#1
It had been a while. A while since she had been to a gig, strangers swaying against you in the crowd, the air damp. A while since she’d seen him, floppy brown hair and infectious smile. A while since he’d touched her, gentle yet burning as his fingers trailed across her skin. He’d been away, album promo and an arena tour, taking him around the world. Tonight was his first night back in the country in months. Her stomach had erupted in butterflies when the short text came asking her to come to the gig, and when her backstage pass was dropped off to her house by a guy in a beat-up van with an unkempt beard.
There he was on stage, surrounded by his bandmates in front of thousands of people. A sold-out arena. Dressed simply in black jeans, Chelsea boots and a black shirt, with the first few buttons left undone at the top. So completely at home performing. The songs, guitar and drum heavy belted out of the speakers, inciting the crowd to bounce. He crooned the lyrics, his voice lowering intimately and straining to belt out the fast-paced choruses. His voice wove lyrical stories, casting a spell on everyone, but most of all on her. She could swear he was trying to enchant her. His guitar was nestled between his arms and against his hips and she hadn’t realised it was possible to be jealous of an instrument.
The frantic music and flashing lights came to a halt, and the band moved backstage leaving only him and his acoustic guitar. The song was low, slow. His fingers danced across the strings and his voice dipped and curled around the notes. This was her favourite song. Written about another girl, of course, long before they’d ever met. The lyrics were so intimate, so gentle and showed a different side to him than she’d seen before. This showed him completely, irrationally in love with someone. She couldn’t take her eyes off him as he sang, soaking up the echo of the fans singing his lyrics back at him. He squinted as he looked off to one side of the front of the crowd. Sure it was a coincidence that it was the side she stood; she didn’t allow herself to hope he was looking for her.
When they had met, it was clear he wanted a good time, some fun and laughs and nothing to stress about while he went off to live his rock and roll lifestyle. They had fun, lots of it. Drinks in quiet, back-alley bars followed by evenings in his place, or hers. A day or two here and there when he had free time or when she did. FaceTime calls late at night full of flirty banter, discussions about life, politics, music. But there had never been any promise of anything more, and she had never asked for anything more. Or rather, had never dared to ask.
Something about their connection, the distance and time apart, and this intimate song made her heart flutter as his eyes kept wandering back to that side of the crowd. If he was trying to catch sight of her, his chances were hindered largely by the bright stage spotlight and her petite frame in the vast crowd. The song came to an end, punctuated by a discreet smile, one familiar to her. She had seen it the night he first asked to take her home, as she sipped on her drink and her heart pounded. She had seen it on FaceTime when their conversation dissolved into comfortable silence laden with tension. She had seen it as they laid tangled up in his sheets, early morning sun spilling over his face as he twirled a strand of her hair around his fingers. This song was now dedicated to her, his smile confirmed it.
The band came bounding back on stage, playing some of their most popular songs, the music crashing and the crowd going crazy. She followed the instructions he had left her in their text conversation. Find this door, see this person, show them your pass. The look she received from the security guard who led her through backstage conveyed his thoughts with abundant clarity. She was one woman in a long line of women led along the same path. How many artists, bands had paraded women through here for a quick shag, a night of fun. She tried to take that look with a pinch of salt knowing full well they were just having fun, yet knowing full well she was not just a quick fuck. Had he brought other women back recently? Since they’d met? She shook that thought off.
The corridors were long, vibrating to the music coming from the stage. The security guard opened a door, and the sound was once again deafening. Surrounded by equipment, wires, people, she stood in a spot in the corner that she was directed to. Her heart pounding, knowing he was coming offstage soon. Nerves, anticipation, excitement flooded through her, causing tremors to run through her. She leaned against a large equipment box, only for it to move under her weight. Several people saw her almost fall and shot her irritated looks. She kept her stare firmly on the ground as her cheeks blazed crimson. A familiar guitar riff rang through the air, signalling the song and the set were almost over. Fuck. The sound of cheers rang through the arena. No drums, no guitars, no beautiful voice. Just the crowd.
