All that glitters is gold

Independent OC. Semi-selective! Note: this is a side-blog. If I follow you back, it'll be from feral-alchemy! Links for mobile: Mun's art blog: Vatama Mun's personal: Vatama0 Rules Profile

[vapidwastrel]

“ if you know me and my debilitating fear of bears  ,  this is my worst nightmare ” (wade @ Alexis probably in some sort of bear skin coat lmao)

@youbettermerc || alexis is at least in his forties at this point. rockin’ the bifocals, yewwwww!

—

From his spot on the upper floor balcony, Alexis has to blearily squint through his tortoiseshell bifocals to read the giant banner over the entrance that announces ‘GRAND OPENING NIGHT - WELCOME TO THE TEDDY BEAR’S PICNIC’. 

‘Teddy’s’. A rather quaint choice of name for a gay bar that caters to bears. It’s not a complaint, mind. The bar is a passion project of a subordinate of his, and Alexis has been in this business for a long time - long enough to learn that supporting his subordinates in their fanciful enterprises is one of the few kindnesses he can safely afford.

Besides. The subordinate’s first name is ‘Theodore’. ‘Teddy’s’ was not a choice so much as a mandate from the universe. A gay bar preordained by the heavens themselves. Amen!

As a show of support for dear Ted and his brand new bar, Alexis has somehow bent the laws of time to his will and created space in his hellish schedule for the sole purpose of making an appearance tonight. 

…Really, he’s just popped on over from his old titty bar next door, where he still uses the soundproofed back offices to do his paperwork.

…And really, he’s only here for a drink or two because the ominously teetering piles of paper crowding his desk are making his eyes ache, and because Ted’s poached his favourite bartender right out from under his nose. The rotter.

He’s enjoying a cocktail tenderly crafted by said bartender when he senses someone shift next to him. The upper floor balcony is blessedly secluded from the brouhaha happening below; Alexis barely has to strain his ears to hear the man.

“That sounds oddly prejudiced, coming from a man dressed in a skintight - is that latex? - suit,” Alexis comments, eyeing the mercenary’s outfit over the top of his Bloody Mary. The theme for tonight is ‘the teddy bear’s picnic’. Alexis typically prefers to have his chest waxed smooth in the fashion of a Greek marble statue, and to keep his jaw maintained to a level of ‘designer stubble’ rather than a full beard. The bear fur coat fringing his shoulders is his distinctive take on a show of compliance.

This man, whoever he is, has flagrantly disregarded the theme. 

[phantomemes]

sentences from the youtube series  ,  buzzfeed unsolved .  primarily taken from season 5′s supernatural investigations .

“ it doesn’t matter because you’re dead ”

“ it’s not impressive  ,  no one’s impressed ”

“ the spot of your death is now a lovely gift shop ”

“ as god as my witness  ,  he snapped him in half ”

“ i seriously want you to throw something right at my face ”

“ you can live in the cave ”

“ i’m a big fan of your name ”

“ the fact that you steal  ,  that’s really funny to me ”

“ that’s the greatest thing to steal  :  a man’s joy ”

“ because i’m a masochist ”

“ i’m going to regret this ”

“ i’ve lost the ability to feel ”

“ they’re gonna fucking murder you ”

“ the way you shushed me was quite rude ”

“ cowards  ,  all of you ”

“ i’m strange and off putting ”

“ i should not feel confident in the face of any man ”

“ here you are  ,  smiling in the face of the devil ”

“ i hate bats ”

“ bats sometimes carry rabies and that’s a thing i’m afraid of ”

“ not today devil birds  ,  not today ”

“ i think i’m blacking out right now ”

“ i don’t think i’m going to remember this moment ”

“ i think i’m gonna cry ”

“ i keep forgetting there’s ghosts in here ”

“ if you know me and my debilitating fear of bears  ,  this is my worst nightmare ”

“ i’m standing on an altar alone ”

“ maybe you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and eat your cat ”

“ i’m so glad that’s over let’s go eat taco bell ”

“ were you making horse noises ? ”

“ in case any of you needed a reminder this place is a twisting nightmare ”

“ there’s a good chance i’m gonna fart in here ”

