Fine â Chapter Ten: Nurture
Feinberg is kind of tired of saving people. Except for Icarus. There isnât much he wonât do for Icarus, and that deeply concerns him.
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@vibesoda
Fine â Chapter Ten: Nurture
Feinberg is kind of tired of saving people. Except for Icarus. There isnât much he wonât do for Icarus, and that deeply concerns him.
hi!! i'm new to writing, and i really look up to you in terms of fics and generally storytelling! my friend introduced me to your works last year, and i easily became a big fan.
if you don't mind, i just wanted to ask if you could give any tips regarding how to write? my main struggle is really just being demotivated to write. i have the scenes i want in my head, in fact i already planned them out in my draft, but i don't know how to write it perfectly, so i end up being too scared to actually make them come to life.
have you struggled with that before? how did you overcome it? thanks for answering if you ever do! đŸ
hi!! thank u so much for the ask and the kind words <3
this is an interesting question because i never really examined how i write and upon thinking about it, i realized i probably wonât be able to be much help because i kind of just. go.
say i get an idea. itâs probably vague, so iâll write down the premise i thought of and if nothing else comes to me, thatâs it. i wait until iâm struck with inspiration again. sometimes, as iâm writing down an idea or a line of dialogue i thought of at 3 AM, the story decides to reveal itself to me in a series of what i can only call incredibly dense daydreams, and iâm typing at mach speed trying to keep up with my brain.
i never try to force anything. if iâm not feeling it, i usually switch to a different creative project because iâve got plenty of those. the ideas will come back to me when they are ready.
another thing i do if iâm stuck on somethingâusually for scenes where characters interactâi will act out the scene either in my head or out loud, essentially talking to myself. i put myself in my charactersâ shoes, and try to feel what they are feeling in the moment. that way, i can continue my conversation with myself past the place i got stuck because at a certain point i become the characters. i think how they think, do what they might do, and say what they might say.
if two characters are having an argument because they possess two completely different worldviews, i will split myself in half, in which each half has one characterâs point of view. kind of like in a debate if yâall ever did that in school wherein you get handed an argument and are instructed to defend it even if you donât agree with it. then i let the argument play out.
music is also huge in my creative process. in my head, i assign a scene from my story to every song i listen to. itâs usually a song that captures the overall feeling of the characters and the mood its meant to instill in the reader, rather than fixating on accuracy to the lyrics. a lot of break-up songs are more about betrayal than romance, so i listen to them when iâm writing a scene between any two characters that once cared deeply about each other, but hit a roadblock that perhaps they couldnât get past. thatâs why i make character playlists. it helps me get in the headspace of the characters whose points of view i write from. anything that can get you in the minds of your characters is a powerful tool.
when it comes to actually writing the damn story, with grammar and sentence structure and all that nonsense, i start by throwing pretty much everything that isnât absolutely necessary out the window.
donât worry about perfect. worry about whatâs most important to the story. if i donât know how to write a transition, iâll just leave a note to myself to figure it out later. the great part about writing is that itâs a marathon, not a sprint. you can come back and fix the word salad you whipped up while you were drunk after you sober up.
tl;dr: get the meat of your story in there. you can garnish it later. i mean, seriously, sometimes the extent of my âwritingâ for a night is something like:
[uhhh so character A is a huge idiot and i want him to like. fuck up crazy style before character B shows up just in time for A to figure his shit out. character B is completely oblivious to the prior nonsense and thinks A is a genius. this is funny because later after some stupid bantering i want character B to call A smart or something and character A (the idiot) thinks B is making fun of him lol. figure out some way to make Aâs transition from cringefail to competent believable later]
in this vein, a lot of my dialogue scenes start as a series of sentences in quotation marks without anything like dialogue tags or character actions. that comes later, after i figure out how the conversation goes. because i donât know that ahead of time.
i have the whole story in my head, of course, but thatâs just the overview with none of the finer details. so when i put my hands on the keyboard and start typing, i have no clue where anything is goingâusually a half-baked idea of how the scene begins, and maybe how it ends. it plays out as i write it.
