Do you see a lion when you look inside of me? (Mary Earps x !Earps Male Reader)
"It all comes down to penalties at the Semi final of the Champions League.
Will it be Man City or Arsenal. The fate of the game lies in Ederson's and Y/N Earp's hands"
You step up and face Grealish who was waiting for the whistle to blew. It feels like forever but the whistle blew.
He ran up, you didn't move. He was about to strike. You read it and dove to the right. The ball went to the right and landed in the firm grip of your hands
"EARPS GETS IT!" You get shaking you head in defiance. You loved Jack but he is your enemy right now.
As you watch Saka shoot against Ederson and he dove in the wrong direction......Saka missed, he missed. You shook your head before walking back
Next was Kalvin Philps, you locked eyes with him as he ran down to the ball but you frowned as you saw him chip it, You caught it with anger "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM" as you kicked the ball away. "SHOW ME SOME FUCKING RESPECT. FUCK OFF" You said walking back as Kalvin was sent packing.
You watched Gabriel take the pen and your belief shattered as he struck the post. You starred in disbelief before regaining your senses. "Time to rev it up then" You said as you notice a pattern you hope didn't continue
Ederson saved Partey's shot
Ederson saved Ødegaard Shot
Haaland sent his to the left post
You were angry, How was your team missing! You have seen them practice pens. HELL YOU WERE IN GOAL WHEN THEY DID!
The Arsenal crowd were cheering you, they showed believe in you as you keeping them in the game. Ederson was frustrated, He let only saved to but if Jorginho, Saka and Rice didn't send wide they would have gone in as all of there shots sent Ederson the wrong way
You took a deep breath, Hearing the rain fall but the drops fading from your sight as you starred at the ball, You started to loosen up as you saw Kevin De Bruyne place it down. You felt the adrenaline pumping. You were having a man of the match performance. You played over 125 minutes saving over 20 shots on goal and no balls past you. If you were able to be on social media, You would see you were trending, The Arsenal women's team, Football friends, fans, pundits were singing your praise. Especially your sister Mary. She was so proud of you in general but her reaction online made fans love the antics
You heard the whistle blow, KDB took one glance at you before he ran, You saw for a spilt second were his eyes went as he started his run. You read his body and he shot the ball. You dove to the right following the ball. You felt the contact on your gloves, You pushed it to the side. You did it! You were going to the final!......
You layed on your front as you starred were the ball layed....in the back of the net. You did push the ball but not enough to avoid the goal post that knocked it in. You starred at the ball. The adrenaline gone, the resolve you had gone, Motivation gone. You blocked out the sounds as you felt the dreams of a Champions League winner gone up in smoke. What was heartbreaking to the everyone else, well except the city players and fans was you.
You may of been in your own shattered world but all they saw on screen in front of them was this keeper who put everything into this match and season stare at the ball with a look that shattered hearts. Even when Ederson gripped your shoulder and said "You are a hero kid" You sighed and and sat up on your knees not able to look up at him. You just looked at the ball and thought about the hard work meant nothing.
It took you 5 minutes to stand up, still looking down. You were still in your own world as you made your way off the pitch. You then heard the clapping you finally managed to look up. To your surprise there were still many fans in the seats and all of them were starring at you, clapping. Giving you a standing ovation. You felt tears coming and shook your head as you hurried down the tunnel, Still hearing them chanting your name as you walk past your teammates who didn't look at you, City players, staff. You then felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned and it was Pep. You gave him a deflated look as he grabbed your head to stay at him "Do not let this defeat break you Earps. I have seen many Keepers but you. You are the future" After a nod he gave to you and patted your back with passion. You felt overwhelmed so much is going on. You just wanted to go to sleep and be alone. You didn't bother showering you just hurried out. Ignoring the press and went straight to your car and drove in the now raining city of London.
You felt your phone vibrate but was focusing on the road, it wasn't until you got into your driveway that you looked at your phone. You saw the notifications but you felt no interests in communicating with anyone
You got indoors and dropped your belongings on the couch before heading to the bathroom. You started to run your ice bath, you couldn't get rid of the feeling that was plaguing your mind and soul right now. Once the ice bath was ready. You striped off and slowly got in, feeling the shock of the cold run through your body. You breathed out heavily as you sunk into the water, only your head above water.
It was then, in that lonely room. The thoughts came
Why can't you be like Mary
You will never get a call up
"Bless him" Rachel daly would say as she watched Y/N laying down on the field starring at the ball. "I just want to hug him" Millie bright said pouting.