“ well this is horrifying ”

“ let’s do each other a favor and not show ourselves to each other ”

“ if you could do me a big solid and not do anything that would be sublime ”

“ this is just as horrifying as i thought it would be ”

“ you talk to hide from the silence ”

“ do i look like the kind of man who could give advice ? ”

“ several bad choices have lead me to this moment ”

“ let’s play look at the ceiling tiles !  1 , 2 , 3 , 4 … ”

“ i just wanna know if you think they have belly buttons ”

“ i did meet some of the most insufferable people but they also met me ”

“ if it sounds like a duck and walks like a duck ”

[vapidwastrel]

Reveries of a parricide

[vapidwastrel]

@openensos from here

--

Oh, poor Deadpool. Watching the man make these sad attempts at jokes is akin to watching a majestic albatross waddle around with a broken wing. Alexis barely manages to restrain himself from weeping and flinging his arms around the mercenary in a show of sympathy, one albatross to another. Alas, such a gesture might be marginally inappropriate in the current atmosphere. Instead, Alexis puts on his Compassionate Listening Face and leans his elbow on the nearby vanity table, allowing the varnished wood to relieve his seat of some of the burden of his weight.

Deadpool’s explanation is peppered through with Alexis giving appropriately-timed hums and nods to show his attention. It’s sort of funny, mind. Deadpool starts off talking about the assassin, but the rest of his reasoning is entirely about the girl. Well, woman. If Alexis had to guess by the tiredness that had lined her eyes last time, she had at least three decades on her. Enough time for someone to learn a few tricks on how to survive out in the world and all its strangeness. 

...Tricks like, for instance, how to survive being electrocuted. Useful skill, that.

He’s busy slowly chuckling himself into a fit over the image of uptight Asaph dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter when Deadpool mentions witches. His arched eyebrows jump. Well! Not a word Alexis hears in the hubbub of day-to-day life in the organisation. Or, er, not in the literal sense. There is a decent amount of ‘you witch, that lipstick was a limited edition!’ whenever the girls get rowdy, but that’s a figurative ‘you witch’, not a ‘hail the holy triplicity of Hecate!’ sort of witch.

“Gosh. Witches, is it? Well, I suppose they’re probably just a different sort of mutant to us, aren’t they? Just a bit more ‘ooga-booga’,” Alexis says, hunching his shoulders and using both hands to mime grabbing claws, “ - and just a bit more mysterious, like magnets. I mean, how in the blazes do they work? Magnets. Blasted things baffle me to no end.” 

Through this outloud and off-topic speculation, Alexis absently rubs his gold rings against his lower lip and chin. As much as Clarke’s three laws suck the fun out of magic, he has to admit that there’s a ring of truth to them. His own pyrokinesis could look like pyromancy to an outsider, given that his heavy reliance on rituals is the only thing standing between him and a gruesome end as a charred shish-kabob. “I’ll see what I can do. But Deadpool, my duo-toned darling, are you having...er, how to put this delicately - are you having love trouble with Bailey, or are you being stalked by her? I can’t quite tell.”

[vapidwastrel]

Reveries of a parricide

Continued from here, for @openensos 

---

By Jove, Alexis wishes he could wring Asaph’s neck without sending this whole organisation toppling like a stack of cards. That blasted cousin of his has no love for his fellow man, no....delicacy. Sending his men into Deadpool’s home as though he were some military commander leading a cavalry charge. Good grief.

Ever since Deadpool secured the release of Raziel’s ‘cargo’ and covered the tracks of Alexis’s own machinations in the process, Alexis had developed a fondness for the mercenary. He’d been hemming and hawing for months over how to best orchestrate their next meeting, eager to re-engage with such an absolute corker of a conversationalist.

And now all that titillating banter Alexis had been looking forward to has vanished like a dream, because his blitheringly empty-headed cousin went and electrocuted the mercenary’s ladyfriend! While she’d been taking a bath, apparently! The scandalousness of it all! Alexis had been mortified for her, the poor lass.

...He had been slightly less mortified when he’d heard that, in the scuffle, said ‘poor lass’ bit off a man’s arm at the elbow. More appreciative, really. 

