never really saw it as a beauty but more of a chore to do. I need God in my life, I need Faith in my life. There are many times I fail, but God continues on blessing me with love, patience, forgiveness, protection and courage.

So I need to use them to others.

To love fearlessly.

To be patient

To forgive whole heartedly

To protect

And to give courage to those feeling discouraged.

It is only then will I understand.. See my life has no purpose, and I’ve been blinded by others showing me a cop out way. For God’s way is always a battle one He will always overcome, for I need to put my trust in Him.

Faith can not be overturned or put down, it is to be shared and spoken about.

[vanessaseau]

Day 5; A Trip To Remember. 2015 Aga Reef Resort, Samoa. This was something I wanted to do for a friend, I never expected it to be a trip that I really needed. I haven't been to Samoa since I was 9. I was 21 it had been 11 years, and in those 11 years I never really thought about Samoa. I guess I was always so meh about my culture, not really grasping it nor really appreciating it. It's something I regret. During my trip my friends and I spent time in both islands ; Apia & Savai'i and I noticed the different lifestyle they have compared to ours. I wasn't shocked, but I was becoming more appreciative to my homeland. The kids there in Samoa have so much pride in everything they do, and seeing how they cope with what little they have just moved me profoundly. It was a trip to remember, because I got to truly see the beauty side of Samoa. The side all tourists see when they arrive - the welcoming to the hospitality was immensely gratifying as an Islander. I'm so blessed I have a culture so deep and beautiful I'm now only realising it natural beauty. Be proud of where your roots lie. My name is Vanessa and I am Samoan 🇼🇸

[vanessaseau]

Day 4: Sydney, Australia 2014 During my stay in Sydney I thought I had my life together. I had a good job, was studying well and my step parents were really lovely. But there were days I felt isolated, and so alone I felt caged. I walked down the road towards the train station every day, and one day I stopped and had take this picture. I never really cared about photos until I saw this again, and I realised I never once really took the time to appreciate anything around me. I got so consumed with my life that I buried my feelings. Thinking it wouldn't matter until a friend of mine asked me "are you okay?". I sat in my bedroom and thought to myself.. "Am I okay?" What is the answer to that? I knew deep down I wasn't okay.. I hadn't been okay for a while. It's easy for us to overlook our feelings, I'm not one to ask for help I'd rather deal with it on my own. But there's a time when you have to step back and get the help, and even when I felt like isolated and alone I knew I needed to tell someone. It's like a breath of fresh air to have someone in the same position, and as much as I thought I was strong I knew to be truly strong it's okay to ask for help. I can't say I'm fully recovered because there are still days I have breakdowns, but it's the recovering from being down that counts. Everyday is a battle, one I want to win. Life is beautiful and precious. Which is why I live for moments like these, where I take a step back from my busy everyday life and appreciate my surroundings. ❤️

[vanessaseau]

Day 3: A Place I Call Home. 2016.

The day I lost my mum was also the day I lost my family. At a young age it’s not something you ever want to experience, you’d have to grow up and see the world as a dark place. My fears became unbearable to the point I had to shield myself from everyone, I became someone even now I cringe just thinking about it.

I lost trust in people, and I became more independent. “No one can hurt me, if I just stay still” I would chant.

But then one day, I was sitting outside my yard and I looked up and saw this tree. It barely had any leaves left and it looked like it was dying, then it hit me.

I was that tree.

My depression and fears were literally killing me, and sooner I would’ve died right along with that tree. At that moment I knew I needed to change if I wanted to healthy..

So everyday after school, I would water the tree and sit next to it watching the wind blow and the sun shine. Everyday for the next 3months I repeated watering the tree and watching it, even days when it rained I would water it. Slowly and surely the tree started looking healthy (I wasn’t an expert but the leaves growing looked healthier than when it grew before).

I was proud of myself. I cried tears of joy as I looked at the hard work I had put in, and maybe that’s what I needed. I needed to be rebuilt up just like the tree, so in the end I wasn’t just helping the tree.. I was healing myself in the process.

I’ve come to peace with what happened to my mum. The pain is still there, but I don’t see the world for its darkness and torture. I see the beauty it has to offer, and maybe that was what God has intended for me to see.

[vanessaseau]

Day 2: East Tamaki, Auckland (New Zealand) 2016 My work area. I've recently moved back home to New Zealand.. The decision was hard, I made a life back in Australia and my step parents who raised me were there as well as my step siblings. Coming back was hard, I thought through time it'll be easier but it hasn't been easier. I've hardly made friends and I've hardly done anything fun. But then I realised the problem.. I kept going about life not really taking anything in. Literally it was - work - home - eat - sleep - shower - bed / repeat. Then it hit me. I was the problem. I needed to change my attitude towards my daily routine, and to start really appreciating what's in front of me in order to find beauty within and around. As I look up the road ahead I smiled - because for the first time since I've moved back home I felt truly that, I was - "home". Even though I miss my family, and I miss my friends I'm glad I made this decision. I get to spend time with my family here / I've got two brothers I live with and a nephew and a sister in law. They keep me sane, and in order for me to be happy I need to let go of the fear. It's the fear of regret. It's something we all don't say aloud, and it does eat us alive if we don't actually face it head on. But letting go is hard. It's hard because, every decision you make should solely be because of your gut. The weather is pretty bad now, but when I took the photo it was blue and beautiful and somehow I'm realising that; the weather when I took the picture was me finally grasping my decision. I moved to New Zealand. It was the BEST decision I've ever made. THAT is the beauty.

