Steve Rogers has separation anxiety and HERE’S why 💥💥💥
I’ve explored this in various fics and artworks I’ve posted but I thought it would be fun to talk about this headcanon of mine in one place
You guys have no idea how firmly I believe in this, I cradle it so closely to my heart and feel it with my entire soul 🫂
Basically the main driving factor in this headcanon is he’s lost Bucky an insane amount of times, but we’ve gotta dive deeper for this to be an essay haha.
There’s this pattern of gain and loss that’s made itself a constant in their lives. Obviously this has affected Steve, but I think it’s in how often these periods of loss are happening, as well as the actual physical loss of Bucky in his life.
One of the first scenes we’re met with is Bucky getting shipped off to war. There’s absolutely no guarantee he’s going to make it back. For all they know in the moment, Steve could be saying bye for the last time. —> The serum, touring for the USO, and performing for the 107th provides him the path to being close (in distance and space) again with Bucky.
Unfortunately Bucky’s unit got captured and there’s a chance he’s very much dead as it’s rare for someone to make it out of there alive; Philips said the name even looked familiar when signing condolence papers or whatever. —> Infiltrating the base, he finds that Bucky is very much not dead.
Of course, the last moment is the train. Bucky fell hundreds of feet down a ravine. There’s absolutely no probability of him making it alive out of that one. And Steve could only watch him slip away from his fingers.
We’ve been following Steve trying to adapt to his new environment, as well as trying to swallow the fact that everyone he knew and loved is either super old or six feet under. Bucky, who he watched FALL FROM A TRAIN, is most definitely dead. —> Except that he’s noooot! He’s not himself but he survived the fall, and they’re in this point of the timeline together.
At the end, Bucky saves Steve from the river, then he leaves to embark on his own journey of finding oneself. Unfortunately for Steve, he’s gone again. And this time there isn’t much knowing as to where he is.
Steve’s been running around trying to find Bucky. And the world is so big !!! And there’s no Life360 !!! —> It’s been a while since I’ve seen this one but they’re together a good chunk of the movie. Steve finds him and doesn’t let go (he clung onto an airborne helicopter so Bucky wouldn’t leave).
In the end credits, Bucky decides to go into cryo. Y’all can decide if it counts as Steve losing him or not.
He gets dusted. In front of his eyes. And there’s nothing Steve can do, not when Bucky is a literal pile of powder behind him. —> He comes back in Endgame though but it will have been 5 years …
Yes, there’s time jumps and things the movies don’t show but if you bunch everything up that’s a lot of loss for one person to handle — especially considering he keeps losing the same person. These flip-flopping periods have occurred quite frequently that it’s led to Steve believing that this is how their story is meant to unfold until the end. The universe has been conditioning him in a weird, sick way. He might have Bucky back but now he finds himself wondering when he’s gonna lose him next.
And this is where the anxiety kicks in, gripping him by the shoulders and telling him under no circumstance can he lose sight of Bucky. If he lets go, if he loses sight, something could happen to him and the period of loss will begin again. There’s no telling when they’ll find each other again, or if they even will before death arrives for one of them and the line is cut.
I don’t even know what to say in regard to the physical loss of Bucky in his life. Their souls are cosmically intertwined, they are each other’s tether in this big world. They’re two halves of one whole, you can’t have one without the other. They’ve been with each other since the very beginning. Finding each other in the future, there’s all this time for them to make up, for them to spend freely loving one another, to fully revel in the other’s presence and take it in body and soul.
And the anxiety takes power again. If they’re separated at any time, there’s space for this period of loss to begin again. And in this period of loss, they lose time to be together. They were granted a second chance at life, a second chance to be together. The universe won’t be so gracious to give them another. If something happens when they’re separated and one of them dies, it’s the end of their line.
There’s now this hungry desperate need for Steve to show/tell Bucky just how much his heart overflows with love for him, and a need to feel the same. Part of this is obviously because of time spent away; Steve has had a taste of a life without Bucky, and with it came a realization over just how much he truly and deeply means to Steve.
The other part I think is due to separation anxiety. In this fear over how much time they have left together, arises a need to make sure Bucky knows. Knows how much he means to Steve, knows how much he loves and adores him. There’s so much kept in Steve’s heart, but he doesn’t know if he has enough time to say/show it all. Within the prevention of loss comes preparation for the possible moment it does occur.
ALSO to throw this in, I think the period between TWS and CW was definitely solid time for the anxiety to brew. Again, the world is so big. There’s no way of knowing exactly where Bucky could be, there’s no way of protecting him from potential threats. Miles of distance and lack of knowledge separate them. What is the probability of them running into each other again on the random? Most likely not a very high chance.
Steve is hopeful in the beginning, when it comes to finding Bucky alive (seen in TFA, he has faith that he’s alive and disregards everyone who says otherwise). Now said hope has lost its luster and his patience is being worn thin. There’s only so much he can handle when it comes to his Bucky.
Anyway that’s my yap 💃 it’s been a while since I’ve seen the entire trilogy acc so my knowledge might be a little rusty; I could be so wrong about all this hahah. But lmk !!
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