livia had crossed a line. she always did, she always tried with tobias. even when she was still foolishly naive, more innocent than she’ll ever be again, all of it was tainted by a sharp tongue and a mean streak. one needed that when it meant to be haunted by her own legacy. and even if she hadn’t needed it, she was still her father’s daughter, words like fire, and intentions disguised as cold truths. ill-intentioned truths that were sometimes worse than lies. livia had thought she’d outgrown it, that she wasn’t a child anymore. but like back then, when she’d try to get a reaction out of tobias, half-fun, half-jealous that people at least pretended to like him, she continued doing it. trying how far she could go, until he’d snap. trying and testing if she’d still love her the same, or if there was a point that tobias snow would finally abandon her. recognizing the lies in the words she told him back in the train.
. we’re both gonna do great.
but livia hadn’t felt any of it. the spark of enthusiasm couldn’t pierce through clouded nostalgia. everything was covered in a thick veil of haze. she couldn’t look past it, recognize tobias, recognize herself. yet, all she did was to look for him. her best friend. the person she loved more than she’d ever love herself. the person she pretended to sometimes hate more than herself. the one who wasn’t swallowed by the haze but by the smoke of a fire she’d lit herself.
“ no, i need you to believe me.” even now, when she was trying to be kind, she couldn’t be. she forced another one of her needs on him, only so that she could feel better, so she wouldn’t notice how her hatred for the capitol had twisted her. her gaze snapped to the monitor, and her stomach dropped. a manufactured reflection of the events that had occurred, and she believed it and the version of tobias the capitol wanted everyone to see. his smile was as perfect as the illusion snow made flesh. panem today, panem tomorrow, panem forever. but the person in front of her, gave her a sad smile. one that said you hurt me, and reminded her of who she was. “ you know that i didn’t mean that. sometimes i don’t think and … ” her voice faltered, it was giving up on her like everyone else. tobias wouldn’t forgive her, he’d leave her like everyone else, like she wanted, like she’d always feared.
as the silence filled the room, her selfish request lingered between them. tobias didn’t move, and she couldn’t read his reaction, couldn’t tell if by the way he was breathing in and out, he’d either tell her to leave or just give another sad smile. finally, when he spoke, livia could finally react. lean against the wall, with her arms crossed and as if she didn’t need to hold her hand to prevent it from trembling. she wasn’t scared of him ( never, he was her best friend ) but she was scared to witness another shard falling from their half broken friendship.
“ no, i only want you to stop, because i don’t want you to waste another twelve years. ” when livia spoke, her voice came out surprisingly clear. almost cold, and detached from who she thought she’d been. if she needed to be cruel for the sake of their friendship, she would be.
we’re both gonna do great.
- perhaps it was never meant to be both of them.
“ you’ll die an insignificant death,” she breathed. knowing he was willing to trade his own life for the cause . but this wasn’t enough, and she would lose her best friend and she didn’t know how she’d live with it. she’d rather have him hate her than to lose him completely. “ and with you many others. it’s better if you do nothing. you won’t get hurt. less people will get hurt because of you.” tobias rarely cursed, but he did now, and she wouldn’t be shocked if he did again, after what she’d just told him. but if he didn’t step back, livia feared that this wouldn’t be their last argument. another shard.
“ yeah, well, i’m matching your bullshit, because honestly i don’t see it. you tell me i mean something to you but you never show it, you can’t even do that thing for me.” livia knew it was childish, livia knew where his anger came from, she’d have reacted the same way. they still resembled each other at least in this aspect.
“ you’re lying, tobias. you didn’t accept it, you only think you do because i still haven’t been inconvenient enough. you only think you did because nothing’s happened yet, nothing that forces you to choose between your beliefs and me.” she took a ragged breath. “ you say you respect me , but do you think i’ll respect you if you continue being this fucking stubborn ? why don’t you realise that i simply want the best for you, why don’t you listen to me for once ? is it that difficult not to get everything you want for once ?! ” she paced through the room, ignoring that he was probably tired of this, of this conversation and everything would follow.
“ what are the plans for the arena ? “ livia demanded at last, turning to face him, even if he didn’t look at her “ i need you to give them to me. ”