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I promised myself that I will not be coming back to Seoul, ever again. Yet here I am, sitting in this quaint, cozy café in the middle of Hongdae waiting for my namjachingu; and this is the third time in a week that I’ve been visiting Seungri in Seoul. It is a little bit sad how your past can mess your life up. You try not to, but it effed you anyway. Good thing I’ve met Seungri in Taiwan. Well, he still messed my life up—but in a very good way if I may say.
I open my journal and read my NEVER AGAIN list. I wrote this five years ago after my first and only heartbreak, to remind me of things that I should avoid, so as not to make the same mistakes over again.
________’S Never Again List
1. NEVER date someone who is FAMOUS or wants to be famous! THEY’RE BAD NEWS!!!
2. NEVER visit your guy at work. If you don’t want to be dragged out from the office or be embarrassed by an asshole boss, it’s best to stay away. Besides, it’s his ‘business,’ not yours. So, mind your own business. It’s like the saying, never mix business with pleasure. If you’re engaged then that’s a different story. ^__^
3. NEVER SLEEP OVER at a man’s house. That only spells trouble! Wait til you’re engaged to do that!
4. NEVER go back to SEOUL! (if you want to see your sister so badly, ask her to visit you instead. Even if it means paying for her airfare!) Just NEVER go back to SEOUL, like ever again!
5. NEVER celebrate your birthday again. There’s no longer a reason to celebrate. And no one to celebrate it with. Just light a candle for MOM and DAD instead.
6. NEVER step foot in any coffee shops again, not even for take-out. COFFEE SHOPS contain memories that are hazardous for your health. So, STAY AWAY FROM COFFEE SHOPS, OR CAFÉS OR WHATEVER you call them.
7. NEVER watch T.V. shows that’ll remind you of Korea.
8. NEVER let your man take you on a ‘rooftop date.’ THAT PLACE IS WHERE THINGS USUALLY END!
9. NEVER hangout with your boyfriend’s friends. You’ll end up losing them too when the relationship is over!!!
10. NEVER SAY I LOVE YOU. Wait for the man to say it first. And if he does, NEVER SAY IT BACK. Not unless he’s planning to marry you. Just DON’T. DON’T GO THROWING AROUND I LOVE YOUS!!!
I smile, remembering about the things I’ve sworn off for eternity and how Seungri has managed to subtly break it for me. I heedfully obeyed my NEVER AGAIN list for a long time. Not once was I even tempted to break them. However, two years with that guy and he has managed to make me break half of my list! Oh, the things you do for love.
“What’s that?”
Like someone caught copying answers during an exam, I hurriedly throw my journal back in my bag. “OPPA! You’re here!” I try to recover from my embarrassment of being almost caught, with a saccharine smile.
“Were you making a list of why I’m the best boyfriend in the world? Or the list of things that make you the luckiest girl for having SEUNGRI as your namchin?” Seungri haughtily teases.
“Ne, ne, ne! You’re right! Now let’s order before they kick us out.” I stand and grab his arm, and head for the counter.
While waiting for our turn, my own adorable clown chooses to tell a rather too funny joke that I almost burst out laughing. Good thing I remembered where we are or I would’ve embarrassed us both. It’s almost our turn when I decide to turn back and check if the table we were occupying awhile ago is still available. And now I regret doing it—but I’ll regret it even more if I don’t take Seungri out of here.
“Oppa, I change my mind. I want barbecue. Kaja!” Without warning, I grab Seungri by the hand, and drag him towards the door.
“Jagiya, slow down. Are you that hungry? Don’t worry, I’ll buy the biggest barbecue for you, so take it easy okay?” He gently squeezes my hand, unaware of the sudden panic I’m experiencing right this moment. He doesn’t stop me from dragging him out of the café though.
I force a little smile to cover up the worry that’s now creeping up on me. “PLEASE DON’T LOOK OUR WAY. PLEASE DON’T LOOK OUR WAY. PLEASE—” My silent prayer is cut short when I hear an all too familiar voice.
“Hyeong!”
“Oh. Joo Hyuk-ah. You’re here!” Seungri stops and turns towards Joo Hyuk.
“WTF! They know each other?” Though still confused, I am able to keep my head down while the two of them converse. I have a lot of questions right now, and I’m sure Seungri too, once he finds out how Joo Hyuk and I know each other. But that question and answer portion can wait. I am not ready to do that, just yet. I just want to get out of here... far from Joo Hyuk as possible.
“Joo Hyuk-ah, this is my yeochin. Jagi—”
“Nice to meet you. We’re in a hurry. Bye.” I manage to say without even looking up. “Let’s go oppa!”
“Uh. Bye man. Let’s hangout some other time.” Seungri says and silently follows me out to the street.
I’m right. It was her. She was in that car. She is Seungri hyeong’s girlfriend.
When I caught a glimpse of her through her car’s open window, shocked was absolutely not enough to describe what I was feeling at that moment. It took me a lot of willpower not to approach her. Five freaking years. I’ve spent five years looking for her. And yet there she goes, reappearing before me when I least expected it.
“Stupid twist of fate!” I flick _________’s name that was carved on the table. Seeing her brings me back into this little, quiet café. This is where we would usually hang-out after school with friends. This was our table. When you’re fifteen and in love, you do crazy things like carving your names on stuff. It’s funny how some things change, and yet remain as it is at the same time.
“You know that won’t un-carve itself even if you stare at it for years.”
I look up upon hearing the voice that I was just speaking to a while back. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Eager much? Can you at least order something first Joo Hyuk-ah? Baegopa!” The girl who looks a lot like my first love complains.
“Wae?” I ask as soon as our food arrives.
“Why what?”
“Why didn’t you tell me she’s here in Seoul noona? You said she left to study abroad!” I scowl at Se Ah noona, not even bothering to hide my frustration.
“She did study abroad. She’s been back in Korea for half a year. She lives in Incheon now—don’t get me wrong Joo Hyuk-ah, you know you’re like a real baby brother to me, but it isn’t my obligation to update you on _________-ah’s whereabouts.” Se Ah calmly answers as she bites her food.
“I know noona. But I just can’t understand why you never told me where she was for the past five years. I know _________-ah is your sister, and your loyalty will always be to her. But noona, all I wanted to know then was where in the world she was and if she was okay.”
“And then what Joo Hyuk? What would you have done if you knew where she was? You and I know that nothing would’ve changed. You would’ve left her still.” Se Ah looks at me, challenging me to disagree with her.
I look down, disappointed, because I know she’s right. “Well, at least you could’ve given me a heads up about her dating Seungri hyeong. Since you know, I happen to be in the same company as him.”
“If I did, then you would’ve figured out where she was before she came back here. You see, those two have been together for two years already. They met abroad. _________-ah used to work as an intern at the hotel where Seungri was staying. They tried dating long distance but then eventually, my sister followed Seungri back here in Korea and decided to work in Incheon after she graduated.”
“Oh. I see… Noona, does she know about my work? I mean—”
“I don’t think so. I mean after you, she kind of avoided anything that has to do with Korean entertainment and stuff.”
“And yet her boyfriend is BIGBANG’S Seungri!” I can’t help but roll my eyes and be sarcastic.
“Believe it or not, for a time, she had no idea Seungri was a famous K-Pop star. She only realized how famous her boyfriend was, after an encounter with a sasaeng fan. I thought it was game over for them. But damn, Seungri is one persistent man.”
I nod. I must’ve been unmindfully touching the carved-out names for a time because Se Ah noona reaches over for my hand.
