sweet lies.
vasahreum:
( ... )
“I,” she starts and her voice is shaky, finally turning towards him after wiping her cheeks and eyes one more time despite the fact the tears keep running down her red cheeks. “I couldn’t tell you the truth, Kihwan… Not after knowing about your hatred towards my species. I—- I didn’t want you to hate me, I didn’t want to lose you.”
She breaks down again, her head is lowered and she’s thankful that her long, silky hair covers her face as she leans against the desk right in the center of the room, doing her best to be quiet as she cries.
“I already loved you and I couldn’t lose you.”
it hurts — god it hurts so much, kihwan fights to keep himself composed, as he leans against the cold walls of the interrogation room, arms crossed in front of him, he looks up at the ceiling to will the tears to fall back into their places. he doesn't want to show how vulnerable he is, how lost he feels —- betrayed, wronged —- especially in a place he always stood tall and proud, feeling like this feels like a huge contrast that only makes the surge of emotions quicken. he loves her, he still loves her so much that it amplifies the pain, as he watches her face the other way to hide her tears, kihwan is easily able to tell that she is also hurting —- the way her shoulders shake, the intake of short breaths to keep herself composed. and god, no matter the harsh reality, kihwan still can't handle seeing ahreum like this, he wants to run to her, take her in her arms to console her —- but it's not a problem he can solve, it's not even one that he can live with.
so, he waits, patiently, ignoring the burning in his heart, trying to fight the growing urge to comfort the woman he loves. his ideals and utmost feelings are clashing with another, a thunder of a dilemma within him that he doesn't know how to deal with. the hatred he feels for all vampires isn't something he can forget, and the more he thinks, the more betrayed he feels, wondering and trying to figure out if ahreum ever really cared for him as he did for her. the reality stands in front of him, the way she shakes, how red her eyes are when they meet his — but, he doesn't know what to believe in anymore, let alone the glaring truth. he keeps it quiet when she speaks, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he listens.
hate. it's a strong word that falls from her lips, and he doesn't know what to feel — she sounds genuine, pained, even guilty to an extent — but can kihwan believe in her sincerity now that he knows she has been lying to him all along ? pieces start to shift around in his head, that she must have been working with the noctis all along, that she must have lied to him about her job, her parents —- her entire life. so really... does kihwan know the ahn ahreum he cares and loves ? the love she speaks about steals the breath out of his chest, makes another stray tear fall down on his cheeks. he can't stop it, as much as he wants to — he can't. how does he categorize her now ? could the woman he loves more than anything in the world — be the same species he hates more than anything else in the world ? kihwan lets go of his hands to his sides, and clenches them into fists, trying to think — trying to make sense of things. what ahreum just said only makes him feel more lost, confused —- if she were cackling and if she embodied the evil he thinks of vampires to be — would it be any easier ? could he survive it then ? could he simply turn all love into hate and burn it all together ? kihwan doesn't know, and god, at seeing her so genuine, he feels himself breaking apart at the seams.
it takes a while until he can speak —- unsure how to begin asking the questions in his mind. he starts somewhere- where it hurts the most. "w-was it all a lie, ahreum ? have you started this knowing where it would lead ?" was there a greater plan thats spoilt ? he means to ask. tears fall freely down his eyes now, and when kihwan meets her eyes, he can't will himself to care — he just has to know. the truth hurts, he doesn't know if he can handle it, but he has to know. "how much did you lie, ahreum ? are you a librarian ? were you really her best friend back in the day ? how... how much of a lie have i been living in for the past months ?"