sometimes i will write an overview or summary of the events i want to take place in a certain chapter, and more often than not, that gets tossed out by scene two. important events stay, but that fight i planned to end quickly? nah, wasnât feeling it. it becomes three fights intertwined with chase sequences because thatâs what felt natural to me while i was writing.
i do not write the story. the story possesses me and writes itself.
which is why i said i probably wonât be much help, because my process is less of a process and more of a cage match between me and the story where the story always wins.
my advice is to let the story guide you just as much as you guide it. and if something about your draft bothers you, listen to that instinct and figure out why you donât like it. it takes experience to translate that âughh this isnât rightâ feeling into something constructive like, âoh my problem is [slow pacing, continuity errors, characters acting out of character, shit like that] and i will fix it by [rewriting, having someone else look over it, coming back later to reevaluate].â if you do this enough, it will become second nature to you. youâll stop getting tripped up at every little thing.
to conclude this mess of a ramble, i will tell you to remember why you started writing and keep it close to your heart. that way you wonât lose track of yourself in your story or vice versa. do it because you love it. or because you hate it. but do it for yourself. thatâs where authenticity comes from.
you may have to sell your soul to the literature gods to do it, but you will make that damn story exist. one word at a time.
i believe in you.
chapter eleven of Fine will be around 15-17k words
oh. oh dearâŠ..
Im not the person to write really meaningful or thought out comments or shit, but i just really wanted to show my appreciation for Fine.
Ive been keeping up since, maybe chapter 5? And it was honestly a pretty low time in my life, and it kinda still is, but having this iteration of these characters in such a well thought-out and well written execution makes me so damn happy. Every update I specifically open ao3 on my tablet to read it, just to get the best experience with it.
All that fine!fein is dealing with and all that hes going through throughout the fic sort of resonates with me, and has seriously made me think about what to do with my life (probably not a good thing to consider things like that due to a fic lol).
But that aside, Fine is just genuinely one of the best hero/villain/vigilante AU ive ever read, ever. Theres just so much passion put into the writing and art that you do, its honestly inspiring.
I think thats all, but yeah. Thanks for creating Fine. (Still working on reading dolorem and iterum)
apologies for answering this ask so late, iâve been going through my inbox to queue asks i really want to answer or respond to for like a month at this point and i had no idea when iâd get to this one.
this isnât going to be the most coherent answer ever because itâs really late at night for me as iâm writing this response, but making sure people know iâve read what they have to say is important to me.
anyway itâs so incredible as a former man of few words (hard to believe, i know, but trust me) that my work motivated you to reach out. idk. i just know itâs not the easiest thing to do especially if you really like someoneâs stuff and donât want them to like, hate you or something. is that just a me thing? it might just be a me thing.
i feel very special. i am humbled that my work resonated with you in such a way. for a long time i thought nobody could ever connect with my writing because itâs just so, like, outlandish at times. i donât really take myself seriously but i write about things that mean something serious to me. if that sounds strange to you, itâs because it is. everything i make is strange and before mcsr i never once thought my stuff could be the good kind of strange.
it soothes a part of my deeply wounded soul or whatever that my work, which is so profoundly alyx vibesoda to its core, is loved by people who are not alyx vibesoda (me).
because perhaps that means i am loved, and let me tell you, f!feinâs struggles with understanding that he is loved are not fabricated. that part of him comes directly from the tap of my bleeding heart or something.
so all this is to say, i would be a hypocrite and a half if i told you it was weird to reflect upon yourself because of something you read in a fanfiction, because someone had to write that fanfiction, which means someone wanted you to read that line, paragraph, or chapter, and maybe they wanted you to take from it whatever you needed.
to quote Fine, or myself, i guess: âyour problem is doing what you think is right and nothing else.â
writing helps me find my way. if reading helps you find yours, then i suggest itâs quite lucky we found each other. even if we look strange to onlookers, who should mind their own damn business anyway.
so, hey, youâre welcome for the story. it truly is my pleasure. and i must thank you as well, because you are a part of it too. your eyes are just as important as mine.