“Seungri’s a good man. He kept his promise and shielded my sister from the public eye… you’re a good man too Joo Hyuk-ah. I know how sorry you are for what happened but don’t let your guilt from the past stop you from moving forward. My sister wouldn’t have moved on if she let her past mistakes dictate the way she lives in the present. But I don’t know. She may have been secretly harboring ill-feelings from her past, and she’s just too cool to stay mad every single day. Maybe, you should just do the same. I think it’s best for you to stop looking for closure. Maybe your closure, is not having a closure at all.”
I sigh, lost in my thoughts. Maybe Se Ah noona is right. Or maybe not. Only time will tell. I’m hoping though that this ends up well.
I am glad that I could spend some time with my yeojachingu, uninterrupted. Even though it was just for a couple of hours, it was worth it. With both of us working our asses off, we rarely get to spend days like that. Away from the city. Away from the noise.
And now I’m kind of hesitating to get off her car as she drops me off to work. I know it sounds weird, but I feel like I’m missing her already even though she’s still sitting right next to me.
“Oppa, why aren’t you getting off the car?” She asks me grinning, more amused than confused.
I take her hand and pout. “I don’t feel like going to work today. I want to spend more time with you!”
“Aigoooo oppa! You’re too cute right now.” She squeezes my face like I’m some chubby-faced baby. “But sorry. We both need to work. This is what we call, hashtag, adulting.” She smiles as she surprises me with a quick peck on the lips. “Now off to work LEE SEUNG HYUN-SSI!” She commands, reaching out to take my seatbelt off me. “Pali ka!”
“Ne seonsaengnim.” I reluctantly open the door and drag my butt out the car. She waves goodbye as I close the door. But before she can drive away, I hurriedly knock on the window. “Can this oppa ask for one more kiss to kick-start my day?”
“Oppa… You’re crazy!” Yet she inches closer to the window, as I drag half of my body inside as well, to receive the kiss from my girl.
“_________-ah, SARANGHAEYONG~” I shout before she completely closes back the window, and send her away with finger hearts.
“OMO! Hyeong, watch out!”
I would have fallen to the ground from walking backwards if not for this good Samaritan who hurriedly breaks my fall. “Oh. Joo Hyuk-ah, it’s you. Thanks man! You know, I tend to get a little clumsy when I’m in love.” I may sound like I’m bragging, but oh well, I am bragging. Just can’t hide it. I’m definitely head over heels in love with my girl. And yes, I’m not ashamed to show it.
“Ani. It’s alright hyeong. Don’t mention it.” Joo Hyuk replies, clearly entertained. “Yeochin?” He asks as he points his thumb to where ________’s car was a while ago.
“NE! THE ONE and THE ONLY!”
“And her name—her name’s ________-ah?”
My stupid grin gradually disappears as I notice the look on Joo Hyuk’s face. I don’t know if he’s just curious, or if he knows _________-ah, or if I’m just being one paranoid boyfriend. “Wae? Do you know her?”
Joo Hyuk’s gaze momentarily turns to the road where _________-ah’s car was. His mind seems to be wandering off as well.
“Uhm… ani. No. I don’t think I know her. Her name just sounds familiar—yeah. I don’t know her.” He shakes his head, and forces a smile as he looks back at me. “I have to go hyeong. Nice bumping into you!”
“Uh yeah. See you around!” I holler at his retreating figure. “What was that?” I wonder to myself as I head inside the YGE building, trying to make sense of Joo Hyuk’s reaction. For a moment there, I really thought I saw a glimmer of recognition on his face when he mentioned _________’s name. But then again, I’m probably just imagining things. Or maybe, I’m just too girl-crazed that everything around me seems to be about my girl.
“You’re just paranoid Seung Hyun-ah!” I laugh at myself as I glance back at Joo Hyuk outside the building, who’s now talking to someone on his phone. “See? He’s probably calling his own girlfriend right now!” I head straight for the elevator and decide to forget the insane thought that’s beginning to form in my head. Time to get back to work! “HASHTAG, ADULTING! That’s what my _________-ah said.” See? Everything I say or do just goes back to her! I whistle my way inside the elevator, not caring how stupid I look with my love-struck smile.
Today has been a lazy Sunday for me. After weeks of burying myself with work, I finally had the entire weekend to enjoy. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. Before I know it, it’s already Sunday evening. My weekend is almost over and yet the person I am looking forward to spend my free time with, hasn’t shown his face to me. Good thing my ever-loyal books, are here to accompany me in my short vacation…
I’m more than half-way through my reading when I feel my eyelids flutter to a close. The silence of the neighbourhood and the gentle blowing of the sea breeze must have put me to sleep because the next thing I know, I’m lying on the bench with my head on my boyfriend’s lap while he playfully combs my hair with his fingers. His scent must have woken me up.
“Ah. Oppa, you’re here,” I say with my eyes still closed.
Instead of answering me, he kisses my nose, and a soft pinch follows where his lips had been. “Ya, hajima!!!” I catch his hand before he can mangle my nose. “I thought my weekend would end once again without even seeing you.” I keep my eyes closed, loving the feel of his hands, now caressing my face.
“Pabo! Not gonna let that happen! I came here straight from the airport. I couldn’t wait to spend time with you. I missed you jagiya!”
‘Wait! Something’s off here—I’m sure I’m smelling my boyfriend’s scent and I’m sure that was his hand caressing my face. But the voice…’ I silently thought to myself as I slowly open my eyes to catch a glimpse of my boyfriend’s face… and what the heck!!!
That’s not my boyfriend’s face! Well, it WAS my boyfriend’s face. WAS! As in like, my ex. I blink my eyes. Once. Twice. A couple more times. ‘WTF is going on here?!!!’ My thoughts start to panic in silence. I swiftly move away and stand a few feet away from the guy.
“YOU?! Ani. This isn’t real. Andwaeyo. Andwae. Andwae.”
“Hey, jagi gwaenchana?”
“JAGIYA! Ya, gwaenchana? Wake up jagi, you’re dreaming.”
I reluctantly open my eyes to stare at my Seungri’s concerned face. “OPPA?” I slowly rise to sit-up on the bench, my eyes never leaving Seungri’s figure kneeling before me. I’m afraid that if I blink, I’ll be transported back to my dream.
“Bad dream? You kept saying andwae.” He sits beside me, pulling me close to comfort me with his embrace.
“Uhm. I. I can’t remember my dream.” I close my eyes, inching myself closer to him. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him the truth and said that instead. All I know is I’m having a bad feeling about that stupid dream. “I’m just glad you’re here now.”
“Me too jagiya. Me too.” He pulls me up to stand with him. “Aigooooo! You probably should avoid reading scary books when it’s late.” He hands my book back to me as he jokingly flicks my forehead. “Let’s get you back inside. It’s getting a little too chilly out here.” Seungri puts his jacket on me as he takes me back inside the house. “And jagiya, I brought you dinner too!”
“My oppa is the best boyfriend in the world! And no, I was reading some romance stuff oppa. RO-MANCE.” I stop to feign a naughty grin, before surprising him with a flick on his forehead. “Now we’re even!” I snicker as I dash off inside, the dream I had totally forgotten.
Hey guys!
It’s been a while. A LONG WHILE. Sorry for that.
Hopefully, this new series that MSY is starting will make up for it. Enjoy!
And if you have any requests (or just want to say hi), feel free to leave us a message!