The woman is nowhere in sight today, but Deadpool holds himself just as awkwardly as their meeting before, his words just as halfhearted. Alexis once again has to lament the unfeasible nature of throttling his cousin. Still, he gives Deadpool his most toothsome smile, because now it’s all up to him to repair the relationship.

“O-ho! Say no more, say no more. Mum’s the word,” Alexis vows heartily, perching on a nearby stool in the hope that his slightly lowered height might make the other man feel more at ease. The stool creaks ominously underneath both his own substantial weight and the extra weight of his fur coat. “Whatever can I do for you, my darling?”

[shock]

why must life have a grand purpose? is it not enough to have some basil, and mozzarella?

[treefemur]

@feral-alchemy

[wildersage]

@douceurs

[gunggaygirl]

okay it’s soooo so easy to make me cry, but a definite surefire way to make me break tf down is quote that euripides quote that was like, it’s not hard work to take care of the one you love or something

[gunggaygirl]

this one

[feral-alchemy]

@cryptsforcryptids @youbettermerc

[hydro-homies]

I regret to inform you

[jostenyard]

[teerofinale]

Are you a top or bottom?

I’m an experience

[writhe]

i am on this website to be an irritating, sexy presence. don’t forget that 

[filmaticbby]

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) dir. Wes Anderson

[vapidwastrel]

🐤🐤

@youbettermerc, for the Tweet meme.

[ratkingreject]

sometimes youtube comments are complete garbage and then there are comments like this

[warrioroflondonbelow]

Physical Detail Ask Meme:

Σ(ﾟДﾟ；): Have they ever sprained or broken their leg before? How about their arm? What was the story behind it?

╰(*´︶`*)╯: Do they appreciate hugs? Would they prefer to give hugs or receive hugs? What kind of hugs do they like to receive and/or give?

ಠಿ_ಠ: Do they look up or down when they are trying to recollect something?

ヽ( ´O｀): What is their body language like when sleepy? 

(Дﾟ≡ﾟДﾟ): When they are surprised by somebody do they physically jump? Scream? 

(⸝⸝⸝ ̑ ̑⸝⸝⸝):  Does their face get red after they drink?

(„ᵕᴗᵕ„): Does their face turn red when embarrassed? If so, how else do they react when embarrassed? (I.E. Shifting of weight upon foot, etc.)

( ๑‾̀◡‾́)σ»: Do they have a sensitive spot/s?

(〇o〇；): What is their body language like when they are stressed? Do they try and hide the fact that they are stressed? How do they recover from said stress?

ಠ-ಠ: Do they like it when people touch their hair?

(ﾉ≧ڡ≦): Do they like to show affection by physically teasing? (I.E: Shoulder punches, etc.)

♪⁽⁽٩( ᐖ )۶⁾⁾ ₍₍٩( ᐛ )۶₎₎♪: How are they like when they dance? Are they stiff? Fluid? A good dancer? Do they prefer to dance with a lot of others, with one other person, or alone?

ง ( ⌓̈ )ง: Are they physically strong when it comes to fights?

(´∀｀): Do they laugh when they get nervous?

ಥoಥ: How are they like when they cry? Do they just stream tears nonstop? Does their nose get clogged to the point that it’s hard to breathe? Is it easy for them to speak when they are sobbing? Do they hiccup when they cry?

ಸヮಸ: Do they lean back or forward when they laugh hard? Do they snort? Slap their knee? Do that seal-esque clap? Do they often laugh to the point that you can’t hear their laugh anymore?

「(°ヘ°): How does one calm them down when they are freaking out? Do they prefer physical comfort, or would they rather be left alone?

⊙.☉: Does their voice get an octave higher when they lie? Does it crack?

( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡): Does having somebody stroke their head make them feel relaxed?

(ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*): Do they prefer kisses on the cheek? Forehead? What about neck kisses?

(-.-): How should one wake them up? Do they get out of bed easily?

(ó﹏ò｡): Are there any foods that make their stomach upset?

[ofhotheads-blog]

Send me a 🐤 for a Tweet my muse would make about yours.

Using this generator.

[mojav]