the story exists because i care. the story lives because you care.
without a reader to read what i write, my words may as well not exist.
so thank you for doing your part. as long as there are people like yourself, i will keep doing mine.
hi!!! recently caught up on Fine and i was just wondering, how much of a role will your oc play in the story?
i assume you mean Soda, because everyone in Fine is an original character of mine. sure, they are inspired by people, but people arenât characters themselves. i make them little mini book-versions of themselves. does that make sense? i hope that makes sense.
and hey, look, the whole authorâs âself-insert taking over the storyâ thing isnât something you have to worry about, if thatâs why youâre asking. primarily because heâs not much of a self-insert, but more importantly:
Sodaâs role in the story is specifically to be a character to whom i can do whatever the hell i want without the ethical concerns of writing about characters that are basically other peopleâs sonas.
so, you know, if he shows up covered in blood and bruises, psychologically haunted, et cetera, thatâs why.
i will say this: my intention with Soda is to show how bad things can get with powers like his, Hax, and Feinâs.
who knows when heâll show up again though. maybe never, if i decide to do something different. maybe soon, if people like him. itâs up in the air.
Sodaâs purpose is important but for right now, i donât have any grand plans for him. that may change. it may not. i canât make definitive choices to save my life.
if i let go, would you hold on, would we fly?
is it safer if we just say that we tried?
based on my fic, Fine
chapter eleven of Fine will be around 15-17k words
hi!! big fan and lurker on your tumblr and twitter :DD i just wanted to ask (as long as it doesn't spoil the plot), in iterum, will the merfolks (?) or crookst's community be a big part in fein's character development? or will he be the one to change them? thanks for answering if you do! :D
hello hello :D
yes and yes! they will change each other. they will help feinberg and feinberg will help them, more than just practically. crookstâs people will technically be the second settlement to care for feinberg like one of their own, and feinberg will discover his loyalty isnât just to his kingdom, but to everyone he has ever cared for. feinberg realizes that though his duty to the Universe is heavy, he neednât carry it alone. he realizes that though his kingdom failed him, that doesnât mean everyone will. crookst and his people come to see the Universe in a new light thanks to feinbergâs actions, wherein he places his life on the line for people who expected to be treated as footnotes in the Great Heroâs story, and they learn that they are instead the reason it continues to be written.
in other words, this section of the story is the Universe telling feinberg that he is not separate from every other thing
and he is not alone.
can you pretty please tell us a summary of chapter 11 *bats my eyelashes*
i assume you mean Fine, so i will give you the opening lines for each of the major scenes (in chronological order):
âItâs the third week of Couriwayâs sudden absence from the HBG office and the second week of Fulham stumbling into work with a dreadful hangover before Nerdi finally says something.â
âItâs been eighteen days since Icarus officially went rogue and he couldnât care any less because Feinberg is acting strange again.â
âIf Feinbergâs math is right, which it always is, it has been three days, nineteen hours, and approximately fifty minutes since Couriway last slept. It occurs to Feinberg, as he gazes at his unconscious roommate, curled peacefully against the arm of the couch, that he needs to reset the clock.â
an incomplete man with creation in his veins and a sick man with medicine in his nerves, neither able to save himself
doodle for my fic, Fine
from my mcsr fic, Fine
did anybody miss fine!fruitberries?
entropy: (noun) a thermodynamic quantity representing the amount of energy in a system that is no longer available for doing mechanical work
based on my fic, Fine
this is what writing Fine feels like
Kinda just feeling bad for Couri in Iterum, I understand that he's the king and everything but it wouldn't really kill people to have some sympathy for things he didn't really control. Nobody can control Feinberg, Tapl threatens it to be him or Fein, and Couri is the one being blamed for this idiocy? Couri may not be doing the best but I don't think he's the one doing the worst, he tries to actually follow Fein's suggestion and then he's apparently doing worse for it. Man.
He's doing the best with what he's gotttttt.
-a little random guy who causes problems. And fun
In Dolorem we learned a funny thing about grief and sacrifice.