A few weeks after I came back to Seoul, a friend from overseas, Catherine, called me up to let me know she’s getting married. The thing is, I have not only been invited as a guest, but I’m one of her bridesmaids as well.
When I told Ji Yong about it, he asked me if I wanted to go… and of course I wanted to! She isn’t just a friend. I usually stay with Cathy whenever I visit their country.
Surprisingly, he was fine about it BUT—he’s tagging along. Good thing I'm too special that I can bring a plus one.
“So… I’m guessing this is where you’ve been when you disappeared on me for a year.” Ji Yong concludes as the pilot announces our arrival. He has been very curious about my whereabouts when I was gone, especially since I haven’t really talked about it with him even after I’ve returned.
I grin like I’ve just been caught red handed. “You got me. The first time I ran very far away from home, after my 18th birthday... I came here too. Remember the first time we met? I just came from my flight back here during that time as well.”
He nods, probably remembering that night that started it all. “I’m just curious. What’s so special about this country? Why do you hide here every time you want to escape?”
“That’s an easy question. The Philippines has more than 7,000 islands. And for me, it’s like having thousands of ways to keep me entertained—and to remind me that there are thousands of reasons for me to stay alive.”
Cathy's wedding was very intimate, with only a few family members and closest friends present, yet it was breathtaking. It was a beach wedding, with the setting sun as their natural backdrop. Oh, and I caught the bouquet too—although Ji Yong ruined everything by telling me that getting the bride’s bouquet doesn’t mean you’re next in line to tie the knot. It only means you’re the most eager female in the room. That got me really pissed.
It’s a good thing he’s trying to make it up for me today with some couple massage in the spa and a lovely dinner for two after! We decided to stay for a few more days—Ji Yong's idea, not mine. I’m guessing he’s warming up to the place as well.
I’m not used to eating in fancy restaurants. It’s not because I can’t afford it. It’s just that they give off a different vibe. Fast food is cool enough for me. Home-cooked meal is still the best though. But since Ji Yong insisted—so here we are in this restaurant by the beach.
“I feel like we’re the only customers here.” I can’t help but ask him out loud after noticing the notable silence in the restaurant.
“Hmmmm. Maybe it’s because we’re here upstairs and in a more private part of the restaurant… maybe we should order now.” He forces out an awkward smile at me before he asks for the menu.
I’m about to ask him if something is bothering him but the waitress arrives with the menu at hand. She hands one to Ji Yong—not even bothering to hide her obvious fascination for him. Her freaking smile is so wide that for a moment, I thought her face would rip off.
And to my bewilderment, Ji Yong nods at her as if he knows her from somewhere. I glare at him. Not because I’m jealous, but because I feel like he’s encouraging her somehow. I’m about to discretely reprimand him when the waitress finally hands me the menu. She flashes me a smile too, though it’s not the same as the one she’s given Ji Yong—but it was a friendly smile nonetheless.
I smile back at her and roll my eyes at the grinning Ji Yong. I resume opening the menu—and I go still. I begin to count in my head, calming my nerves. I’m unsure if I’m hallucinating or not, so I squint my eyes to make sure I’m reading it right.
“So are you going to just sit and stare at it or are you gonna give me an answer?” He leans forward, almost standing up. His hands are on the table like he needs them for support.
Instead of answering, I break down in tears.
“Aisssshhh… Dammit. Ahhhhh what the hell!” Agitated and unable to stay still, Ji Yong strides to my side and kneels down. “Since it appears that you can’t read what’s written in there, I’m gonna ask you just like those average guys sans the long, corny speeches… ________, will you marry me?” He reaches for his jeans pocket and takes out a ring. An engagement ring this time.
That made me cry even more, but I’m beaming like a fool this time. “Oh my god—YES! It’s a freaking yes!”
Relief washes over his face and he excitedly puts the ring on my finger. “SHE SAID YES PEOPLE! ________-AH SAID YES!” He shouts.
I can’t stop laughing and smiling while I ask him to keep his voice down. And now I see the reason for him to literally shout for joy—our family and the rest of the boys emerge from downstairs wearing party hats. Young Bae oppa is holding a cake while Seungri and Daesung oppa are holding balloons with Congratulations! written on them. I glance back at Ji Yong, curious.
“Surprise!” He announces. “They all flew in last night.” He adds in a whisper. “I know your head is filled with lots of questions as to how I managed to pull this off, but we have lifetimes ahead of us for me to answer them.”
I don’t give a mushier retort. Instead, I wrap my arms around his waist and give him a peck on the lips.
“Saranghae ________-ah.”
“Nado saranghae my Kwon JWI Yongie.”
“Hey, you two! Save that lovey-dovey thing for later before I start nagging this little sister of mine for getting engaged ahead of me and Emma.” Tracy warns jokingly. She hugs us both, giggling.
The rest of the night goes on filled with congratulations, best wishes, partying and of course—love.
And so this story ends but my real adventure starts tonight—and this time, I’m no longer taking them alone.
“They say love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
Can’t promise that things won’t be broken
But I swear I will never leave
Please stay forever with me.”
Scene One - JAMES DEAN & AUDREY HEPBURN – Sleeping With Sirens
It’s a Saturday night and we’re off from work yet here I am, staying indoors, hanging out with the boys in Young Bae's apartment. Seungri wanted to go out, but I’m not in the mood, haven’t been for a year now. This is ________'s fault. Going out to have fun seems worthless when I’m just going to mope around every time she crosses my mind. And trust me, it’s more often than not.
“So hyeong, what’s the point of ordering take out and opening Young Bae's wine when you’re not eating nor drinking anything?” Concludes the rather too observant Maknae, who is sitting opposite me on the dinner table.
Daesung, who is seated beside Maknae discretely elbows him in the ribs, although not that discrete coz I am still able to see it. “Uh. Hyeong, is Seung Hyun hyeong coming?” He tries changing the course of our conversation.
I am about to answer, but then the doorbell rings and Young Bae gets up to answer it. “Speak of the devil.” He returns with Hyeong following behind him.
Seung Hyun hyeong stands before us, looking really funny. I don’t know what’s gotten into him but he stands really still, bows before us, and turns his attention to me. “I, Choi Seung Hyun am a bearer of good news for my dear comrade, Kwon Ji Yong-ssi…” He changes his stance, wears a poker face for a second, and then returns to his usual self. “Ya! Neo, KWON-JI-YONG. Come to our house tomorrow night. A very important person that misses you wishes to see you…”
We all stare at him, expecting and curiously waiting for him to continue. My heart is beating too fast from anticipation.
“Dae Ho, my son.”
My jaw drops along with my heart. “Ya hyeong! How can you do this to me? You know…”
“And ________-ah.” He resumes while I am still talking.
I remain speechless for a while until I’ve finally processed what hyeong's trying to say. “Wait. What did you say? ________-ah? She’s back?”
They all turn their attention towards me, and I can see from the happy smile on their faces, the answer I’ve wanted to hear.
Tomorrow night came. Now I’m here at Seung Hyun hyeong's front door, waiting for someone to answer the door.
“Ji Yong. Come in.” Hyeong opens up the door—wearing an apron. “Don’t ask. Don’t say anything.” He warns me in advance the moment he sees my amused grin.
I chew my lip to keep myself from laughing. “Here. This is for you.” I hand over the wine to him.
“Ji Yongie—Uhhhh... is that for me?” Ava noona, clad in an identical apron as hyeong’s, emerges from the kitchen. She points at the paper bag I have in hand. I nod and hand it over to her. “Waaa! My favorite French macaroons. Ji Yong gomawo—uhhhh, go upstairs. She’s in our room, putting Dae Ho to sleep.”
