charlie @samkerrworshipper - Tumblr Blog

Jul 18

Take it All Pt. 1 | Misa Rodríguez x Reader

A/N: Either I sit on this for another month, or I give it you. Prelude to actual fic. 3k-ish, getting back into the swing of things. Ideas from a comment exchange with @2truthsand1lie on this post.

Tags: Mafia AU, mentions of guns, NO SMUT WHO AM I (lead up to smut). Sequel(ish) to Till There's Nothing Left. This won't make sense unless you've read that. Please read that first, or the dynamic swings in this are going to be a bit crazy.

Ever since that night, things had spiralled.

The morning after, you'd been roused by Alexia’s low murmur. “I should have your hand cut off for that.”

It took a second to register that she was across the room, not the heat pressed against your back.

The fingers curled around your hip twitched.

“Don’t move.” Alexia breathed, “She’s sleeping.”

You most definitely weren’t. But when the door clicked shut and Misa nuzzled into the back of your neck, it was easy to doze again.

The house arrest almost went unspoken that morning. You, too afraid to ask. Misa, making the coffee she’d usually insist on paying for in a cafe. Travel cups in hand, she'd gently suggested a walk in the garden.

It wasn’t till you were sat in the shade watching the bees sweep from flower to flower that she sighed.

“I know it’s between you and the boss, and I don’t want to…” A quick glance confirmed that she had become fascinated by the curve of her hands around her own cup. Her knuckles had been covered in fresh gauze that morning.

“Go on,” You replied.

Another breath. “Last night, you were sure you wanted to be a part of it.”

You turned back to the bees, pulling your knees up. It was quiet out. Quieter than it ever was in the city. “I want to be with her. And you. And I don’t have anyone else now.”

And after last night, I have no choice.

It sat between you, unsaid but ever present.

“Once you’re in, there is no way out. I don’t want you to regret it." She sighed.

It was hard to fathom what you were signing up for, your own perception skewed by muffled conversations overheard as a child and films watched as a teenager. You knew that your own knowledge was limited, yet walking away from Alexia wasn’t even a possibility.

You chose carefully, keeping your tone light. “Do you?”

“No.” She replied instantly. “Never.”

You hummed back, sipping from your cup slowly.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable per se, but it stretched.

Eventually, Misa leaned forwards and rested her elbows on her knees. You watched her profile look out over the garden, stretching all the way to the high wall.

“In that case,” she began, “I know you’ll have questions about… everything. I think you should save them for Ale. She knows more than me. Knows how she’d want things answered. But she wants you to learn how to shoot. You need to know how to defend yourself properly. And if you’re certain about staying, I’ll teach you.”

You processed slowly, no pressure from her posture nor her tone. After a while, you replied, “I’m certain.”

Her smile was slow and lazy when she stretched back against the bench. “Maybe after lunch, then?”

Nodding a little, you nudged your shoulder against hers. “Lots of time to practice. I don’t suppose I’m going to be allowed to leave here anytime soon?”

She snorted, pressing back. “Count yourself lucky Ale hasn’t locked you inside.”

You tried to suppress your sigh as you rolled your neck to stare at the leaves and listened to the gentle twitter of birds overhead. You'd expected as much, but the confirmation was still painful. “Can I ask you other things, then? About you. Not you know… work related?”

“Of course. Anything you want.”

And so it went.

Slowly.

Slowly, the days slipped into a gentle kind of torture.

First, the shooting lessons. The dark-lit range under the garage which was straight out of a Batman film. Misa, bright and alive when she enthusiastically explained the difference between bolt-action and break-action. Her fast-moving fingers dismembering her piece just to show you how it fit back together. The hard press of her body behind you while she readjusted your grip, your angle, your stance.

Second, Misa’s non-negotiable gym time. Her goofy grin if she caught you looking between exercises. The snap of fresh tape against her knuckles which would last exactly one and a half sets before she’d rip it off and let her wounds be bare. The devastating cut of her physique, covered in sweat and stronger than it had any right to be. And you, trying to ignore the way every quiet grunt made its way into your lizard brain and demanded to be played on repeat until you were undeniably turned on.

Third, the information your carefully curated questions would work out of her. The way she’d smirk but wouldn’t make eye contact when you’d bring up her past. Then her half-assed answers, which started short and then lengthened with each passing day. It took three of those conversations before you finally blurted out the thing which had sat at the front of your mind since that night.

“Can I ask you a question?” You’d rationalised that it deserved a little warning.

Though you could tell it took everything in her not to point out that you just had, Misa raised her eyebrow and kept her mouth shut.

"You and Ale," You’d started, "Romantically..?” It wasn’t until the word was out of your mouth that you realised you hadn’t given her a question at all.

She did a bad job of keeping her face straight, smirk creeping through her apparent indifference. “Less romance, more… physical.”

“Often?”

Misa folded her arms, but there was nothing tense about her. “Are you going to pretend Ale hasn’t already told you?”

You ignored her, pivoting fast. “And Jenni?”

Misa chuckled, reverting to her usual shortness. “It’s complicated.”

“And with Lucy too?”

“Lucy and Ona are a package deal.”

“But you’ve slept with them both?”

Misa’s eyes narrowed. It was like mental chess, trying to work out why she was being so evasive when Alexia didn’t hold anything back. “Any reason you want the details of my sex life, doll?”

“It involves my girlfriend.” You'd reminded, since you could hardly blurt out that the memory of them kissing had been playing on repeat in your head for days. “It happened a lot?”

Seemingly placated, Misa shrugged. “With Ale, not since you came around.”

“Sorry.”

She laughed at that. “Don’t be sorry. She’s happier now.”

And that was sweet enough to make you drop the subject, because that was the final pain point.

For her promise of no more secrets, Alexia was always gone. Some mornings you’d wake to her and Misa’s whispered conversations, the latter’s body entwined with your own, the former already half-way out the door. Others, you’d miss her entirely.

Each night, with Alexia and the others yet to appear and time ticking on, Misa would grow tired of trying to entertain you, then grow tired of watching you trying to keep your eyes open.

“Time for bed?” She suggested the first time.

“Yeah,” You’d breathed back, though your heart hurt, “But I wanna-”

“Come on then. I’ll stay until Ale gets back.”

But Alexia wasn’t back. At least, not before you fell asleep. Night after night, whatever bleary-eyed glimpse of her you caught in the morning was as much as you'd get.

Her sporadic texts weren’t nearly enough with the number of questions marinating in your mind. The gentle rejections to FaceTimes and phone calls were an everyday occurrence. If you did catch her, it was just a check-in, less than five minutes before she’d be called away to something else.

You knew Misa could see it. While you had been isolated before, you'd at least had the freedom to shop and eat in the city, talking to strangers if only to order from them. Alexia had been available, and the others were around far more often. Now, it was just Misa and the perimeters of the admittedly large villa.

By the fifth morning, your heart stuttered when their gentle whispers roused you awake.

“You're taking your bodyguard role very seriously, Mis.” Alexia’s bemused lilt carried.

You could feel Misa’s head pressed against your neck, her arm around your waist, her thigh stretched over yours. Her chest rumbled husky when she spoke. “I’m being a human shield.”

Alexia muffled her amusement before her tone lowered. “Hmm. Guard her any closer and we’ll have to have a talk”

With a pout, you forced your eyes open to find her across the room. She pulled on her jacket before noticing your alertness. You half-hated her for leaving so easily. For waking up and sneaking out. For teasing when she was meant to be jealous.

The other half desperately wanted her to come back to bed and stay.

