Vapor Trials

Letting Off Some Steam With Free Games

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I know this has been neglected lately, but it hasn't been forgotten. Ages ago I played Moonbase Alpha, but it is not made to be played on your own, and I haven't managed to match schedules with a friend yet to make this happen. So if there are any volunteers out there....

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You Have to Win the Game

All you need to know - this is a beautifully simple retro platformer. 

Cut off all the fat and get right down into the bones of what you truly love about games, you end up with this.  It’s frustrating in the right ways and it’s just... pure.  I don’t really have another word for it.  When I try to identify that very specific feeling of enjoyment that I only get while gaming, it is exactly this.  Pure this.

Have to admit.  I just sent the dev a message on Twitter just to tell him I loved this game.  I don’t think I’ve ever done that before.  If actions speak louder than words, that’s shouting over anything else I could possibly type. 

Get the game.  Play the game.  Love the game. 

Plus, it’s free.

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Card Hunter

Out of all the games that I have played so far, I think this one is definitely the one that I will be spending the most time playing.  I have absolutely zero experience when it comes to table top role-playing games, and I have no idea how this compares to one, but it seems to shoot for the whole surrounding experience of playing something like Dungeons and Dragons.  You have the quest you are completing, but at the same time you have a bit of a second story going on in the background, with your GM butting heads with his older brother and being rather sweet on the pizza delivery girl. 

I’ve only played in campaign mode so far, but it appears that there is also a multiplayer mode.  I don’t have any details to give you on that one, but it’s probably worth looking into. 

Let’s put it this way.  Two days ago I started the game up to give it a whirl and start on a blog post.  I now have 7+ hours played, and I’m debating not even bothering to look for spellign meestakes before I publish this, just so I can get back to the game all the quicker. 

I went into this game a bit skeptical that it would be something I’d enjoy, and was completely proven wrong.  Now if you’ll excuse me, there are some asshole goblins that need my Level 7 Forge Fire Staff to make them into crispy crunchy BBQ. 

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Dr. Langeskov, The Tiger, and the Terribly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist

Hooooooly crap, what a ride.  It’s short, 15 minutes, but I have never had such an exciting time with any game EVER.  It’s all exquisitely done, from the heart-pounding chase scene, the tiger that practically leaps off the screen and onto your lap.  The sex scene was a touch…unnecessary, but dropping that chandelier on the guard was just about the most satisfying thing in the history of things.  Don’t worry, that doesn’t spoil anything, honest!! 

Remember the spine chilling, adrenaline pumping, wild ride that was The Stanley Parable?  Buckle yourself in.  This one is directed by the same guy.

Okay, all joking aside now.  This was an absolute gem.  It is a joyful mess of a game, and I genuinely laughed out loud.  Unless you absolutely hated The Stanley Parable (and I don’t know how you could live with yourself, you utter swine) you should not miss this one.  I’m not even going so suggest you play it, I’m going to demand it.  Go.  Now. 

NOT THAT WAY OH GOD LOOK OUT FOR THE TIGER.

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The Old Tree

Several of the free games I have tried have been more along the lines of an interactive story with puzzles.  If The Plan had contained puzzles and been on an acid trip, I might have thought the two games were related. 

I don’t know how to tell you what this game is about. It has its final goal in its sights, but refuses to give us a clue up until the very end. There are no instructions, no dialogue, no explanation for any of this.  It’s point and click, so instructions aren’t really needed. 

It’s quite lovely, in an unsettling way.  There is nothing scary in this at all, except possibly for one moment early on, that wasn’t so much scary as it was unexpected (or I’m just a chicken.) For the most part, it’s rather peaceful.  The game is very short, and you can finish it in 10 minutes easily, so if you’re looking just to experience something new without any stress or serious time commitment, this is your bunny. Definitely worth your time.

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Missing Translation

I was prepared to come on here and be absolutely scathing about this game, but I went back and tried it again.  And whether I was in a much better mood this time around, or maybe because I finally got past one puzzle that was really stumping me, or just maybe because I forgot just how much I enjoyed the music, I had a lot more fun the second time I played. 

This is a game all about puzzles.  If you like puzzles, you’ll like this game.  But there are a whole lot of puzzles.  Like, an obscene amount.  You find a new set of challenges, and there are 25 freaking related puzzles to do in a row.  The first 6 or 7 are so easy that it almost felt insulting, but the game slowly turned up the difficulty.  None of the puzzles were hard, exactly, but I did have to stop and think my next steps through for a moment before I made my moves.

