mons.

Toska is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. [18+]

[vernomons]

No.

I don't want death to embrace me.

I want it to be like the ocean;

for the blue waves to pass upon my body,

to caress my already beaten and broken soul,

and for the gentleness of it engulf mine whole.

[vernomons]

But if I heal I have to leave you behind.

[vernomons]

I still talked about you with endearment,

no matter how many years have passed.

I have never felt anything bad about you.

No,

because my love for you was so profound

that it surpasses the hate I have inside.

[vernomons]

"What's worse than a break up?"

Finding out one of your close friends have sided your ex-partner's call outs a few years later.

I have been reminiscing the moments I had with my ex-partner as I scrolled through his timeline. That's where I found out on a post in the guise of a "meme" that I have been talked about. Even if your intention was not that big of a deal, well, its not—it felt mocking, and it hurts. I trusted you. I called you a friend, a close friend even, you were in my inner circle when we're attending school. I have always protected your name when you're not around, and this is what I got? I have never felt this much hatred for being betrayed by someone I once called a sister. And no, you don't blame your mental illness for doing that.

What did I ever do to you? Even when most of the people around us are against you, I stood beside you. I have been nothing but good, and you know it. Was this one of the reasons why you didn't reach out to me all these years? Were you that guilty to turn your back to the person who wanted to save you from yourself? I am aware you didn't ask for it, but that's just how I care and love you.

Now, as I remember all the good and bad times we had, I just feel pain. After my ex-partner and I broke up, I never opened up to anyone about it. You may think that its just that easy to understand, that it was just a big and silly fight where I am the villain. Well, its not.

I have nothing to prove. You will never know how much I have sacrificed to reach that decision to let him go.

By the way, it was a shame on your part to believe and take sides immediately without checking up on your friend. Or maybe you have never looked at me that way, maybe I am just another person to call at your convenience.

The break up was already worse, but you made it worst.

[vernomons]

Because to truly love you,

I have to set you free,

Even if that is the death of me.

[vernomons]

You took away my pain, my loneliness,

You unexpectedly came on the time I was grieving.

So they took you away from me,

And now, your paw prints are the tears I keep shedding.

[vernomons]

I told you what made me happy, what I had genuinely hoped for, until you pointed out the flaws. I could feel the smile on my face slowly disappearing, as if it had never been there in the first place.

[vernomons]

When I grieve,

I grieve for a long time.

[vernomons]

Even when I close my eyes,

I can still hear their faint cries.