v

Some poetry by an alien who’s trying to fit into this world

[vhoremtdie]

i wish i was more than i am today.

i wish i had some dreams

like i did years ago.

this fucking apathy is making me want to choke

on my own spit

or maybe on blood.

i can’t cry. i can’t feel.

i can’t draw a full breath. can i just breathe?

i feel like throwing up.

i’m nineteen soon, yet feel like i’m nine. or ninety. or whatever age you want me to be.

do i want to be? i think no one needs my permission anyway.

my permission for anything.

[vhoremtdie]

Will I stay here or fly so far,

Far away? There is a chance I'll be

A perfect fit in a strange galaxy.

Space is really vast and hopefully

Has no restrictions.

Maybe one day but now

The only thing I crave to do is sit at a bar

And pour some harmful liquid down my mouth

To feel a bit less lonely somehow.

[vhoremtdie]

I feel so worthless when I stand

In front of mirrors in a restroom.

A strong desire to make fists bloom

In red. Still something holds me back from

Going into total gloom.

One day I'll find escape from all of this,

I'll take you into space with me.

Inside you're just like me and this thought stings

As I truly want us to be free.

[vhoremtdie]

This damn life with these damn mental traumas

Love. I really want to feel it someday.

I know I’m not pretty, not that smart, not good enough and

Everyone made it clear that I don’t deserve it

At all. But I lay in my bed

At night. Alone. So alone.

And I’m satisfied

Only when my trembling hand goes down my pants.

I’m a fucking pervert.

Just a damn whore.

A damn stupid whore.

I just need you - strong and tall,

A bit older than me. You’re beautiful. So handsome.

You make me feel like I’m gonna throw up with excitement.

I feel so incomplete without

Someone’s hands on me,

Someone’s fingers in me.

Never the favorite child.

These fucking daddy issues.

Fucking daddy issues!

I hate that shit. Save me. Please, save me.