26 | she/her Hi! I'm Len! ⢠I'm not really active here nowadays, but who knows, that could change? I mainly reblog art, and whatever else catches my interest ⢠⢠OFMD | Good Omens | Hannibal ⢠Enjoy your stay!
So hereâs the thing. Do you see that look on Aziraphaleâs face, when Crowley pulls away?
That man đ is devastated, he looks like heâs choking back a sob. The first time I watched it, I was fucking gutted. The second time I watched it, immediately after because Iâm a sociopath who apparently loves pain, IâŚwas fucking gutted. But this time, I saw it not just from Crowleyâs perspective, but Aziraphaleâs.
Aziraphale loves Crowley, like romance with a capital R, Jane Goddamn Austen and Cotillion Balls and getting caught in the rain Loves him. We know this. So why reject the kiss? Because of some bullshit âyour side my sideâ stuff, that he hasnât managed to grow past in two seasons? I argue, no. Thereâs more going on here.
Donât get me wrong, Aziraphale is still wrestling with some bullheaded moral superiority and arrogance, and still hiding behind the great Heavenly tautology of âIâm an Angel, so as long as Iâm doing what Heaven expects of me, Iâm doing the right thing.â No hard choices or uncomfortable questions or gray areas need apply. (Though he is learning to live with them. Heâs started to absorb that good people can do bad things to accomplish good things, even with bad motivesâand Vice versa.)
And he still has some growing to do to get past that, and with some of the chatter weâve heard from Neil himself I truly believe weâre going to get to see it happen. BUT.
âAziraphale is still religiously brainwashedâ doesnât satisfactorily explain his behavior, his words, or the EXPRESSIONS on his face ((my God, just. Fucking kill me already)) when Crowley kisses him. I donât think weâre seeing Aziraphale still not understand or believe that he loves Crowley. I think Aziraphale knows that he loves Crowleyâbut thinks he knows that Crowley doesnât really love him that way back.
Hear me out.
This whole season has been a montage of obvious, unsubtle lovesick expressions from Aziraphale to Crowley.
And knowing what we now know about the ending, we know those arenât just subtext in our heads, itâs all there and intended. Okay. So why reject a declaration of love when he finally gets it? Just because Crowley wonât get with the program and go back to Heaven? I donât think thatâs all there is to it.
The last thing Crowley does before kissing him is put his glasses back on.
Look at him. Look at the sadness and frustration peeking through there. Aziraphale has seen this many many times before. He knows that whatever heâs about to see or hear is going to be coming from a place of defensiveness, posturing, or even performance. He knows that Crowley wants to be able to see without being seen, still feels like he canât say whatever he needs to say without that advantage, and thatâs got to be so hard. And itâs easy to say, âyou just broke his heart! Heâs visibly tearing up, of course he wants the protection of his glasses, and to save a bit of dignity!â Or even to take it as proof that Crowley means what heâs saying, if itâs so raw he canât even do it while making eye contact. But that would be like looking around for where the furniture isnât. Aziraphale canât truly know Crowleyâs motives here, because Crowley himself just made sure of it.
The last thing Crowley says before kissing him is âYou Idiot, we *could have* been us.â Not âWe still can beâ. With heart armor glasses back on, tears in his eyes, and anger and accusation in his voice, Crowley grabs Aziraphale for a crushing, desperate, *angry* kiss. ((Still Swoony for us, I know, but hold that thought. Is that what Aziraphale would find swoony? Is that what he thinks love should look like, and how he wants to be loved? Is that what heâs shown us so far? No. It isnât.))
And Aziraphale battles with it, he really does.
Itâs gut wrenching to watch. He doesnât know what to do with his hands, he hesitates and touches his back and takes them back off again, and when they pull apart he looks like heâs just been gutted. Why? Why look that *pained* if it was just an unwelcome advance from a flawed friend you donât think you can love?
I think itâs precisely because he DOES know and accept that he loves Crowley, and he thinks Crowleyâs kiss is something that *looks very much* like what heâs desperately wanted from him for a long, long timeâ-but isnât, actually. I think the pain of being taunted with a shallow facsimile of the love he wants to give and receive from Crowley is what weâre seeing on his face. Because I think Aziraphale thinks that Crowley is really just making one final desperate play to maintain the status quo, by giving Aziraphale what heâs guessed he might want, but doesnât truly feel, or understand yet. I think Aziraphale receives that kiss as an ultimatum, or a compromise, or even a naked temptation or manipulationâanything to keep Aziraphale on Earth and just the way things are. And shit, guys, Heaven bullshit aside, I think he might be partially right.
Remember, Crowley was not on board the âIâm in love and we should admit itâ train even five minutes ago, when he was confronted by the resident Disaster Gays whoâve had their shit figured out for all of five minutes themselves. He doesnât seem to get it. Maybe heâs been reflexively posturing and denying the nature of their relationship out of self protective habit, orâŚ. Maybe he really hadnât understood that what he feels for Aziraphale is love. When Crowley chooses to forge ahead and confess his feelings after Aziraphale drops the âIâm going back to Heavenâ bomb, maybe Aziraphale receives it as nothing more than a panicked Hail Mary to keep him around. Maybe itâs because thatâs exactly what itâs become.
Donât forget that, for all Aziraphaleâs lack of understanding, he does seem to want to go back because he thinks he can fix things, and make Heaven what it really ought to have always been. And up until the last minute, Az seems like he might truly change his mind, until he realizes that there are still big plans that need thwarting, and no one else around to thwart them. Maybe itâs Crowley who really doesnât understand that, because rememberâCrowley is still just asking Aziraphale to run away from everything together. Same as the bandstand, just this time itâs less obviously on fire. Heâs still trying to give up on Creation, wash his hands of it, and fuck off with his boyfriend. And his boyfriend wonât let him.
So no, I donât think Aziraphale is rejecting Demon Crowley and his love because heâs choosing Heavenâs acceptance instead. I think heâs rejecting Crowleyâs complacency, and lack of vulnerability, and his putting their own safety above all else. And I think heâs particularly crushed that in this moment, Crowleyâs trying to use Aziraphaleâs love as a lever or a crowbar to keep him out of Heaven, where heâs not willing to follow.
Now, again, thereâs a lot that Aziraphaleâs not seeing here ((âyouâre the bad guysâ, FUCK my dude)), but I donât think you can feasibly claim that Aziraphaleâs anguish is coming from a place of delusion or denial. Theyâre still not fully seeing each other. For Crowley to think that Aziraphale would choose to stay and leave Creation to any of the malevolent bastards who want to run it straight into another Apocalypse, thereâs a lot that heâs not getting about Aziraphale as well. For Aziraphale to think that Crowley would be delighted to get to be an angel again, heâs still not understanding so, so much.
But whatâs clear to me is that they both are still a rebound mess. They donât truly see each other yet. But I think they will. because if they donât I will gnaw through these bars and go straight to the asylum so help me God, who do I gotta yowl at to get a S3
#The way they probably erased Crowley's memory of heaven. Also the way Crowley offered a hot chocolate to Gabriel just after even though he still hated him because he knew how it feels to remember nothing (insp from this post by @perpetualcontrolleddrowning)
I don't go here but I feel like "It's a metaphor. Don't force it to do the work of a fact." is a great statement about literature and fan-content in general.
i learned that the Animal Planet reality series âRiver Monstersâ ended because star Jeremy Wade was able to catch essentially every exceptionally large freshwater fish species on earth, leaving no remaining content for the show (x)
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