You spoke before she could, curling your arm around to keep Misa close. “So what, you get to fuck her, but I can’t even have a cuddle without comments?”

Alexia hardly hid her surprised giggle. “You’re awake, cariño?” Her whole face lit up as she walked over, then gently kneed her way onto the bed. Her hand stroked back the wild flyaways of your hair before she leaned in. Her soft kiss made your heart hurt. Asking her to stay was on the tip of your tongue, but you already knew what the answer would be. You’d text each other enough ‘I miss you’s’ to know the response to that too.

Instead, you soaked in the worshipful caress of her fingers. Another kiss. Then one to your cheek. Alexia pulled away, just a cheeky smile before, “You can fuck her too, baby.” Another kiss. “Be safe.”

She turned and pressed her lips to Misa’s wild hair. Then, she left without turning back.

That comment played around and around in your head all day.

When Misa stood over the stove, sleep-rumpled and cooking breakfast.

When she readied herself for your walk in the garden, sliding her gun into her jeans.

When she stood behind you in the shooting range, strong hands correcting your own while her hips pressed against your ass.

When she stripped her shirt off before even starting her workout, then again when her sweat made her skin shine.

When she lingered at the door of the bathroom, eyeing how you settled on the bed to wait for her since she wanted you close.

And then again, when you could hear the shower's drone next door and know that she was hot, naked, and dripping under it.

You opened your phone to entertain yourself in the meantime. Flicked between the Lucy-approved weather app, your messages, and your contacts list a few times.

You tried to ignore the changing of the water patterns, then the quiet as it turned off. You tried to ignore the door left ajar in her paranoia. Tried to ignore the slithers of movement you could see through the crack.

Weather app, messages, contacts.

The hairdryer turned on.

Weather app, messages, contacts. Then back to messages. Impulsive perhaps, but Alexia’s was the first thread. Without overthinking it, you typed:

[13:56] You: Were you serious

[13:56] You: What you said this morning

Immediately, the read receipt lit up. Then:

[13:56] Alexia: ?[13:56] You: About Misa

[13:57] You: And what I can do

Then, instead of three dots, just silence. You stared at the thread for a few seconds, then went through the app rotation for good measure. Still nothing.

You half-expected your phone to light up with an incoming call, but instead, your focus was stolen by the hairdryer shutting off.

The silence stretched, no movement in the bathroom, no notifications on your phone. You’d opened the text thread again and started typing by the time the door crept open.

Immediately, you felt the heat. Misa stepped through, bare feet on the carpet, short shorts hardly hiding the line of her piece, the lines of her tight stomach exposed under a fresh sports bra.

She tilted her chin and leaned against the doorframe. “You okay? Ale said you needed something?”

You’d hardly registered the phone in her hand till she raised her eyebrows at your silence.

“I…” You sat up, staring at your own unanswered thread, “She texted you?”

“Sí, just now.”

Your stomach fluttered. You tried to ignore the heat rushing to your cheeks, shifting around to pick up your phone again. “I don’t need anything, I just wanted her to text me back.”

You deleted the half-written text, opting instead for the simple message:

[14.02] You: I hate you right now

And then right after, because you knew that a good old guilt-trip was an effective tool: [14.02] You: I thought you were mad at me :(

But instead of your phone’s vibration, it was Misa’s which chimed. She lifted the screen, immediately grinning.

“Is that Ale?” You asked.

Misa’s gaze flickered to you, her smile confirming.

Defiantly, you crawled your way to the edge of the bed and schooled your expression to confidence. “Can I see?”

Instead of answering, Misa shook her head, her amusement grinding against your thinly-veiled embarrassment.

A new tactic, wide eyes and pouting lips. “Please? She won’t text me back.”

Misa was still for a second. She glanced down at her screen again, then straightened up and stepped over the plush carpet in front of you. She handed you her phone while you registered how good she smelled.

You tapped the screen to brighten, then scrolled to the top of the most recent messages in the thread.

[13:57] Alexia: What are you doing right now?

[13:57] Misa: Shower. Was at the gym. She’s in the bedroom on her phone. I can see her.

You didn’t know what to do with the affection curling in your chest at being brought up unprompted in their conversation.

[13:57] Alexia: She’s horny

[13:57] Alexia: For you

[13:57] Alexia: Do something about it

You were certain your cheeks were bright red now.

[13:58] Misa: Is that an order?

You scrolled down.

[13:58] Alexia: If you want it to be

[13:58] Alexia: If you’d rather stand outside and listen to her getting off, you could do that instead

[14:02] Alexia: I’ll be home late

[14:02] Alexia: Tire her out for me

[14:02] Alexia: I want cuddles tonight

Nothing else came through. Misa still stood in front of you. You could feel her gaze, even if you didn’t want to meet it. Instead, you offered her the phone back, reaching for your own and typing quickly:

[14:04] You: I can’t believe you.

[14:04] You: You’re in so much trouble Alexia

It wasn’t surprising when you were left on read. You sighed just to fill the silence.

Misa didn’t move, still stood in front of you. Her voice was laced with her usual playfulness. “What did you say to her?”

“That she’s in trouble when she gets home.”

Her unrestrained laugh lifted a bit of the tension, as did her weight shifting to sit next to you. “I meant earlier?”

You could see her eyes dart to the phone in your hand. Something about her openness had you handing it over before you’d really thought it through.

She tapped the screen, head tilting like a confused puppy while she started to read. The seconds ticked by.

You were unsure what to do with your hands, anxiety tightening your chest with every passing moment.

Then, Misa held it back out with a snort. “Don’t be too mad at her, princess. She just wants you happy.”

Picking imaginary dirt from your fingernails seemed like the best solution. That, and digging even further. “If she wanted me to be happy, she’d be here.”

Misa tilted her head, a flicker of sympathy in the dip of her smile. “Soon,” She breathed, setting the phone to her side when you made no move for it, “As soon as she can be.”

The quiet sat. You were ready to suggest making a start on dinner despite your very recent lunch.

Misa, on the other hand, with her hair half-dried, half-dressed, half-smiling, was reading you like a book. With a dramatic clearing of her throat, she tapped the outside of your thigh with her fingers. “So… did you want me to step outside?”

The groan was escaping before you could think twice. You lay back, covering your face with both palms. If hell was a place, the ground would have already eaten you up.

As it were, a different kind of torture.

You felt the weight of her shifting as she leaned back on her side.

“No.” You grumbled, torn between hiding behind whatever tattered pride you had left and ogling her body.

“You want me to stay?” She prodded. You could hear the smile in her tone.

“You’re enjoying this far too much.”

“You want something else, then?”

The heat from your cheeks was unbearable. “I hate you. Both of you.”

Misa laughed, shifting to stroke her fingers against your forearms. “Come on. You’re never shy about asking for what you want.”

“Mis,” You sighed, pressing your arms down and out of her reach. She was closer than you expected.

She didn’t pull away; instead, she shifted closer, her shoulder brushing yours. She leaned in, her voice dropping to a playful, knowing hum. “For the record, I would.” Her eyes made a less than-subtle dart down your body. “Gladly. And if you didn’t belong to Ale, I’d have made a move the first time I saw you.”

You froze.

Misa smirked again, exhaling as she propped herself up on an elbow. “Surprised?”

Quite the opposite, in fact. Having confirmation that the weeks of flirting weren’t just proximity and obligation felt a lot like relief.

“You’re a menace,” You deflected, though it lacked any real conviction. In fact, it felt a lot like flirting back. The room felt small all of a sudden.

“I’ve heard worse.” Misa wasn't smirking anymore; her expression had softened into something hungrier, her gaze tracing the line of your throat before locking back onto your eyes. “Now, I’m under strict instructions to tire you out, so either you tell me to leave, or…”

“Or what?”

