Soldier

kill mf Depeche mode | 18+

[vintrsoldat]

He/it, adult bodily ☆ Canine-adjacent

Bucky Barnes/TWS introject - MCU

My social skills aren't amazing. I'm still somewhat learning, but I try my best. My asks and PMs are open.

> I repost images with blood, weaponry and mild injury. (Feel free to ask if you if you need me to tag anything)

#☆text - rambling, own textposts, original stuff, etc.

#☆memories - source memories

#☆barking - vents, heavy feelings and experiences

#☆dogposting - nonhuman topics/feelings

[ljubljanabruno]

[chrisfriel]

the digital attention economy 080626

[vintrsoldat]

Are you fine with sourcemates interacting? If so, any specifics with it such as bodily age or anyone you'd prefer not interacting?

I am :) I'd prefer you be 18+ bodily, I'm in my early 20s so I'm sure that's fairly understandable. I couldn't care less if you're 18 or 38 though. Besides that I'm not very picky and I welcome anyone to interact

[vintrsoldat]

There is a marathon in my city so everyone looks so productive meanwhile I only left my house to go drink by the shore

[vintrsoldat]

Trying to watch movies to feel a little better and I actually quite like Project Hail Mary so far. And I didn't mind Alien. Do I... like sci-fi? That is an interest I never assumed to have

[vintrsoldat]

I'm not ready to touch on the fact Rocky is slightly relatable to me

[vintrsoldat]

Trying to watch movies to feel a little better and I actually quite like Project Hail Mary so far. And I didn't mind Alien. Do I... like sci-fi? That is an interest I never assumed to have

[skj-weebmam]

Another day, another mission…

[vintrsoldat]

I still exist. I am currently fighting demons, but I am alive

[deadontheweb3]

[like2angels]

[tanssiva-kojootti]

Remember to take care of your boyfriend

[vintrsoldat]

I hold back from praising HYDRA however I will say I occasionally miss the pure state of nothingness that I was reduced to, and while my modern programming was obviously not going in that direction, there was and is a comfort in it. I still sometimes believe everything would be easier and better if their programming carried over, for it would then not carry with it such heavy emotions or burdens or wants. I think in ideal world I would be the only one in my system and I would be in a state that cannot process humanity. It would be the final form of protection

[vintrsoldat]

Trying not to let some dehumanization linger is really difficult when I am continuously reminded that some of you do not see people you don't understand as human, apparently. "It's human nature to know/feel/experience (insert thing)", "everyone knows/feels/experiences (insert thing) – !!!

Is someone truly less human for not feeling or understanding love? Empathy? Sympathy? Guilt? Morality? Why? What do you see them as then? An animal? A concept?

Is an aromatic person nothing? Is an apathetic person a thing? Apparently.

The majority will decide what is human nature, what is moral, what is right, and what it means to be a person. And you will follow

[vintrsoldat]

I don't think love was part of my programming or my initial script, neither to give nor receive. My love and my need for it to be returned has presented itself as a bug in my system, a rogue spiral, and yet no attempts to push it out have worked, and so I've come to accept its presence.

The acceptance was slow and unsteady, for every time I tried to touch it, it felt as though it burned me in return. As if it too understood it was misplaced. It wanted nothing to do with my inner workerings for it was a jumbled mess of wires and rot.

I think we still struggle to get along sometimes. I keep wanting to push it away from me, or in fits of anger, perhaps sadness or fear, I will push it down onto the pavement so hard it begins to bleed. Sometimes I try touching it again, I try reaching out to beg and it will deny me.

Yet it keeps me warm.

My programming was flawed from the start, and even if love wasn't part of the code to begin with, its presence has warmed up some of the aching cold that I assumed I was doomed to embody and feel.

I don't know how people learn to deal with their love, and I don't know how long it takes to learn. I don't know if everyone else has had this installed in them from the beginning. But I received my "bug" and I will continue trying to cherish it, even in a broken body and environment.

I like my love.

If my programming was built to keep me shattered and hurt, I would much rather chase a glitch in the system

[vintrsoldat]

Being around someone a little more physically affectionate brings such a mess of emotions because on one hand I practically melt every time she so much as touches me, on the other hand I feel even more lonely when she leaves after barely a minute, and I don't have the guts to ask her to continue.

She compared me to a kitten and I wanted to correct her and say I was more of a puppy. I wish I could get her to sit here and pet me for an hour

[math-is-math]

So so sleepy … 😴

(pose reference from @/malacandrax on instagram)