i kneel into a dream where i am good && loved. i am good. i am loved. my hands have made some good mistakes. they can always make better ones.

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@vilebodysarchive
i kneel into a dream where i am good && loved. i am good. i am loved. my hands have made some good mistakes. they can always make better ones.
BRIGHT STAR (2009) dir. Jane Campion
HAVANA ROSE LIU Bottoms (2023)
(in the voice of a guy that will defy fate to save you) i don't care
STATUS : open. LOCATION : the apartments, the next day @ late afternoon.
activity in the area had been higher than normal, considering the events of the night before. the weather wasn't as intense, but a gentle rain continued to pour from the sky with the occasional rumble of distant thunder. after waking up that morning, finn quickly swiped some gear and supplies from the medical center before heading out into the city. he was grateful for the rescue and the treatment ; sparing an old knee brace and some bandages for his wounds, but his sister was still out there — he couldn't heal until he knew she was safe. as the sun was just dipping behind the roofs of the highrise buildings, finn finds his way inside the old apartments. he could hear some of the infected in the distance, their groans and hisses echoing through the empty halls. despite living in this world for the past five years, it still chilled him to the bone. his heart thumps so hard against his chest that he presses his hand against it, then he takes three slow, grounding breaths before advancing toward the stairs.
he puts down four of the infected by the time he reaches his old floor, quiet as he steps through the door and gently latches it behind him. he takes light steps down the hall, flashlight lighting the path ahead of him, taking caution at blind spots and corners. three more doors and you're home. one, he peaks his head through an ajar door and sees the silhouette of an infected against the setting sun and quickly steps across when they glance another way. two, blood is splattered along the floor and causes him to slip off balance, but he quickly catches himself. the source of it has disappeared, walked off deeper down the hallway where it faded out into darkness. with a quick scan around him, finn takes those final few steps toward his old apartment and rounds the corner in anticipation of cleo. three.
the wet bottom of his shoe squeaks against the tiled flooring as he steps through his front door, flashlight raising to light up the hallway ahead. a crowd of the dead linger there as if they pursued something inside — it wasn't cleo, was it ? their attention was already pulled in his direction; triggered by the squeak of his shoe. a gasp pulls from his chest and he steps back, hands gripping at the walls for balance — his knee throbbed from the exercise that day, and he grew lightheaded from the head injury. and if his luck didn't suck already, the moment he steps backward through the doorway again . . . he sees it. a variant at the center of the crowd of infected — stalking him like a rabid animal, slowly disappearing out of sight. finn's breathing grew erratic as the gears in his head spun with scenarios. was this the end for him ? and just as he turns on his heel, the cohort bursts from the crowd and tackles him to the floor. finn struggles against it's thrashing, it's strength, using his makeshift cane to muzzle it while he attempts to break free. the fight draws the attention of the other infected nearby, the slow group from his apartment now bursting through the doorway, the silhouette rounding the corner of the unit down the hall. in a last ditch attempt at breaking free, finn starts thrashing with one of his knives until he manages to slip out of it's grasp, scramble to his feet and take off in a limping run toward the nearest exit. " shit ! "
the damp scent of decay filled the air, death clinging to her when she was trying to find life. she was late, ( on purpose of course ), but found herself just in time to make use of desperation. eden knew this was coming, and though she somehow predicted the storm, yeji’s plan and behaviour remained a riddle : chaotic, fragmentary, impenetrable — everything eden despised about her. she found herself on the balcony, not anyone’s but the one belonging to a girl she hoped disappeared with the storm ( and if she didn’t she’d make sure to find another way ). instead, her eyes darted over destruction, and amidst the chaos she found the only other person sharing the same shade of blond: finn. if she didn’t do something, he’d probably die and another memory of an undeserved death would taint her. but it’d hurt her, cleo ; and eden would find some kind of revenge. but today she’d save him, risk her life for the greater deal. she could tell herself that it was pity that tugged at her heart, watching him limp away from a fate that could only be intervened by her. but eden knew that that part of hers already died with the world ending and it only abandoned and left her with something more sinister. fingers tightened around her climbing pick , surveying the room: scattered furniture, shelves leaning against the walls, gaps between clustering zombies. nothing enough to ensure some sort of safety. but then her gaze fell on the ceiling that had partially collapsed in the corner, offering her beams and support columns. she could still die but there was no time to think about it. her fingers latched on a broken shelf, and in one fluid motion, she hauled herself upwards, perching on top. slipping past the walkers, she held her breath as she swung herself on a support beam jutting from the wall. the moment between her jumping on a wardrobe near the exit and driving her climbing pick into walkers’ skulls with a sickening precision was muted by her beating heart. “ finn.” she tries to catch her breath, still managing to slip lies through it. “ are you hurt ? when i heard about the storm i couldn't help but worry about you, i knew i had to find you ... i thought you were in danger ... can you climb ? or move ? you just need to hold onto me, i’m going to get you out of here.”