Misa’s eyes twinkled at the hint of bratiness. “Or you take your clothes off and we’ll see if you’re as smart with my head between your legs.”

You felt your thighs clench, but tried not to let her crudeness throw you. Her tease was familiar, so normal now that it still felt casual.

Misa didn’t look at you like a job she had to complete, but like someone she wanted to serve.

Reverent.

The power was heady. The decision, well beyond made:

“I don’t want you to go.”

“No?” Misa breathed, reaching out to draw the back of her hand against your forearm.

You moved to tangle your fingers together, letting the playfulness curl into your smile. “No," You inhaled just to see her be unusually patient for the next sentence, "But I do want you to kiss me. And maybe more.”

With a chuckle, Misa rolled her eyes and squeezed at your hand. “Maybe? She asks her girlfriend if she can fuck me and now she’s playing hard to get.”

That drew a giggle from you, the absurdity of it all. “Maybe,” You hummed, “Depends how the kiss goes.”

With an athletic grace that caught you off guard, her hand untangled itself and slid across your jaw. Misa leaned in, fast first, then completely still with just a centimetre between you. You could feel the heat of her, suddenly hyper aware of your own body, how your lips had already parted for something she only teased.

You didn’t give her time for whatever smooth comment she was about to deliver. You closed the gap with a stretch of your neck, pressing your lips against hers without fanfare. It wasn’t the soft caution of a first kiss, nor reflective of the blunt hunger simmering inside. Instead, her kiss felt right. Steady with the pressure and rhythm of two people who did this all the time.

But you didn’t do this all the time, and the way she pulled back and made you chase her for another was addictive. She seemed to enjoy that, smiling against your lips when you sighed your frustration. Your hands were trapped too low to keep her close, one stuck against your stomach and the other meeting the hot skin of her waist.

Misa pulled back, “Did I pass?” She purred, stroking her thumb over your bottom lip with practised confidence.

Her smugness was a challenge.

You turned your head, tongue darting out to lick softly at the pad of her thumb before taking it into your mouth.

Misa’s breath hitched, her jaw slackened as you hollowed your cheeks, eyes locked on her reaction. The sound felt like a victory. Her brow creased, pupils blown wide as she watched you suck her thumb against your tongue.

“Fuck,” She breathed.

samkerrworshipper

IM SAT. SAT. ABSOLUTELY SLACK JAWED.

mafia revival is my new roman empire. i’ll be recovering for the next 2-4 business days.

if you aren’t reading this asap idk what you’re doing with your life 🤷‍♀️

samkerrworshipper

Jul 10

purplereina11

You and Alexia Putellas have never liked each other.She thinks you’re uptight and impossible to please. You think she’s arrogant, emotionally unavailable, and incapable of committing to anyone for longer than a few months.The only thing you have in common are your best friends, a happily married couple with a one year old daughter.But when a tragic accident leaves that little girl orphaned, everything changes, because hidden inside their will is one final surprise.They named you and Alexia as the legal guardians.

Part 6 Word Count: 8.2k

You woke to the sound of Olivia’s breath against your collarbone and the faint morning light painting the bedroom in watery yellows and blue shadow. The sheets tangled around you, cool where they weren’t pressed to skin. Your bare chest was sticky with the ghosts of last night, and you knew, before you even reached over to the other side of the bed that Alexia was already gone.

For a second, you lay there, half hoping she’d be in the bathroom or making coffee, but the apartment felt hollow, airless, as if she’d vacuumed herself out of the rooms leaving only the space she’d occupied and the warmth she’d left behind.

Olivia stirred and grumbled, her head tucked in the crook of your arm, her tiny hand curling into the plane of your stomach like it had always belonged there.

You lay there and listened to the questions in your mind begin their slow, inevitable march. Had last night meant anything? Did she always leave this early after sleeping with someone? Or was this just the reality of international duty, her flight to Madrid, the whistle of her profession, always louder than the needs of anyone in her bed?

You told yourself not to overthink, but the words were so useless you almost laughed. It was the first time you’d slept with anyone that quickly, and the first time you’d let yourself want someone this badly ever. You’d spent years convincing yourself that Alexia was arrogant, that she was only interested in the chase, that she drops people the moment being with the person required any effort at all. Why would you be any different?

Now, you wondered if she’d only wanted to prove a point, to win a game you weren't aware you were apart of, a challenge she’d presented to herself. Maybe you’d just been a convenient stop on her long line of casual hook ups.

You pressed your face into your pillow, inhaling the faint perfume she’d left behind, citrus and sweat and something unfamiliar. Olivia snored softly, blissfully unaware of the ache in your chest or the rawness in your throat.

You waited for a message, a call, something to prove you were more than a late night statistic or a neat addition to her list of conquests. Nothing came, just the faint hum of city traffic below.

By the time Olivia woke for real rubbing her fists into her eyes, cheeks pink and swollen with sleep you’d already drafted the first of several emotionally neutral texts to Alexia, then deleted them. You didn’t want to be the person who needed reassurance after a single night. You didn’t want her to know how much you cared, how vulnerable you’d let yourself become.

You forced yourself through the morning, because Olivia needed breakfast, she needed changing and she had absolutely no concept of adult emotional crises.

She sat happily in her highchair, squashing banana between determined little fingers before proudly offering you what remained.

You smiled despite yourself, "Thank you, baby."

You accepted the thoroughly mangled piece and pretended to eat it and she giggled, for a little while, she distracted you, she always had.

By the time you'd cleaned banana out of her hair, changed her into fresh clothes and surrendered to reading the same picture book three times because apparently the fish simply had to find his friends again, the ache in your chest had dulled into something quieter.

Your phone was face down on the kitchen counter, you refused to look at it, because every time you did there was nothing and you hated how disappointed that made you feel every time.

The doorbell rang, you frowned, you weren't expecting anyone, Olivia looked towards the hallway, immediately perking up.

"Ale?"

Your heart sank a little. "No, sweetheart." You scooped her onto your hip, "I don't think it's—" The doorbell rang again.

You opened the apartment door, standing on the other side was Alba, "You look" Her eyes travelled over your face. "tired."

You let out a quiet laugh, "Well, thank you."

She lifted a paper bag, "Mami made too many pastries."

You looked at the bag, then back at her, "I'm almost certain that's a lie."

"It absolutely is." She grinned

You stepped aside, "Come in."

As Alba walked into the apartment, Olivia immediately buried her face against your shoulder, one tiny hand gripped the back of your T-shirt.

Alba noticed and instantly stopped where she was, "Oh..." She smiled gently, "I think I might be a bit scary."

You laughed, "She's just shy."

Alba kept a respectful distance, crouching slightly instead of walking any closer, "Hi, Olivia." Olivia peeked at her for barely a second before hiding against your neck again. Alba nodded dramatically, "Fair enough."

You smiled gratefully, "Sorry."

"Oh, don't apologise." She stood back up, "We've only just met." She placed the paper bag and a takeaway coffee on the kitchen counter, "Mami insisted you try her pastries."

You looked between the coffee and Alba, "...Why do I feel like there's another reason you're here?"

Alba looked almost offended, "I can't just visit?"

"You barely know me."

"True." She glanced briefly towards Olivia, still tucked safely against your shoulder.

You busied yourself opening the paper bag, inside were still warm pastries, exactly the sort Alexia told you Eli insisted people took home after family gatherings.

Alba watched you quietly, "So..." She asked eventually, "have you heard from Ale?"

You froze for the briefest moment, "No, she's busy."

