i was never book smart, i’m money smart @vasilipavlichenko - Tumblr Blog

speakthewordonly

in a kill it with your sword kill it with your sword amen mood today

666chevy

severely underrated duo

dajo42

the vending machine

you put a coin in the vending machine. the coin is returned to you, but it is curved out of shape. turns out it was a bending machine.

you put the coin back in the vending machine. the coin is returned to you, returned to its original shape. turns out it was a mending machine.

you become frustrated and try to hit the vending machine. before your fist connects, the vending machine wields a shield. turns out it was a defending machine.

you attempt to kick the vending machine in its vulnerable tray area, which is not covered by the shield. you miss, and trip, because the vending machine moves towards the ceiling. turns out it was an ascending machine.

the vending machine feels bad for you and gives you the product you originally wanted to buy. before you can consume it, it takes it back, saying it was only letting you borrow it. turns out it was a lending machine.

“i understand it may be difficult for you to understand,” the vending machine says, “but i’m a very complicated piece of machinery”. turns out it was a condescending machine.

you notice something is off. this machine is not a vending machine you thought it was. you peel off its mask and it was a slightly smaller vending machine the whole time. turns out it was a pretending machine.

the vending machine gets nervous and flees. as soon as it leaves your field of vision, the reality constructed around this joke begins to collapse. the infinite universe begins to fold inwards. for a moment, you can touch everything. for a moment, you can know everything. for a moment, you can see yourself and understand who you were born to be. the moment is over before you can appreciate it and yet it felt like the combined eternities of everyone that has ever experienced time. now, nobody ever will again. the void encompasses you. everything is gone. turns out it was an ending machine.

skippyisntfunny

bisexual-engineer-girl

Pulitzer Prize type shit

wizardshark

Why's this dude built like crash bandicoot

spooky-narwhal

Everything about this damn post is so funny to me. The lighting of the arm from the flash. The posing of the arm like a dramatic death from a novella. The fact the photo somehow got taken still and looks this good. The subreddit name. The fact this guy really is built like crash bandicoot

genderkoolaid

hey boy don't kill yourself. green's dictionary of slang is available online and allows you to explore 500 years of english vulgarity. you can search by part of speech, source, time period, etymology, and usage. there's a whole category for gay slang. they even have specific citations listed so you can see the exact context for yourself. boy did you know that in 1927 "to kneel at the altar" was slang for "to sodomize"

genderkoolaid

some other hits:

Princess: an effeminate and relatively youthful male homosexual or lesbian (1931-4)

Daffodil: effeminate young man (1925)

To throw a fuck into: to have sex with (1919)

Top sergeant: a masculine lesbian (1939) [‘she takes command of the girls’ privates’]

Lily: penis (1919)

Wolf: sexually aggressive man (1847); a homosexual top (1918)

Soul kiss: a deep kiss, involving putting one’s tongue into one’s partner’s mouth (1907)

Tom: a lesbian (1909); [in 'old tom'] prostitute catering to lesbians (1966)

Church mouse: a male homosexual who frequents crowded churches in order to fondle any potential sex partners. (1941)

Discover one's gender: to accept or acknowledge one’s homosexuality (1941) / Lose one's gender: To return to living as a heterosexual

Minty: a masculine lesbian (1941)

Also a lot of early 20th century vulgarity is recorded in Letter from My Father, which is a collection of letters published by a man who's dad was, in short, a major slut and human disaster who wrote about his sex life for his son. It's insane. You can find copies of it online & it's a wild fucking read (literally!) and I think a really interesting look at the life of a person who goes against our stereotypes of what people in the past were "supposed" to be like.

Anyways feel free to add y'all's favs to this post. & if you use this for gay historical fanfic please share with the class

genderkoolaid

#OH THIS IS EXTREMELY EXTREMELY HELPFUL#writing#resources#saving for later#maybe i should move my 1920s story from '25 to '27 because..... bro..........

note for writers: these are dated to the first time they were recorded, not necessarily to their first use. I imagine for many of these, they came about naturally through spoken language before they were written down anywhere. This is especially true of more underground slang because it's probably being recorded (in ways we still have) the least. So if you wanna use a term but it's a little off date-wise, give yourself some wiggle room.

also gonna take this moment to highlight two more i found recently:

Best boy: a sweetheart, a boyfriend, a husband. (1893) [w the obvious equivalent term 'best girl']

Honeydripper or honeydrips: a sexual partner (1917)

Like. Honeydripper?????? That's so horny I can't stop thinking about it. We need to bring THAT back

the-transgenda-agenda

updates to miscellaneous page - added link to green's dictionary of slang

juney-blues

sluttynurse

me in the not-so-distant future of 2032 taking my beautiful wife out for a walk on a foggy day: damn it's like silent hill up in this bitch! 😂

my wife: fuck you you say that every time it's a little foggy outside. you haven't even played the games. i hate you so much

our clone of former beatles drummer ringo starr who we normally keep locked in our basement but is currently joining us for his allotted 30 minutes of weekly outside time: ringo!

luxwing

GAMING NEWS !!

expensive

luxwing

crackedpolishedblackstonebrick

posts funnier with timestamps on

rioblitzle

i go to the shop and I ask if they have any raspberries. they say no, they used to sell raspberries, but they haven't had any in stock in the last 15 years. I ask if there's somewhere else I can go to buy raspberries. They say no, with confidence and pride, they're the only shop around who has ever sold or will ever sell raspberries. Other shops might sell other fruit, sure, but they have a monopoly on all raspberries forever. I ask if they're possibly planning on them selling them again in future? they say they can't tell me that.

on the way home, I encounter someone eating raspberries. I ask and they tell me that they grow their own, they got some seeds from the shop back in The Raspberry Days and kept them. They take me to a field of many beautiful raspberry plants and invite me to pick my own, they're free for all the town to pick whenever they'd like.

someone comes up behind us. It's the shop manager, President of Nintendo Shuntaro Furukawa. he hatefully throws a bob-omb that blows up and kills both of us instantly for stealing 200 trillion dollars worth of potential Raspberry Shop That Doesn't Do Raspberries Anymore profits that they weren't making and then he turns around to the camera with a big thumbs up and says don't do piracy or something ok please

acidgirl

this line delivery has lived in my head for 10 years

luna-azzurra

If you're a new writer and you're asking yourself "is this too personal, is this too much, will people think this is weird" that feeling is the exact location of your actual voice. The stuff that makes you want to close the laptop is the stuff nobody else could write. The safe version is always worse. Always. I have never once read something and thought "this would have been better if it was a little less honest." go further. It's always go further.