I'm Just Sayin'

I adore conversation, hence the "talk to me" link. Also, if you're interested in continued discussion beyond a single post reblog, please feel free to email me: [email protected]. I've found that tumblr is not very conducive to extended chat. Wondering in circles until I find my path, or until They choose it for me. Whichever one happens first (though I think they are likely to happen simultaneously). I often forget that I have a decently varied vocabulary; but instead favor the use of odd faces, swinging gestures, and random noises to convey whatever message I have in mind.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

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Classy Girls, by The Lumineers

I adore this song.

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Water is such an amazing thing.  If I had the ability to breath underwater (think Kevin Costner in Waterworld), then I don't think I'd ever leave.  Well, maybe once a month or something.  I don't just mean that I like to go to the beach in the summer, or anything like that.  In fact, I don't really like the beach, far too many people.

It's the floating.  The drifting along; weightless.  Wading in what feels like a complete void.  Do you know what I mean?  Where you're in water so deep that you can't actually see anything at all when you look down.  There are your toes, wiggling away, and nothing but emptiness beyond that.  There could be something just a short distance below you, or not, how are you to tell?  Creepy, yet exhilarating. 

But it's much more than that.  Water is spiritual for me.  It's the only place I've been able to meditate: submerged under water (all but my nose so I can keep breathing).  All you can hear is your own heartbeat, pulsing away in a kind of back and forth sort of way.  Like a pendulum. Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

I discovered something about myself.

I have trained my whole life in a certain belief...

[approximate-ritual]

See, for me, that same familiar structure that I was trained in is still comforting. I may worship other gods. I may do things that are outside my religion’s strictures. I love me a bacon cheeseburger.

But at the end of the day, if I hear someone playing the music that leads into the Havdalah ritual (I was raised Jewish), I’m at home.

I’m kinda very okay with that.

One of the concepts that I’ve run into in my recent exploration of paganism and witchcraft is the difference between orthodoxy and orthopraxy. I’m not an orthodox Jew—I don’t have “right belief”. But I like the rituals and can acknowledge them in an orthopraxic way, “right practice”. The mix of my belief system (casual polytheistic, with a focus on honoring Prometheus and Urania) with the rituals that make me feel safe and comfortable (and not all Jewish rituals still do) is something I’m trying to find a balance for.

At the end of the day, do what you feel is right for you. If you want to try to shuck your conditioning completely, I wish you good luck with that. If not, maybe consider what parts you most want to leave behind, and what might be worth keeping.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

Thank you so much for your input!  This is fascinating to me, because I've never known of orthopraxy.  Orthodoxy yes, I've heard all about that, but never orthopraxy.  However, not knowing the term itself doesn't change that that's actually what I find most important.  I don't usually care so much what a person believes, so long as they behave properly.  Perhaps that is the wrong usage though?

I see what you mean though, about feeling at home in your structure.  I don't think I really need to remove myself from my old practices, seeing as I've recently discovered that how I practiced didn't really coincide with how my church brought me up to practice.  That's a-whole-nother topic though.

Every time I hear from a new person, it sends me on a whole new thought path, which in the end, helps me round out yet another circle in the spiral to find my path.  So thank you again. :)

[vanillacentaur-blog]

I have trained my whole life in a certain belief…

[lokisgift-deactivated20150510]

It is hard! You can start small, with daily rituals and observing taboos (for me; when my ancestor shrine is open I try to act as if the eye of my most conservative ancestress may be on me, and act with the utmost respect) that can start unprogramming or reprogramming your brain.

Reading “transitional” sources - the Greek philosophers who were developing their theology as Christianity began to dominate (the Neoplatonics were the first “self-conscious/self-styled” Pagans, and we are potentially the first people since their age to be able to understand their theology as a system characterized by many gods, not some very metaphorically strained form of monotheism),

or the folk practices that incorporate both Christian and prechristian symbols - field-blessings and house blessings and healing charms in a variety of Scandinavian countries, for example,

or the religions that used saint imagery and Christian prayers to signify and worship nonChristian gods, such as in the Afro-Caribbean diaspora religions

many of those things give me help to transition in the other direction. Reminding yourself that the Christian God is as real as all the Others - that it is a choice between deities, ethics and creeds instead of simple Christian faith vs absolute atheism may help.