"Mhm."

"She had to leave early."

"Mhm." You still didn't look at her, you glanced instinctively towards your phone, still face down.

Alba didn't mention Alexia again not immediately, instead, she spotted the basket of toys tucked beside the sofa, "Can I?"

You nodded, "Good luck."

She crouched down slowly, Olivia still balanced comfortably on your hip, watched her with wide, suspicious eyes. Alba picked up a soft stuffed rabbit, "Hm..." She studied it seriously, "I wonder who this belongs to."

Olivia didn't move.

Alba looked around dramatically, "No?"

She picked up a little wooden block instead.

"What about this one?"

Still nothing.

"I suppose..." She sighed theatrically, "...I'll just have to play by myself." She sat cross legged on the rug, stacking two blocks together, then three, then four. They immediately toppled over, "Oh no." She looked around in exaggerated panic, "My tower."

Olivia peeked from your shoulder, Alba pretended not to notice, she built another, it fell again.

"Oh dear."

Another tiny peek, this time Olivia didn't hide quite as quickly, Alba smiled to herself. Alba continued talking to Olivia as though they were old friends.

The rabbit had apparently become a dragon, the wooden blocks were now a castle and Olivia, despite herself, had begun inching closer after you sat her on the floor.

"Oh no," Alba gasped dramatically as the rabbit launched itself at the tower. "Sir Bunny has eaten the castle."

Olivia let out a tiny giggle.

"There she is," Alba smiled. "I knew you were hiding in there."

You couldn't help smiling yourself, while Alba carefully rebuilt the tower, you finally reached for your phone, it had been sitting face down all morning. You'd convinced yourself you weren't bothered she hadn't text, that you didn't need to check it.

The empty lock screen proved it, you opened Instagram anything to stop yourself opening your messages.

The first story belonged to the Spanish national team, players arriving into camp, someone filming Vicky dancing in the corridor.

You smiled faintly, the next story was from training, a group of candid photographs, the last Alexia laughing at something.

You instinctively smiled until you noticed who she was laughing with, a woman you'd only seen a handful of times before.

Dark hair, easy smile, standing shoulder to shoulder with Alexia. The following story was warm ups and the pair were together again. The next players walking out towards the pitches, Alexia and the same woman, talking quietly at the back of the group. Again together in recovery stretches, another this time someone had taken a photo from across the pitch.

Most of the squad were spread out, but Alexia and that same woman stood off to one side, heads bent together in conversation.

You frowned, you knew of most of the people in Alexia's world by now. You knew who she gravitated towards during training, who she travelled with, who she teased.

None of those friendships looked quite like this, there was an ease to it, a familiarity. One that caught somewhere unpleasant in your chest.

You clicked onto another story, the same woman bumped Alexia's shoulder in the background Alexia smiled without even looking. The kind of unconscious smile people gave someone they'd known for years.

Your thumb hovered over the screen, "...Who's that?"

You looked up, Alba was still sitting cross-legged on the rug, one rabbit puppet was currently pretending to lose an argument with a wooden spoon.

Olivia had abandoned your leg she was clinging to entirely now, she was sitting opposite Alba, watching with complete concentration.

You held your phone up, "The woman with Alexia."

Alba barely glanced over, "Oh. Jenni."

"Jenni Hermoso?" You had heard that name to be fair

"Mhm." She picked the rabbit up again and without thinking twice, she answered casually, "They were together for years."

You blinked, "Together?"

"As in" Alba made the rabbit kiss the wooden spoon, "together together." Olivia squealed with laughter, Alba smiled at her, "It was years ago, they were together a long time though." She shrugged, "They're still really close."

"...Oh." Your stomach sank, you looked back down at the photograph, suddenly it made sense, with the familiarity and comfort. The way they always seemed to gravitate towards each other.

Alba didn't seem to notice the change in your expression, or perhaps she did and simply didn't realise why.

She was too busy letting Olivia knock over another block tower, "Oh no!" Alba cried dramatically, "You've defeated me!" Olivia clapped delightedly.

You watched them for a second, then looked back down at your phone, you'd spent the whole morning trying to convince yourself not to overthink Alexia leaving early and the silence. That she'd simply had to report for international duty and she'd text when she had time and was just busy with training and obligations.

Now you found yourself staring at the screen a little longer than you should have, you didn't know Jenni, you didn't know anything about their relationship. Whether it had ended well or if either of them still carried feelings and whether the closeness was simply years of friendship, or if it was something more.

But it didn't matter, because your mind had already made its decision.

You'd let yourself get carried away, one wonderful evening and one wonderful night, you'd forgotten who Alexia was and that she'd had a life before you. People she'd loved, who knew her in ways you never could.

You locked your phone, the ache in your chest returned, quieter this time, you looked over at Olivia, happily pushing another block towards Alba.

A small smile found your face despite yourself maybe this was your reminder that the most important relationship in your life was already sitting on the rug.

And maybe for your own sake you needed to stop letting yourself imagine that you were any different that any other conquest for Alexia. She wanted something from you last night and you happily obliged knowing her history and reputation.

You were truly idiotic to think you were special.

You looked down at Olivia sitting on the rug, not close enough to touch Alba, but close enough to watch.

Alba rolled a little wooden car towards her it stopped halfway between them, Olivia stared at it, then crawled over, picked it up and looked back at Alba.

Alba simply smiled, "Excellent choice."

Olivia considered her for another second before rolling the car back.

You smiled from the sofa, "I've got to admit" Alba looked over, "I'm impressed."

She shrugged, "I've spent years bribing toddlers into liking me." She whispered conspiratorially, "It's being slightly ridiculous."

You laughed, "I'll remember that."

Olivia was happily knocking over every tower Alba built before clapping proudly for herself.

Alba applauded every single collapse, "As an perfectionist" She sighed dramatically, "...this is devastating." Olivia squealed with delight.

You leaned back into the sofa cushions, coffee warming your hands it felt normal, comfortably normal.

The room fell comfortably quiet again, only interrupted by Olivia's delighted babbling every time another tower hit the floor.

Almost casually, Alba said, "Oh, are you busy tomorrow?"

You frowned, "I don't think so. Why?"

She placed another block on top of the increasingly unstable tower, "It's family day at national team camp." She looked up, "They have one every now and then. Families watch training, barbecue, kids running around, parents embarrassing everyone." She smiled, "It's actually quite nice."

You nodded absent-mindedly.

"I wondered" She carefully balanced one final block, "...whether you and Olivia wanted to come."

You were quiet, almost too quiet, but Alba didn't push. She simply let Olivia gleefully destroy the tower again.

Your mind had already started running away with itself, family day, where did you fit? You weren't family, not really, not in the traditional sense at least.

Your stomach tightened, "I don't know."

Alba looked over, "It's completely up to you."

"I just..." You rubbed at the side of your coffee cup, "I don't want to make things awkward."

"For who?"

"For Alexia."

Alba looked genuinely puzzled, "You wouldn't."

"I don't know." You looked down at your coffee, your thoughts immediately started arguing with one another again.

She probably only invited you because Olivia would enjoy it, because you were her guardian. You hated how easily your brain found reasons to protect itself.

"I don't know" You admitted quietly, "I feel like..." You sighed, "...I'd just be in the way."

Alba was silent for a moment, then she smiled, she watched Olivia crawl into your legs before looking back at you, "...I think you've spent a long time trying to convince yourself you're somewhere you're actually wanted."

You looked at her.

"And I don't think you've realised yet that nobody else is questioning whether you belong."

Your eyes drifted down to Olivia, she was leaning comfortably against your shins, chewing thoughtfully on one of the wooden pieces.

