VINDICATCS * / - a selective , medium to low activity , independent multimuse & multiship blog feat. original characters as loved by reece; 30 , they/them , est. UNDER 21 DO NOT INTERACT.
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VINDICATCS * / - a selective , medium to low activity , independent multimuse & multiship blog feat. original characters as loved by reece; 30 , they/them , est. UNDER 21 DO NOT INTERACT.
rules. muses. wanted opps. wanted plots. open starters.
when we broke up.
the answer makes uziel frown, internalizing the way that things had ended between them. he had tried his best to keep their relationship together, but xander seemed hellbent on ruining it, on pushing uziel to his absolute limits until he just couldn’t take it anymore. he hoped that their separation would be a wake up call, that xander would do the work he needed to do on himself so that he could be good to his partner, and, maybe, down the line, they could reconnect when it was right. perhaps he’d been too hopeful in that. “i don’t think i ever saw you behave this way before.” he responds, his tone defeated. he’s so confused as he regards xander, clearly trying to puzzle him and his motives together. “you just insinuated you did all of this to make me feel like shit, and you were just going to walk away from it?” or maybe he’s gotten the wrong impression. “you have a really funny way of showing me you care, xander.”
xander knows it's his own fault that they broke up , so going out of his was to make uziel jealous when he could've easily just not been horrible while they dated was , well , an incredibly questionable choice on xander's behalf. but he thought it might make him feel better or something. truthfully , it was all self sabotage at the end of the day. the more the other hated him the better , right ? " oh , no ? what do you think ? pretty bad , huh ? " his tone is condescending , but somehow also gentle. he knew he needed to work on himself , unpack all of his trauma , but deep down he was terrified and instead of actively trying to be a better person , he just let it get worse. " i mean , it was to make you jealous , not feel like shit. just to be clear. " he's speaking so nonchalantly , like this wasn't absolutely deranged. " i'm just saying. i don't care about them. what's gonna be the outcome of this for us , uzi ? you hate me ? good. i hope you do. you deserve to move on. " deep down , xander missed him - so badly - which was the real reason for all of this , but he wasn't ready to drop the act just yet.
sometimes, zhenya had to have things spelled out for him, even if they were right in front of his face. it was just the way he was, so he was grateful that emerson had been so forward about how he was feeling, and he was glad that the two of them have decided to move forward and see what else can blossom from this beautiful relationship they’re building. “what are you sorry for? pretty sure things are panning out exactly like they’re supposed to.” he grins big and shiny after he says that, believing every word. he’s a hopeless romantic, a literal ball of sunshine. leaning in, zhenya wonders, for a moment, if they’re going to kiss. he feels so safe, so right being embraced by emerson like this, his face cupped in those beautiful hands. the compliment gets his brow furrowing, something soft in his hazel eyes. “i’m glad you think so.” he says, and his voice is filled with tender affection. “thanks for the invite… glad to know the feeling is mutual. i could stare at you all day, by the way. or just listen to you talk. you’re so eloquent, and your voice is melodious, and you have the prettiest eyes.” he tries, and fails, not to sigh dreamily.
" not being clearer sooner , that's all. feel like we could be weeks in already had i said something before. i just thought you always knew. " though emerson wasn't always incredibly forward with his feelings , he knew now that he could've been. but now ? he was prepared to express all of his feelings and just hoped it wasn't too much. sometimes he could be a bit over bearing with this romance. " think are panning out , though. i'm grateful. and to think you almost said no to me. " he grins gently , and though it would've bruised his ego he would've understood if he didn't want to risk their friendship. he smiles then , eyes getting lost in the others momentarily. " you know i . . . i said slow. and i mean it , i want to do this right. i don't want to rush with you. sometimes i get a little . . . in too deep , you know ? " he states softly , a thumb gently rubbing his cheek. " but i really really want to kiss you want now. " and of course , being who he is , he won't move without permission. " is that okay ? "
bear sits and broods for a moment, staring at a tiny imperfection on the wall and focusing all of his energy on that, filtering through all the shit he’s given up to try to be daddy’s perfect, golden boy – to try to make up for the disappointment and disgust. his brow crumples when the other man starts talking again, pulling him from his dark thoughts and back to this uncomfortable reality. he feels stuck between two hells with no sign of escape.