The game is in black and white and looks quite artsy, but the downside is that black and white made it tougher to see some of the key elements of the puzzles. And there are no instructions whatsoever.  You learn how to play as you go.  When I approached a new batch of puzzles, I couldn’t tell by looking at them what I was supposed to do.  I pressed a button a couple times, SOLVED!  MOVING ON!  Damn, I’m good.  What did I just do?  Same thing at the next puzzle.  I couldn’t see what I was supposed to do to win, but a couple random button later and the game patted me on the back and moved me to the next level.  Eventually I was able to see that there was a white line around two of the squares that I couldn’t see very easily, and I needed to maneuver two puzzle pieces into those squares.  You can see me figuring it out in the video below. 

One note, the game does save your progress.  When I first played I was really miffed because I couldn’t find any way to save, but it appears that it autosaves when you close the window.  And please do make use of that feature, because it’s worth a look.  It’s engaging without being taxing.  I have no idea what the heck is going on, or where I am, or what I’m even supposed to be doing, but you explore a bit at a time, and the game moves you along nicely, even if you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.  Might be your thing, might not, but it’s definitely worth your time to find out.

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Max Gentlemen

I have to admit, I was always going to love a game that started with a ripped Victorian gentleman gyrating under the banner “Gentlemen never drink and drive.”

Game, we are going to have a good time together.

Simple premise - collect hats on your head, and protect your hats from being hit by mugs of beer, birds, boomerangs... the usual threats to hat-wearers everywhere.  The game starts off a bit tough as you get used to the controls - it’s the kind of frustrating that sees you make a mistake, and then make five more mistakes from being hasty while trying to get yourself back in the game.  But once you get the hang of it, you’re golden. 

I played the single player challenge mode, but you can also play with a friend locally.  Seems like that would be a lot of fun, provided you have already been thinking that you’d like to slap your friend upside the head and just need a good excuse to do so.  This seems like the kind of game that will see elbows flying and shoving people off chairs.  I think you could really get into it. 

Personally, I loved it.  The rounds are quite short and it’s a perfect game when you’re just looking for a short break.  It’s good for sitting down for 10 minutes - you’re not likely to get sucked into it for hours at a time. It’s a lovely kind of silliness, and I give it two thumbs up for sure.

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Oh...Sir!

Oh… Sir! is a game created by Vile Monarch in 42 hours for AmJam, according to the blurb at the start of the game.  The game is made for two players sitting side by side at the same keyboard, sharing a mouse as they each select snippets to craft ridiculous insults for each other. 

Since I needed a Player 2, my 7 year old daughter volunteered.  This managed to be an exact match to her sense of humour.  She giggled almost nonstop from the time we started playing, and an hour or two after we stopped, she asked me if we could play again. 

The guys who developed the game were clearly Monty Python fans, and one of the most charming things about it for me is hearing these Frankenstein insults full of MP references read out loud with Polish accents. 

Even though this is a very simple game that is somewhat limited in long-term replay value (totally understandable, considering the nature of its birth), it is one of my favourites so far.  Silly fun in little bites, and a great way to kill 10-15 minutes with a friend. Well, at least it is if they`re still your friend after you have told them `Your mother is a hamster, and has never seen Star Wars!

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Among Ripples

Among Ripples is a simulator for the ecosystem of a pond or lake.  You have different kinds of creatures that are all trying to eat, breed, and survive. 

The art for the game is quite lovely, a watercolour painting come to life. Unfortunately, the game drops the ball in several ways.  One, you have control over very few variables - how much oxygen in the water seems to be the only environmental variable we have, and beyond that, it’s simply a matter of if you want to add more creatures to the mix.  And unfortunately, you have to, and constantly, because the sim has no sense of balance. 

The game only runs as long as you have it open, and there are no save options.  In fact, you can’t even pause the game.  And you don’t really have the option of popping in a few creatures and sitting back to see what happens, because things will go belly up pretty fast.  I tried to build up my supply of minnows and clams right off the bat so as to support predators and bottom feeders, but you find out quite quickly that the food chain is extremely top heavy.  once you have a predator, they will immediately go out of control and decimate the population of whatever is directly beneath them and breed ferociously.  The crayfish are the absolute worst because if there isn’t anything dead for them to eat, they’ll start eating your clams, and the clams are what keep your water pure.  Turn your back, lose all your clams, and in a short time your pond is full of toxins and dead fish. 

This is the kind of game that would have really benefited from the ability to set up the sim, add a few creatures, then sign off and let it tick away in the background. This game is a rather unproductive time-sink.  You’re constantly fighting a losing battle.  If left to their own devices, the denizens of the pond would destroy their home and their own lives within a year. 

That said, Ive spent three hours playing it so far, so take my complaints with a grain of salt.  It could be a lot better.  But if you’re looking to kill ten minutes of so, you could do worse.  Plus, it’s free.

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Snow

Snow is a snow blindness simulator masquerading as a ski simulator. 