I nod, utter my gratitude and dash up the stairs. It doesn’t take long for me to reach the bedroom door. I take my time in opening it though. My breath is coming up short, and I’m not sure if it’s because I just ran up the stairs or because of my excitement to see ________-ah after a year, has gotten the best of me.
I count 1 to 10, take a deep breath, and let myself in.
She’s lying on the bed with a pillow around her arms and her nephew beside her. I smile inwardly upon seeing the two. It looks like Dae Ho has put her to sleep instead. Slowly, I settle down on the empty space on the other side of the bed. “Aigoooo. Did your aunt just sleep on you?” I take a peek at ________-ah and notice a stray strand of her hair covering her face. Gently, I reach out and push it away. Her hair is a few inches longer than the last time I’ve seen her. And I think she has gained a little weight too, but it suits her—really well. “Hey little boy. Should we go tell your Daddy how bad of a babysitter you’ve got here?”
“Jugeullae?” ________ threatens in her muffled voice. “Do that and I’ll roast you alive, MOUSE DRAGON.” She opens her eyes and rests them on me. “Oraenmaniya Kwon-JWI-Yong… oppa.” She masks her smile with a rather serious look, but her eyes aren’t doing such a great job.
“Did you just call m—”
“Oppa. Jwi Yongie Oppa.” She repeats it, although this time, she doesn’t stop herself from showing that smile.
I’m too surprised and overjoyed that I can only stare at her.
She sits up on the bed and nags. “Ya! Are you not going to say anything and just go sit and stare at me? Ahhhhh. Jinjja…” She talks to her nephew this time. “See that guy over there? Don’t ever grow up like him. Arasseo?”
The baby coos and smiles.
“Ya. Don’t listen to her. She called me oppa out of the blue and expects me to recover that fast? I’m still trying to process the idea—but since she’s implying I’m slow. I’ll show your aunt that I’m not.” I shift on the bed to pull her face close to mine. When I’ve made sure we’re not squeezing Dae Ho between us, I bend down and kiss her slowly. The moment I end the kiss, I mischievously beam at her.
“KWON JI YONG! Michyeosso? There’s a baby in the room!”
“He didn’t see it. Want proof? Let’s try it again.”
“Ya! Aaarrgghhhh. You’re impossible.” She hisses, her face covered in red. “I’m going back to sleep.” She lies on the bed once again, and snuggles her nephew closer to her.
I’m grinning like a fool right now but I can’t help it. This is what she does to me. Everything feels better with her. Even the most trivial things she does mean so much to me. And I’m pretty convinced that I’m not gonna let her get away again.
I take something out of my pocket. While her right hand is patting the baby to sleep, I take hold of it and gently place something on her ring finger.
She stops, sneaks a peek at me before staring at the ring on her finger. She looks either confused or taken aback or a little bit of both.
I lie on the bed so my line of sight can level with hers. “That’s a promise ring. So don’t get overly excited.”
She remains close-mouthed, although her glare says she’s pissed. A couple of seconds go by without her saying anything. She just stares at her ring. Then she closes her eyes. “Gomawo oppa.” She yawns just as her nephew does. “Jollyeo… oppa, sing us to sleep.”
Of course I’m granting her request. What________-ah wants, she gets. It’s what I had bargained for when she was gone—to give her everything she wants in every way I can as long as she comes back to me. So I sing them a lullaby while she pats the baby to sleep. It doesn’t take long for them to drift into dreamland… and before I even realized it, my eyes felt droopy, then off I go to dreamland right after them.
The plane just landed minutes ago here in Incheon. As of the moment, I’m on my way to meet my family. And—
Dongsaengi!!!” A grinning Tracy eonnie runs towards me followed by my ever demure sister, Emma eonnie, and then my smiling dad. “We’ve missed you! I’ve missed you!” She pulls me in a bear hug.
I laugh at her when at long last she releases me. “You sure did. No wonder you call me almost every day and even came to visit me. Hmm, when was it? Oh yeah, just last week.”
She rolls her eyes while Emma joins in to laugh with me. “She is even annoying when she’s being a nice older sister than when she was mean to you eh?” Emma eonnie asks me in jest.
“Come on now. Let’s get your sister home before she changes her mind and takes off again somewhere.” Dad teases as he carries my suitcases for me. “Uri ttal, bogoshipeo.” He adds in a whisper, placing an arm around me.
“Nado Dad.” I answer back. “Let’s hurry. Can’t wait to meet my little nephew.”
On the way home, Tracy and Emma eonnie take turns in updating me on everything that happened while I was away, like Tracy and Dae Young breaking up just days after I left and basically every story they can think of—save for anything about Ji Yong. I don’t know whether they’re doing it on purpose because they’re hiding something from me, or they really just don’t have anything to say about him.
It was my choice to not let him know where I was. I even left my phone with Tracy eonnie just so I won’t be tempted to call him. Only Dad knew where I was for the past year, well Tracy eonnie too. It seemed that she didn’t stop pestering Dad until she found out where I was. Her reason was that she wanted to make up for all the times she made my life hell. Her words, not mine. So fair enough. Thinking about it makes me have this tiny regret in my heart for doing that to Ji Yong.
“He’s fine.” Emma eonnie who’s sitting beside Dad, cuts my flow of thoughts. She turns around to the back seat with her teasing face on.
“Who's fine?” Tracy eonnie and I ask altogether.
“That little mouse of yours.” Dad glances at me from the rear-view mirror.
“Oh, you mean Ji Yong?” Tracy eonnie looks at me. “That Ji Yong! He wouldn’t stop bothering me.” Dad chuckles, probably remembering that she was doing the same thing, but she goes on anyway. “He’d even stop by the ballet studio sometimes, begging me to tell him where you are or how he can get through you. And I told him, he can just tell me whatever he wants—”
“We’re home!” Dad declares thus abruptly ending Tracy eonnie’s babbles.
I try not to be, but I get teary-eyed when I get inside the house. This is actually the first time I’m so glad to be home. They didn’t have to, yet my sisters, and my brother-in-law, and of course my nephew, put some effort to come to my parents' house. And then here’s Ma, cooking me my favorites. This is just too overwhelming!
“OMO! I’m the new mom here, yet you’re the one who’s getting emotional.” Ava eonnie ruffles my hair and pulls me in for a hug right after. “”We’ve missed you baby sis! Your nephew’s in your room.”
As soon as the welcoming and hugging ends, I excuse myself to go see the new baby in the family.
I can’t help but swoon the minute I catch a glimpse of my nephew sleeping soundly in the middle of my bed. He is most definitely the cutest baby I’ve ever laid my eyes on.
“Aren’t you the most handsome little boy?” Carefully, I hold his hand through his mitten.
I hear a soft knock and surprisingly, Seung Hyun oppa comes in.
“Wow! Tracy eonnie was right. You are one hell of an overprotective father. Don’t worry, I’m great with babies. I’m used to taking care of them when I was out there traveling.” And it’s true. Two of the things I’ve learned in all my travels: one, that no matter what race or ethnicity, babies are cute. And two, I’m great with them.
His grin proves one thing—he really is an overprotective dad. “Just checking if my Dae Ho needs anything… and to ask if Ji Yong knows you’re back.”
