LOST CAUSE

we have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven. which brings us back to the hero's shoulders. and the gentleness that comes. not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it.

[violenceabundant]

ft. bcbybct:

WHEN damian goes to see colin, he finds him shaking. his arms move to wrap around colin, he doesn’t even think of it. just does it immediately. god who knew that with all pain and heartbreak that he would be hugging people so much. not that at this moment him hugging colin really matters, this was because he was worried. 

“you have no reason to be sorry, colin,” he whispers to colin, voice low. lois lane was dead. the majority of metropolis was gone. but gotham was in shambles in a different way, losing so much in metropolis would effect everywhere. this damian knew. 

but when colin asks for a second he immediately releases him, an apologetic look on his face. damian had never been close to clark in the way dick or bruce had been. however, he didn’t have a bad relationship with the man. in fact clark had always been nice to damian despite how he would treat him. this loss, was monumental. damian didn’t really know how to react, but standing beside colin was as comforting as damian could imagine. 

“ wait -- ” colin says because he didn’t mean for damian to stop.  not really anyway.  he tugs damian closer without a thought and hugs him again, tight and unrelenting for a few seconds.  it’s the kind of human comfort that colin craves but never knows how to ask for, and he’s lucky that damian doesn’t make him ask.  

the moment passes eventually, the shaking subdues, and colin finds that his grip on damian hasn’t exactly loosened.  “ thank you, dami. ”  he lets go finally, breathes.  “ i -- i want to help, but i don’t know where to start. ”  he’s far from worldly, confined as he is to gotham.  he’s been to metropolis a handful of times, but that’s as far as he’s been.  

“ where are you planning to go ??  are you staying in gotham ?? ” 

[violenceabundant]

colin’s heart pounds in his chest, anxiety mounting in a way that makes it hard to breathe.  panic and adrenaline are a deadly pair that make colin’s already...unsteady physiology that much harder to control.  every few moments, a new shudder wracks its way up his spine.  he can still see it when he closes his eyes, the bright light across the harbor when metropolis went up in smoke.  can still hardly bring himself to stop wondering when gotham will be next, when his life will be over in a blink.  it’s irrational; clearly it can’t be pulled off twice.  right ??  

    but colin’s always lived a life very, very afraid, grappling with fear and anxiety in crippling waves.  he feels sick, and a few seconds later a shudder that distorts at least half the muscles in his body with a surge of venom actually does make him sick.  and then he feels guilty and selfish because he shouldn’t be someone suffering.  the few people he loves and love him are safe, his city is safe.  colin has lost nothing, and yet he’s shaking like a leaf. 

“ i’m so sorry, ” he gets out, voice a little raspy.  he clears his throat, spits on the ground, and rolls his shoulders deliberately in an attempt to ward off the shaking.  “ i just -- i just need a second, ” colin explains, putting a hand over his rapidly beating heart.

[violenceabundant]

ft. divincdfuture:

   “ there’s two usb ports on the side. ” it’d been a specification she looked for exactly for that TV actually. most usually only had one. “ they go there. i should have a couple old ones in the closet right over there if you want to hook them up. ”

  “ oh, gotcha. ”  colin’s excited now, practically bouncing in place as he goes through the closet that babs indicates.  and, hey, there’s a lot of goodies in here that he’s going to beg to go through later.  and maybe sneak a couple into his backpack.  comfortable with the system now, colin plugs the device in beside the stick itself and gets comfy on the floor a few feet away as he watches the screen flicker to life.  

[violenceabundant]

ft. bcbybct:

“AN extraordinary one,” damian informs him, “speaking of. i’m going to start working on a. new motorcycle if you want to work on it together.” he offers it off handedly, but as soon as he can see colin outside of the car his eyes keep watching the stain. “yes please,” he mutters with a light blush in his cheeks. he’s glad that colin is far enough away that he won’t see it. “i’ll wait here,” 

extraordinary.  the word makes colin’s stomach feel suddenly warm and jittery.  he has to cough a little to clear his throat and then hurries off to the restroom to change his shirt.  he takes a moment to make sure his face isn’t, like, covered in grease too.  when he’s satisfied that he looks at least halfway presentable, he shoves his dirty shirt into his bag and then slings it over one shoulder and goes to damian’s side with a skip in his step, practically.  “ alright, ready when you are, ” colin says, giving dami a nudge with his elbow. 