he looks at kit and sees the compassion there, and that tugs at his heart, too. his gaze drops to kit’s lap because it’s too difficult to stare into his eyes and see all that feeling. he thinks about his response before he speaks, never wanting to say the first thing that pops into his head because words are everything. “because you deserve better than i can give you.” he says plainly, and his eyes reflect a deep sadness that he’s unable to mask. he’s quiet again, though, staring down at his open palms in his lap. he doesn’t want to lose kit, either, and the weight of these confessions is almost suffocating. finally, he looks up, that sadness still enveloping his features. he decides, for once, to be honest and open. kit is his friend first, after all. “i have a very…. complicated relationship with my dad. and my dad very loudly does not want me to have relationships with men. which is… complicated for me as a gay man.” he sucks his teeth, shakes his head. it sounds so stupid. he’s thirty years old, why is he still tiptoeing around, desperate for daddy’s approval? “i don’t… i don’t want to say that.” he says, his cheeks coloring slightly. “but, if you need to move on, i understand, respect, and support you.”
this was starting to feel like too much. too big , too heavy , and kit was ready to sit up and tell bear to stop being ridiculous. if he wanted this , why weren't they together ? kit , ever the romantic , didn't understand. but then again , he promised he wouldn't catch feelings and that was clearly broken , so maybe he shouldn't be so quick to judge. all he knew was what he felt now , and he wasn't willing to let that go so easily.
" who are you to tell me what i deserve ? " he speaks firmly. it's not aggressive , but kit wasn't going to back down that easily - or at all , for that matter. " you're choosing not to give me what you think i deserve. i just want to point that out. i think this would work better than you realize it would and you're just fucking scared. " he says it boldly , immediately feeling bad for his stern tone. " i'm sorry. i just . . . " he was overwhelmed. tired of this back and forth and though he had vowed to never make it a problem , kit had to see this through. he to figure out why they couldn't be together. maybe then he could drop it and move on. but at what cost ?
he blinks then , shocked by the reasoning behind his hesitation. bear was denying himself of being happy because of his dad ? " oh. " his voice is gentle. kit had more of a chosen family for a reason , so he couldn't even comprehend how that may feel. " i really don't want to sound rude but who gives a flying fuck what he thinks , bear ? you're going to deny yourself of love and happiness because of a man that won't even be around forever ? " it's bold , sure , but true. " i'm saying this as your friend. you deserve the happiness and the love and the care and the respect that you think i deserve. from whoever you want it to be from. and someone would understand your situation. i'm sorry you feel like you can't because of him. " for a moment , kit mentally steps away from them , because he truly believed what he was saying. " i don't want to. " he states firmly , looking up to catch his gaze. " i don't want to move on. i appreciate your support but i'm sitting in front of you telling you that you need to cut this off or i can't move on. i need to hear you say it. "
🌟–– we had a really ugly break-up and didn’t talk for a long time but oh hey, you’re at this party too and we’ve had a few drinks and now we’re kissing and … oh, all that wasn’t supposed to happen tonight but we’re sort of on better terms now and yikes!!! i might be falling for you again … PLS GIVE THIS TO ME!!!
the intimacy of handwritten letters ♡
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uziel shouldn’t be taken aback by the way that xander is speaking, but he is, and his discomfort with the situation is evident in his features as he listens to his ex speak with such disregard for the people whose lives he’s been toying with. “when did you get so cruel?” he asks, but he wonders, too, if he was always just viewing xander through rose colored glasses, making all of his red flags just look like flags. had love and affection blinded him? “do you really care that little for me?” he asks, suddenly, very crestfallen. xander had, and and still does mean a lot to uziel, and he’s trying not to look like a kicked puppy but he’s still working on masking his emotions.
despite his behavior , xander does know what this was all incredibly cruel of him. and it wasn't that he didn't care , but something about being heartbroken just made him act up , so he's not shocked by his own behavior in the least. and sure , the heartbreak was mostly his own fault to begin with , but that didn't matter to his brain. " when we broke up. " he states in a manner that suggest uziel should've known that. " although , i'd venture to say i've always been this cruel. you chose to ignore it. " a bold accusation , but a lot of people didn't like to look at xander under a microscope to avoid having to admit that at times , he was horrible. " you think i did this because i don't care about you ? " he scoffs , running a hand through his hair. " them , sure. i don't give a fuck about their feelings. but you ? " he pauses , eyes examining the hurt look on the other's face. " are you really that clueless ? "
she felt embarrassed that she crawled back to her ex to ask for a favor. she didn't tell her parents they were no longer together because she didn't want to answer any questions. " i hate that i have to ask you , or even considered it." janelle said. the woman was hopeful that austin would agree but when he didn't, she let out a sigh. " it's for one night , austin, please." janelle hated that she was begging at this point. " you know how uppity my parents are. i have no energy to hear my mom tell me i'll never be good for anyone." the last part was said in a soft voice.