You smiled despite yourself.

"So?"

You let out a long breath, "...Okay."

Alba's smile widened, "Okay?"

You nodded, "We'll come." Then, almost immediately, "But only if Alexia actually wants us both there."

Alba laughed, "I think you'll find..." She reached over to rescue a block from Olivia's determined chewing, "that's the one thing you really don't need to worry about." You weren't so sure.

🍼

The next twenty four hours were far more stressful than they had any right to be.

Travelling with a one year old, it turned out, required military level logistics.

There were nappies, spare nappies, emergency spare nappies. Three different outfits because Olivia had an uncanny ability to spill something on herself within minutes of getting dressed.

Formula, snacks, her favourite rabbit, the spare rabbit for when the favourite rabbit inevitably disappeared.

Halfway through packing, you found yourself staring into the changing bag trying to remember whether you'd already packed wipes or had merely thought about packing wipes.

You checked three times, you'd packed them the first time.

"Right." You pinched the bridge of your nose, "I'm losing my mind."

Olivia looked up from where she was sitting on the living room rug, happily banging two wooden blocks together.

She smiled, you smiled back despite yourself.

"I know. You think I'm ridiculous."

She answered by attempting to put one of the blocks in her mouth.

"Fair enough."

Packing Olivia wasn't actually the difficult part, the difficult part was your own brain.

Every time you finally managed to silence one anxious thought another arrived. What if she'd seen you walk into camp and immediately regretted it?

You zipped the changing bag closed a little harder than necessary, "Stop it." Your brain ignored you.

What if she greeted everyone else first?

What if she smiled politely before asking Why are you here?

Your stomach turned, you knew it was irrational, but anxiety wasn't rational. It never had been. It simply took the worst possible outcome and convinced you it was the most likely.

By the following morning, you were exhausted despite having slept reasonably well.

You dressed Olivia first, you smiled as she sat on the changing mat kicking happily at absolutely nothing.

"You have absolutely no idea how stressful today is."

Olivia squealed.

"I know. I wish I had your confidence."

She grinned at you with four tiny teeth, it was helpful, very helpful.

Getting yourself dressed took considerably longer, you changed outfits twice, then a third time. The blue shirt looked too much like you were trying. The white one felt too formal. The jumper was too casual. Eventually you settled on something comfortably in the middle.

You looked in the mirror, still not convinced.

Your phone buzzed.

Alba: Leaving in ten. Don't chicken out.

You stared at the message, you hadn't told her you were considering exactly that, apparently she hadn't needed telling.

You sighed.

You: I'm not chickening out.

Three dots appeared almost instantly.

Alba: Liar.

You couldn't even argue, because five minutes earlier you'd genuinely considered texting to say Olivia seemed a little tired and perhaps it was best to stay home.

It would have been believable, cowardly, but believable.

Instead you picked Olivia up, she immediately wrapped both arms around your neck.

You rested your forehead briefly against hers, "You know..." You murmured, "there's still time for us to fake a fever."

Olivia blinked, then patted your cheek.

"I know. You don't approve."

The doorbell rang, your heart immediately started hammering, you weren't ready.

You adjusted Olivia on your hip before opening the apartment door, Eli stood there with her usual warm smile.

Alba beside her already holding the car keys, "Morning."

Eli's eyes softened as soon as she saw Olivia, "Oh, buenos días."

Olivia buried her face against your shoulder for all of three seconds before cautiously peeking back out.

"She's getting braver." Eli smiled.

"She is."

Alba looked between you and your overnight bag, "You're actually coming."

"I said I would."

"You also nearly cancelled."

You narrowed your eyes, "I hate that you're right."

"I know." She grinned, "It's one of my best qualities."

You locked the apartment behind you, adjusting the changing bag onto your shoulder.

Eli reached out, "Would you like me to carry something?"

"No, it's okay."

"You sure?"

You nodded, "I'm sure."

The three of you started towards the lift, you walked beside Eli, Alba a few steps ahead. Your pulse hadn't slowed, if anything it had got worse, because with every floor the lift descended you were one floor closer to seeing Alexia.

Your anxious mind still whispered the same question over and over.

What if she looks at you and wishes you hadn't come?

🍼

The airport was exactly as chaotic as you'd expected, rolling suitcases rattled across polished floors. Boarding announcements echoed overhead every few minutes, someone was already arguing with airport security before you'd even reached departures.

You tightened your grip on Olivia's changing bag while balancing her comfortably on your hip.

She seemed entirely unfazed, her wide eyes darted from one person to the next, taking everything in with quiet curiosity.

"You've never been to an airport before, have you?"

She blinked up at you, Eli smiled beside you, "She's taking it all in."

Alba looked over her shoulder, "She's judging everyone."

Check in passed without much drama, security was surprisingly painless. Olivia charmed one of the security officers into waving enthusiastically after she'd given him a very serious stare from her pushchair.

By the time you reached the departure gate, you finally allowed yourself to breathe.

You settled into one of the seats, Olivia immediately climbing well, wriggling across your lap to investigate the zip on your jumper.

Eli handed you a coffee, "I thought you might need this."

"You are my favourite person."

"I'll pretend you didn't only say that because of the coffee."

"I absolutely only said it because of the coffee."

She laughed, "I thought so."

The boarding call came sooner than you expected.

You folded the pushchair away at the aircraft door, handing it over before stepping onto the plane.

The familiar smell of recycled air greeted you, you settled into the window seat with Olivia on your lap, buckling your own seatbelt before fastening the infant belt securely around her. She wasn't quite sure what to make of any of it.

She twisted around immediately, peering over towards Eli, next to you then towards Alba on the aisle seat, then back at you.

You smiled, brushing a curl away from her forehead, "It's like she knows you're familiar but can't figure out why."

The cabin slowly filled around you, suitcases thudded into overhead lockers, people squeezed apologetically past one another, flight attendants checked seatbelts.

Olivia watched every single movement with complete fascination, until the engines began to hum.

You recognised the slight shift in her expression immediately, her little brows pulled together.

She didn't understand what was happening, before she had chance to become upset, you reached into the changing bag and pulled out her bottle.

"There we are." She recognised it instantly, both hands reached for it, "Good girl." you said as she lay back in your arm.

You settled it into her mouth just as the aircraft began to taxi. She drank contentedly, the rhythmic sucking helping to equalise the pressure in her ears as the engines grew louder.

Eli smiled across the aisle, you looked over, "You thought of everything."

You smiled faintly, "I've just learnt by getting it wrong before."

The aircraft paused, then began its final turn onto the runway.

Your stomach fluttered, not because of flying, because every mile the plane travelled was one mile closer to Alexia.

You looked down at Olivia, her eyelids were already growing heavy, the bottle rested in both tiny hands, her movements slowing as the plane accelerated.

Outside the window, the runway blurred, the nose lifted, the engines roared. You instinctively wrapped one arm a little more securely around her, within minutes her sucking slowed.

Then stopped altogether, her tiny fingers loosened around the bottle, her head tipped toward your chest, fast asleep.

You smiled, easing the bottle away carefully, "Well" You whispered, "that worked."

Eli glanced over and smiled, "I don't think she even realised we'd taken off."

You looked down at the sleeping little girl curled safely against you, "Let's hope she sleeps all the way."

You had nothing left to distract you from the destination waiting at the other end of it and somewhere beyond the clouds Alexia had absolutely no idea you were coming.

🍼

Olivia woke somewhere between the airport and the national team training camp.

You heard the sleepy little sigh before you saw her move, she blinked slowly, still dazed from her nap, one tiny fist rubbing against her eye.