I had actually started the tutorial a day ago, and after a good number of restarts and a lot of swearing, I just gave up. So I had no idea what the crap I was doing.  I guess there were points to be had for doing tricks, if you care about that kind of thing, but I just wanted to get Stosh from the top of the mountain to the bottom in one piece.

That did not go as planned.

I like to think that I have good eyes.  But white on white on white with no definition between any of it is a freaking nightmare.  There were times when I knew I was on some sort of trail, as there were lots of grooves in the snow, and I could kind of see which way the trail and game wanted me to go.  Then as I'm skiing, the lines are suddenly not there.  Hills rear up at you out of the solid white, cliffs suddenly drop away under your feet. 

I will say this for the game - after my skier plunged to his death over a cliff, the rag doll physics of his demise were hilarious.  Sorry Stosh.

I hate to say it, but this was a mess from start to finish.  When I first downloaded the game, for days it refused to start.  I would hit the button to play and the little black window sat forlornly in the middle of my screen for minutes on end with nothing happening.  I don’t know what finally changed - if there was an update with Steam, or with the game, or if my computer just stopped being cranky, but just when I was about to give up on the game, it finally decided it wanted to be played. 

The menus are nuts.  While you can mouse over the menu, you can’t actually select anything.  All your selections must be made with the keyboard.  In game, your mouse turns the camera view, but is otherwise useless. And to be fair, even if you’re looking in exactly the right way, chances are you won’t be seeing anything except eye-watering white. 

If you really want to power a skier down a hill and laugh as they run into a tree or fall off a cliff, maybe you’ll enjoy this.  But if you’re looking for something to actually play for any amount of time without needing to invest in glasses, give it a pass. 

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Sigils of Elohim

Probably by this time you’ve heard of The Talos Principle. 

Sigils of Elohim is a a free simple puzzle game that was released ahead of TTP in order to create some buzz.  If you enjoy puzzles and are looking for something to kill some time, it’s a solid play.  Nothing fancy, just puzzles and stunningly beautiful music. 

If you like what you see in the pictures, you won’t be disappointed.  What you see is what you get.

Seriously, I’d even play it for the music alone. Just lovely.

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The Plan

My response for this game: download it, play it.

Seriously, it’s five minutes long.  Do it right now.

I’m not going to tell you anything about it, because that would utterly ruin it.  Take this one on faith.

The sole purpose of this blog is for me to give my opinion whether I think a game is worth your time to check out.  I don’t guarantee you’ll love all the games or that you’ll agree with my opinions whatsoever.  But this, regardless of your reaction, is worth five minutes of your life to experience.

Plus, it’s free.

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Emily is Away

Do you miss the hours you spent instant messaging your friends in middle school / high school / college?  Would you like to revisit that rush of excitement when you hear the sound effect of a door opening or closing, and your eyes jerk to your friends list, to see who is coming or going?  Do you want to relive the awkward drama of the start of adulthood?  Then Emily is Away has got you covered!

Emily is Away is actually an interactive story more than a game.  It is told through the conversations of the player and a girl named Emily over Instant Messenger in five chapters.  As the conversation unfolds, you are given options of things to say to her, and you have a limited ability to shape the story.  The game goes so far as to require you to hit keys in order to copy the feel of typing a message, and your response is displayed letter by letter as you hit keys.  But since it doesn’t matter what keys you hit, it rapidly gets old and you end up just hitting the space bar upteen hundred times because it is surprisingly disorienting to pretend to type and find words on the screen that don’t match the keys you are hitting.  But it’s a neat device, and you have to applaud them for idea and how they implemented it. 

It’s not a long game, and the story is decent.  But I will warn you of one thing - you make choices in the game and they do influence small things - but the overarching story does not change.  Don’t bother replaying it 3 times like I did.  Small details change, but the big ones stay the same.  Play it once and you’ll enjoy it.  There are Steam achievements for this one, but I cannot think who would actually want to replay it enough to get them. 

That said, it is a neat little game if just for the way it is told.  Worth the price of admission for that alone, and that price is “free.”

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Fishing Planet

It is probably pretty easy to tell if you are going to like this game.  Do you enjoy fishing, and yet find yourself unable to be on the water right this second, no matter how much you wish you could be?  Then Fishing Planet might be a good substitute until this hellish state resolves itself.  However, if you aren’t into fishing, I doubt this game is going to sell you on it.

That isn’t a knock on the game, quite the contrary.  So far, all my experience with it has shown it to be the most accurate fishing game I’ve ever played.  I haven’t played long enough to unlock a great deal of the gear or locations, but it looks like you have a decent selection to choose from, and fish react appropriately to different weather conditions and time of day.  I got frustrated trying to catch the feature fish of the area, the channel catfish, and just wanted to catch anything at all, so I switched up my gear to match what I use back home, and immediately started pulling in bluegill and crappie.  All the fish I have caught so far are ones that I caught on the lake growing up, and they all look fantastic in-game.  You can tell exactly what they are, even without the pop up labels.  The game itself is so pretty, and while someone might not expect that to be a big seller for a fishing game, it really is for me.  The water looks very realistic in the way it moves and ripples, the variety of vegetation, the wild flowers tucked in the grass, the !@#% mosquitoes.  It really puts you into the peace that you look for while fishing, with a few exciting moments thrown in. 