“Oh. That. No. I haven’t—but did you oppa? I mean, tell him I was…”
“Ani. Yeobo warned me not to tell Ji Yong you’re back. Not unless you want to. Do you?” Seung Hyun oppa waits for my answer.
Everyone turns silent after listening to Tracy pour out her pent-up emotions. I read her right. The things I’ve said to her back at the hotel were true. I get where Tracy is coming from. I know she’s hurting. However, her misery is not ________’s fault either—it was all just unfortunate events and uncontrollable circumstances.
I know the only thing I can do for ________ at this moment is to comfort her, make her feel that I’m just here—and I did just that when she starts crying.
“I’m sorry.” ________’s voice is almost too faint to hear.
“I’m sorry sweetie. I didn’t know.” Their mom takes Tracy in her arms, crying. “I didn’t know my depression affected my daughters this much, especially you. I’m sorry. It’s not your fault Tracy, neither is it your sister’s. Mianhae.”
“It’s not your fault ma. It’s neither Tracy’s. No one is at fault here.” Ava eonnie who witnessed everything right at the front door, finally snaps out from her own cloud of emotions. She walks in, stands in front of ________, and holds out her hand to her younger sister. “Especially not yours. I know I haven’t been the best sister to you, and for that I apologize.”
“Gentlemen… can I have some hour or two with my family?” Abeonim looks at me and Seung Hyun hyeong who is now sitting next to me. “Maybe you boys can get us something to eat. I’m sure these ladies will be starving after crying their eyes out.” He whispers, obviously just trying to make light of the situation for us.
Hyeong and I nod in understanding, then head outside to give the family some time to talk and reconcile.
“Aigoooooo... you brought all the drama to the family Ji Yongie!” Seung Hyun hyeong quips once we’re outside. “And my wife cried because of that and—you almost ruined my wedding reception! Aigoooooo.” He goes on with his banter as he makes his way to his car.
“Ya hyeong, how could it be my fault?” I pout, pretending to be offended while I jog after him.
“It’s because you followed after ________-ah that night. That triggered Tracy to get pissed at her. And Tracy probably figured out you were together in Gunsan, which made her even more pissed. Now it spiraled down to this.” He pauses once we are seated in his car. He shifts to face me, his face looking all too serious like he just cracked an important code. “That’s my theory.”
I turn silent because maybe, hyeong’s right. Then I feel something hit my head, like literally hit it. “Aw! Hyeong! Why’d you hit me?”
He begins to laugh boisterously as he starts to drive at the same time. “Jinjja paboya! I was just playing around, but you started looking like you’re really taking everything seriously.”
“I don’t know. You might be ri—”
“Kidding bro. I said I was kidding—you better prepare your wallet though because you’ll be paying for the food. And I’m not kidding this time.” He deadpans.
“Hyeong! You sneaky… aaaaissshhh! You tricked me!” And I can’t believe I effortlessly fell for it.
He takes a side glance at me, turns his eyes back on the road and cracks up.
I glare at him unbelievably, not for long, joining him in his laughing spree.
While getting our food, we talked about everything from what went down earlier, to hyeong’s new life and the thing between me and ________. We’re still teasing and joking around until we arrived at Abeonim's house—that was when we shifted to being serious.
We did not expect to find this scene unfold in front of us right now though… every single one of them is laughing their a**es out like nothing ever happened. They only stop once they notice me and hyeong. It doesn’t take long for them to burst into fits of laughter upon seeing our shocked faces.
“I guess all is well that ends well.” Hyeong is the first to recover from our initial shock.
I’m still not completely over probably the happiest scene I’ve ever seen when ________ glides her way to me and just out of nowhere, throws her arms around me. “I can’t believe it’s over. We’re all finally okay now… Thank you. I’m probably the happiest person in Seoul right this minute.”
I may be caught off guard, but it doesn’t mean I’m not pleased with what is happening right now. So here I am, relishing this beautiful moment, and returning her embrace—tighter. “I AM, the happiest person in the world right this second.”
She doesn’t completely let go, but instead, she gazes at me as she holds my hands tightly. “I know. I’m sure we both are. But… I still have to leave. I just need to do something. I already told them I need to take this trip.” She glances at her family, the longing in her eyes is finally gone, and in its place is the sense of belongingness.
“How long?” I know I said I won’t stop her. My stand remains the same. I just need to know if she’s coming back.
“I’m not sure. I’m sure of one thing though—I’ll come back to you. Yaksok. I just hope though that you’re going to wa—”
“Whether you ask me to or not, I’m still going to wait. Just make sure to keep your promise.”
We hug for the last time—and steal a little kiss, which everyone seemed to not mind, save for abeonim… and then off she leaves on a cab, on her own. My strong, amazing wanderer, taking on another journey.
I was seething with anger in the cab on my way home. The cab driver was the reason I was able to hold back my tears for so long. I’m not the kind of girl to cry around somebody, especially strangers. When I’m in situations like this, I suck it up, wait till I’m alone, and cry everything out. And when I reached home, I did just that. I cried my heart and eyes out until my calm returned.
Now that I have let some of the hurt go, I realized, I should’ve listened to Ji Yong. He told me he would explain, but I didn’t listen to him anyway. I ran away instead. And I’m running away again right now. I just need to be on my own. Keep myself away from the drama. Away from my family. I’m good with running away, and I’m fast. I’ve mastered the act of disappearing since I turned 18.
But I guess Ji Yong is better and faster at chasing after people, because when I open the door, he is about to knock on it as well.
He immediately notices the suitcase, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he pulls me in a tight embrace. “I would tell you not to leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna begrudge you of your ability to decide on your own. All I want is for you to give me the chance to explain.” He lets go of me, holds my face between his hands. “Jebal.”
I nod, letting him in. I’m still leaving, but I know, I need to hear him out first. That’s the least I can do for his efforts to run after me.
Ji Yong tells me everything. About Bo Ram—who she is, and what Tracy asked her to do in exchange for money. Bo Ram called him, crying for help because her mom went hysterical again. That was why he had to leave me last night in a hurry because he had seen what Bo Ram's mom could do. However, he was surprised to find Bo Ram alone in the house. The next thing he knew, she was throwing herself at him. He was holding her arms to push her away, but in the photo that Tracy took, and yes Tracy was there hiding, it seemed like the other way. He admits that the only mistake he did, was not telling me the real reason he had to leave me that night when we went out for dinner. And he regretted never doing it at that time.
I take his hand in mine. “It’s okay. I understand now. I’m sorry for doubting you… JWI YONGIE.” I grin silly while saying my pet name for him.
His wide smile takes the last sad thought I had for us. And his embrace, it’s amazing how his embrace can make me forget every bad thing—
But then when that bad thing comes barging in your front door in the form of your evil sister, well it’s a different story.
“I told them I don’t wanna talk. But everyone won’t stop pestering me. So I’m gonna freaking talk.” Without even so much of a preamble, Tracy begins to berate.
“Tracy, I said we’ll talk not yell.” Dad in his low but firm voice walks in after Tracy, along with my Ma and Emma.
She disregards Dad’s warning. “I’m so sick and tired of you. I don’t know how you did it, but ever since you came back from wherever on earth you’ve been, everyone is taking your side—like they’re all under your spell. And now I’m becoming the bad guy here because of you! They want us to talk? Then I will talk!”
