Here’s a short story I wrote. Fair warning: there is no happy ending.
I remember being forced to watch as the man I loved— the man I still love— died. Even in my worst nightmares of hypothetical loss, I always imagined we’d end up together. Always.
It was mid-autumn, and I remember thinking that the battlefield looked beautiful with all the leaves strewn about. We had the advantage in numbers, but we knew the outcome was still a toss up. Terrence had been strong willed before, and the enhancements from when he was revived had made it psychologically impossible for him to give up. If the effects on him were anything like they were with me, I knew we wouldn’t be able to outlast him. We’d have to end this quickly, or it might not end at all. Of course, looking back now, I would give nearly everything to still be fighting. But back then, facing the possibility of a fight that would drain our resources and our optimism, I was convinced it would be best for everyone if the fight ended quickly.
We had the upper hand, at least at first. We managed to push Terrence’s forces back enough that it was looking like we might actually have had a chance. But that was all part of their plan.
Our numbers were nearly halved before we even had the time to realize what was happening. We were losing, and badly. I was about to call for a tactical retreat when Reg approached me.
“You know what we have to do,” he told me, “I know you do.”
I nodded, thinking I understood his suggestion. “We have to run. Get out of here before they can mow anyone else down.” Reg looked at me then, right in the eyes. There, looking at his beautiful brown irises, I would have let the world burn— hell, I would have burned the world down myself— if it meant the two of us would never be targeted again. But the moment didn’t last.
“Right, if we try to run, they’ll just follow us. You said it yourself— they aren’t going to give up. We need to take drastic measures.” I looked at him, trying to understand what he was implying. But, as always, he was three steps ahead of me. “I can turn myself over to him. I’m his real target, and we all know it.” I only gaped at Reg. There was no way he was actually considering this… was there? I didn’t have time to dwell on it, because he just kept talking. “I’ll make myself a distraction. If I can keep him occupied, you’d have a real shot at getting everyone else to safety.” I put up a hand to stop him. This was insane. There had to be another way.
“Reg, I love you, but staying behind is stupid. Terrence won’t hesitate to kill you, and he’d make it slow and painful. I won’t do that to you.”
His next words were quiet, but yet he managed to make himself sound as confident as that first time he’d told me he loved me. “So let him kill me. I’ve lived my life.” He took my hands. “I found you. I fell in love with you. Let me do this, for the sake of the Clan.” I tried to object, but he wouldn’t stop. “You’re not doing anything to me, Right. I’m offering. It’s my life, and my choice to make. Look around us, at all the people we’ve already lost. We have to end this, and you and I both know this is the only way.”
I didn’t want to agree with him. I wanted to tell him I didn’t care about anyone else. But I couldn’t honestly say that. I started to tear up, but instead of telling me that it would be okay as he always did, Reg just cupped my chin in his hand. He wiped at my eyes, but he didn’t say a word. And that silence was worse than the explanation itself, because it meant there were no reassurances to give anymore.
Almost without thinking, I pulled him in for a kiss. For one more moment, we ignored all the carnage around us. But we both knew it couldn’t last forever. When he pulled back, I knew it was all over. As much as I wanted to beg for him to stay with me, I knew it wouldn’t change a thing. Somehow, I managed to stand up straight. Somehow, I watched him walk away. Then I led what was left of our ranks away from the field, knowing that this would be one of those choices I’d regret for the rest of my life.