The Victorian Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse

Because when the world blows up, we need to know how to party like it's 1899.

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For our first foray into Victorian advice for the apocalypse, we begin with the important things: smelling good. Because we all know the end of the world is going to be a stinky time.

With a perfume called “Kiss me Quick,” you’ll get first dibs on the few leftover members of the opposite sex. Also, I have it on good authority that rose water fumes burn the undead, as illustrated in the helpful drawing of a chemist defeating a bespectacled zombie. At the very least, it makes it more pleasant to fight the rotting dead. 

You now have the recipe for a weapon against both zombies, and remaining celibate at the end of the world. You’re welcome.

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And for another weird old book, I give you Hurlbut’s Story of the Bible.

I can just imagine the scores of would-be young Bible-readers who never fully read the Holy Book because they were too preocuppied with “Hurlbut.”

But if you do need some holy comfort as the world ends, I highly recommend hurling your butt into this edition.

Har dee har har.

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Before we jump into practical preparation for the future, let’s take a brief look at another treasure from the past that might be useful in a world where mommy/daddy blogs no longer exist and nuclear fallout is rampant. You can’t get better parenting help than from the “Medical Examiner of Defective Children.” Because post-nuclear-apocalypse, will there be any other kind of child?

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Here it is, folks. The authoritative guide to surviving the viral/zombie/nuclear/what-have-you apocalypse, coming to you straight from 1890. Because let’s be honest, we will have no idea how to survive when the modern world crumbles. But our dear benefactor, Henry B. Scammell (and Various Experts, of whom there had to be A LOT), has provided us a complete instruction guide for everything from at-home surgeries and herbal cures, to slaughtering a cow and playing games without electricity. Just imagine the fun of games like “How, When, and Where do you Like it?” (Those naughty Victorians.) I won’t even miss World of Warcraft with something like that to keep me busy. This copy comes to us by way of W.B. McFarland in 1890, and my own great-grandfather, who kept it at our family cabin. Hats off to them for passing it on.