he wants to disagree , wants to tell her that there's no way in hell he's going to do this. but , just seeing her , looking into her eyes. damn , he was soft. " why . . . why haven't you told them , janelle ? " it's not acusitory , more so just curious. he wasn't close with his own family , but the people he was close with knew they broke up. he supposed it didn't really matter , but he was also just stalling; trying to come up with an excuse to avoid this. but when he couldn't , a defeated sigh left his lips. " okay. okay , please don't . . . " he pauses , running a hand through his hair. " don't say stuff like that about yourself. " it's soft , gentle , matching her tone. " i'll do it. it's just one night ? i can . . . alright. fine. when ? where ? "
people are naturally drawn to zhenya. he’s a bright light, even on the darkest of days, and he’s always willing to share his warmth with those around him. he’s never met a stranger, making friends everywhere he goes, so it’s no wonder people fall in love with him left and right, too, he’s just oblivious to it. he’d have never picked up on emerson’s vibes if the other hadn’t been so forthright about it. “i guess i didn’t realize that, no…” he answers, feeling a little foolish but smiling all the same because hearing it said out loud feels so good. he’s never felt so special before by anyone outside of his own blood. zhenya is drawn to emerson, though, like a moth to the flame – like to magnets in the same field. his eyes drop to em’s mouth then drag back up to his pretty eyes, little smile curving his own mouth as he leans into the thumb caressing the hollow of his cheek. he could purr like a kitten. “yeah! if you want me to hang around, i’d love to just vibe with you. i have nowhere else to be.”
one thing emerson was good at , when he wanted to be , was expressing his emotions. so , he was pretty surprised when he realized zhenya didn't realize how he felt prior to when he started to be more open with it. truthfully , emerson couldn't remember a time where he hadn't been enamored by zhenya , though the concept of ruining the friendship did scare him a little , as he felt them grow closer he knew he wanted to give this a try. " sorry for not being more forward , then. we probably could've bridged this gap a long time ago. " he smiles gently , though he found nothing wrong with how this all happened. it almost felt perfect , truly , and emerson wondered if and when something would go wrong. never , hopefully. for a moment , emerson is taken in by his eyes , tracking them as they move , his own falling on his lips again. his other hand draws up , so his face was now being held completely in emerson's hands. " you're so beautiful. it's almost distracting. " he laughs softly , realizing he missed almost his entire sentence because he was too busy looking at him. " definitely hang around. i love the company. yours , specifically. "
"i ... thought i was happy in it," kian admits honestly, though his eyes are now following taylor's lips as his friend speaks to him. this is bad. it's going to look so bad. "she's gonna hate me for this, you know." his gaze snaps back up to taylor's eyes. "and yours ? i'm friends with her !" kian realizes shes going to be pissed at him — or worse, disappointed. it's not like he's been going around warning any of the women that he's interested in taylor. what a confusing conversation that would be. his eyes fall again as his thoughts tumble, and he considers the fact they have a very tiny, small window right now before anyone else finds out about this. maybe they should take advantage. "do you ... wanna do it again ?"
" maybe . . . maybe she'll understand. " he states , though they both know that it probably isn't true. how could they understand ? this was out of the blue , but tayor knew what he felt. the point of this show was to find love , wasn't it ? who was he to deny himself of what he felt ? " i did really feel connected to her. " he says honestly. " but this feels different. it feels . . . real. i don't know how else to explain it. " he's nervous just admitting it out loud , hoping it's reciprocated by his friend. right as he's starting to let his nerves get the best of him , suggest they let it go and keep it a secret , kian's words take him right back out his head. " yes. yeah , i do. " a hand reaches to rest on his cheek , taking a moment to take everything in. his eyes , his face , his lips. god , he was screwed. he leans in then , gentle lips pressing against the others , not wanting to waste any time that they didn't really have.
