haunting

allow the ground to find its brutal way to me.

[verdantsaint]

PUBLIC ACCOUNT: @greyinthebracken

this is a vent account that will focus on heavy topics. posts will have mentions of child sexual abuse, incest, sex trafficking and heavy suicide mentions.

reposts and follows are fine.

[verdantsaint]

i’m spiralling so bad

[verdantsaint]

i want to kill mysekf i want to die

[verdantsaint]

i like my cozy vent account

[verdantsaint]

i choose death

[verdantsaint]

why does everything suck

[verdantsaint]

i’m really not doing well and i don’t know how to fix it and everyone is tired of me

[verdantsaint]

I think I just don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to be loved, I don’t deserve to take up space in someone’s mind. It’s been so long, i’ve had this once my entire life. I don’t deserve it. My life will be a life of suffering and emptiness. I deserve nothing.

[verdantsaint]

i want to be loved enough for someone to remember anything about me. i want to be loved enough to be thought about. i want to be loved enough that someone would want to know everything about me because they love me and not because they’re suspicious of me. i want to be loved. i want to be loved enough to take up space in someone’s mind. i want to be loved.

[verdantsaint]

Genuinely what is the point of me being alive?!!!!!??? Like what is the Actual Answer 😂 only More Trauma?

[verdantsaint]

This will be the fourth year in a row that we have done nothing for my birthday. I’m losing my life.

[verdantsaint]

I am never going to be happy with the life that I am going to have to live and the person that I am as a result of trauma. I am not happy, I am terrified and spiralling at all moments. Too many people rely on me. Even when I find someone who I can come to for help, that help is dependent on my ability to help them first. I feel so alone. I am supposed to be locked away in a psych ward bedroom all day for the rest of my life and that is probably where I will end up within the next five years if I am expected to stay alive. I wanted a career, I wanted a family, I am going to have nothing. I am tired of it. I just want to die now. I want to get it over with. I am only going to suffer more. If i had only died when I was 15, I would have never gone through all of this. If only I was let die, I would not have been raped and abused and exploited more. I have never been worse off. I worked so hard to heal and it has been ripped to shreds in a way that not any techniques can fix anymore. I am going to be diagnosed with treatment resistant bipolar and i will be granted assisted suicide. that is the only goal i can even realistically set for myself at this point. It was so cruel to keep me alive and it’s cruel to keep me alive longer.

[verdantsaint]

everything is so triggering these days

[verdantsaint]

i want to achieve something

[verdantsaint]

please stop raping me

[verdantsaint]

i feel like i walked through a portal and came out in another universe where ive taken the place of some other version of me and thats why everyone treats me like Them and not like Me

[verdantsaint]

how could someone screaming and begging and throwing everything they can out for the world to see any chance they get be seen as closed off? i feel like i disclose everything. how does eveyone see me like this? why am i treated this way?