Loud laughter and laboured breathing neared. She peeked up through her lashes as she saw a slender figure deposit a guitar in a stand. Goosebumps. Her hair stood on end; her heart was pounding again. She met his eye as he stood in front of her, blue eyes blazing, skin glowing, brown hair soaking wet and flopping over his brows. Stomach flipping, she subconsciously held her hand in front of her, not sure what to do. She was right there in front of him, a sight for sore eyes. Having craved her touch, even just needed to see the contours of her face in person for so long, he didn’t want to wait. And he crashed into her. Hands gripping her hips and lips colliding with hers. He pulled her closer until there was no space between them, kissing her roughly.
She giggled ‘Hey, V- ‘
‘Shh’ He interrupted brusquely, then deepening the kiss.
She melted into his hold, her feet feeling as though they were no longer on the ground. She kissed him back, allowing his tongue to battle with hers. She inhaled his scent of cigarette smoke and musk, feeling intoxicated. And Jesus, he didn’t know if it was just the adrenaline, but he could swear he had never enjoyed holding someone, kissing someone this much before.
‘Van- ‘She began, pulling away as she began to remember her surroundings, the people around her who were strangers.
‘Shh’ He cut in again, mumbling against her lips. His hands ran from her elbows to meet her hands, interlocking tightly. ‘Just kiss me’.
And who was she to argue? That’s all she wanted too in that moment. Then he was pushing her backwards, guiding her with his legs on either side of hers, hands and lips still locked. She giggled against his lips in between kisses. Her back was against a door while he reached around to push the handle. They were plunged into the icy night air, a shock after the hot, damp air inside. His free hand dropped down to her waist, then lower to the hem of her dress. Her spare hand grabbed his soaked, sweaty hair in anticipation. Her thigh burning where his calloused fingers roughly stroked.
They were in a quiet corner outside, lit by a bright white light on the brick wall above them. He backed her against the wall, breaking their kiss to move his lips to her neck. She held her soft groans in, between her legs throbbing almost painfully. He bit the most sensitive spots, the places he had spent a lot of time finding, sucking and then licking to soothe when it smarted. Her breathing grew heavier as his fingers ducked inside her dress and up her thigh. She was hyper aware of him and his presence, only vaguely aware that anybody could come outside and see what they were doing.
The fingers that had tenderly strummed his guitar earlier moved her underwear to the side with such swiftness she wasn’t ready for the contact. She gripped his hand tighter as he stroked her over her most intimate area, nudging her legs apart. He was focused on refamiliarizing himself with her, her sensitive spots. It had been so long since he had seen her, touched her that he was worried he’d forgotten how to make her tick. He needn’t have worried, if her tight grip on his hair and hand, and heavy breathing was any indication. They’d just had so much practice; he’d replayed all those moments over and over in his head until it was impossible to forget. And as he stroked her in all the right places, he could feel himself desperate for more, to be even closer to her. Her perfume, the scent of her shampoo cloaked his senses and made him dizzy with comfort and with desire. His fingers moved in slow, lazy circles at first, gathering her wetness. Gradually his circles grew faster and more concentrated and her legs began to feel weak. Pulling his body closer to hers to pin her to the wall, she got lost in his kisses and what he was doing between her legs. It took an unusually short amount of time before she could feel her orgasm approach. As he kissed just below her ear, she fell apart. He watched her face, so beautiful in agonising pleasure. He watched how he made her feel, how only he could make her feel as he carried on guiding her through the intense fireworks. She stiffened beneath him and then relaxed around him as he milked her orgasm.
Again, she wasn’t even sure if her feet were touching the ground, it all felt like it was spinning around them. She felt his fingers gently cup her chin and lift it up until her eyes met his. As her breathing started to even out, the look in his eyes made her tingle in anticipation of what she knew was to come. Before she had the chance to kiss him again, his lips were already on hers, not wanting to waste another second. Privacy? They didn’t need it. Hotel? Too far away. He knew he’d missed her while he’d been away, but this connection and tension was insane. And well, she’d always been crazy about him. Her hands crept down his shoulders, dragging along his torso, fingers playing with his belt until her palm met the bulge in his trousers.