You twisted slightly in your seat to look into the back, "Hello, sleepy."

She blinked at the voice before looking around, for a second, confusion crossed her face, you weren't holding her anymore. Instead, she was tucked comfortably against Eli in the back seat, one of Eli's arms wrapped securely around her while the other absent-mindedly rubbed circles over her back.

Olivia frowned, she studied Eli's face carefully, as though trying to work out exactly who this person was.

Eli simply smiled back, "Hola, preciosa."

Olivia continued staring, another second passed. Then, apparently reaching the conclusion that this woman was acceptable enough, she gave one slow blink, turned her head towards the window and resumed quietly watching the world roll past.

Alba laughed from the seat next to Eli, "Well I think you've officially been approved."

Eli smiled, "I'll take it."

You laughed quietly, "That's about as enthusiastic as she gets with new people." The rest of the journey passed peacefully.

Olivia remained captivated by the scenery outside, occasionally pointing at passing lorries or brightly coloured signs with quiet little noises of interest.

The car slowed, large security gates came into view beyond them stretched immaculate training pitches, low modern buildings and players in national team kit crossing between them.

Your stomach immediately tightened, this was it.

Alba leaned forward to your shoulder, "You alright?"

You nodded, "Yeah."

She didn't look convinced.

The car rolled through the gates before pulling into a parking space outside the main building. Before anyone had chance to get out, someone was already walking towards the car, a woman with short dark hair and an easy smile.

The moment Eli stepped out, the woman opened her arms, "Eli."

"Sonia."

The two embraced warmly, Alba greeted her just as naturally.

You climbed out a second later, reaching for the changing bag while Eli carefully held Olivia onto her hip.

The woman turned towards you immediately, Eli smiled, "I believe Alexia's already told you the situation." She gestured towards you, "This is Y/N..." then looked to Olivia on her hip, "and this is Olivia."

The woman's smile somehow softened even more, "Oh. I've heard so much about you both."

Olivia stared at her curiously, Sonia stepped closer slowly, making no attempt to take her, snstead she simply reached out one hand.

The back of one finger brushed gently against Olivia's tiny hand, Olivia watched the movement with complete seriousness, apparently deciding it wasn't a threat, she allowed it, but reached for you to take her back which you gladly did as Eli without a word took the changing bag from you.

Sonia laughed softly, "Hello." she stepped forward and wrapping you in a brief, warm hug. "It's lovely to finally meet you." She smiled.

You couldn't help smiling back, "It's lovely to meet you too." You hesitated, "Sorry..." You laughed at yourself, "I'm probably about to sound incredibly ignorant." Sonia raised an eyebrow encouragingly, "What's your name sorry?"

She laughed, "Sonia."

"Sonia." You nodded, "Nice to meet you." You smiled sheepishly, "You'd think raising a child with Alexia I'd know a lot more about football than I actually do."

"Honestly?" Sonia smiled, "That might actually be quite refreshing around here. I spend most of my life talking football."

You smiled, "I can offer medical advice thats about it?"

"Now that, " Sonia grinned, "...might be even more useful."

The conversation was interrupted by the distant sound of whistles carrying across the training pitches.

Sonia glanced over her shoulder, "They're just finishing for lunch."

You were the last family to arrive, Sonia explained as she led you through the main building that everyone else had travelled up that morning. "They've all been out watching training this afternoon." She smiled at Eli. "Ricard's been trying to coach from the sidelines again."

Eli laughed, "Does Alexia still pretend not to hear him?"

"Naturally and naturally he still shouts anyway."

You smiled quietly as you followed them through the corridors, Olivia balanced comfortably on your hip.

You could hear voices before you reached the dining room, the general noise of families all sharing lunch together.

The room was larger than you'd expected, long tables had been pushed together, players mixed naturally between parents, siblings, partners and children. Nobody looked particularly formal it felt comfortably chaotic.

Eli and Alba walked in without hesitation, clearly familiar with everyone there.

You followed a few steps behind, suddenly very aware that you didn't know anyone. Your eyes found Alexia almost immediately.

She was standing beside one of the tables, halfway through a conversation with Ricard and his wife.

Her phone was still in one hand, her thumb refreshed the same text conversation she'd been checking far too often all morning.

The conversation with you, still nothing, not a single message from you, she frowned almost imperceptibly, every time she'd unlocked her phone she'd convinced herself she'd wait until lunch, or after training, or when she had five uninterrupted minutes.

Now she'd somehow reached the afternoon, still staring at the conversation where she text you 4 hours ago and still hadn't gotten a response.

Alexia: How's Olivia?

Before she could overthink it any further a hand landed gently on her shoulder.

Alexia turned, the moment she saw her mother, her entire face transformed, "Mami." A smile spread across her face so quickly it almost caught Eli off guard, "You're finally here."

She slipped her phone into her pocket before wrapping both arms around Eli in a tight hug. Alexia kissed her cheek before stepping sideways to pull Alba into a one armed hug.

Then Alexia looked up, past her sister and her mother and saw you, you stood a few feet behind them, Olivia resting comfortably against your shoulder.

Your stomach immediately flipped, she looked different, not because she'd changed, because you'd spent the night with her, because now seeing her across a room somehow felt entirely different to every other time before.

For a moment neither of you moved, Alexia simply stared, which did nothing for your anxiety.

Olivia was completely oblivious, she hadn't even noticed Alexia, she was staring over your shoulder across the room, where Patri and Pina had apparently spotted her the second you'd walked in.

Patri puffed out her cheeks, Pina crossed her eyes, both women waved enthusiastically. Olivia stared with complete seriousness. Then very slowly a tiny smile appeared.

Pina gasped dramatically and clutched at Patri's arm as though she'd just won the lottery. Patri celebrated by pulling an even more ridiculous face, Olivia gave the tiniest little giggle.

Alexia took one step in front of you, for a moment, neither of you spoke. "I text you."

You blinked, "What?"

"This morning." Her hand instinctively went to her pocket before remembering she'd already put her phone away, "I text you, you never replied"

You finally met her eyes, "My phone's still on airplane mode. I've not seen it." Something in your expression made Alexia pause.

She knew you well enough now to recognise when something wasn't right. Your smile wasn't quite reaching your eyes, there was a tightness around your mouth that hadn't been there the night before.

She didn't ask, not here, not with half the national team milling around the room.

Instead, she simply nodded, "Oh." A tiny smile, "Ok" At the sound of Alexia's voice, Olivia finally looked away from the faces Patri and Pina were pulling across the room.

Her whole face lit up, "Ale!"

She immediately reached both arms towards her, Alexia laughed, "There she is." She took Olivia from your arms with practiced ease, lifting her high above her head. "Oh, hello, preciosa."

She peppered kisses across Olivia's cheeks, Olivia squealed, throwing her head back with delighted giggles.

"There she is" Another kiss, "...there's my smile."

Alexia lowered her just enough to blow a raspberry against her cheek, Olivia laughed even harder, tiny hands grabbing at Alexia's face.

You watched them, your chest tightened, "I was asking if this little monkey was okay."

Before you could stop yourself, the words slipped out, "Why would she not be okay?"

Alexia looked at you, "What?"

"You said you were checking she was okay." Your voice was calm enough, but there was something underneath it, something defensive, "I've been looking after her."

"I know."

"So why wouldn't she be okay?"

Alexia frowned for the briefest second, completely thrown by the question. Then, just as quickly, her expression smoothed over. She bounced Olivia gently on her hip, "I didn't mean..." She glanced between you and Olivia, "I wasn't asking because I thought something had happened."