And Tracy surely did just that. She poured every single feeling she kept bottled up inside her. She told me that before I was born, Mom would prefer being with Ava because she was her first born, and Emma, because she was the youngest. Dad was all she had then. She said life took the worst turn the moment I was born. Dad had to miss her first recital because mom was giving birth to me. And then mom got sick after she had me, that was why Ava and Emma eonnie grew distant from me because they blamed me for what happened to Ma. From then on, dad would always put me before her because Ma was too depressed to care for me. It took mom three years before she snapped out of her depression. She said Ma had Ava and Emma eonnie, and I had Dad, so she was left on her own. She hated me for it. She felt that I took everything from her, that I ruined her life—thus she grew up wanting to do the same to me. And after letting everything out, she breaks down into tears.
I remain rooted in place, stunned. I’m not even aware that tears are falling from my eyes—not until Ji Yong pulls me closer to his side. “I’m sorry,” is all I can say when at last, I find my voice again.
The girl I want to be with just walked away and I’m left with these girls I wish never existed. One is currently holding my arm and preventing me from running after ________, while the other is rejoicing from her victory. Tracy is an A class b*tch. She freaking lied to my face earlier about hyeong calling for me. But hell to the no, I don’t accept defeat. Especially from people who don’t know how to fight fair.
“You scheming, selfish b*tches…” I stare both of them down. “You think I’m that stupid not to figure this out?” My voice is starting to sound terrifying. I crumple the photo, take Tracy's hand, and hand it to her. “How convenient for you to carry that photo around, then minutes later, Bo Ram appears.”
I turn to Bo Ram this time. “And you! Never again use your poor, ill mother to trick me to come to you!”
I can’t believe Tracy hates ________-ah so much that she would go as far as inviting Bo Ram to Ava noona's wedding. We both know how much noona loathes Bo Ram for being too arrogant and ambitious, she freaking banned Bo Ram from her fashion shows.
And Bo Ram. Yes, I sympathize with her for having to take care of a mentally sick mother on her own. But that’s about the good thing about her. She has too much ambition but less in emotion—the reason we didn’t last long. Bo Ram knows how to dream, but she doesn’t know how to feel.
But I do. I do feel—a lot. And right now, I’m fuming. But I’m still a gentleman, so I’m gonna try and settle this like one. “Bo Ram, I will never fall for your tricks again. So don’t expect me to go help you when you’re crying for help. I don’t want to see your face after tonight.”
Bo Ram doesn’t even fight nor utter a single retaliation. She simply walks away, like nothing happened. See? I told you, she doesn’t feel. But just like me, Tracy feels as well. And although pissed for having her pawns taken down, she’s still able to find a little triumph for defeating her little sister. Or so she thought.
“And you Tracy—.” Yep. The mouse dragon isn’t done. This is the least I can do for unintentionally hurting ________. “I feel sorry for you. You act so confident, flawless in your tutu and ballet shoes. You appear to be above and superior than ________, putting her down every chance you got. But I know. We both know everything is a pretense. You don’t really think you’re better than her. And you don’t hate her either. You’re just jealous of her.”
She may not admit it, but there’s truth to my words. And it is enough to topple down the victory on her face. “Shut up!”
“Did I hit a nerve?” I go on, wanting to let her have a dose of her own medicine. “Because it’s true right? You want the things that want her like Matthew and your Dad’s attention. You want to be her.”
And then she goes off like a time bomb. “I said shut up! Shut the f*ck up! You’re an a**hole. So just f*ck your—”
“Tracy! What are you doing?” Her father comes out from the ballroom, Ava noona, just close behind. “I figured you had something to do with your sister leaving—”
“Oh, so your precious daughter already cried it out to daddy over the phone… that b*tch!” She retorts, pissed off.
“Ya! Tracy!” Ava noona tries chastising her sister, but their father stops her.
“Have some little respect for me. You may be fending for yourself now and probably don’t need me, but I’m still your father.” He appears mad, however, his eyes say that he’s hurt.
Her inability to speak is a proof that her father’s words hit her. The minute she recovers, she speaks to Ava noona. “Mianheyo Ava eonnie. I’m going to my apartment. Tell Seung Hyun oppa I’m sorry.”
Ava noona doesn’t reply. Her father does instead. “You’re going home with me. We need to talk. This family needs to talk. But we have to finish your sister's—”
Ava cuts her dad off, understanding written in her eyes. “Gwaenchana dad. You take her home. We’re almost done here anyway. I’ll tell mom and Emma. I’m gonna be there too. We need to sort this out before I leave for my honeymoon the day after tomorrow.”A small smile emerges from her lips. “And you.” She turns to me. “Go see my sister if she’s okay—and before she runs off again. She sounded pretty upset when she called dad earlier.”
I nod and apologize for the inconvenience we’ve caused. And then I glance at abeonim for approval. “Go. You need to talk with her.” He affirms.
“Abeonim, jwisonghamnida. I didn’t mean to hurt ________-ah. I never intended for this to happen.” No. I had another way of ending this night, but it was ruined. And I’m not even sure if I can still salvage it.
“It’s okay. I understand. Now go. We will follow shortly. I have to talk to Tracy first.” She pats me on the back, urging me to leave.
And I do leave. In a hurry. I can’t let ________ run away without fixing things between us. I’m not gonna lose her this way. This is not the way we end. We simply cannot end.
I am positive that from the moment I saw Tracy eonnie, something terrible is about to happen. My hunch grows stronger when minutes after Ji Yong walked back inside the ballroom and Tracy following after him, I see Matthew moving towards me. The night of my 18th birthday flashes back in my mind. Everything. The hurt. The betrayal. Why can’t they leave me be?
“What do you want?” My voice is cold and I’m trying my best not to claw and wipe that creepy grin off his face.
He closes the distance between us. “I’ve missed you baby girl.”He reaches for my arm.
I slap his hand off before he can touch me. “Keep your hands off me. And don’t call me that. I’m not a baby and I’m not your f*cking girl either!” I breathe deeply, calming myself down. “Just leave me be.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you. What should I do so you can forgive me? Beg? Kneel?” He sounds regretful, but the look in his eyes says otherwise. “Should I leave Tracy instead? Do you want that?”
And as if on cue, Tracy eonnie comes out from the ballroom once more.
“Should I leave her? And get back with you?”His voice is taunting. And before I can say anything, he snatches Tracy eonnie by the waist and kisses her full on the lips.
She wraps her arms around Matthew and the two of them start making out in front of me.
I close my eyes, I’m holding back a lot of emotions right this moment. Anger. Pain. Confusion. But mostly anger. “You’re sick! Both of you make me f*cking sick!” I don’t want to make a scene on Ava eonnie's wedding so with all the strength I can muster—I hold myself back from screaming at them. I want to leave, but I have to wait for Ji Yong to come back. I can only hope it doesn’t take him long to do so.
Tracy eonnie releases herself from Matthew’s hold. She looks at me as if she feels sorry for me. “Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Poor sister, do you think Matthew will come back and choose you this time? Dream on __________. He didn’t choose you then, he’ll never choose you now. Get that?” She taps my shoulder, then pushes me hard.
“Ya! Tracy! Stay away from her!” Ji Yong breaks my fall. I am burning with rage inside that I don’t even notice him coming out from the ballroom.“I don’t hit girls. So please don’t make me forget that you are one.”
“Now, Ji Yong. Bro. You should leave yourself out of this.” Matthew steps in.
“You!” Ji Yong grabs Matthew by the collar. “Don’t you ever f*cking come near MY GIRL again. EVER! Do just that and you can kiss your poor, sinking acting career goodbye. Do you hear me?!” He forcibly releases Matthew.
