Christian knew it was only right to tell Viktor what had transpired between himself and Matthieu out on the training grounds following the Beaumont-Wren wedding; he had immediately regretted his decisions to allow his emotions to get the best of him, if for however brief, and wanted to make amends in the most honorable ways he knew of. He was ashamed that he had hit another wolf, even if said wolf had been questioning, judging, and mocking the very foundation of Christianâs relationship with Arielle. It wasâŚone of his weaker moments, and he supposed that with the weight of Kieranâs death, the knowledge that the vampires had now openly declared war on their species, and the intimacy of the shower he had shared with Arielle shortly before confronting Matthieu, he had let his emotions swell and grow until they overflowed inside of him.
ââŚThat is correct, your highness,â Christian managed with a flinch, hanging his head as shame flooded through him. Heâd never loathed himself more than in that moment; he liked to think he had built a rather amiable relationship with King Viktor over the years, long before the man before him had been a monarch, and to know he had disappointed not only his king, but one of the closest and dearest friends heâd ever had. âArielle and Iâshe seemed to think I had abandoned her by taking the alpha position, so I suppose I was already a bit sensitive to it. The last thing I wanted was for either of you to think I had abandoned you; my status as Head Alpha and my identity as a werewolf is exceedingly important to me, but so is the royal family.â So is Arielle, he wanted to say, but somehow, speaking those words aloud in front of her brother didnât seem the wisest decision at present.
âI understand that you believe I undermined your authority, your majesty, but with all due respectâMatthieu is a wolf. As someone aligned with the royal pack, it wasâŚit was improper for him to speak to me the way he did. Iâm not sure what falls under my jurisdiction and what doesnât, your majesty, if Iâm being frank with you. It was improper of him to refer to Arielle as a âbrave little idiot.â She might have deceived him, but she is stillâshe is still the princess. I acted out and I willâŚtake whatever punishment you think appropriate.â He said with a long, shaky sigh. He didnât know what he expected from Viktor, but he understood and respected that there were consequences to be had for actions. Perhaps he was having more difficulty navigating the terrain of being a leader than he originally thought.
He thought he had been prepared for whatever Viktor had to say, but when the king suggested that he didnât think it was a good idea for Christian to be around Arielle, his gaze snapped up to the kingâs. He felt as though someone had punched a hole through his heart; he felt faint, out of breath. He thought of Arielleâs hands all over his body in the shower just after the battle; he thought of her holding him close and telling him she loved him. He thought of her crumbling against him, telling Arielle she was his mate, and felt the resonating clang of his heart thumping painfully against his rib cage, as though it wished desperately to run away from confronting thoughts of a world without Arielle in it.
âYour majesty,â he breathed, taking an involuntary step towards Viktor. âPlease, Iââ He cut off, blinking rapidly and fidgeting with his hands as he tried to think of somethingâanythingâto say. But it was as though all of the air had been sucked out of the room; he couldnât breathe, he couldnât speak, he couldnât think. A torn expression worked its way across his face, worming its way to the center of his heart as he cursed himself for the dilemma heâd put himself into. For the sake ofâŚwhat? His pride? His feelings for Arielle? His desire to protect everything about her, even the image others had of her? He felt as though he was going to faint, and could manage to do little more than incline his head and bow slightly, the words pushed out of his mouth in a tight, panicked voice. ââŚYes, your majesty. IâI understand.â
âI do respect your position, Christian, and I certainly understand that transition periods are confusing, expecially when theyâre not something you expect.â Viktor could certainly sympathize with the Head Alpha, who had attained his role out of necessity rather than by choice. Yet the king knew, even without his advisors in the room, that to do nothing would display the type of bias that would be dangerous for his already questionable position in court. âBut I had my reasons for appointing Matthieu, and as Arielleâs bodyguard, he is directly accountable to me. Attacking him, especially because the reasoning involved my sister, puts her at risk and causes others to start asking the sort of questions you donât want to answer.â Viktor shook his head, feeling far older than he really was. âWhat if Sir Greyheart had been injured, and an attempt was made of her life while he was recovering? What if you were injured and there was a pack emergency? You canât be her bodyguard again, Christian, but I need someone to do it. People like us...We arenât allowed to act freely. Not when the stakes are so high.â
The entire situation was a mess, and just thinking of the new dilemma formed just a small crack in his armor. But it was one of many that had been set into place, ever since the crown was placed on his head, and Viktor could feel himself starting to crumble under the sheer stress of it all. The clear look of hurt on Christianâs face made the guilt well up in him, and he could feel his heart sinking for the werewolf. He blinked hard, vision blurring just for a moment as his emotions got the better of him. He didnât want to do this. He hated doing this, but he was obligated to.
Viktor held his head in his hands, trying to will away the buildup of stress. âIâm going to be honest with you, because you of all people have the right to know. Iâm at my limit.â His voice trembled as he tried to keep himself together. âBetween Gabriel and the fae, the Mer Kingdomâs current state, the foreign royals, the increase in pirates...the casualties, Christian. Do you have any idea how many have-â He felt his breath catch, and he closed his eyes. His kingdom was bleeding, and his heart alongside it, without any idea of how to move forward. And to know there was discord in his own castle? Among those who were supposed to be on the same side? âItâs too much. Candoris is falling apart and I canât pick up the pieces fast enough to keep it together. I just- I need time. I canât handle having another problem to worry about.â
His thoughts flew back to his sister, who he would have to meet with to explain the new arrangements. She would be devastated, but he was far too afraid to change his mind about it now. Not when danger lurked so closely to their castle. âArielle was entrusted to me by our parents. Sheâs all I have left. I canât risk Arielleâs safety. I absolutely cannot. If I lose her too, I...â Just the thought of it sent him spiralling. A world without his sister, if she was ever taken away by the forces that bore down on them now, was a dark one. Losing his parents was one thing, but Arielle, who had grown alongside him, who had been his confidant, who didnât belong in a war-torn country, it would destroy him if something happened to her. âIt will only be for a few weeks, not forever. Until Iâm certain that this wonât happen again. Ya dal obeshchaniye nashim roditelyam. I canât break their trust in me.â Viktor bowed his head, regretful. â...Iâm sorry Christian. Truly.â