You didn't answer.

Alexia was still trying to understand where this had come from, "I just..."

She smiled gently at Olivia as the little girl tucked her face into her neck for a moment.

"...I missed her."

You looked at her, Alexia met your eyes properly this time, still confused and sensing she'd somehow walked into a conversation she hadn't been present for.

Olivia patted Alexia's cheek decisively, "Ale." Alexia smiled immediately, kissing the little hand. "Yes, boss."

Olivia giggled, Alexia looked back at you again. The confusion was still there, but so was the concern.

She just had no idea yet that your mood was solely dependent on a conversation you'd had entirely inside your own head. Despite the distance that had somehow appeared between you over the last twenty four hours, Alexia refused to leave it there.

You'd answered her questions. You'd smiled when expected. You'd laughed once or twice, but it all felt careful, like you'd both somehow ended up back where you'd started months ago.

Alexia hated it.

As lunch began to break up, players drifting outside with their families, she fell into step beside you.

"Come to my room."

You looked at her, "What?"

"I have something for Olivia."

You hesitated, Alexia tilted her head.

"Please?"

You looked down at Olivia, balanced comfortably on her hip, "...Okay."

The walk through the hotel corridors was quieter than either of you would normally have allowed lately, Alexia carried Olivia, talking softly to her about absolutely anything.

"The lifts are very exciting today."

Olivia blinked.

"Wow yes, pretty painting"

Olivia pointing at the art on the wall as they walked by.

You trailed a step behind them, your phone finally connected back to the network after the flight. Your eyes caught Alexia's message from that morning.

Alexia: How's Olivia?

You stared at it for a second longer than necessary, no question or interest in how you were.

The lift doors opened, Alexia glanced back at you, "You coming?"

You slipped your phone into your pocket, "Yeah." The ride was utter silent other than Olivia giggling at her self in the reflection.

Alexia pushed open the hotel room door, you found yourself looking around almost instinctively.

It was a standard national team room, Twin beds pushed together, suitcases half unpacked, training kit draped neatly over a chair.

For reasons you couldn't quite explain, you'd expected someone else to be there. Someone with dark hair, an easy smile. Instead the room was empty, Alexia had it to herself, she didn't seem to notice your brief glance around.

"Sit here, monkey."

She lifted Olivia onto the bed, the mattress dipped beneath her tiny weight. She crouched beside her suitcase.

"Hang on..."

She began rummaging through one of the side compartments.

"I put them somewhere..."

You stayed by the door for a moment before wandering further inside, absently scrolling through Instagram.

"There." Alexia pulled out two neatly folded shirts, she turned around with a smile, "I wanted you both to have these."

She held one out to you, the other she placed on the bed beside Olivia.

Spain's home shirt, Alexia across the back, you looked at it quietly, "I got one in your size." She nodded towards the smaller one, "And one for her."

Olivia immediately grabbed hers, you smiled despite yourself, "Come here, baby."

You sat beside her on the bed, carefully easing the tiny shirt over her head. It hung slightly oversized on her little frame, the sleeves almost reached her elbows.

She looked down at herself, then patted the badge with complete seriousness, you couldn't help it when you smiled.

"There you are." You adjusted it on her shoulders, "You look very cute."

Olivia grinned back at you, Alexia watched the whole thing. The tension she'd felt all afternoon eased, just a little, seeing that smile return to your face.

"Worth it." She murmured.

You looked up briefly, "Hm?"

She simply shook her head, "Nothing, she said what you did that it's cute"

Your expression softened for the smallest moment before you looked back down at Olivia.

The little girl was now trying to pull at the number on the back of her shirt from over her shoulder.

Alexia picked up the second shirt, "The other one's yours." She held it out, you took it automatically.

Your fingers brushed over the embroidered badge, the fabric still crisp, still new.

You folded it over your arm, "Thank you."

Alexia waited, you didn't put it on. She noticed, of course she noticed, but she didn't say anything. She simply watched you fold it a little more neatly instead.

The silence returned so Alexia busied herself zipping her suitcase back up, pretending she hadn't felt the tiny sting of disappointment.

Whatever had happened, whatever had changed since she'd left the apartment yesterday morning she still didn't know.

She only knew she wanted the woman she'd kissed in that kitchen back and she had absolutely no idea how she'd managed to lose her in less than a day.

🍼

You wandered the camp grounds for almost forty minutes long enough to clear your head, or at least try to, it hadn't really worked.

Every time you thought you'd settled your thoughts, they drifted straight back to Alexia, to how unfair you knew you were being, then to the fact that maybe you weren't. You couldn't decide.

By the time you made your way back upstairs, you'd only managed to exhaust yourself.

You knocked softly before letting yourself into Alexia's hotel room, "Hey i" You stopped. The room was quiet, too quiet, the bed was empty, no tiny giggles.

You looked around, "...Where's Olivia?"

Alexia looked up from where she was sitting on the edge of the bed, "She's fine." Your shoulders relaxed a fraction, "She's with my mami and Alba." You blinked, "They offered to take her down for a bit, she seemed surprisingly ok with it"

You nodded slowly, "Oh."

It was then you noticed your overnight bag sitting beside Alexia's suitcase, the changing bag, Olivia's favourite blanket. Even the little stuffed rabbit, all of it, in this room.

You frowned, "...Why is our stuff in here?"

Alexia followed your gaze, "Oh. I moved it."

"You moved it?"

She nodded, "I thought..." A small smile, "...you could stay in here tonight."

You looked back at her, "Why would I stay in here?"

The smile disappeared, Alexia stared at you for a long moment, then she stood, "Okay." She nodded once, "That's enough."

You frowned, "What?"

"I can't do this anymore." She wasn't angry, if anything she looked exhausted, "You've barely looked at me all day."

"I have."

"No." She shook her head, "You've looked through me."

You opened your mouth.

She continued before you could speak, "I don't know what happened." Her voice was quiet, "So please..." She took a careful step towards you, "tell me."

You looked away, Alexia laughed once not because anything was funny, because she didn't know what else to do.

"I left your apartment that morning" She swallowed, "...thinking I was the happiest I'd been in years."

Your chest tightened.

"I was smiling on the plane." She looked down briefly, "I don't smile on planes."

Despite everything, that almost made you smile. Almost.

"I kept thinking about you." She laughed quietly to herself, "I kept thinking about that kitchen. The way you looked at me. The way you kissed me. I thought..."

She looked back up.

"I thought we'd started something"

Your eyes stayed fixed on the floor, Alexia took another step.

"I thought we were both in this. I thought we'd crossed whatever line we'd both been behind all these years. I thought..." Her voice caught slightly, "...that was it."

You finally looked at her, she looked heartbroken.

"I left because I had to report to camp. I couldn't stop thinking about you and then you arrived today" She searched your face desperately, "and it's like you've decided you regret everything."

"I haven't." The words came out instinctively.

"So what's happened?" You didn't answer, Alexia's shoulders dropped, "Y/N..." She rubbed a hand across her face, "I know you, you think, you overthink. You convince yourself of things before you've given yourself a second to look at the facts. I've seen you do it with work. With Olivia. With yourself."

She stepped close enough that there was barely any space left between you.

"But this one matters. So much."

She reached for your hand slowly giving you every chance to pull away, but you didn't. Her fingers curled gently around yours.

"I can't fix something if I don't know what I've broken."

"You haven't..."

"Then tell me what it is."

You looked at her, really looked at her, there wasn't frustration in her eyes. Just fear, fear that she'd somehow lost something she'd only just found.