She began to pull his belt from the belt loops, struggling when she came to the buckle. At her struggle he became frustrated and rushed to get the belt open, quickly followed by his button and zip. Pulling his member from his boxers, he sprang free from the restraint of his jeans, urgent and desperate to just be closer. And fuck if she didn’t want that too. He gripped her shoulders and spun her round quickly, so quickly she stumbled in her heels. Feeling guilty, he steadied her and placed her hands on the wall in front of her. She’d always been clumsy. She held her breath in anticipation, throbbing between her legs as he pulled her dress over her bum and slid himself along her slit.
‘Ahh’ She gasped aloud as he pushed inside her, him groaning into her ear at the feeling of her hot, tight wetness pulling him in. His damp chest and hair felt cold from being in the night air as he pressed himself against her from behind and she just wanted more. He pulled out slowly as she adjusted to the feeling of being full after so long, and began to thrust into her. It wasn’t slow, it wasn’t gentle. He pushed into her roughly and quickly, pulling her waist length hair down her back so that her head didn’t hit the wall as he fucked her. She couldn’t hold in her gasps and moans, her whole body felt like it was buzzing but her core was being assaulted with pleasurable strokes over and over again.
He needed to see her face. The one he’d searched for in the crowd while singing his most intimate and heartfelt song. The one he’d longed to see when he was 7 hours behind on tour in the States. The one he was desperate to touch and kiss while he looked at her through FaceTimes. He pulled out of her, taking care to spin her around more slowly this time to avoid a broken ankle in those sexy heels. Pushing her back against the wall, he slid his eager hands down her sides to her thighs and squeezed, gesturing for her to jump. She did, and he lifted her up against the wall, legs around his waist as he pinned her tightly to the cold, rough bricks. She cried out as he slid inside her again. They locked eyes while he fucked her once again, hardly pulling out but rather thrusting in as deep as he could. She could feel the brick wall leaving scratches on her back, but she didn’t care, loving the roughness.
This wasn’t quick and dirty; this was raw and urgent. Their eye contact confirmed that. His eyes told her he needed her. This meant something, but it could not wait. Their unbroken stare was a catalyst, she cried out his name as he furiously chased his peak. The feeling of her soft curves and warm cunt around his member undid him. He groaned as he came, reaching the end. He jerked against her, squeezing her bum.
The silence was only broken by their panting as the leaned against each other for support, feeling spent. Somewhere in the distance, they heard a crowd chanting some of his songs. He chuckled into her hair.
‘M sorry I didn’t last long darlin’; it’s been a while ‘ant it?’ She just shook her head, it didn’t matter. He pulled out of her, as he had softened, and his fluid seeped down her thigh.
Giggling, she stepped out of her underwear, holding onto his hand for balance, and wiped away his cum with them.
‘What the hell do I do with these?’ She wondered aloud, looking around for a bin, or somewhere to dispose of the soiled underwear.
He laughed as he zipped up his jeans and did up his belt again, then held out his hand. Hesitantly she handed them over to him, and he slipped them into his back pocket. ‘Let’s find a bin back inside, yeah?’
She giggled and stepped towards him to follow him back inside the building. He held his arm out behind him for her to grab her hand, but quickly spun around to face her.
‘Oh- hello’ He said, remembering he had interrupted her with kisses when she’d tried to greet him. He blushed slightly, feeling a bit rude.
She looked up at him through her lashes, a smile spread across her face with a hint of adoration in her eyes. ‘Hi.’
‘It’s so good to see ya, thanks for coming tonight babe’ He said, remembering his charm and manners. He had just gone at her like an animal, the least he could do was make up for it now.
‘Thank you for inviting me. You were so good up there.’ She stared up at his face. His eye bags which showed his fatigue, but his eyes shone bright, wide awake. His hair was starting to dry into waves falling over his face. ‘You look good, Van. Tour suits you.’