[vanessaseau]

I never really appreciated the beauty that always surround me. Actually, I never take or make the time to really have an adventure.. I'm living but not really living. This is living, it's proof in its beauty and unfiltered moment. It captures what we all seem to take for granted, and that scares me. I am going to post 30 days on capturing beauty, wherever it may be and however I see fit. God created the world, and as humans we take it for granted. This is my fondest memory when I was in Australia, the train ride there and the bus route we took. Even though at the time, my friend and I did not know what to expect seeing this view took my breath away. It was a fine moment and I got to see what living was, and somehow I lost that feeling. I'm now at the age where I should living truly living, and what better way than to see beauty within a world full of it. Day 1. Sydney, Australia 2015. Stanwells Top Beach 🖼

[vanessaseau]

Turning "22"

I don’t know. Is usually my thought, it scares me that I’m now 22 and still at a crossroad with my life. Even when I was young I never knew what I wanted, as I grew older I just buzzed through life not really grasping anything.

I see my high school friends all knowing what they want, I see my best friend going through life and then there is me. I don’t know.

Am I supposed to know? Am I supposed to be understanding? What is it?

It’s frightening really. Not knowing what to do, or how to go about life.. But you do. To survive you have to live, to live you have to go out and seek. But what is it we are really seeking? What value do we truly need? I fight demons inside of me, I battle with my mind at times and yet I don’t know. Am I really ready to accept?

At a young age they instil in you to go out there and figure out the world.. But what if the world eats you? Then how do you fight?

I’m at war within. I just hope it doesn’t consume me like how it has to others, this is a crossroad for me and I’m barely even fighting.

I don’t know.

[vanessaseau]

Missing Mom on Mothers Day..

The pain you feel when you know Mother's Day is approaching. It's been 10years I haven't spent Mother's Day with my mom, and if I say it's been great I'd be lying. My mom was always smiling and happy, she was always so gentle and loving with everyone around her. She was an inspirational to all, and she made a lot of differences in people's lives. Growing up without a mother was tough, birthdays and holidays just weren't the same anymore. As much as I try to forget this day I can't, today is the day we celebrate all mothers and all they've done for us. So.. Mom, if heaven had a phone I'd be calling you at midnight to say Happy Mother's Day. If I could trade I would, if I could do anything just to see you or hear your voice I would. The hardest part of not having you around is when I need you the most. I needed you when I finished primary school, I needed you when I started high school, I needed you when I had my first choir performance, I needed you when I had my first boyfriend, I needed you when I had my first heartbreak, I needed you when I had my first drama performance, I needed you when I turned 16, I needed you when I turned 18, I needed you when I turned 21. I still need you. Everyday is just a reminder and when I think life is going well, I cry. I cry because I miss you, I cry because I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life without you, I cry because I'm forced to move on, I cry because I feel an emptiness only you can fill, I cry because I need my mom. There is so much I want to say, so much I want to do. I hope in heaven you see me and you're proud of me. As I take my next step, I'll look up to the sky and I'll know you'll be there in spirit. I don't think this pain will ever go away, it just gets bearable I hope. With lots of love, From your daughter who misses you. 💕

[funnyordie]

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[vanessaseau]

TRUE LOVE ❤️

[vanessaseau]

It's coming up to 10 years this year since you've been gone. Not a day goes by where I don't miss you, where I don't wonder "what if".. But God planned all this, and at times I may fail and question Him "why" but only he will know. It hurts still, to see that as I grow older as I make choices I can't come to you. I lean on my brothers, I lean on Grandma and I lean on Aunty but most times I crave your motherly touch your hugs your voice your comfort. When will the pain end? I just can't believe it's been 10 years this year.. I've missed you. I hope you can feel how I've missed you, feel the love I keep in my heart for you, the pain I feel when I'm feeling lost. But Faith has been my anchor in all of this.. God has strengthen me, has provided me, has blessed me. I may not know why, but through Gods love I know I trust His judgement more. I miss you mum. I hope you know that. I love you so much! 26.12.2006 😘😔

[vanessaseau]

"Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done" 🙆🏽 #RelationshipGoals #Spoby #PrettyLittleLiars ✌🏽️

[vanessaseau]

Happy #NationalBestfriendDay boo boo 💞 you know how much I care and love your ass, wouldn't and couldn't trade you for anything.. Except for a panda 😂 kidding! La la la love you loads bitch ❤️😘 #cheesyassass #throwbacktoNZ ✌🏽️ (at Penrose Railway Station)

[vanessaseau]

This photo sums up the relationship I have with this girl my sister! Hate farewells, but I know soon I'll be back annoying your face once again & hugging the shit out of you! Until then be good & stay out of trouble 😉🙆🏽 #FamilyAlways #ByeByeAuckland 😭💔 #HelloReality (at Auckland International Airport Limited)

[vanessaseau]

22 • 05 • 2015 💞 these girls 😘