new gf just dropped
open / closed where : sf medical center
though the harsh storm brought many challenges and lurkers with dark intentions— she wasn’t thinking about the undead— the one upside is that the earth gave them a natural source of something they needed to survive. pushing a cart lined with rather enormous jugs, she braced herself as she made her way outside.
unintentionally letting out a small squeal as the rain hit her skin like small rocks, she quickly lined the backside wall with the bottles so the wind wouldn’t blow them over. ❛ there. ❜ a smile spread across her lips at her achievement; at least they will have water to wash up and drink with if anything happens.
running back inside, the cool air made her shiver. she needed to get out of these clothes before she got sick. rushing towards where she kept her personal items, she accidentally bumped into someone. ❛ oh my god, ❜ her soft voice called out. ❛ i’m so sorry, are you okay? do you need help? ❜ if they were on their way to the back of the center, they might have.
the rain slapped against her cheeks and every step felt heavier than the last. soaked fabric stuck to her skin, shoes muddied with the passage of desperation. fear gnawed at her chest but for the first time the walkers didn’t scare her, nor did the storm. it was leaving her daughter behind , risking her life in exchange for hope. her mind clung to her last words, her promise that everything would be fine. playing the words in a loop. refusing to let them cease with her daughter. thunder rolled across the sky like a warning ( a premonition ), telling her to turn back but the faintest flicker of light allowed her to abandon her reason, desperation filling her as she headed towards the hospital. she made it. finally. “ please help my daughter. ” desperation cut her breath, her whole body crumbling and shaking with exhaustion. “ she’s sick, i need medicine … a doctor … anything, please. or just tell me where i can find some medicine and i’ll disappear, i won’t bother you again. ”
English Teacher (2024 - ) I 1.02 Powderpuff
Body Heat (1981) dir.Lawrence Kasdan
he welcomes the darkness with open arms and a pained smile — he made a habit out of it — every few nights, when his head fills with taunting shadows as it does so often lately, he steps out of the marina. ventures further, sometimes too close to the other settlements, sometimes away from them all — exploring the unknown that is so dark and grim in this new world.
tonight is no different. the excuse of going for a patrol and to 'be left alone' an efficient way that no one follows him. and during the brief patrol that should have been peaceful ( because who has the balls to bother the sea cliff raiders? ) hawk - like eyes spot a figure crounching near a tree. shotgun immediately points at the intruder, orders spit mercilessly, voice stern, determined. " arms up, get on the floor face down. no funny business, you hear me? " marcia's soft words vanish beneath the intensity of his vocal cords. " no funny business n' you're going to be fine. "
the ground is strangely warm against the coldness of his voice, the sense of danger throwing her back into a cruel reality. there was no way, he’d do this to her. it was her heart that had put her into trouble again, risking her life for someone who would dispose of hers. she wouldn’t die, she needed to stay alive for her, even when another part of hers had already disappeared with her husband. all she could hear was the wind roaring in her ears, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she did what he told her to. marcia could feel the tension with her fingers before clawing them into the dry, loose earth around her. “ i told you, i meant no harm … ” she speaks through gritted teeth, one side of her face only touching the earth briefly before she flung a handful of dirt at him. dust filled the air , giving her a moment to seize, as she twisted her body and grabbed his wrist , pinning him down. now on top, her hands are shaking, her heart pounding and strands of dark hair sticking to her forehead. finally, her breath catches in her throat, a glimmer of recognition piercing through the chaos in the dimming light. “ it’s really you …” confusion and shock contorted her face, eyes widening with disbelief. “ don’t you recognize me ? ”
STATUS : closed for nisa ( @vilebodys ). LOCATION : sea cliff marina