She wished he didn’t have to be away so much, wished that maybe he didn’t love being away as much as he did. She wanted to say more, but held back, not wanting to make things too heavy. She’d always been too afraid to spook him, scare him off. He saw it in her eyes, the many questions floating around that she was holding back. He wanted to give her answers, he wanted to give her anything she wanted.
‘It’s been great. But you know, it doesn’t have that Mexican bar, so...’ There was more he could have said, more he wanted to say. Like how maybe he loved tour, but this time round he found that he didn’t feel so free when he was away. Like maybe he’d missed her.
She giggled at his reference to their favourite place to go for tequila and margaritas when they hung out. She stared down at his feet, nervous that meeting his eye would give away just how deeply she felt for him in this very moment, his presence overwhelming, the feelings washing over and consuming her. He saw her hide a smile and wished she would look up at him. He’d imagined that smile for so long. He noticed her skin broke out in goosebumps and she began to wrap her arms around herself.
Her slinky black satin mini dress, with its skinny straps did everything to accentuate the softness of her curves, but nothing to protect her from the cold. Even as a feeling of protective tenderness overtook him, he still couldn’t help but notice her hard nipples and wish he was sucking on them. Albeit in a warm room.
He moved behind her and wrapped his hands around her front, cloaking her in his natural warmth.
‘Let’s go inside, yeah?’ He murmured in her ear, and all she could do was nod.
***
The dim light above the door lit up as she turned the key in the cottage door and jiggled it while shoving it open. She knew the little knack to it by now. He followed her through the gate and up the garden path. He was pulling a large suitcase behind him while struggling with two duffle bags slung over his shoulders.
The empty cottage was cold, having been vacant for months. She reached to her left and switched on the hallway lamp, then pushed the front door wide open to make space for him to come in behind her. He pushed the front door shut and dropped the duffels and suitcase on the faded rug.
The house may have been cold, but being back there brought feelings of warmth back to her. The times she had stayed over, listening to music, watching films, fucking.
‘Why don’t you go upstairs while I turn the heating on?’ He suggested, resting a hand on her waist and stooping down to place a soft kiss on her shoulder. The butterflies that had been there since the moment she saw him earlier in the night went crazy. She nodded, and headed up the narrow stairs.
The fourth step creaked loudly, bringing a smile to her face. They would always take care to avoid that step if they came in late at night so as not to wake up his housemate Larry. Larry had chosen to go to a bar with the other guys after the gig, saying he couldn’t wait for a beer. She suspected he really was going to give them some privacy in the cottage. She navigated her way across the landing in the dark, pushing the last door to the right open. She could hear Van downstairs opening and closing cupboards. She moved across the room to turn his bedside lamp on, but tripped over something on the floor, probably a shoe. She cursed as her toe throbbed and hobbled to the bedside table, switching the lamp on. The light revealed a messy floor, clothes and shoes strewn across the carpet. The bed was roughly made, with a couple of records sat on the covers. She smiled as she pictured Van packing last minute before tour, in a rush because he’d spent the night with her.
‘There should be some clothes in the second drawer if you wanna get changed’ He called up the stairs to her. She responded with a thank you and kicked off her strappy heels, placing them under his wooden bed frame.
She opened the top drawer in his dresser, and found a pair of boxers at the back of the drawer which she knew he never wore, and an oversized flannel shirt. As she slid the shirt over her head, inhaled the musky, woody scent of Van, with only a hint of cigarette smoke. Spotting a pair of thick white socks in the drawer, she slipped those on and set about closing the curtains and fixing the bed. Van was bound to crash from the post-gig adrenaline rush and jet lag soon, and she thought he might appreciate if she cleared his floor quickly.
The bedroom door opened, and he appeared with two steaming mugs. ‘Sorry I’ve not got any milk for tea so it’s instant hot chocolate instead’ He smiled and handed her a mug before setting his own down on a bedside table and kicking his boots off. He put on a record- The Kooks- then sat next to her on the bed while she moved underneath the covers.
‘Thanks’ She sighed contentedly as she sipped the hot drink and sank further under the covers. His stomach flipped at seeing her in his home, so comfortable and looking like she belonged in his clothes.