barrett’s painfully aware of the exhalation of breath that kit releases when bear makes his confession. it causes something to clench uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach, his brow creased and lips pursed as he waits for whatever is about to come. he could curse himself for being honest, but he knows that kit deserved it, and he’s getting too old to be lying and messy. he’s been forthright about what he’s capable of – and dating isn’t on the table. so, maybe just telling kit the truth, letting him have this one crumb, would be enough? bear’s not sure why he wants to know or what it’s going to do, but it’s not like he can take the words back once he’s said them, either.
probably a lot.
bear sighs, closes his eyes for a moment, and pinches the bridge of his nose. “great.” he says in a tone that indicates it’s the exact opposite. then kit is questioning him further, and bear’s letting his hand slide from his face, giving kit the most bombastic side-eye. “i thought that it was just one question.” he frowns, but he should’ve known this would open the door for more questions. if he’d just said yes, i still feel the same, then they wouldn’t be here, and kit wouldn’t be looking at him like that. bear inhales deeply and shifts on the bed, crossing his legs at the ankle while he chews over the question, thinks about the best way to answer it. “what’s this going to solve? what’s this going to do? i tell you how i feel and you, what? decide to wait for me because i might come around?” he asks, “i can’t… i could probably never be what you need and deserve, kit. but, if you want honesty, yes, i have feelings for you. yes, it will absolutely suck to see you with someone else, and, when you inevitably stop speaking to me, that’s going to wound me, leave me with another hole that i don’t know how to feel. but who’s fault is that?” his voice gets smaller, he stares straight forward. if only he didn’t care so much what his father thought. “mine.”
kit wasn't sure what he was expecting to get out of this. maybe knowing the truth would make him feel better. maybe he thought he could change bear's mind. he really didn't know what he thought. he just wanted to know the truth. wanted to know , confirm , that this wasn't one sided. but knowing bear doesn't date , how does that help anything ? if anything , it made it worse , but kit wasn't processing that. kit realizes then that maybe what's he's actually asking for is closure. all he knows is that regardless , he needs this. he needs to know the truth.
" you don't have answer if you don't want to. " but he knows he will anyway. " i just . . . i need to talk about this. i need this off of my chest. " he says honestly then , hoping to encourage the other to tell him the truth. he's quiet while the other talks , careful not to interrupt him because this may be the only chance he gets. but as he speaks , kit's heart sinks. something about actually hearing all of this made him feel like his heart could shatter right there in his chest. having the person he wanted so close but still out of reach - it was devastating. " i just don't understand. " he says finally , his voice fragile. " if you have feelings for me . . . if you want this . . . why are you going to let me be with someone else ? " it's not that he wants to be chased , it just doesn't make sense to him. why would bear do this to himself ? " i don't want to lose you , bear. " a short pause. " but you're basically saying you're going to sit around and let it happen. " his voice is calm then , careful to keep his emotions in check. " if you're worried about me pushing for this , waiting for you , i won't. but i can't . . . i don't care about this guy , bear. i don't want him. all i think about it you. " he shifts then , starting to feel just a little too vulnerable. " i just wanted to know the truth. i need to hear from your mouth that this will never happen so i can actually try to move on. "
“couldn’t it be both?” yes, he was flirting, and he wanted to have a little fun with it, after training all morning and doing everything he could in that gym to avoid thinking about his issues outside of it. he was tired, physically and mentally, but could that ever stop him from approaching the hottest guy he could lay his eyes on? obviously not. “i’m still deciding, how i want you to shut me up. it could take a while, i have to consider all my options equally.” robbie’s eyes couldn’t focus on just one part of him, they kept traveling from his objectively pretty face to his objectively perfect body. “what are you doing later?” he was somehow able to ask that while finally holding eye contact.