You may want to read about Julian the Apostate/Julian the Martyr, a Roman emperor who attempted to restore the Empire to polytheism, and confronted exactly how difficult it was after it had been Christian only a handful of decades.

I think one of the hardest obstacles is that many pagans and polytheists refuse to be public about their crises of faith, or the huge difficulty of maintaining that faith in the face of a culture that not only treats it as though it were wrong or low, but also fictional, ludicrous or impossible.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

Thank you! I've more recently begun looking into more specific rituals, since it has taken me some time to figure out exactly which deities I truly believe in. I have a hard time believing in an entire pantheon.

I haven't heard of Julian the Apostate, so I'm curious to start researching him.

And that last bit is exactly right, the deities you love being likened to fictional storybook characters. It can leave a hollow feeling when you're not sure what to say.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

I have trained my whole life in a certain belief. I say “trained” because that’s really what it is, isn’t it? In the church, we are “taught” what is or isn’t right; how to do this or that thing; what songs to sing; when to pray; what to say. All of this done in a similar fashion to being trained…

[bookofwisdom]

I’d say, take it one step at a time. :) Paint numbers. (Says the girl who picked a pantheon that the ancient Israelites knew of, and likely believed in the existence of, even though they considered it wrong.)

[vanillacentaur-blog]

I always did feel that it was less "our God is the only God in existence" and more "our God is the correct one," implying of course, that other gods are out there, they're just not the right ones to be following. Out of curiosity, what pantheon did you pick?

Also, sorry to respond by reblogging.  Not sure if there's another way to do so.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

I discovered something about myself.

I have trained my whole life in a certain belief. I say "trained" because that's really what it is, isn't it?  In the church, we are "taught" what is or isn't right; how to do this or that thing; what songs to sing; when to pray; what to say.  All of this done in a similar fashion to being trained at a job.  They are the same things really.  One word just says it nicer than the other. But back to my original point. I was trained in Christianity. How now do I do anything else? How can a person really undo their training to find a new way? It feels rather like knowing all your life that would eventually be a certain thing, like an accountant.  And now you are an accountant, even though you've never really liked it.  So finally you decide, "I shall be a painter."  Though, you've never felt the different textures of paint or paper; never even seen a paintbrush.  What do you do?  Who do you talk to when you're surrounded by other accountants?  How do you become something your mind doesn't even understand? Perhaps the analogy doesn't apply. What I mean to say is, I don't know how to treat my beliefs outside the structure I've always known.  How do I worship gods that my upbringing insisted were false?  How do I put these feelings I have into action, when I don't even know how to put them into words?

[vanillacentaur-blog]

Eros and Psyche, by Harold Gaze (1962)

I absolutely adore this!

[vanillacentaur-blog]

This book was actually very informative when I still had the Christian label but wasn't really feeling it.  One of my favorites.

[jadelyn]

[vanillacentaur-blog]

Spirituality: I have always had trouble figuring out what I believe in.

When I was younger, I believed in the Christian god (with a capital G), because I was raised under that "truth."  Even later, as I became more ensconced in that belief system, I never quite fit the mold.  It's not that I thought it was wrong, just that my subconscious kept trying to tell me something different.

And then finally, I came to the conclusion that Christianity was not right for me.  (This was long and difficult, not nearly as simple as I state it now.)

Perhaps it is right for some people.  After all, I believe every viewpoint has a certain validity for whoever it belongs to.  I just cannot find any validity in it for myself.

Now I sometimes feel lost in a world with no definite roads.  Which path should I take, when a beaten path is nowhere in sight?  What trail is the One that will get me to "Where I'm Supposed to Go?"

My answer to this is: None.  Instead, I have decided to climb a tree.  From the highest point of that Tree, I will be able to see Everything, and It will make a certain kind of sense.  The Tree, me, and Everything.  Past, Present, and Future.  We're all connected.  That is what I've come to believe.  What about you, what is your truth?