I want to cheer Ji Yong on for what he just did, especially after watching Matthew leaving the party for good. But I know I have to calm him down before we start getting unwanted attention.
I thought this drama was over, apparently, Tracy eonnie isn’t done yet—and I can tell she’s going all out this time.
“Oh come on Ji Yong, stop acting as if you are really so into my sister. If you are, then would you care to explain this to her.” She takes something out from her purse and hands it to me.
And I was right. She did go all out this time—like dropping a bomb in the middle of a peace treaty. I’m ready to cry. I so want to cry, so I bite my lower lip to stop myself from quivering. I hand him the photo.
“Ani, ani, ani. ________-ah, this is not what it looks like. I can explain. Hey, come on look at me. Please don’t be like this.” He urges me to look at him, but I can’t. And I won’t.
I sink into the floor. This day is too much for me. I’m not sure if I can take any more drama. This is a sh*tty nightmare in the middle of a fairy tale.
“Oppa… I’m here. I’m very late, mian.” This girl’s voice isn’t familiar to me.
I turn to see the owner of the voice—and stupid bad dream just wouldn’t know how to stop. The girl Ji Yong was passionately lip-locking with in the photo just comes into life. I-AM-SO-F*CKING-DONE.
The following days are pure, absolute bliss. ________-ah finally agreed to see me whenever I asked her out. Hanging out with her again felt like we were back in Gunsan, alone, together in our own world. To some extent, between the teasing, flirting and going out, we agreed to not pressure ourselves with labeling what we have together. As long as we know that what we have… is something special.
Maybe my head has been up in clouds for so long that I almost forgot life is not always filled with lips kissing and hearts warming. It is also filled with eyes crying and hearts breaking…
Seung Hyun hyeong and Ava noona just said their I Dos hours ago. The romantic atmosphere caught up with me that I haven’t even left ________’s side ever since the wedding ceremony ended. I have another reason for my being territorial though, and he’s standing in the corner across from us—staring at ________ like a maniacal a**. Oh, I already knew what went down during that fateful night ________-ah was referring to. It was her 18th Birthday. The night that f*cking guy Matthew Park, decided to reappear—as Tracy's boyfriend.
Well—f*ck her sister and f*ck her ex. They deserve each other. But I won’t allow them to ruin our day because now, I’m here dancing with the most beautiful bridesmaid in the middle of the hotel’s ballroom. “I can’t believe hyeong is married now.” I grin towards hyeong's direction, willing myself to rid my thoughts of unworthy things.
“I can’t believe how clingy you can be.” She acts annoyed, shaking her head. “Now no handsome guy can dance with me.”
“Ha-ha. Why do you want some handsome guy, when you’re already with an AWESOME one?” I challenge her.
She chuckles and pretends to strangle me with her hands that have been around my neck. “Crazy MOUSE DRAGON!”
“Ya! Hajima. Don’t call me that. I’m not a mouse. It’s JI YONG. Not JWI YONG. Aissshh—come, I’m gonna punish you.” I take her hand and gently drag her out of the ballroom.
“JWI, what are you doing? Ya! Where the hell are you taking me JWI YONGIE?” She doesn’t stop her teasing, although I can sense that she’s getting uneasy.
Once outside, I look around to see if we’re alone. When I’m sure that we are, I reach a hand to her face. “Hey, we’re cool okay? I just need to be alone with you for awhile.”
She nods.
I gaze into her eyes, inch my face closer, and give her lips a chaste kiss. “And I needed to do that.” I boyishly grin when I see her blushing.
“You really are a crazy mouse dragon! We’re in a freaking hotel, what if somebody saw us—saw you?” She seems to worry about it for real this time.
“Everything is fine ________.” I assure her. “Now let’s go. I have a surprise for you somewhere in this hotel.”
“Uh. Ji Yong-ah! Finally I found you.” It's Tracy striding out of the ballroom. “Seung Hyun oppa is looking for you.” Tracy glares at her sister when she notices me holding ________’s hand.
“Me?” I have a bad feeling about this. Not about hyeong, but with Tracy. I know I shouldn’t think badly about her, but I am also aware that Tracy is not so keen with ________-ah. “Stay here. I’ll be quick.” I reluctantly let go of her hand and walk back inside the ballroom in a hurried pace. I guess my surprise can wait.
I knew she would come here late. And I am not mistaken. I am just five minutes ahead of them. I didn’t expect her Dad to accompany her though. Luckily, I see them before they see me.
When I go greet her dad, her surprised look never misses my eyes. Hearing her voice, it is obvious to me that she seems uneasy. She doesn’t have to know though that I am too. I act coolly, not even showing the slightest sign that my nerves are going haywire. “________-ah. Oraenmaniya.”
Before she can answer, the store attendant beckons us to proceed to the dressing room for the fitting. For the last 30 minutes that follow, we don’t say another word to each other except for “You look nice in that dress” and “Your suit suits you”.
She was just going out of the dressing room then, clad in her teal-colored bridesmaid dress, while I’m already outside in my groomsmen suit and was only waiting for the store attendant to fix my tie. After that, everything went back to silence.
She may be unlike most girls, but surely she still is a girl to the core because it’s taking her time to get in and out of her dress. I am already sitting with her dad in the waiting lounge for quite some time, when she finally emerges from the dressing room. She’s back in her casual black tee and denim overalls this time. And I’m probably not myself ‘cause I think she looks prettier in that getup than her bridesmaid's dress earlier.
“I thought you went ahead?” She looks surprised, finding me still chatting with her dad.
“I invited Ji Yong to join us for dinner.” Her dad casually answers on my behalf. “Let’s get going. Ji Yong will follow us in his car.”
She follows her dad after giving me a death glare—which I answer with a victorious smirk.
The dinner with them is going far better than I have expected. I can say her dad is one heck of a father—a really cool one that is. And it is pretty obvious how strong their father-daughter bond is. They’ve been bantering all throughout dinner and still making sure that I am not left out. Seeing ________ laughing and being sporadically but adorably mean is a relief. This is the ________ I knew in Gunsan, and not the distant, spiritless girl that she has been the past months.
“Can we go get the promised ice cream now?” She looks at her father expectantly after her dad pays the bill.
Her dad glances at me quickly then turns to answer her. “Uri ttal. How about you go with Ji Yong for ice cream? I’m so full I don’t think my stomach can take more food… and I need to get home to your mom as well. Are you okay with that?”
I expect her to say no, yet to my surprise—and obviously my delight—she nods her head slightly. Oh hell, that may not be an ecstatic yes, but still, it’s a freaking YES!
Her dad stands to kiss her goodbye and taps me on the shoulder. “Uh. Make sure to bring my Cinderella back before midnight—well, 12:30 will do—but not later than that. Make sure to do that or I will turn you into a mouse.” He jokes. I’m convinced though that there’s a hint of seriousness behind it.
“Uhm. Yes _________’s dad. I mean. Sir. Thank you. I.” I am embarrassing myself. I’m not sure what to call him especially since, well not Korean and practically grew up in a different culture. I don’t know the rules they follow at home.
He guffaws. “Aigooo... Abeonim—it’s okay to call me abeonim.” Then off he leaves us on our own, laughing some more.
I run a hand down my face like somehow this can wipe off my embarrassment. When I turn my gaze on ________-ah, she’s donning a Cheshire cat grin. It seems like she finds humor in my humiliation. “Omo. Ji Yong-ah. What was that?”
“Nothing. It was just me making you happy.” Surely, my words are enough to tinge her cheeks red.