So basically ask yourself, “do I like fishing?”  If you don’t, give this one a pass.  If you do, I think you’ll enjoy this one.  It can be hilariously buggy at times - like the time my hook and bobber took off like they were fired out of a cannon - but nothing game breaking that I’ve found yet.  Plus, it’s free.  Give it a shot - it might be a keeper.

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the static speaks my name

First of all, because otherwise I’ll get twitchy - I didn’t get lazy with my title.  The name is all in lower case.

That out of the way, this is the game that gave me the idea to do this blog in the first place.  And it is the reason that I decided that I would give warnings regarding disturbing material. 

Do not play this game if you are a bit...shaky... mentally.  This game is fucked up.  And it will fuck you up. 

You can probably complete the game in about 10 minutes.  Less if you power through it, more if you stop and look at absolutely everything.  There isn’t much to look at, but ... well, I don’t really want to say anything about this.  It’s hard for me to tell you anything about this game, because if I do, it spoils the way you should play it.  You should go into it totally blind. 

So aside from those two pictures above, I’m not giving any more details. You have to make your own call on this one.  As I said, it kicked off my idea to start this whole blog, so that should tell you how strongly it affected me.  Personally, I would encourage people to play it, but to have other friends play it as well.  It is a great game for discussing afterwards.  People have some very fascinating reactions and opinions on the game, which I think is as much a part of the experience as actually playing it.  Feel free to contact me if you want to discuss it - I definitely would welcome that with this game.

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Viridi

Viridi is a gardening simulation, specifically a simulation of planting and maintaining a pot of succulents.  Aside from the very beginning of the game when you pick your pot and starter plants, there is minimal work to be done.  You start the game, pull some weeds, water any plants that need it and for the most part, that’s it.  You can spend only two minutes a day on it every couple days if you want, and on the surface it doesn’t sound impressive, but it has a strange sort of charm to it.  I’ve found myself looking forward to my Viridi break every day.  It isn’t a time sink - you won’t find yourself getting up from the computer an hour later, regretting you decided to “just take a quick break.” It is more like a brief pause in your day, a slow deep breath before you get back to being productive. 

If you are looking for something totally stress-free, not time-intensive, and you like plants and/or snails, go ahead and give Viridi a try.  It’s free, so why not?

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Cheap as Free

I have to admit it, I’m a Steam addict.  The more time I spend on Steam, the more I find myself tempted to buy games that quite frankly, I cannot afford to buy at this time.  I love the Queue feature, and love the feeling of discovery and exploration that I get from it - each new interesting suggestion gets me excited to keep digging, find games that I’ve never heard of, or find new things that are just hitting the market.  

But as much as I’d love to drop a bundle of cash every week on new games…well, that’s just not going to happen.  

However, lack of cash doesn’t have to keep a gamer down.  There is a ton of material on Steam that is totally free, or free-to-play.  I did a quick search the other day - there were 12 pages worth of free games listed that had positive ratings.  And with 25 games listed per page, you’re looking at roughly 300 free games you can download and play without spending a cent.  Far more than that, actually, but for the sake of finding games that are at least playable, we’ll stick with those first 12 pages.  

This is exactly the kind of discovery and exploration that I enjoy, so I’m intending to dedicate a good deal of my gaming time over the next year to sampling many of these free games and documenting the experience.  Not looking to review them, exactly - I’d rather bring them to the attention of other gamers, give a brief overview, my general reactions and a simple “worth a try” or “don’t bother” and let people make up their own minds how they feel about the games.  I don’t want to discourage people from trying games unless they are buggy or deeply flawed to the point of forcing you to quit.  I am not going to spend time going into trigger warnings or anything like that, but I will warn if something is especially disturbing.

I really look forward to this little adventure, and hope that maybe a few people will join in the fun.  Feel free to contact me with any comments about the games featured - I’d love to have a conversation with you about your experiences, what you liked, hated, found exciting or shocking. Please send along any suggestions you might have for games - I will make my best effort to try anything that is pointed out to me.  And if you have any suggestions as to the format of this blog, by all means pass them along.  The whole purpose of this is to let people know about games they might not have otherwise found or been tempted to try - if there is info that you want that I’m not providing, let me know.

Buckle in.  Let’s ride.

PS. Thanks to my husband and to

@lostlegendaerie

for help with the title.