[violenceabundant]

ft. firstlantcrn:

“HEY, it’s no big deal.” alan let’s go of colin’s arm and smiles. “it came outta nowhere, and i mean you look way to young to be part of the pavement. i’m owed nothin’,” 

   “ good eye, i’m only ten.  i want another few years, at least, before i get smushed. ”  he smiles back hesitantly.  “ i mean, technically, i owe you my life.  that seems like a big deal. ”

[violenceabundant]

ft. gothamsrxdhood:

“Partners is a strong word.” Jason rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. Brothers is a word that is also too strong, but–technically the truth. Or maybe not, he’s legally dead and his parental situation made his adoption…questionable at best. “I’m the other one he hates, Jason. Which must make you Colin.” The kid seems nice, reminds Jason of himself when he was younger but with better manners and less of a visible anger streak. Hopefully the baby bat’s opinions haven’t soured him too much. 

   colin makes an awkward sort of face.  “ yeah, i mean. i just recognized you from a couple pictures at his house.  it’s not like, we know, talk about you.  you sure he hates you ??  i think he’s mentioned you like twice in the...seven years i’ve known him. ”

[violenceabundant]

ft. tcra:

“THANK you,” she tells him again, smile spreading wide. after shaking his hand she lets go and smiles even wider, “well, colin of gotham, do you happen to know where i can get some ice cream around here?” 

   colin can’t tell if she’s talking to him like he’s four or she genuinely wants to know where there’s an ice cream shop.  but she’s cool, so he’s going to give her the benefit of the doubt.  “ oh, yeah !!  there’s a place like three blocks over.  it’s a candy shop, but it has awesome gelato, too. ”  who said gentrification was all bad ??

[violenceabundant]

ft. tcra:

“IT isn’t stupid!” tora promises, smiling wide. “that’s really nice actually, i mean the jli people liked to treat us like a joke a lot of the time but –” she bites into her lip, “just knowing you liked us? it means a lot. trust me, it’s not lame or creepy.” she continues to smile before extending her hand, “so – like i said i’m tora, and you are?” 

“ oh, okay, ” colin says, and he’s still flustered but at least he doesn’t feel creepy on top of it.  “ you weren’t a joke.  lots of people liked you guys. ”  and lots of people hated them, but he guesses that’s kind of the deal when you’re a hero.  he shakes her head with a hesitant smile.  “ i’m colin; i’m from gotham. ”

[violenceabundant]

ft. thisgardner:

DID GUY COME BACK to earth with the thought of ‘i have to find an apartment right this very second’? no, he sure didn’t. he didn’t count on tora coming back from the dead either though and there was no way his gal ( because sure, time moved on but guy didn’t– not really ) was gonna come off that hunk of space debris they called a satellite and not have a place to go. was metropolis his first choice? hell no. but it was also safer than say, new york– which was his first choice; nothing was going to come before tora’s safety. he’s got a handful of informational brochures for the last three apartments he visited, flipping through them distracted when a voice pulls him from the papers. a ginger eyebrow arches at first but the lines around his face soften when he takes in that the kid looks like a fish out of water. there’s the question of why the kid didn’t just google it but it’s swallowed back when it occurs to him that if the kid had the ability to do just that, he wouldn’t be asking guy for help. “s’hard ta find anything when every damn building looks the same,” he mumbles, commiserating with the kid on that– johnny would probably be able to tell him at least a hundred differences from one building to the next but to guy? they all looked exactly the same. he digs in his pocket for his phone ( because there were some times that pulling the ring out was more trouble than it was worth ), pulling it out and thumbing up google maps, “lou’s autoparts?” 

   -- the data on colin’s phone is shot all to hell, actually.  it always happens towards the end of the month, and animal crossing hasn’t helped at all.  whoops.  he puts his hands in his back pockets and rocks back on his heels while he waits for an answer about where he’s going.  “ yeah, lou’s, ” colin repeats.  “ thanks so much for your help. ”  

so maybe there was something to be said for metropolis sunshine.  he’s pretty sure half the people in gotham would have looked at him like he was trying to steal their wallets.  which, maybe once or twice when he was real young...but he’s choosing to ignore that.

       “ i couldn’t find my way out of a wet paper bag, ” he admits with a sigh.    

[violenceabundant]

ft. firstlantcrn:

@violenceabundant

“WOAH! hey!” alan lightly taps the young boys arm, pulling him back as a car swerves into where the boy was. “you okay, kid?” he asks after the car is cleared.

   the sound of the car blowing past surprises colin, and he gives a little yelp.  “ yeah, i’m fine.  thanks. ”  colin really loves the part of his life where he’s not a smear on the ground.  “ i owe you one. ”

[violenceabundant]

ft. divincdfuture:

      she can’t help that a laugh slips out, but his reaction is just odd enough to warrant one. all the people she interacts with on the daily and he’s concerned about one small curse word. of course, she keeps her teasing to herself and focuses instead on watching as he tries to maneuver her TV set. “ it’s certainly been helpful in a pinch. if you want to try it out, just use any of the HDMI ports. ” she makes a gesture to the side of the TV, encouraging him to give it a go.

   how’s colin supposed to know if, like, batman swears ??  actually, he could probably just ask damian.  he adds that to a mental list and then takes the stick from her so he can go find the right port on the television.  once he knows the shape he’s looking for, it’s actually not that hard.  

     “ how do you use a keyboard or mouse with it ?? ”

[violenceabundant]

ft. gothamsrxdhood:

“Yeah, I nearly ended up there. Had barely enough of a parent that they wouldn’t let me in. Passed me food when they could.” He chuckles and nods his head in understanding. He doesn’t smile or ruffle the kids hair like Grayson would, that kind of thing doesn’t go a long way here. “You still there or are you too old now? Doc Tompkins has a list of creep free places you could stay.” 