There is often nothing to place blame upon but the circumstances. Or some kind of higher power, if you believe in that.
People do what they do because they believe they must, and blaming them for that would be like blaming the sun for burning your skin.
But those feelings need somewhere to go.
When you experience a loss so great that your world shatters beneath your feet, youâd do just about anything to make that pain disappear. In that moment, nothing matters more than the aching hole in your chest and you need to fill it, or youâll collapse.
Some people choose to fill it with anger. Why me, why now, what did I do to deserve this? Fruitberries did this in Dolorem. He admitted that he was never truly angry at Couriway, or Feinberg.
Emotions are a powerful thing. They drive people to do things against their own survival instincts. They can heal and they can harm.
Fruitberries just wanted his friend back. Thatâs not possible, though, so he had to find something to do with all that rage.
Feinberg was angry, too. He chose to direct that anger inward, because the only thing he couldnât stand more than the pain of loss was the pain of being responsible for it.
Everyone changed. Thatâs what happens when tragedy strikes. If thereâs nothing to hold everyone together, they fall apart.
Why isnât Couriway angry at everyone else? Itâs unfair, how theyâre treating him.
Couriway would raise that everything is unfair. Why did Tapl have to come back to life without his soul? Why did Feinberg have to bear the brunt of Fruitberriesâs anger? Why did Reign fall ill with the same affliction the late King did, except he got to survive?
Unfairness, blame, anger, guilt; Couriway accepts them all as part of the crown placed upon his head.
When emotions are high, the worst thing a leader can do is reflect them back.
Someone has to keep the kingdom together. Someone has to protect people from themselves.
Couriway wants people to blame him. At least he knows he can handle it.
You know, it's always interested me with characters on what they think they deserve, what they want, and what they need. Mostly because it shows their self worth in a very unique way. Maybe they don't hate themselves, maybe they love everything else more. Maybe they're just a person and everything else is the best thing in the world. Maybe they think they deserve just something simple but they just want to be understood for a second, and they let themselves stay without any of these things, even despite knowing they might need more. Your characters throughout your fanfics remind me of this a lot. Especially Feinberg.
I know you appreciate us asking questions, so I'd like to know about your understand of how Feinberg process that in the fic Fine. What does he want, what does he need, and what does he think he deserves. Extra if you add how aware he is about the differences. (He probably isn't very he's kind an emotional idiot here.) If you can, you know.
-a little random guy who causes problems. And fun
Ah yes, the heroâs journey and the role of the protagonist.
What do they want? What do they need? What do they get?
Thatâs what the whole storyâs about, isnât it?
For me and my characters, I have a hard time making things that cut and dry. What does f!Fein want? If you asked him, youâd get a different answer than if you asked me. Whatâs the truth? Which is his genuine desire? Theyâre both true.
Well, f!Fein thinks he wants everyone to leave him the hell alone so he can fulfill his duty as a faulty human being and serve others until he canât anymore. To an extent, he does want that. Thatâs why he keeps running from every good thing in his life. What he really wants, subconsciously, is also different from what he needs.
He wants to proven wrong. He wants to be wrong for one goddamn time in his life. About himself, someone else, the nature of his power, whatever.
As for what he needs? Itâs simple. He needs to be loved. More specifically, he needs to believe he is loved. He needs someone to prove him wrong about his own self worth. He needs the very same cold, hard, evidence that his past has shackled him to. Of course f!Fein doesnât believe that. He spent his whole life being taught that love is for good servants who deserve it. He doesnât think he does. He never will, untilâŠ
f!Couriway, bless his heart, believes that love is enough. He thinks all he needs to do to help his roommate is love.
Itâs not that simple. How do you go about convincing someone who spent nearly thirty years believing he is worth nothing but the things he can do for others, that heâs wrong? How do you prove that?
Unfortunately, f!Couri canât use brute force to solve this problem. It starts with f!Fein. Fein needs to realize that he wants to be wrong. That heâs tired of living like heâs less than everyone else despite everything heâs done to break even.
f!Fein is someone who believes he was born with a great debt to the world. No matter how much he pays back, the interest compounds too fast.