Mary didn't respond in the room. She is on international duty and the team were watching the game. Mary was heartbroken. She knew it was your dream to win the champions league but she never, ever saw you like this. The hyper man child that was always happy and was always there for her. Now had a face with no emotion as he starred at the ball. She wanted nothing more then to hug you in that moment. But she felt so helpless being in another country. She normally wouldn't worry, You would always get up and move on but that look you had sent shivers down her spine.
She thought back to how she felt being knocked out the champions league, Losing the finals of the world cup and being knocked out the nations league. She hated the pain she felt and she hated that you were in that place right now.
"You alright" She felt a hand on her shoulder, shaking her from her thoughts. She turned to see Lucy and Leah "Just worried about him" The duo gave a sad smile. "He will be fine, Its F/N. He never stops" L praised you, She met you years ago when Mary became a England international. You were very supportive of your sister so you crossed paths a lot with Lucy and other Lionesses. And Leah was a close friend of yours since you joined Arsenal. If there was one thing they learnt about you is that you shared your sister's passion and drive. Lucy saw that 'Don't stop' attitude she has in you and Leah sees the potential of you being a captain at Arsenal.
"I will back in a moment" Mary said uncharacteristically as she left the room in a hurry. Feeling the eyes of some of the girls watching her leave. She took out her phone and wasted no time in going to her contacts and looked up your name. She wondered what to type, She knew that you may need a rest to get your head straight but she also wants to let you know, you are not alone. She starts to draw comparison to her World Cup final loss and how it made her feel.
"Mary?" Mary turned to see Millie with a sad smile. She isn't surprised that Millie followed. There were close friends, she wouldn't be surprised if Millie was concerned about you, Millie practically became your sister from another mister. "Are you ok?" she felt the woman place a hand on her shoulder. Mary sighed "I just want him to know im proud of him." Millie patted her back "He knows that maz, Give him time, He only just lost. We both know what its like after we lose big games" Mary gave a sad smile and rested her head on Millies shoulder and she decided to text you and wait for you to reply.
One day past. Then two days. then a week.
Mary was filled with anxiety and worry. You weren't responding to her calls, texts, or nothing. She didn't know what to do. She had managed to get in touch with Ramsdale, who said you were sent home for a week to cool off. When asked what he meant. He explained.
During a training session, you couldn't help but be frustrated at the boys for how they blanked you and let you down that night.
So when you were practising penalties, you didn't give a shit about feelings
Ødegaard took his shot and you saved it
"Oh wow, you get it on target," you said sarcastically, making the blonde man confused at your attitude. Ramsdale waiting behind the net couldn't help but feel worried about you
Rice took his next. He sent his wide. The boys had a laugh at his embarrassment as he showed a smile to them, accepting the poor shot. "With that shooting, I'm surprised you're a pro," you said nonchalantly as you readjusted your gloves. Rice faced showed a frown. He knew you were pissed at him, but this made him uneasy. You were always one to for sorry for themselves for a minute and then move on to the next
"What's up with you, Earps?" Martin spoke up. You looked at him. "What's up with you lot? I played like shit yesterday, and now you guys can't give a score from a few feet out." Rice, Ramsdale, and Jesus, step in between you both as you both walked towards each other. "You need to show respect, Earps," You scoffed. "Don't misplace my criticism for respect dipshit".
From there, the whole team gathered around you two. Some love it, some feeling uncomfortable, but Arteta was furious. He sternly told you to go to his room. He practically had to follow you to the room
Once you sat down, looking out to the window. He stood facing you from his side of the desk. "I get you are frustrated with what happened, but this is a TEAM GAME. You show up and treat those players like family and have their backs-" You stood up feeling the anger boil over as your face turned red hot
"HAVE THIER FUCKING BACKS!? I WAS BASICALLY THE ONLY PERSON THAT KEPT US IN THAT GAME YESTERDAY! AND EVEN THEN WHEN THEY HAD PENALTIES THEY COULDNT EVEN MANAGE THAT FUCKING TASK" You let out with anger and venom. Areteta is looking at that side of you no one would believe existed. You deep breath and lowered your voice and looked at him leaning forward, placing your hands on the table. "But the one thing that really ticks me off. The looks they gave me, the disappointment, not even coming to comfort as I sat there at the goal. Family? Fucking he'll the city players gave me more attention after that game then them and you" You ranted. Arteta understood your frustration. He even tried to ignore your city comment. Seeming he had heard certain news that day. He signed. "I'm sorry about this situation, but it's clear we can't discuss this until you have cooled down.