“Ya! You. We should—Well, time for you to buy me some ice cream.” She stands, storms out of the restaurant with me trailing behind in my own Cheshire grin.
I have been sitting on the backyard swing countlessly re-reading Ji Yong's text from last night. I know he is going to be there at the dress shop for the final fitting of the wedding clothes. That is why I opt to go there later than the said time.
I wasn’t planning on evading his presence nor was I forced to do it. I may not want it, but I need to do it. After that night Ava went to my room, I know that no matter how detrimental their words would get, I will always want to have my family's approval. I know that should not be the case, yet I can’t help it. In my heart, I always want to feel that I am a part of a family. I want my family. Period. So while I’m with them, I’m gonna show them I can be a good daughter, and an even better sister. I’ll make them see I’m worth it.
“Uri ttal, I’m home.” Dad calls out from the door that leads to the backyard. “Kaja!”
I gather up my purse and sprint towards him, kissing his cheek as a greeting. As a response, he encloses me in a side hug, never letting me go even while we make our way towards his car. “Dad, thanks for everything.” I tell him once we’re both inside the car.
Dad playfully messes my hair while grinning. “Aigooooo… You want something eh?” He joshes.
“Nothing. No. Does a daughter always need to have a reason for her to thank her father?” I pretend to be offended and pout. But an idea starts to form in my head. “Now that you’ve mentioned it though—let’s have samgyeopsal and soju.” I smile expectantly.
Dad turns the car to the main road. “Yes to the first one and no to the second.”
Fathers. They think their daughters will forever remain young. I roll my eyes away from him. “Fine then.”
“How about some ice cream after dinner instead?” Dad negotiates.
I beam in agreement.
It’s a good thing Seoul traffic isn’t so bad tonight, we are able to reach the dress shop just 30 minutes before closing time. Dad goes in first, holding the door for me.
“Ah. Ji Yong, you’re still here too?” Dad turns to me. “Ji Yong's here.”
Yeah Dad. I can see that. I’m not blind. “Annyeong.” I awkwardly bow my head to greet him.
He nods and sends me half a smile. “________-ah. Oraenmaniya.”
It has been three months since that night I came back to Seoul with ________ after spending 10 days together in her hometown. Three months since I’ve learned from Seung Hyun hyeong the real reason she’s been invisible from us for most of her life.
Just like me, hyeong wanted to know why for the four years he’s been with Ava noona, he had only seen ________ thrice. Twice, when he celebrated Parent’s Day with Ava and the rest of the family, and the last time was during that dinner where, apparently, Ava noona wanted her youngest sister to be a part of.
Hyeong found out from his fiancé that when ________ was 10, their Dad brought her to her Granny's in Jeju. She spent six years there until her Dad took her back when the family moved to Seoul. Her family was used to her constantly running away for a day or two. But then when she turned 18, no one knew in her family why, but she disappeared for weeks. And from then on, she just appears and disappears whenever she wants to. Hyeong said their Dad was totally against it at first, but after awhile, he told the rest of his daughters to just let their sister be.
And I knew her Dad understood the need for ________ to get away. Just like the way I’m seeing clearly now why she has chosen to be out there in the world—it’s not just to travel and work. It’s her way of escaping.
I’m just glad that she didn’t run off after spending time with me in Gunsan. Although for the past three months, aside from our random text messaging, calls on the phone, or in rare occasions, Skyping over the internet, I have only seen her once. And if not for my incessant pleas for Seung Hyun hyeong to tag me along on their next visit to Ava noona's parents’ house, then I wouldn’t even have the chance to see her in the flesh.
It happened last Friday night when the members went out drinking with the staff after a meeting. Ava noona came later to see Hyeong and ended up drinking with us. However, noona got drunk that hyeong decided to drive her home. Since it was very late, noona told hyeong to take her home to her parent’s house instead.
And of course, when I gathered that little piece of information, I was like a firecracker that had been set off and I started pestering hyeong. I offered to drive since I didn’t drink much. And I could’ve kissed hyeong back then because he agreed.
I recall being overly excited with the anticipation of seeing ________-ah again. I did see her—her side profile that is—and it was for less than a minute!
We just came in through the front door which her Mom opened for us. That was when I saw her Dad at the bottom of the stairs, talking to someone. And when I looked up, I saw her just before she disappeared upstairs. Later that night, I heard from her Dad that she was sick. And as soon as I went home, I texted her, told her to get well soon and why she didn’t tell me she was ill. She replied and assured me she was getting better and she was too caught up with something thus it slipped her mind to text me.
She was always like that. For three months, she had always found a reason and an excuse not to meet me—that nothing was wrong with us neither she was avoiding me, that was what she said. In retrospect, though, the talk I had with hyeong made me wonder if her family has something to do with her being distant.
Now I’m lying in bed, unable to fall asleep. I’m staring at hyeong's text, reminding me about the final fitting for the wedding entourage later today. I know ________-ah will be there too because I’ve seen her name in the group chat.
I sit up and figure out what to do next. I continuously gawk at my phone. “Ah what the heck!” I hurriedly type before I change my mind.
Ya!
________-ah…
Jaljayo.
o(^-^)o
More than a minute goes by without my phone making the ding sound. “What are you doing Ji Yong? This is not cool man! Just go to sleep!” I scold myself, turn off my night lamp, and command sleep to take over me.
Just when I irritatingly pull my blanket over me, I hear the most pleasant sound I hear tonight. Ding!
“Ji Yong-ah, come on. Pali. Tell me, what happened?” Seung Hyun pries.
Hyeong pays me a visit right after I came back from Busan yesterday, and is now sitting on the couch opposite me. He even makes an effort of bringing me some chicken and beer.
I grab a piece of chicken and take a huge bite. “What’s there to tell?”
“Aigoooooo… you’ve been ALONE with ________-ah in that secluded place for 10 days. Of course you have a lot to tell.” With his own piece of chicken at hand, he probes some more.
“Hyeong,” I move to sit next to him. “I think you’ve been in too many dramas. You make it sound like I was stranded in an isolated island with her.”
“Yeah. No kidding. I know there’s a popular Island in Gunsan. Seonyudo I think—I mean, maybe you spent some time there.” Seung Hyun’s being relentless.
I stop munching on my chicken and stare unbelievably at him. “Aissshhh. Hyeong, as much as I wanted to go to Seonyudo, and not for the reason you have in mind, we just didn’t have enough time. I was in the mood to write something up and that kept me busy. ________-ah's too busy as well. That girl does and knows a lot of things!”
He smirks, playfully kicking my foot that’s close to his. “Then tell me why the hell did you even go with her if you weren’t so keen to even make a move on her? I thought you fell in love at first sight—going after her and making a scene like that?! Ji Yong, I’m pretty convinced that you’ve gone nuts.”
I snatch open a can of beer and hand it over to him before getting another one for myself. “You wouldn’t understand hyeong… and I couldn’t explain myself either. I just knew that at that moment, it was the right thing to do—and the right time for me to have the vacation I so badly needed.” I take a swig of my beer until the can is half empty.
He drinks up his beer as well and drapes an arm around me after. “Ji Yongie my man, you are one heck of a guy!”
“And so are you hyeong… By the way, congratulations on your engagement.” I raise my can for a toast.
“Geonbae!” We say in unison, clicking our cans together.
I down the whole beer and turn serious. “So hyeong, we’ve known Ava noona and her sisters for years now—maybe you can you tell me why I never knew about ________ until recently?”