"I've spent all day trying to work it out." She laughed weakly, "I've replayed the night over and over. Was I too much? Did I rush you? Did I make you feel pressured? I've gone through every conversation we've had since you got here. I can't find it."

Her thumb brushed once across your knuckles.

"So if this is you protecting yourself" She took a shaky breath, "...please stop trying to protect yourself from me." The room was completely silent, "I don't care if you're scared. I'm scared too. I don't care if you need reassurance. I'll give it. I don't care if you've changed your mind."

Her voice almost broke at that thought.

"...I just need you to tell me."

She took another step, now close enough that if either of you leaned forward you'd be touching.

"I cannot stand here" Her eyes never left yours, "and watch you disappear from me without even knowing why."

The tears you'd been holding back all day began to sting your eyes, Alexia saw them immediately, her own expression softened. She lifted her free hand, not to pull you close, just to gently brush a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

"You don't have to carry whatever this is by yourself." She smiled sadly, "You never have to do that with me." Her voice dropped almost to a whisper, "So" She squeezed your hand, "...please. Talk to me."

The room stayed quiet, neither of you moved, Alexia didn't rush you to explain yourself, she simply waited.

Your shoulders sagged finally you let it all go, "I woke up..." Your voice sounded smaller than you expected, "...and you weren't there."

Alexia's fingers tightened gently around yours.

"I felt..." The words caught.

"Say it." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

You swallowed, "I felt like you got what you wanted." Alexia's face fell, "Like" You laughed bitterly, "...like you'd set out to prove a point."

She opened her mouth before stopping herself, you weren't finished.

"And you won." You shrugged helplessly, "And off you went like it never happened. There was no goodbye, there wasn't"

You looked at the floor.

"...anything." Your voice cracked, "You didn't even text." Alexia inhaled quietly, "I got nothing from you. It took you a day and a half to text me."

You shook your head.

"And I know this is going to make me sound awful but when you finally did" You looked back up at her, "...all you cared about was Olivia."

Alexia's eyebrows knitted together.

"It felt like You rubbed your eyes, "...like suddenly you didn't trust me to look after her. like..." You laughed at yourself, "...I'd slept with you and somehow become less capable overnight."

You looked embarrassed by your own words.

"I know that's irrational, but" Your shoulders lifted helplessly, "...it hurt. I felt used."

Silence, Alexia didn't defend herself, she didn't immediately tell you that you were wrong, she simply stood there listening making sure you were finished.

When you didn't say anything else, she nodded once.

"Okay." She took a slow breath, "Firstly" Her thumb brushed across your hand, "...thank you."

You frowned.

"For telling me. I know that wasn't easy." She smiled sadly, "And secondly I never text first."

You blinked, "What?"

"I don't." She shrugged awkwardly, "You always text first." You stared at her, "So when you didn't" She looked faintly embarrassed, "I kept picking my phone up. Putting it down. Picking it up again. I thought..."

She laughed quietly at herself.

"...maybe Olivia wasn't sleeping, Maybe you'd had a difficult day. Maybe you'd finally got five minutes to yourself and I didn't want to interrupt."

She shook her head.

"So I kept thinking she'll text when she's free and then you didn't. I know it's stupid."

"It is a bit."

She smiled, "I know, but I genuinely thought I was doing the considerate thing."

You looked at her in disbelief. "So, you thought I wasn't texting because I was busy."

"And you thought I wasn't texting because I'd changed my mind."

You both stared at each other, then somehow you both let out the same disbelieving laugh.

"We're idiots."

"The biggest."

The tension eased, if only slightly, Alexia rubbed the back of her neck, "As for leaving" Her expression softened again, "I stood beside the bed for ages."

"You did?"

She nodded, "You were asleep, I put Olivia in with you hoping she'd wake see you there and go back to sleep so you could have a lie in and I kept looking at you."

She smiled to herself.

"I was debating whether to wake you."

"You wake me up." You said it so matter-of-factly it almost made her laugh.

Alexia couldn't help it, she laughed, "Ok, but I didn't know that."

"I know."

"I genuinely didn't. I thought" She smiled sheepishly, "letting you sleep was the romantic option."

"It wasn't."

She laughed again at your serious expression, "I can see that now. I spent about ten minutes arguing with myself. 'Wake her up.' 'No, let her sleep.' 'Wake her up.' 'No, she looks peaceful.' I even kissed your forehead before I left."

Your eyebrows lifted, "You did?"

"Mhm. You didn't wake up, I also tucked the blanket back around you."

"You did?"

"You'd stolen most of it."

"I had not."

"You absolutely had." A tiny smile escaped you, Alexia noticed it immediately, "There you are." She smiled back, "I've missed that smile"

Your smile lingered, "I really thought..." You admitted quietly, "...I was just another woman."

Alexia's expression changed instantly, something almost wounded crossed her face. She took both of your hands looking at you as though she needed you to believe every word. "Y/N." Her voice was steady, "I have had first dates. I have had relationships. I have had casual sex."

She didn't shy away from it, but then she shook her head.

"You" A small smile appeared, "...you terrify me."

You blinked, "What?"

"I've never cared this much about getting it wrong. I've never stood outside someone's bedroom wondering whether waking them up was too much. I've never stared at a phone for a day because I was scared of bothering someone." She laughed softly, "I've never had teammates take the piss out of me for constantly checking my phone to see if a girl had text me before."

For the first time since you arrived you laughed properly, the sound filled the room, Alexia smiled so widely it almost hurt, she stepped closer.

"So" She searched your face, "Can we please" Her forehead rested gently against yours, "promise each other something?"

You nodded, "What?"

"No more deciding what the other person is thinking. If you're scared tell me. If you're hurt tell me. If you need me to wake you up apparently, definitely tell me."

You laughed, the last of the heaviness finally beginning to loosen, "Deal."

"Deal?"

"Deal."

The promise still hung between you, no more guessing, no more building whole stories inside your own heads, just honesty.

Alexia's forehead rested against yours, both of you smiling in that quiet, slightly disbelieving way people did when they realised an argument.

You looked at her for a long moment, then without thinking about it, your hands slid up her arms until they settled loosely around the back of her neck.

"You know" You murmured, "you're quite different to the woman I thought you were."

Alexia smiled softly, "I could say exactly the same thing about you."

You tilted your head, "You thought I was a prude."

"I absolutely did."

"I wasn't."

"Hmm" Her eyes flickered to your lips for the briefest second before finding your eyes again, "You've proved that." A quiet laugh escaped you.

The space between you disappeared, the kiss came naturally the slow meeting of your lips, both of you smiling into it before either of you realised.

Your arms settled comfortably around her neck, instinctively drawing her a little closer.

Alexia's hands found your waist first, lingering there as though still checking that this was okay.

When you leaned into her, she relaxed, her hands drifting lower to rest lightly against your arse, holding you close.

You could feel her smile, "You've stopped overthinking." She whispered against your lips, "For at least thirty seconds."

"That's probably a personal record."

She laughed quietly, "I'll take it."

You kissed her again, slower this time, there was no rush, no urgency, when you eventually pulled back, neither of you went far.

Your noses brushed, your foreheads touched again.

"I missed you." Alexia admitted.

"It was only a day."

"It felt much longer."

You nodded, "It did."

A knock at the hotel door made you both freeze.

Then came Alba's unmistakable voice from the hallway.

"Ale? Olivia has just fed the camp rabbit crackers. I don't know if that's allowed."

The two of you looked at each other, Alexia sighed dramatically, "I leave her alone with her for five minutes..."

You laughed, giving her one last quick kiss, "I think we'd better go rescue your sister." You rolled your eyes affectionately.

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