“bye, you little bitch” @veronicas-reading-glasses - Tumblr Blog

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i adore riverdale understanders who are interested in character studies and the trauma subtexts

#riverdale #you guys get it #thinking about that one archie andrews character study on ao3

lezarus

this is one of the funniest things archies ever said im obsessed with him

misterandry

#infrastructure king

treecitysessions

Death of the Robot with Human Hair

#MyFirstRiverdaleEdit

treecitysessions

This is what’s going on in my mind at all times

treecitysessions

People who speak ill of Riverdale get BLOCKED

archietransdrews

i had totally forgotten and it DOES rule that jason triggered riverdale's wrath by trying to leave town permanently. he didn't know youre not allowed to do that :)

archietransdrews

having so much fun reading jason's death differently every time it's brought up. anyway had Also sort of forgotten that the whole point of his plan in the first place was to fake his own death.. which doesn't really work in riverdale because the fake is as real as anything else. archetypal comic book characters coexist with regular people; characters shop at stores that reference their own non-existence. tannis root exists in riverdale but derives its properties not through reference to our world but rather to the fictional world of rosemary's baby..

anyway all this to say that the pervasive sense of unreality in riverdale derives from the fact that the fake/real distinction fails to cohere in a world that is populated with unreal artifacts which operate in a manner indistinguishable from those things we know to be real; ultimately all you really have to do to make something real in riverdale is to speak about it as if it is real, at which point it is at least as real as anything else we see on-screen. glamazon prime was nonexistent up until the point that veronica said she had shopped there, at which point its packages appeared on her doorstep. jason was alive until he asked cheryl to say he had died, at which point her words made it so. to fake your death in riverdale is not meaningfully distinct from dying for real; or at least, not distinct enough for jason to be able to survive it.

archietransdrews

another perfect example of COURSE is midge dying via production of carrie; as the actor playing carrie she was meant to stage her own death at the end of the musical but again because riverdale does not distinguish meaningfully between the real and the fake, her fake death becomes real 👍

archietransdrews

let em know, ethel!

treecitysessions

When Jellybean and her little friends got Riverdale David Lynch to help them make a faux snuff film so her brother wouldn’t leave for college

moistvonlipwig

they should've done a riverdale episode where cheryl hosts a party to show off her outfit and then veronica walks in with even fancier clothes + jewelry that she got from her friend katy keene and upstages cheryl making cheryl hopping mad and then cheryl gets a delivery from christine bior labeled 'almglocken' and she's like How delightsome! My very own almglocken! and starts wearing it around and everyone is like Cheryl that's a cowbell and she's like No you heathens this is an authentic christine bior almglocken. and everyone's like okay i guess but betty confronts her and says Cheryl that is a cowbell and you look stupid please take it off and cheryl says Well cousin since we're on the subject i've always thought your ponytail makes you look like a repressed serial killer. which is the thing betty is insecure about so she goes off to brood. meanwhile cheryl is starting to make cow puns every time she speaks she's like Hello veronica you're auditioning for the lead in moo-lin rouge i see and veronica is like Cheryl are you making cow puns because you're wearing a cowbell and cheryl is like How udderly ridiculous how many times do i have to tell you people it's not a cowbell it's an almglocken. then cheryl has a dream where she gets locked in the barn and taken to the market by her mother and slaughtered and turned into steak and served up to jason while we intercut with veronica singing dona dona at some sort of entertainment venue for reasons known only to veronica. then later that night jughead and tabitha hear a mysterious noise outside pop's and find cheryl eating grass and jughead is like Uhh cheryl why are you eating grass and she's like Jughead you are so STUPID i am returning to the ancestral blossom ways. Now mooo-ve out of my way. and then she turns into a cow.

and the next day tabitha is like Did cheryl actually turn into a cow last night or did i dream that and jughead is like Yeah or is that a movie we watched and then they get a call from betty who's like Guys i think cheryl is a cow now and she's on a rampage. and they rush to find cheryl who is eating all the grass in town and they're like We have to stop her or riverdale will lose its precious rivergrass. so they call archie and jughead makes him dress up as a toreador and wave a red cape at her which enrages cow!cheryl because she owns the color red and she merely loans it to archie's hair out of the goodness of her heart but now he is flaunting it so she charges at him and he uses a pitchfork to knock the cowbell off of her and she turns back into a human. and she tearfully awakens and hugs archie and says Thank you archiekins you saved me from my bovine fate just like my jj would have done. and veronica says I don't understand why did christine bior send you a cowbell that makes you turn into a cow. and betty says Actually it turns out the package wasn't from christine bior it was from cowstine bior. and everyone's like Cowstine bior?! and just then nana rose enters the room and says Oh is that the cowstine bior cowbell i ordered? I was wondering where that got to and cheryl says Nana rose you ordered this? For why? and nana rose says For the maple syrup cow of course and archie says The maple syrup cow? and nana rose says Yes child did you really think our special blossom maple syrup came just from trees? We infuse the sap with the maple milk from the maple syrup cow. I ordered that cowbell just for her and cheryl says But the package said it was for cheryl blossom and nana rose says That's because the maple syrup cow's name is cheryl blossom. and toni says Why is the cow named cheryl blossom and cheryl says Dearest tt don't ask silly questions.....for what other name could the cow that enhances our maple syrup so be blessed with? and everyone is like True enough. and then there's a knock at the door and it's the mailman and the mailman says Delivery for cheryl blossom and it's the same packaging as before and cheryl looks inside and says How delightsome! My very own christine bior nose ring! and everyone says Cheryl NO and lunges to stop her from putting it on.

and then jughead steps out of the narrative and turns to the camera and says Well i think we all learned a valuable lesson today didn't we? Be careful what you put around your neck...you never know what you'll become. I'll see you next week, but for now, good night. and then he drinks from a glass of milk and it gives him a milk mustache and he winks at the camera. end of episode

shypulse

When everyone has an epiphany and realises that riverdale is one of the best shows ever made i will be sitting here saying i told you so every single day of my life and no one can be mad at me

gaycinema

archie gets attacked by a bear in the canadian wilderness and has a series of near death hallucinations in which he kills his younger more naive self with a baseball bat and when he wakes up in the hospital he decides it’s time to finally go home……..just in time to cram for the SATs!! which are This Saturday!!

omg... so many riverdale fic ideas stuck in my drafts... forgotten about...

#riverdale

veronicas-reading-glasses

What's one thing you wish Veronica had done on screen

kiss cheryl a lot more

parkroses

Cheryl Blossom RIVERDALE | SEASON 1

citrinegay

one of my favorite plot beats in Riverdale is in s6 when Cheryl gets possessed by Abigail, her ancestor from the 1800s. And nobody notices bc Cheryl already acts like the main character in an old gothic novel. Abigail says shit like “oh my beloved Toni, what for ails your weeping heart” and Toni just answers without a beat because that’s exactly how Cheryl would ask that. She tries to poison Betty Jughead and Archie and they’re just like “Huh! Guess she’s in a mood again. Whatever. We should maybe look into that later.” It’s like she’s been preparing herself her whole life to be the perfect stealth vessel for her tragic murderess lesbian witch ancestor. Character of all time.