" what was that about ? " the question fills the silence that once lingered between them, both focused on training — honing their combat skills. cari was one of the few responsible for helping others develop their fighting abilities, she had military experience after all. so she'd hang around the designated area for a few hours each day, just in case people needed some pointers. nisa was an exception to this, cari found herself watching a few moments longer because she could learn from nisa too — she was almost envious at how flawless she could be. cari steps to her, motions toward her shoulder and holsters her weapon. " you shouldn't push yourself. you're no good to us injured or dead, " her tone was cold but coloured with worry — care, for the other. " lets get a drink instead. something strong for that. best medical treatment you'll ever get. "
it was only a question of time , and the mercy of her body that she knew that it’d soon cave in, succumbing to the pain that had grown unbearable. nisa didn’t allow herself to hope, but she still clung to spite, to defeat her worsening condition by simply training more, making up with skills for a weakening body. “ i’m fine, just training because i don’t want to end up as zombie bait. although i feel like some people would love to see it.” her gaze remained on her goal, steady unlike her shivering arm. but before anyone could notice it, her weapon is already holstered by carina . “ no good, huh ? that’s all that matters, right ? i’m going to be disposed of anyway, injured or dead. i wonder if the same thing would happen to any of you guys, the leaders. ” a rare glimpse of emotion, threatened to surface. she didn’t know why she felt the need to share it but for some odd reason she felt comfortable enough with carina. perhaps, because she respected her skills, because she didn’t order her around. “ fine, but promise me, we won’t talk about ‘personal business’.” she recalled the conversation with rikter, hoping that it only remained between them two. “ i’d rather listen to some fun military stories, i’m sure you’ve some to share. ”
the way she speaks back to him is not necessarily a shock to him, she's relatively new here so she'll learn. however the tone she takes alongside the words that produce from her lips, causes surprise to a few of the members who have been there for quite some time. rikter likes to think of it as a ritual, most newcomers who are under the impression that he doesn't care about them end up sadly mistaken eventually coming around, if not the illusion of it, or dead. as much as he wants to care about every single person that seeks shelter or the thrill of the raid, it is an unrealistic task. if you can't step up, you'll get put out, though human life is still a value. he doesn't like to be rid of them if he can help it. but all those thoughts, that could make him seem soft or weak, are held back, bitten behind his tongue. doesn't like the nickname nisa, noted. “anisa.” he corrects himself, not particularly fond of having to repeat himself. “oh you'd know if you've done something wrong.” he tries not to take his own tone, he must remain rational despite everything inside of him urging him to bite back. “I really don't want to have to discuss your personal business in front of everyone, do you?”
there it goes, her intentions of remaining a ghost within the raiders flung out by childish pride. as if it was nothing. nisa sighed with regret, wrapped with a hint of annoyance as she noticed other members, prying on their conversation ( with bob happening to be there, the faintest hint of a smirk, gracing his lips). nisa wasn’t here to prove anything, she just wanted to be left alone and yet out of everyone, it was the raider boss talking to her. what an unfortunate afternoon. “ actually, it’s alicia. ” a pathetic attempt of grasping for her abandoned plan but maybe he’d forget her and the next time it’d be another raider bearing that name who’d need to have that little talk with him. “ and how would i know it ? wouldn’t i just end up dead ? there’s no lesson to learn from this . or maybe there is ? who knows there might be some walkers with a conscience out there. ” her eyes met his, crossing her arms and only taking a step forward to ensure a safe stance. “ my personal business ? ” her tone remained neutral but quiet surprise already boiled in her mind . she’d made sure that there would be nothing that could hurt her. that was the point of abandoning everyone and everything, so what was he getting at ? she doubted that he cared enough about those books she took with her. “ you like to read … romance novels ? ” nisa whispered, as she finally stepped closer. not everyone needed to know that she enjoyed those a little too much. “ if that’s what you’re talking about, you can borrow one from me. i only took them in case someone wants to kill some time. they're not for me of course ... ”
two people that actually did match each others freak
HA DO YEONG eating his salad (& her ass up with that response)
THE GLORY - EPISODE 11
HAVANA ROSE LIU as Melody in Afraid (2024)
𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒: open. 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: wandering outside the mall.