[vanillacentaur-blog]

O? sont tes h?ros aux corps d'athl?tes O? sont tes idoles mal ras?es, bien habill?es (Where are your heroes with bodies like athletes Where are your rough shaven, well dressed idols) Sexy boy, sexy boy Dans leurs yeux des dollars Dans leurs sourires des diamants Moi aussi un jour je serai beau comme un Dieu (Dollars in their eyes Diamonds in their smiles One day I too will be beautiful like a god)

Sexy Boy, by Air (submission)

Turns out, I've heard this song tons of times, and just didn't realize the name.  Anywho, bear with me if the lyrics and translation don't seem accurate to you, some one thought they were.  I admit freely, I'm only monolingual(?).

[vanillacentaur-blog]

"Sexy Boy" from Air. As for Bjork, make sure to check out, "I see who you are", It's oh so quiet!", "My Juvenile", "Possibly Maybe", and "I've Seen it All", which is featuring Thom Yorke, the lead singer of Radiohead, which is my favorite band. If you are unfamiliar with Radiohead, mention it in your next post and I will give you the top 5 to show the magnificence, beauty, and talent of Radiohead.

I will be sure to check out Sexy Boy.  And I have listened to a couple Thom Yorke songs (through listening to Bjork, not from Radiohead).  I know who Radiohead is, but I'm more than willing to listen to your top 5, since I don't really know they're music that well.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

Howl, by Charlie Bowater

I know this is not in line with my usual posts, but it was too beautiful to pass up.

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Hey, I'm in love, My fingers keep on clicking to the beating of my heart. Hey, I can't stop my feet, Ebony and Ivory and dancing in the street. Hey, it's 'cause of you. The world is in a crazy, hazy hue. My heart is beating like a jungle drum (3x) Man, you got me burning, I'm the moment between the striking and the fire.

Jungle Drum, by Emiliana Torrini

[vanillacentaur-blog]

It's wet in the middle With a shell around It It's called Life It goes wherever It wants to Don't try to predict It, Then you'd offend It, It's meant to surprise Nature is ancient But surprises us all Nature is ancient But surprises us all Rescue me from level-head-ness And the unnecessary luxury of being calm

Nature is Ancient, by Björk (anonymous submission)

Well wow, just wow... If you're only interested in mainstream music, this girl is definitely not for you.  But if you're willing to brave leaving the comforting bubble of routine, then you seriously need to give her a listen, definitely eclectic.  It took me a couple songs to get over how outlandish her videos seemed, and how the song didn't flow quite how I was used to.  But once I got over that, I could hardly stop listening/watching.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

Remember what they say There's no shortcut to a dream It's all blood and sweat And life is what you manage in between But what you don't know Is you're too young and eager to love Seething eyes So you're about to get into The ditch that you opened up

October, by Broken Bells (anonymous submission)

So far, I've really been enjoying this band.  It seems kind of eclectic to me; techno-y type sounds right along with the more traditional sounds.  This makes their music right up my alley.

[vanillacentaur-blog]

The smokestack spitting black soot into the sooty sky The load on the road brings a tear to the indian's eye The elephant won't forget what it's like inside his cage The ringmaster's telecaster sings on an empty stage Goddamn right it's a beautiful day Goddamn right it's a beautiful day The girl with the curls and the sweet pink ribbon in her hair She's crawling out her window 'cause her daddy He just don't care Come on Goddamn right it's a beautiful day Goddamn right it's a beautiful day The clown with the frown driving down to the sidewalk fair Finger on the trigger let me tell you gave us quite a scare Goddamn right it's a beautiful day Goddamn right it's a beautiful day The kids flip their lids when their ids hear that crazy sound My neighbor digs the flavor still he's moving to another town And I don't believe he'll come back Goddamn right it's a beautiful day Goddamn right it's a beautiful day Well I don't know how you take in all the shit you see No don't believe anyone and most of all Don't believe me Believe you Goddamn right it's a beautiful day Goddamn right it's a beautiful day

Mr. E's Beautiful Blues, by EELS (anonymous submission)

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Hope it was enjoyable... Onward!

I'm not sure how I feel about this band's music.  Some of it, like this song, I really like.  Then some of it, not so much.  Maybe it has to do with certain albums being more upbeat than others, maybe not.  Either way, I think they're worth the listen.