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[ada-wlovely]

[vanilladietpepsi]

hiiii, feeling emotional niche rn🌈 anyone wants to be moots/friends? i’d loveeee to support other girls💘

[vanilladietpepsi]

Ultimately, we romanticize suffering because it gives a tangible, beautiful shape to emotions that are otherwise isolating and formless. It transforms loneliness into a shared cultural language. Yet, recognizing the distinction between processing pain and performing it is essential for a generation immersed in curated intimacy. Art is at its best when it serves as a bridge through suffering, rather than a house built inside of it.

[vanilladietpepsi]

não, as faltas não vão doendo menos♥️

mas é o que você diria

[echoesofsaturn]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[vanilladietpepsi]

it won’t stop.

not the ringing.

not the static breathing through the walls.

not the way the screen flickers like it’s trying to remember your face.

you think you turned it off.

you think you’re safe in the dark.

but the dark is where it learned your name.

seven days was never a warning.

it was a promise.

[vanilladietpepsi]

you are what you love

[vanilladietpepsi]

Well, good luck babe.

Faith was the soil I grew in. It gave me words for hope, for meaning, for love. It also handed me a quiet list of things I was not supposed to feel, not supposed to want, not supposed to be.

So when certain feelings started rising in me, steady and bright, I treated them like intruders. I tried to confess them out of existence. Tried to bargain them away. I carried guilt for emotions that had never harmed anyone, like my heart itself was something I had to apologize for.

But feelings do not disappear just because they are inconvenient. They stay. They echo. They show up in the way your whole body softens around certain people, in the way some connections feel like gravity instead of effort. No matter how much I tried to rename it admiration, phase, confusion, my heart kept circling the same truth like a compass that refused to point anywhere else.

At some point, the question changed. I stopped asking who I was supposed to be and started asking who I already was when no one else was in the room. That question felt like stepping into deep water without knowing how to swim. But it also felt like the first honest breath I had taken in years. Terrifying and relieving at the same time.

It hurt to admit I had been negotiating against myself for so long. Hurt to see how many dreams I quietly folded up and put away because they did not fit inside the version of life I was told was holy, safe, correct. There is a specific kind of grief that comes from knowing you abandoned your own heart just to be acceptable.

But there is also something powerful about choosing yourself anyway. About saying maybe I am not the disaster I thought I was. Maybe the feelings I kept trying to silence were not flaws, but signals. Maybe the way I love, the way I feel drawn, the way my chest lights up around certain futures is not a mistake in the design.

The guilt is constant. Not because I did something. Just because I feel something. Like my heart is committing a crime by beating the way it naturally does. I carry this quiet fear that if I let myself fully want what I want, I will lose everything. Approval. Belonging. Maybe even God.

So I stay in between. Not honest. Not at peace. Just surviving in the middle of a tug of war between my truth and my fear. Every time I get close to admitting what is real, I pull back. I tell myself it is strength. It feels more like betrayal. Self betrayal dressed up as faith, discipline, maturity.

And I am tired. Tired of fighting feelings that do not leave. Tired of calling my own dreams dangerous. Tired of shrinking my future down to something that fits the rules but not my soul. But being tired is not the same as being brave. So I stay here. Knowing. And not choosing.

People say the truth sets you free. Right now, the truth just stands in front of me like an open door I am too scared to walk through. Because once I do, I cannot pretend anymore. I cannot go back to not knowing. I cannot rebuild the version of me everyone understands.

So I hover at the doorway.

Hand almost on the handle.

Heart loud. Fear louder.

I am not at the part of the story where I accept myself. I am at the part where I know, and I am still trying to run from it. And that might be the loneliest place to stand.

[angel44479]

ℐ 𝒶𝓂 ℊℴ𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝓉𝒽𝓇ℴ𝓊ℊ𝒽 𝒶 𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓁 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓀ℯ𝓃𝒾𝓃ℊ

⋆‧°𓏲ּ right now I am going through what seems to be a spiritual awakening and I feel like I'm going crazy. I have been a Christian for the past 3 years, but recently I have been questioning my faith. My mother has always been spiritual, and now I've found my way to spirituality as well. Because of this, I am going to write about a few things I deeply believe in, that are not Christian values.

⋆‧°𓏲ּ dreaming is messages or warnings from a higher power, and are used to process subconcious emotions. This may sound crazy, but I believe that every single person is sent from a higher power to learn lessons. Until you learn all the lessons you are supposed to before you "level up" and leave earth, you are reborn. It's the same thing as people saying the "universe is testing me".... the universe is testing you. This higher power, the universe, God, whatever you choose to call it, is testing you to see if you have learned your assigned lessons. This comes back to dreaming because dreams are warnings about paths you are taking in life, they are messages and guidance from the higher power.

⋆‧°𓏲ּ I have recently started believing in parallel universes. Dreaming is so much more than just a movie in our heads. I’ve started to believe that when we sleep, we are in a different world, like a parallel universe where another version of us is living. It’s like our soul is a radio, and dreams are the frequency where we see how our "lessons" are playing out in other realities. Which is where the warnings or messages from a higher power come back, we see how our "lessons" are happening in our dreams, and sometimes scary things happen in those dreams, which can be interpreted as a warning.

⋆‧°𓏲ּ Beyond the parallel worlds, I believe dreams are the safest place to process our deepest subconscious emotions. It’s where the higher power shows us the truth about how we feel. A lot of people (including me) try to ignore their emotions or push them down because they can be a lot to handle, but dreaming forces you to process them, whether you realize it or not.

⋆‧°𓏲ּ I don't know how to explain this part fully, but I will try my best. I very much believe in God, but I do not see him as a giant man in the sky, but rather the divine breath of life and existence on this planet and of this universe. I do believe in praying to a higher power and miracles, but I also believe in meditating and mindfulness as a sacred way of connecting to higher vibrations. I don't believe in god as a person, I believe in god as the entire universe. I see god as the universe instead of an entity, as love and hope and energy, but I do not think he is a conscious being. I feel god's strength and love through me but I see it through the universe rather than a church or an organized religion.

I'm writing down these things because I hope it can resonate with someone feeling similar things or thinking similarly. I can do another more in-depth version in a later time. I can try and explain better on that one.

I don't know what this makes me, but recently I have been using labels less and less, and it is making me feel more free, so I'll think about that later. Thank you for reading!