He doesnât need someone to forgive his debt. He needs someone to show him it never existed in the first place.
Then, and only then, can f!Fein begin to invest in himself.
AI writing bothers me in a way that little else can.
I saw something like this earlier:
âGasps echo. Chairs scrape the floor. Itâs not suddenâitâs slow. Methodical. Practiced.
She watches. Itâs unlike anything sheâs seen before.â
Nobody. Wants. To. Read. This.
It makes me nauseous. Seriously. Who the hell wants to read words one at a time with a million periods in between?
You donât even explain anything. What does it mean for chairs to scrape the floor methodically? Slow, practiced, purposefulâthese are just adjectives. They need context. Like, something of substance to give them meaning. Itâs like a condiment with nothing to put it on.
No offense to those of you that drink salad dressing from the bottle. I know youâre out there.
Anyway, I donât care how someone or something moved if you donât tell me why. Why is it significant that the stupid fucking chairs moved like that? Tell me. Thatâs the whole point of the story. It isnât just âthings happen! Look at me jingling keys!â
For godâs sake, move on from your stupid chairs and their stupid scraping. Iâm so serious. Move on. Nothing irritates me more than spending too much time on a moment that would take two seconds in real life for the sole purpose of being profound about it.
The pacing of your words affects how readers experience the story. If you want your audience to feel the shock of whatever lore-bomb you just dropped, you have to give them an opportunity to process it, which means you need to keep telling the story. Lingering there extends the moment. It never lets your readers breathe. You donât want that.
I have to care, too. More importantly, you have to make me care. I need to connect to your story, your characters, in a way only human brains can. Thatâs the hard part. Thatâs the fun part.
Thereâs endless nuance like this that simply cannot be feigned. Writing is an art form, for godâs sake. People donât make art just to look at it.
Thatâs why you still feel empty after generating your word salad inferior to the Wattpad ramblings of a teenager in 2012. The product isnât the point. You have robbed yourself of the catharsis of making something. Something that would notâcould notâexist without you.
It doesnât matter a microscopic, teeny-weeny bit that âyourâ writing is beautiful and profound if the story sucks. A machine canât tell a story because it doesnât have experiences. It has a hodge-podge of scraped literature that it has been trained to emulate. Thatâs like using a hammer to frost a cake. Youâre not going to get something good. Youâre going to get the shitty product of using a tool that fundamentally lacks the ability to do the damn thing correctly.
The AI does not understand the heroâs journey or figurative language or subversion of expectations or the reason we tell stories in the goddamn first place.
We tell stories to connect with each other. As people. We make up some bullshit and translate it into whatever language and share it with the people we care about because there are things that can only be communicated through storytelling.
People hate this AI prose garbage because itâs not a human voice theyâre reading. It lacks intention. The words need to be given meaning by a person with a life and experiences and pain and all that stuff a machine could never have or hope to replicate. If I can't get lost in the stream of consciousness of another human, as is my god-given right, I am not interested.
Whatâs the point of creation without the creation?
If youâre telling a story by relying on a machine, youâre not telling a story.
Itâs not a story if itâs not human.
How the hell did you get Hax's voice so insanely right
all i have to do is be around a person for a couple hours and i can pretty accurately make their characterâs dialogue plausible. a few years and you get me finishing their sentences before they can think about what they were going to say. itâs my own superpower i guess.
going bowling with hax was an experience but to tell you the truth it didnât change anything about his character bc all he did was reinforce what i already knew about him lol. (which is that heâs a lovely dude who is absolutely winning the idgaf war)
itâs awesome to hear from the hackingnoises enjoyers that i did him justice. i kept having to stop myself and go âwould he say that? maybe he would say it but in a different way.â
uhh tl;dr understanding people is the why & how of my reasons for writing. iâve made other posts about this and finding a middle ground between character and person. i write to understand. so i put a lot of effort into communicating that.
get perceived and appreciated, losers