" i mean it could be both. but i think you just want an excuse to flirt with me and by all means , please do. " jules wasn't shocked by the idea of someone hitting on him , but he was a little shocked that it was coming from robbie. he's not sure why exactly it was so surprising to him , but he couldn't help but let out a laugh gently at his approach. " oh , are you ? don't let me stunt your process. take your time , not like i'm busy or anything. " he's almost enamored by the flirtatiousness , the other completely succeeding in getting his attention. he watches him , watching as his eyes trace is body until they meet again. though he didn't give up control of any situation often , he was fully willing to sit back for this. there was something incredibly attractive about the way he was using a simple moment to get what he wanted. " it just so happens that i'm completely free. you gonna come over and tell me how you want to be shut up or what ? "
“ austin, if that were on the table still, i'd have done it . believe me . look, it took them long enough to come around to us dating, and i don't want to go down the rabbit hole of what happened to us, why we broke up, all of it .” request is further than a long shot, but it's one he's going to have to fight for . “ five days . just five days only is what i'm asking of you, alright . we play civil and then go our separate ways afterwards; you won't have to worry about me coming back into your life . please . ”
he knew it was true , but man austin did NOT want to get involved in this again. it was hard enough to try and move on , and he's not even sure he's done that yet. to spend five days with someone he's not fully over ? a nightmare. " you're going to have to tell them eventually. " he points out , though he can tell that the other's mind is made up. he had to do this. " i . . . jesus. i literally cannot believe you're asking me to do this. " he doesn't know why he's actually considering this , maybe part of him missed micah , but he wasn't about to admit that. " i have to see if i can reschedule some clients. when is this ? where are we even going ? "
"oh, really, so you're going to pretend like you're innocent?" uziel asks, raising both brows so high they threaten to disappear behind his hairline. he's on edge, cortisol rising. they hadn't ended on the best terms, but uzi had been (secretly) hopeful they might reconcile. he'd been jealous as hell to know that xander was spending time with someone else only to get irrationally irritated when he found out it was all just to get a rise out of him. confrontation was the next step. "just going to stand there and act like i don't have it on good authority that you're full of shit, xander."
xander was , well , an asshole. his lack of remorse wasn't shocking , because he deliberately chose this path himself and having a complete lack of feelings was common for him. " yup. " he retorts because they both know the truth. " good authority my ass. that gossiping son of a bitch only told you because he's mad that i was dating his crush. not my fault i got there first while he waited around to tell him. " he was speaking very casually about something that was very not casual , but that was normal for him. " now he gets to swoop in , i'm out of that miserable relationship and you . . . well , i can see how you feel. " all of this being a win for xander was shocking , truly. " i actually really don't want to talk about it at all. my job here is done. "
marin exhales, sharply, through her teeth, an attempt to rid the anxiety she feels buried so deep inside her chest. for someone who sought the truth so often, it suddenly couldn't come from her. she finally meets his eye again, willing herself to maintain eye contact. her heart is thumping hard against her ribs. "my mom, she was involved in some--... things, things that she couldn't stop pursuing; they led to her death," it doesn't even scratch the surface, but it gets her point out. her eyebrows knit, her face softening as the words volley out. "sometimes, i'm afraid i'm just like her, going after something until i figure it out. or it stops me." vulnerability feels like pressing a fresh bruise, tender and ache-y. "and i--... can't let you sign up for something without knowing that. knowing me and understanding this," she gestures between the two of them, stepping closer. she always wants to logic out her emotions, to place them neatly in little boxes to be filed and accessed as needed, if ever, but it never works like that. and when she looks at emerson, it spills over those edges. "happy has always been... a proximity, i think, but you," a hand reaches up, gently pressing a palm against his cheek. "you make me happier than i've been in a long time. and it freaks me out, i think, because it's like i almost forgot, you know? but it's terrifying and kind of wonderful."
he listens both quietly and intently , making sure to take in every word. this was important to him , and if this was the roadblock they had to get through , he wanted it to have this full attention. he only nods , listening until she's full down explaining. the last thing he wants to do is interrupt and be pushy about this. " i understand. " he responds gently , nodding his head. " but the what-ifs that scare you don't scare me. i do understand your concern and the idea that something could happen to you . . . " he almost shutters. losing people close to him was a terrifying thought , but he felt marin being self aware was a good first stop. " you're diligent , i assume. and prepared. you already have this in your mind to be careful of. right ? " he prompts , because he doesn't want to assume and be wrong. " i understand your work is dangerous but i trust you to do what you need to do while remaining safe. and if you'd let me , i'd love to support you behind the scenes. " he wanted this to be her choice at the end of the day. he smiles then , happy to hear how he makes her feel. he's confident this can work , no matter what she's worrying about. " then let me make you happy. you deserve you forget sometimes , marin. i know you're worry about it getting the best of you but don't you deserve some peace too ? a place to forget and relax and be happy. i want to be that for you. " his voice is quiet , almost pleading. " if you'll have me. "