For the next 2 weeks, you are suspended due to your actions of unprofessional actions. " You looked at him with a" Are you kidding me, voice. You wanted to say something but you just laughed in disabelif and threw your hands up "Fuck you, Fuck Arsenal, Fuck Football" you said leaving the room. I'm leaving Arteta alone, hoping you would cool off. He looked at a contact on his phone and debated a call to someone.
Mary was stressed as she drove down the road that leads to your house
Mary's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, her thoughts racing as she navigated the familiar road leading to your house. It had been days since she last heard from you and despite all her messages and calls, you hadn't responded. She knew you were hurting, she has been here before and knows the journey of the pain. and the thought of you spiralling deeper into your own mind tore her apart.
She tried to stay calm, reminding herself that you'd always been resilient, but she couldn’t shake the image of you after the match your body laying on the pitch, staring at the ball . The look in your eyes haunted her.
Pulling up to your driveway, she parked and sat in the car for a moment, taking a deep breath. This wasn’t just any visit. This was her coming to be there for her little brother, the one who had always been her biggest supporter, her anchor in the darkest moments. Now it was her turn to be the anchor.
She stepped out of the car, the rain softly pattering against the ground. The cool air did little to ease the tightness in her chest. She walked to your door, hesitating only for a moment before knocking gently. She didn’t need to shout, didn’t need to force anything.
The door creaked open and there you were, standing with dishevelled hair, eyes dull and tired, showing you hadn't slept in days. Mary’s heart broke all over again. She could see the pain in your eyes, the same pain that mirrored her own after her World Cup final loss. She wanted to hug you, to comfort you, but she knew you weren’t ready for that yet.
“Hey,” she whispered softly, her voice trembling slightly. “Can I come in?”
You didn’t say anything at first, just stepped aside to let her in. She entered quietly, her eyes scanning your living room. It was quiet, almost too quiet, save for the sound of the rain outside. The atmosphere was suffocating, the weight of your grief hanging in the air.
You sat on the couch, head down, arms crossed, as if you were trying to protect yourself from everything. Mary sat next to you, close but not too close. She didn’t want to overwhelm you, but she couldn’t stand the silence any longer.
“Y/N I know this hurts. I know it feels like everything you worked for is slipping away, but you’re not alone in this. You’ve never been alone.”
You didn’t respond, your eyes still fixed on the floor and shuffled your feet.
“I know you feel like you failed. That you let people down. But listen to me, you didn’t. Not in the slightest,” she continued, her voice gentle but firm. “You did something incredible out there. You fought for every single moment. And I’m proud of you. You need to know that.”
Her words hung in the air, and for a split second, you looked up at her, your eyes searching her face as if looking for some kind of reassurance. But then you looked away, your hands gripping the fabric of your blanket
Mary sighed, her heart aching. She knew you needed time, but she couldn’t just sit by and watch you destroy yourself with guilt.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it now,” she continued, “but this is just one chapter of your story. And there’s so much more waiting for you. I know the pain feels like it’s never going to end, but it will. You’ll get through it, just like I did. We all have our moments where we fall short, but that doesn’t define us.”
A long silence passed between you two and Mary sat there, waiting, hoping you would speak. She didn’t push you, didn’t try to force anything. She knew how you worked, when you were ready to talk, you would. But she also knew how important it was to be there, even in silence.
After a long while, you finally spoke, your voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I let everyone down. I let myself down. Maybe I’m not cut out for this…”
Mary’s heart shattered at those words. She could feel the weight of your pain in every syllable. But she wasn’t going to let you give up not on yourself, not on the dream you’d worked so hard for.
“Y/N, you are so much stronger than this. You’ve always been the fighter, the one who doesn’t back down. You’ve been through so much, and look at where you are. Look at everything you’ve achieved.”
Tears welled in your eyes, but you blinked them back, not wanting to show the vulnerability you felt.
“I just… I don’t know what to do,” you said, your voice breaking. “I thought I was ready. I thought I was good enough. But now… I just don’t feel like I am.”
Mary reached out then, gently placing her hand over yours. You didn’t pull away.
“You are more than good enough. You always have been. And you will bounce back from this. I believe in you. And I’m not going anywhere.”
There was a long pause before you finally spoke again, quieter this time. “I don’t know if I can face them again. The team. I feel like they’ve all moved on, and I’m stuck.”
Mary squeezed your hand reassuringly. “You don’t have to face them all at once. Take it one step at a time. And if you need me, I’m here. Always. But know this—you will heal. And when you do, you’ll come back stronger than ever.”
For the first time in days, you felt a small flicker of hope. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to remind you that maybe, just maybe, you could find your way out of the darkness. And Mary would be there, no matter how long it took.
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