As they drank their hot chocolate, he began to tell her stories from tour. His favourite gigs, his least favourites. The sights he had seen, the laughs with the lads. She stared at him while he talked, loving how animated he became and fascinated by the stories he had to tell.
‘Larry won’t stop goin’ on at me though, cos there was this one night, they swear it was the best night of the year. So we went to this right wicked bar in New York and this girl Emily- someone Bondy met a few years ago- brought her friends over. But I missed a lot of the night. They said they think they broke some world record or summat’ He chuckled, but his face told her there was more to the story.
‘Well, it sounds like you had a really good time while you were away.’ She was equal parts happy for him and jealous of his time that all those other people and places got. She set her mug down onto the floor and rolled over, resting her elbows on his chest and looking up at him through her hair that fell forward on her face. He looked beautiful from any angle, but from here she could see his long, dark eyelashes perfectly. She could see the slight smudge of mascara under his bottom lashes.
Looking down at her, Van thought this might be his favourite view of her. Aside from her being naked underneath him. ‘Yeah, it was great, mind.’ He hesitated, considering his next words carefully. He was usually confident, reckless even, with his words. This though, was new territory. ‘I missed ya, though.’
She looked down at his necklace, began twirling it between her finger, unable to look him in the eye. A hint of a smile that she was trying to fight broke out on her face. ‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I… missed you, too.’ She had, of course. She was just still so scared to show how she felt about him, not wanting to mess things up and lose him.
‘Yeah?’ Humour coloured his voice, his lips matching hers in a subtle smile.
‘Yeah.’
She huffed a quiet laugh and dipped her head down to try and conceal her blush.
‘How much?’ She was sure he was teasing her now, trying to draw things out of her that she was, rather pathetically, being too shy to reveal. ‘A little, or a lot?’
‘Ahh’ She groaned. ‘A little, tiny bit’. She held her hand up, indicating with her fingers the little bit she was talking about.
‘Oh really?’ He was teasing again, but decided to keep pushing. ‘But see, I missed you more than that. Quite a bit more actually. Thought about you a lot.’
Her stomach fluttered. Was she picking up the right vibe? Or was she overthinking? Fuck it. ‘I missed you. Loads. And I’ve been thinking about you, too.’
This conversation was painfully slow and awkward. But his heartbeat was picking up pace, feeling as though she might feel the same as he did. Grow up, he thought to himself.
He placed his hand under her chin and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear so he could see her face more clearly. Her hazel eyes looked more brown than green in this light, which he knew she would hate but he thought they were perfect. Her top lip had a scar that was only visible in dim lights like this. He wondered how he could have ever had any doubt whether he wanted to commit to a relationship with this woman. The way he saw it now, he didn’t have a choice.
‘Babe, I think this is something more than just fun, for me. Do- I mean, what d’ya think?’ He was twirling a strand of her hair round his fingers, watching her eyes intently.
Her grin made his heart beat faster, but in a good way. She leaned up to place a gentle kiss on his lips. It was cheesy as fuck, but they grinned as they kissed. She ran her hands through his hair, she’d missed that feeling. And fuck, he gripped her waist, hidden beneath his clothes, which hung from her body in the sexiest way possible. She felt him pull her all the way on top of him, deepening their kiss. This time, it was slower than right after the gig. It was lazier- no, not lazy. It was them taking their time, drawing the moment out. Exploring again.
He lifted his shirt higher up her back, running his hands up her spine. Further, around her ribs and up to cup her bare breasts. He began rubbing around her nipples softly, loving the soft moans it elicited. She pushed her chest further into his hands. Breaking their kiss, he lifted her arms in the air. Slowly, teasingly, he ran his hands down her arms, trailing down her ribs until he reached the hem of the shirt. He pulled it over her head and threw it somewhere across the room. Van wasted no time leaning in to suck a nipple, toying the other one with one hand and peeking up at her face, angelic and beautiful.
