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WEIRD

and on the topic of sudden plot realizations, I can't believe I had one in the big year 2025

but hey, shoutout to young teenage me for accidentally setting up the KC/Mikey thing without really meaning to (they definitely banged after she broke up with Ethan but how did I miss it??? no wonder I could never get the virginity sub plot to make sense with Ethan — it was never supposed to be Ethan. It was Mikey. It's KC's first transgression in a long line of wronging Ethan as well as the first in a series of her accidentally breaking a heart.)

I've been thinking about this sub plot for 2.5 years because 'tis the damn season' is the most KC/Mikey song that could possibly exist but the realization hit me right between the eyes a week or two ago. Maybe that's what triggered the Slade dreams.

But it wasn't Ethan. It was Mikey. She dragged her feet with Ethan, not because she wasn't ready for sex but because she knew Ethan wasn't the one. She was more comfortable with Mikey and she didn't even realize that that's what was happening.

WILD. Mikey Frost, you're unexpectedly the backbone of the first book

#My sister still references and quotes Mikey Frost #15 years later #Insanity

having Slade thoughts is so hard because there's no longer any place to put them. I'll rewrite the first book (bigger and better) and launch the whole series but there's no one to talk to about it anymore. K and O are grown and busy and not on social media anymore. M is dead to me (and I to her lmao) and that has always meant no more D either.

I got so used to having this world and being able to go there with 1-4 people who truly understood it and who SAW IT and who loved it and now I just have these intense Slade-related stress dreams and listen to Rise Above and California King Bed and The Shape Of Your Love in the car

it's all so confusing. has there ever been a bigger thing in my life than Slade? I don't think so. it's been with me for 18 YEARS. it wants to come back in some capacity (because of the writer's block? because I feel unmoored? because I'm adrift and it's frustrating? who knows) but for the first time in a looooong minute, I'm the only one here

I feel like Diego returning to Teeny Toys and discovering it empty lmao

#but idk #i think there's something here #a lesson or a direction or a message #SOMETHING #i might just embrace it

And then, in the back of my mind where my coherent thoughts had all gone to die, I remembered something she told me that she liked, something I knew was guaranteed to make a mess of her.

#12/29/14 fuck off lmaooo #this arc is madness #and it came to me with the same wrecking ball qualities as the ending of bb1 #just that fist to the face of “OHHHHH damn i guess that's the story”#but i digress #silly ship #silly ship that i've loved for over a decade #KC's Libraness jumps out so hard in 5 and 6

virgocs

I don't have a ranking of "most fun characters to write" or anything but Elise Clifton is top 3 EASY

virgocs

But as soon as we were alone in the hallway, Elise’s strong front crumbled. “You’re mad at me,” she said, grey eyes full of panic. “Are you going to yell at me?” “Just the opposite,” I said with a weak laugh. “You’re going to whisper at me?”

#noooooo i love her sm lmaooo

OH WAIT I FORGOT

THIS WASN'T JUST A BONUS SCENE FOR FUNSIES

IT'S LIKE,,, CANON,,,, AND IT IS THE BEGINNING OF ..... THAT

oh yeah, 5 really is nuts lmaooo

#full adult KC is a fucking disaster to be reckoned with #how did i come up with this arc when i was like 14

virgocs

also I've gone through all one the folders in my OneDrive just to peep all the old bonus scenes and I think the one that holds up the most is the #Krelise one from Slade 5 (?? I think it's 5)

like it's so much the brooding Scorpio vs. the Libra who runs from everything and it's Elise being the ONLYYYY person who will tell KC the truth and make very obvious how her personal shit is impacting her career and vice versa idk man that one is so fun and so intense and so vivid and Slade 5 is just... wild

virgocs

"But they’re part of you like anything else. Do you tell Ethan about them?” I didn’t answer. “Of course not,” she said. “Because anything out of the ordinary, anything other than the same sex you’ve had since you were sixteen would blow his mind. He couldn’t handle it. You could. He couldn’t. If you’re scared, if you’re angry, if you’re turned on and it doesn’t fit that moment, if it doesn’t fit what will keep Ethan happy and at bay, you ditch it. You ignore it. You pretend you don’t fucking feel it, all to appease the man who is supposed to legitimately understand you. And you don’t think that’s fucked up?” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I whispered. Her face finally changed, her stoic glare replaced with something that looked almost offended. “Don’t I? Is anything I’ve said been wrong?” “Fuck you,” I said.

(like??? that's nuts lmaooo)

also I've gone through all one the folders in my OneDrive just to peep all the old bonus scenes and I think the one that holds up the most is the #Krelise one from Slade 5 (?? I think it's 5)

like it's so much the brooding Scorpio vs. the Libra who runs from everything and it's Elise being the ONLYYYY person who will tell KC the truth and make very obvious how her personal shit is impacting her career and vice versa idk man that one is so fun and so intense and so vivid and Slade 5 is just... wild

I don't have a ranking of "most fun characters to write" or anything but Elise Clifton is top 3 EASY

“The fact that you have yet to meet Nicole or Lynsey leads me to believe that I died two weeks ago and that you’re a figment of my imagination preparing me for hell.”

#the deadpan wordiness of slade 6 is part of why i hold it to such esteem lmao #~22-year-old KC is just so annoyed all the time and talking in these long ass sentences #it was so fun to write this book

also Nicole/Kristyn's mantra always being "love you, brat" and Regina Curtis' always being "be good" instead of "I love you"?

I did Not realize I'd written so many just-for-fun (but still canon) scenes of Slade 3 but that was a really fun stroll down memory lane.

#probably my favorite book of the series honestly

Slade 6 (I'm just gonna have to call it that forever unfortunately) is so much funnier and marginally less depressing when you imagine that Nicole/Noah/Elise are always off doing fun friendship bonding activities like escape rooms and wine tasting while Lynsey is finding rich older man to bang, Kristyn is tracking her location on her phone like she's playing Pokémon Go hunting for a Snorlax and Gavin is occasionally in the room with her either pining or self-harming with cheesecake.

#and this is the book that i stopped writing bc it was too dark and i didn't want to open pandora's box on lynsey's lore lmaoooo

I think the biggest takeaway from all of these incessant Slade thoughts and dreams is simply that "Slade 6" is actually "Slade 3." 1 and 2 are obviously broken into two halves but then we skip ahead ~5 years to when they're established, Ray Curtis is dead and Laney is turning 13. All the adults having to face the shit that happened 10 years ago AS the youngest kid turns 13 makes so much more sense and then we go right back to the 12-13 age book for Slade 4.

#And it leaves 5 and 6 to be the grownup timeline

Stephen Christopher Connor

Isobel Layla Connor

Katie Amelia Connor

Andrew Zeke "Teek" Connor

Noah Burke Connor

Kristyn Leanne Connor

Nicole Angela Morgan

Lynsey Michelle Curtis

WHOMP WHOMP

me: I keep having Slade dreams and idk what the deal is. I should make a side blog or something to put these thoughts down so I don't absolutely lose my mind

me 3 years ago: way ahead of you, idiot

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it ends tonight