Bizarre = Offset

I like old books more than the new ones.

[very-bad-code]

My Definitions

Aren’t the only definitions.

My understanding

Isn’t the only way to understand this world.

People are just monkeys,

So am I.

There’s no right

Or wrong

Or in between.

Meaning is my brain’s comfort zone

Not a real thing.

There are only two kinds of people—children and adults.

One who stands up is adult,

One who runs away and hides, needs to be saved is the child.

Adult has power over the child merely through readiness to face. And in this state of power, they decide right and wrong.

Then one day the child decides to face it,

And first thing they face is the lies given to them by an adult who just found themselves “in a spot”.

This world is massively make believe.

Can you become rich without true greed?

[redlipstickresurrected]

CajsaStina Åkerström (Swedish, b. 1967, Bohusgatan, Söder, Stockholm, based Kalmar, Sweden) - Tansy and Red Clover, 2025, Paintings: Oil Pastel on Paper

[nemfrog]

"Trademark for Wyko Projection Company by Lucian Bernhard." Advertising & selling. October 5, 1927.

Internet Archive

[thewindowofthesummerhouse]

Joonas Ryynänen

[thewindowofthesummerhouse]

Karina Refrynn

[nevver]

Castles in the sand, Maud Madsen

[nevver]

It’s National Eraser Day (every day is eraser day), Present and Correct

[very-bad-code]

I Know It’s Difficult to Remember

That life isn’t happening at the rate of your interpretation; it’s just your perception which builds at the speed of your interpretation. Life either already has happened long back and you observed it later, or its trajectory was set because all other variables(except you) are already happening while you’re in some wait, stop, it doesn’t make sense kind of stage.

[very-bad-code]

… and a Horse.

Fountain-pen, brush-pen, oil pastels on paper

[very-bad-code]

Your Smartness Is Less Real than Weather

And that tells you enough about what it really is—ego massage. At best smartness is same thing as standard deviation in a pool of people. They may measure it through certain questions, but who’s smart and who’s idiot if the participants(all of them) lie? If 10 people couldn’t figure out something or understand something, they will seek to either discard the whole thing or find someone who gets it. So, this person is “smart” because he’s not what most are. This makes smartness a kind of foreignness. Therefore, if you seek to be smart, you merely seek to GET AWAY FROM THE NORMAL. However, the weather is real because it’s based on real forces, and it’s not rigid, it’s not one thing which someone believes it to be.

If something or someone is real, there will be real forces involved to have that phenomenon occur in the way it does in that instance. In believing oneself to be smart, you’re also “being real” in the sense that all electrical signals in your brain which you interpret as “I must be smart” did really happen. But, is your interpretation correct? For those who do find you smart, it is just acknowledging something they don’t observe in most people, foreignness of something is even instinctively determined by every being. But there’s no way for you to know for self that you’re smart until you solve a problem most could not, and this smartness is real only in the context of this problem; there is no universality to anybody’s smartness.

[very-bad-code]

Nature Doesn’t Know What to Do with a Big Head

It is experimenting with humans, elephants, octopi, dolphins, and mushrooms etc to develop “an intelligence”. Maybe elephants know that they’re smarter than giraffes, maybe they don’t. Humans aren’t unique, and intelligence isn’t a unique human problem. The purpose is to have some kind of learning, memory to process. The goal is to be able to “anticipate” reality. Attention defines context. Obviously there are no clear flows established for this intelligence malfunctioning except logical/pseudo patterns we hold about selves. Hardware and interpretation of hardware are two different things which us “alive” humans can’t understand as we’re just spawns, not the origin. Our struggle is to understand and accept that story of nature is incomplete, and hence our sense of incompleteness is, well, Universal. Only thing to be done with this brain in a “natural” manner is to experiment with ALL the possibilities. And so many humans living their lives is precisely that—possibilities.

[very-bad-code]

You’re Bound to Fail

To see something very important. You’ll try and try and try again, and yet you won’t see what you’re missing. It is not your fault. It is a loss, but one you need to be able to live through. Let yourself fail. It’s inevitable. Trying to look for something important will have you not see something very important right in front of you. This is how attention works.

[very-bad-code]

I’m NOT Looking for a Fucking Chair, I AM Looking for a Person

And I am allowed to take as long as I like to finalise, to feel what I seek to feel. My getting older doesn’t make me less of a person, and whoever would begin to like spending time with me would like me for whatever I would be. Looking outside for “best fit” is turning seeking company into fucking buying a shoe! It is meant to be difficult to find people who would pause to listen to you. The most fundamentally important thing is to be, to remain, and grow into self, understanding who or what you are, what are the systems around you, and how you juggle between them. Second most important thing is to want to live, go out, see things, even if it’s revolution on the streets, blood and fear everywhere. You belong to the present even when you’re not ready for it. I’m anyway losing it on abject lack o self-awareness in general, can’t just begin seeking any random person who has a certain fixed picture of reality, for the reality has “no picture”, it is definitely unique, but I can’t “show” you reality because humans can’t see beyond their “biased sensory” perception.

Calm down. Read. Browse Apple Music. Find more bands. Maybe start lobbying for publishing Hindi version of Albert Memmi’s The Colonizer and the Colonized. There’s fucking so much to do, and then just die. No need to be remembered, no need to be thought of. There will be care bots by the time you need a hand to change a diaper. Do not fucking compromise on human company, sit with only those who have some honesty, something real to their selves.

[nevver]

The Quiet American, Pete Turner

[very-bad-code]

This Is a Phenomenon. We Need to Know.

[very-bad-code]

Annual Gut Cleansing Ritual. January 1.

Mixed media on Canvas

Fountain pen, oil pastels, pilot pen

[very-bad-code]

Opening Up to Discovery

It needs energy to “want to discover” in a world which is almost hounding you to tell how bad everything is in all possible aspects. I have learned to accept that being in a sort of Bourgeoisie in a society like India means you’re in a bubble, and it’s better to stay there, because outside is structureless chaotic statistical phenomenon of overwhelming people crammed in a very narrow economic bracket with blatant powerlessness, defined by alms and lack of thought behind intentions behind those alms. Asking for Quality of life and certain degree of modern structure is like “first world problems” here. Anyway, with all this happening in front of us all we’re left to do is shut ourselves down. Knowledge of chaos brings anxiety which pushes us into indulgence to forget about it, and that consumes most of our energy.

Well, I deny to accept this. I live to observe, to learn, to create. This is who I am. I do all of this for myself, to validate my understanding of reality. I’m here to live my life, and I decide how I spend my day. I now have a great opportunity to recreate everything I have been in past decade. So, I start with music, 70-80% of my experience of reality from age 17-30 was just with metal blowing constantly in my ear. I surprisingly easily started to “browse Apple Music”—I play an artist, check out their album art for hours on a big ass monitor with HDR, read lyrics, learn about their roots and influences, play associated artists. It feels like a whole new world there. Why are we falling so easily for this “picture of only chaos”? It is because of news becoming a mainstream commodity, it is because too many people are traveling everywhere and too many regimes are making wars a way to strive nationalist chord and remain in power. It has happened before. It will happen again. News, however, isn’t just information, they emote, take sides, use their understanding of masses to spread panic, bought vested interest type media houses are blending in actual news; some are posing as news only because that’s where people come “prepared to learn”. Modern world is corporations using data on people’s behaviour on people themselves. This is now a snake eating its own tail. Mathematicians know this. But sadly, nobody knows mathematicians.

I can put myself out of this misery. I won’t stop learning, obviously, but I will have a citadel of perception and ways to deal with it that I will be able to choose how I want to spend my energy—hopelessness won’t constantly drain me.