THEY WERE THE QUESTIONS MADDOX hoped he would never have to answer, of course having sat in the back of his mind throughout the entirety of their interaction but staying comfortably dormant. and now, he had to come up with a response, all he could muster being brutally honest, worsened by his state of post intoxication. the male waits until they reach her bedroom before he says, “if you were, uh —… pregnant — which you ARE — and it was mine, which —… it’s not — then i’d stick around.” he lets the rambled response sit for a moment, lowering himself onto the perfectly crumpled sheets of her bed in turn. “but it’d be hard for me. if you’d hibernated for a few months before telling me, and kept the pregnancy WITHOUT considering where we’re at or where i’m at, WITHOUT even having a conversation about it first, i’d still be there for you and for our kid — but i’d be lying if i said i wouldn’t hate you a little for it.” he’s blunt and almost nonchalant in the way he speaks, only now meeting her gaze with furrowed brows and bloodshot eyes. “if we’d had that conversation, and it was my kid —… i’d be there and i’d love you regardless of your choice. i’d be there.” he has to avert his gaze at yet another reminder ( if this whole conversation itself hadn’t been enough of one ) that it isn’t HIS. brown hues wander to the rounded bump of her stomach, subtle but exaggerated by her small frame, and he sucks on the inside of his cheek. he wonders if he could ignore the follow up question — knows full well hecan’t — and keeps the gap between his words longer than anticipated. not because he doesn’t know what to say, but because what he has to he shouldn’t. “don’t make me say it,” he exhales, facing the floor with closed eyes, arms tense and hands curling uncomfortably around the edged side of her bed in which he sat. WEwouldn’t have to do this, and WE wouldn’t have to do that — he can’t help but feel the need to ask, since when was THIS a WE thing? he came here for her, unbeknown to him that she was still with child. he came here forHER. maddox caves with a breathless and simple, “no,” and reaches up to rub index and middle digits into his temples. “no, i wouldn’t be here — i couldn’t be —… not for that, gi.” his words were gentle but rushed, struggling to tug them from his drying throat. “i turned up for you, not for T H I S, and — look, that sounded worse than i wanted it to — but, i’m here — STILL. y’know?” maddox peers up at her, jaw tense as he attempts to study her disposition; he’d never been good at that. “i’m here, and i will be, for —… both.” he halfheartedly gestures to her bump, exasperated by his own useless retorts. “but i’d be lying if i said that wasn’t dependant on you keeping the baby.” the admission would’ve been better unsaid, but it had to be. he had to be clean with her, even if he weren’t clean in this moment; substance dissolving into his bloodstream at this point, but the ache of alcohol remaining. “m’ sorry, that was so — FUCK, i’m an asshole, right? god, i’m such an asshole.” his head in his hands and he can’t bear to look at her — not after this.
gianna licked her lips and sighed quietly before nodding. ❝i know. and i just needed to hear you say it, for closure.❞ tears formed in her eyes as she took both of his hands, her eyes locking with his. ❝i need you to please keep in mind that i l o v e you with every piece of me. and i love you enough to let you go.❞ she let a few tears fall from her eyes before giving him a sad smile. god, this pregnancy made her cry more than ever. ❝you shouldn’t have to love me like this. i know this was never in the agenda for either one of us. and especially being that the baby isn’t... y o u r s , i can’t expect you to stick around, you have to live your life. we’re so - we’ve become so codependent on each other and it’s not healthy, mad.❞ she took her lower lip in between her teeth before sitting down on the bed, resting her hand on her stomach. ❝ “i’m gonna be a mom, but i’m not. i’m giving my baby up because i know that i’ll never be able to look at it with the love that it needs or deserves, because every time i look at my child, all i’ll see is him. ❞ her gaze moved back up to him, her brown hues filled with sadness. ❝you know i love you, right? i love you so much, maddox, we just... i don’t think you can love this side of me. you only know the part of me that’s hooked on drugs, not the one who’s sober and is gonna have her child ripped from her just minutes after i have them.❞ she looked down at her stomach, gripping the t shirt of his that hung just slightly over her stomach now. ❝which is why for now, i think we should just try and be friends.❞
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