In my life in context of making sense and be a guidance mechanism is history of humans, specifically ancient humans, ice age humans, primate behaviours etc. It sort of helps me detach from whatever is going on inside of me emotionally and see myself as a node in long continuous chain of human choices, sometimes guided by reason, other times by necessity. And no matter how contrived it gets, two things I still hold on to—one that I haven’t consciously went and damaged another person, even when they were terrible to me; and second, that although am nothing in the long 6 million years long chain of humans, I still can speak to that same chain alive right now inside of everyone alive. I am not being racist when every human is an evidence of human history. This allows me to see myself “from the outside”. And I do need to get outside of me once in a while. This is why we want to find people to love, this is why we lament loss of relationships we had—because they allowed us to stop being us as they were being themselves. Letting others be “in your presence” looks like a very simple basic thing but it requires ability to see a human be. We cannot let anyone be until we accept ourselves however we are. Because the first person who we observe “being” is ourselves, and I don’t think you yourself started to scold yourself or reprimand yourself. This teaches you “acceptable and not acceptable SELF”. However, with a fundamental fucking 20th century flaw—you’re a subset of SELF, not super-set, your acceptance or rejection of a certain picture of self means jackshit to the self, just creates some conflict, repressing, denial, fake identities, too much focus on facade, and eventually living in fear, bitterness for self that you then begin to see as “life”, and propagate it, teach others too! 19th and 20th century were about “forming the modern man”, and they quite naively believed that the surface self, talking conscious self is the only self which can be “trained”, so much focus on fucking training and manuals and steps to do everything from getting out of bed to execute you-know-who. 21st century is about learning the truth, about therapy, about accepting self and let it lead the way. Needless to say, all the power structures we entered 21st century with are from 19-20th centuries.
Now do you get why I find peace in history of humans? That is where most of our answers are. A lot of our stories have already happened, in a different country or context maybe, but they have happened, several times over, in all the civilisations, all across the time. Struggling young lad with no recognition wanting to reclaim his rightful piece of land against a hegemonic land owning power? Story as old as at least agrarian economics. Beautiful girl falling in love with wrong person or being pushed to be just a wife to a powerful man? Whole of bronze age in steppes was severely polygyny based. Only thing new is the stream of events coming to you, the sensory overload is new. Now it is for you to decide if you want to consider that a major part of you is not what you “think or want” out of self, it actually is 6 millions years long chain of human choices and tastes which have adapted to your local environment, things that define depth of any action or thought or whatever you got, your fucking hippocampus functioning dude. You need to understand that your consciousness is mere software.
