Kept thinking about this revenge fantasy au piece about pClea turning the tables on Clea and wanted to take the design a little further :) Design notes under read more
Purposefully left looking unfinished so she'll always be reminded she's imperfect and incomplete. I also tried to make it so that the human aspects of her look (skin and hair) lowkey make her look more unpleasant than if she was a full-on monster but I may be speaking from a place of massive bias
The dark blue ink on her face is always dripping, so she looks like she's crying. It's meant to be a mockery of her Paintress mask (her real world sign of power) while also making her private feelings of grief outward and thus make her look kind of pitiful
White skin in connection to white Nevrons, since their colour marks them as failures.
Cracks on skin for 1. the slight resemblance to what her parents look like in their Curator/Paintress forms 2. to further add to the imperfection motif and 3. to sort of suggest she HAS cracked under all the pressure and she couldn't handle it
Took the neck symbol design from her concept art and added them on her wrists to resemble chains. Chroma attached to them gives the impression of marionette on strings. I'm throwing her a bone and making it visually extremely clear that she's resisting so strongly that you can't even hide it.
Not a visual thing but she's not entirely silent. It's just that she sounds like the Curator so nobody understands her so them it just sounds like monstrous wailing
a little vent (death of a parent, funeral, cancer)
this is just me pouring out my thoughts and grief just to get it out for a bit.
My mom's funeral was yesterday.
It's been about two months after she died, after fighting pancreatic cancer for 1,5 years until she was wasted away into skeletal limbs, and witnessing all of it was so harrowing.
for the last 1,5 years i've grieved, i've cried, then and when she passed, but yesterday, despite thinking i've made progress in my grieving... nothing really prepared me to see her coffin.
it was like she wanted. a pretty white coffin, with white and green flowers laid on top of it.
it really felt like a punch in the stomach to see it.
i couldn't stop staring, i couldn't stop thinking that she's in there. My mom's in there, and she's really dead and i'll never see her again.
The service was nice. the priest was good.
My mom had picked every song and hymn that would play there.
i had tears streaming down my face the entire time.
After the songs and the priest's service, after all the guests had poured outside, me and my brother just couldn't leave yet. dad had already said his goodbyes, but we stayed by the coffin, and we patted the coffin and told her our farewells. told her how much we loved her and what a good mom she had been, how much she had tried her best with what she'd had.
it was so fucking hard to leave.
but... the whole thing was about closure too, i think. we honored her wishes. she can rest now, she's not in pain anymore. we needed to see this through, both for her sake, to follow her wishes, but for us, as well.
this was the last step. the rest is just... going one day at a time, living with it. someone once said, you'll grow around the grief and i think it's a fitting description.
it'll be okay, i know. the worst of it will pass. i'll remember the person she was, the good times, the funny moments. yesterday was just a really hard day.
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