It was that time again, she shivered as she grabbed the essentials for going outside the mall. She was never excited or even the least bit thrilled to go outside, where anything could happen upon her. It was times like this that she really missed the farm, the resources that were readily available. There weren't just two cows, of which they needed for milk. she was also hoping that those cows would breed and hopefully she'd go on from there. She needed something sustainable. She wasn't a good fighter or a very good scavenger, but there was one thing she was good at, animals and hunting. She felt the shaking already, her nerves, ptsd everytime she had to go out. It reminded her of the running, the screams of her fellow survivors scream behind her and then the loud sounds afterwards as they faded the further, she got away.
Her stock was low and those few days before she had been dreading this. One last gulp of safe, mall air (in her mind) before she made that final step. The ground crunched beneath her feet as she walks away from the safety of the mall and into much less safe surroundings. Every step she took made her heartbeat race and finally she fell back against a tree with a sigh as she rubbed her hand down her face, her head thrusting back against the tree. "Get a grip, you need to do this, and you need to get back." She admonished herself before shaking her head and gripping the handle of her axe more tightly at her side, soothing her nerves a small fraction. She looked ahead and released one last breath before opening her eyes and seeing an unfamiliar face. "Jesus, a little warning next time." She said after nearly jumping out of her skin.
nisa didn’t know how she ended up at the abandoned shopping mall, fear clouding her mind and driving her body far from the crashing waves, swallowing any reasonable thought and leaving her with only panic floating on the surface. she’d been running for a long time, equipped with only a splintering branch, threatening to break the next time she’d be forced to use it. and when she finally came to halt, her body was shaking with exhaustion and fear, feelings she thought she managed to abandon in situations like these.
“ what ? ” nisa turned around, following a voice she was sure she didn’t imagine. but as she was facing the tree, a bitter smile almost crossed her features, she must’ve gone mad, only that she didn’t.
“ well, walkers do not announce themselves either, i thought you’d be used to this. ” she shrugged, relieved that she wasn’t wearing the usual gear that would’ve easily revealed her identity of being a raider.
“ staying here isn’t safe, you should return to your camp.”
The cheap liquor burned down his throat until he swallowed the sting with contempt. He remembered the last time he drank, and it happened to be with Nisa. Seemingly, the most celebration he had ever done was with her, almost a tradition they unknowingly made. It was something he actually clung to all this time away, as if he had hoped on a God he didn't believe in to bring her back. He placed the empty glass back on the table, immediately correcting her, " Yeah, the alcohol blurred your vision. I clearly remember winning a couple times. I'm sure, you remember. " Her smile ignited a spark deep within him. ( how i fucking missed your smile. ) But, he couldn't tell her outright how mushy and gushy his true feelings were, so his actions were left to do the job with pouring another shot, " Truth. "
the tension dissolved, trickling down open bottles, some of them missing their labels and others being nothing more than the cheapest liquor. the realization hit her with a suppressed laughter shaking her body : she’d found a shred of peace within grayson, growing bigger the more time she spent with him. time she’d taken for granted or maybe just grew comfortable with and for the first time, she was scared. losing her peace. losing him. again.
“ i’m a fencer .” used to be. nisa had abandoned many parts of herself but with grayson she could still cling to her old self ( for how long ? ), even with that stupid tradition of celebrating the smallest thing, reminding themself they were still alive. “ a blurry vision wouldn’t distract me. but fine, i do remember you winning once … or twice but only because i let you. ” she leaned forward, a confident smile bordering on arrogance gracing her lips.
“ not feeling bold today , i see. but i’m sure things are going to change with some liquid courage. ” however, she was the one who needed it, swallowing and suddenly aware of her own heartbeat as she tried to find the words for the question that had haunted her ever since.
“ well, do you know that i don’t dislike you - that’s not the question ... ” she cleared her throat, eyes moving to the bottles. “ you don’t hate me anymore, right ? you feel the same as me …?”