She placed her knees on either side of him, naturally, instinctively moving her hips to grind against his crotch. She began to unbutton his black shirt, slowly revealing his chest. She pulled back and lifted off of his lap so he could sit up and take the shirt off. She worked on unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. There was no slow and sexy way to take off his skinny jeans, he jumped up and removed one leg first, hopping while pulling them off the other leg. She kicked off her (his) socks and then took off the boxers she wore.
He playfully shoved her back on the bed, making her squeal and laugh. The got tangled in each other, kissing and laughing, feeling each other’s bodies properly for the first time in more than 6 months. They’d both been fantasising about being able to do this for so long. And they were both so ready.
He hooked his arm under her leg and positioned himself at her entrance, marvelling at her naked body, even better than he remembered, even better than the late-night fantasies. As he pushed inside, he realised he’d missed that little gasp she did every time, the way her nose and brow scrunched up. She wrapped her legs around him as he pushed into her, slowly. This time wasn’t like all the other times before, it wasn’t even like the time earlier. It was so much more. This time, all the emotions that had been building up from the last 6 months, even the last year or more. Since the moment they met, this connection and intensity had been building.
She had known he didn’t want to commit to a relationship, and she hadn’t pushed for it because she had been having fun, liking where it was going. He knew he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her but had been so stupid, not wanting to commit to her. It was just he had seen relationships fail because he wasn’t always around, and there were always women and drugs and late nights. None of that mattered. He’d been falling for her before he left for tour. He’d thought it would kill him to leave her that night. Realising that he wasn’t interested in women and late nights the way he was before, he’d rather call her, wait for her call. And this time round it was more than he would have imagined.
He thrusted hard, but slow. Keeping the pace, wanting it to last. The sex was always good, but she could have sworn there was something this time that made it as good as it could get. His stare made her body buzz again, like an out of body feeling.
She gently pushed his chest back, until he was sitting up. She climbed onto his lap and sat down on him, wrapping her hands around his neck. Keeping their stare unbroken, she began to ride him just how she knew drove him crazy, slowly, steady rhythm.
‘Fuck… just like that’ He groaned, gripping her bum as she bounced. His groans spurred her on, wanting to make him feel good. ‘Ohh, that’s it, babe.’
She kept going, feeling him so deep and hitting that angle just right. As he chased his orgasm, he started thrusting up into her. Soon, they were both gripping each other tightly, matching each other’s pace.
‘Ahh, Van’ She moaned into his hair, as their peaks came closer and closer. The sound of skin slapping, the bed frame squeaking and both of them moaning echoed through the room, through the whole cottage.
She exploded first, tightening around him and pushing herself further onto him. He cried out at the sensation of her wrapping around him. Then he cried out as he came undone, tugging on her hair.
They sat like that, her on top of his lap with her legs wrapped round his torso for a moment. He broke the silence first. ‘I love you’.
Her heart skipped a beat. She should probably see a doctor at this point, with how irregular her heartbeat was around him. ‘Pillow talk, Van.’ She teased, not wanting to get her hopes up. She already couldn’t believe her luck at him wanting to be with her- only her- she was afraid he was getting caught up in the moment, the passion and saying things he wouldn’t mean tomorrow.
He gently lifted her up from his lap and laid her back on the bed. Feeling his cum run down her legs again, she asked ‘What did you do with my underwear?’ with a laugh.
He laughed ‘Fucked them in the kitchen bin. Hold on here a second.’ He left the room for a few moments, still naked. He returned with a damp towel and a smile, coming to gently wipe between her legs, then throwing the towel in the laundry basket.
He threw himself back on the bed next to her, holding an arm out until she lifted her head and rested it on his shoulder, nuzzling in.
‘I meant it, ya know.’
‘Will you mean it in the morning?’ She hated how insecure she sounded. She never wanted to be that girl; she wasn’t that girl. She just needed to know it was real.
‘I’ll love you tomorrow, and the day after that, and for as long as you’ll have me. I wouldn’t mess with you about that. I’ve fucking missed you this whole time. I love you.’
She couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. ‘I love you, too.’
‘So, you wanna give this a go then?’ He was stroking her shoulder lazily. And it felt like this was where they were meant to be. ‘Cos I’m all in.’