Jason would grit his own teeth at the way the kid visibly goes uncomfortable at the mention of the Scarecrow, instead he keeps his face neutral and makes a mental note to add another patrol during the week and fire and another cartridge next time he sees him. “You never did answer my question, where are you trying to go?” 

   actually, colin has had his hair ruffled by one dick grayson on at least one occasion.  it’s not that bad.  colin scratches the back of his neck.  “ don’t worry about it, man. ”  he squints a little as he tries to place where he knows this guy from.  oh, oh.  “ you’re one of damian’s...partners, right ??  i’ve seen your picture around the mansion, i think. ”  he can’t put a name to the face, so he doesn’t want to assume this guy is actually family and be wrong. 

[violenceabundant]

ft. doublcedge:

   perhaps if it were anyone else, mara would be mildly impressed; as it is, something about colin gets under her skin in a way usually reserved for the likes of the bat. the grip she has on her sword when she draws it is tight enough that it would be uncomfortable if she were not so used to it. “ wilkes. i’ve killed people for less, in ways you could not even begin to fathom. keep to your games of hero, but do not let them embolden you so much that you pick fights with someone you could never hope to win against. ”

   by and far, mara’s not the scariest thing colin’s run into on the streets of gotham.  ( she’s probably in the top five, though )  he watches the sword when she draws it, trying to decide how serious the situation is, all while maintaining a bright, unconcerned smile.  it’s odd to him that someone with as sharp a tongue as mara can be so damn sensitive.  “ not something to sound so proud of, you know. ”  he fishes one set of knuckles out of his pocket, a plain, busted up pair.  when he slips them on ( just in case !!  he really doesn’t want to throw down right now ), they sit too large on his hand, but he needs the room to grow.  

“ fancy sword isn’t gonna do shit, so why don’t you back off ?? ” he’s been stabbed and sliced more times than he cares to count, and densely built, unnatural muscle always stops it from going too deep, from letting something so simple kill him.  he actually likes his odds.  maybe he doesn’t have the skill to win, but he can take a damn beating.  and one lucky punch could break a handful of ribs.  

[violenceabundant]

ft. bcbybct:

A smile makes his way fully onto his face at colin’s own, unable to stop himself. “okay, i made us a reservation at that place you like.” he admits, before following colin into the garage. “i made you go to that vegetarian place last time we went out to eat so i felt it was only right we go to a place you like better.” he explains, as if colin needs an explanation – his eyes flick to where colin wipes his hands on his shirt. and his lips tug downwards, but he doesn’t comment on it. then he sees his best friend’s smile again and he grins back with a nod, heads to the front of the car, “of course,” the lights flick on when colin switches the setting and damian nods, “they went on, what are you some kind of mechanic?” he jokes. 

   “ some kind of mechanic, ” colin agrees.  an idiotic one who’s suddenly finding himself extremely distracted.  he tries not to laugh when he thinks about the face damian makes when he sees his shirt.  he’s got a change of clothes.  he’s not going out to dinner smelling like the bad end of a car, not with damian anyway.  colin shuts off the car and puts the keys on the rack so it can be picked up in the morning and then grabs his bag from off the floor.  “ just let me change shirts before you have a stroke, okay ??  then we can head out. ”

[violenceabundant]

ft. bcbybct:

@violenceabundant

DAMIAN had made plans with colin after he was done work, so he arrives at the mechanic place five minutes early. when he sees the redhead he smiles slightly – shut up sometimes he smiles – and waves slightly, “wilkes, are you just about done?” he asks, hands resting on his hips.

colin has to squash down the answering grin, tries to keep it at a reasonable smile and raises his hand to wave back.  the very sweet little old lady who dropped off her very fragile car today is due back at the crack of ass tomorrow morning, so colin’s a little pushed for time.  “ yeah, i’m real close !! ” he assures damian.  mindlessly, colin wipes grease off on the front of his own shirt before sliding into the driver’s seat of the car and cranks the engine.  he sticks his head back out and gives damian a pleading sort of smile.  “ will you go around to the front and just make sure the blinkers are working okay when i turn ‘em on? ”

[violenceabundant]

ft. doublcedge:

    there’s a good minute where mara really considers just walking away. the look she levels colin with, exceptionally unimpressed and decidedly annoyed, speaks volumes on it’s own. 

    “ mean ?? i wasn’t aware i was conversing with a toddler. ”

colin glares now.  this is what he gets for trying to be halfway nice.  he huffs audibly.  “ my bad, let me try again.  stop being so fucking bitchy. ”

[violenceabundant]

ft. doublcedge:

    “ have you considered whining less often when speaking to people ?? if not, it is a suggestion i would sincerely take to heart from here on. ”

   a flabbergasted sort of noise bubbles up, and he crosses his arms tightly.  “ i wasn’t whining !! ”  he was just -- okay.  complaining was probably the right word, but it was justified!  “ have you considered being mean less often ?? ”