Important, albeit long. I love you all!
Hello, everyone. I have some news that many will be sad about, but please do not be sad. I am trying my best to not be sad, as well.
Those closest to me may know my mam has been experiencing complications with her double mastectomy and the returning of breast cancer in the form of skin cancer on her ribs. Last week, she had surgery, and everything was going well. I thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers.Â
I am about to drive to Limerick to go see my mam in the hospital. She should have been home by now, but she is not. I am not sure the specifics, and I am not good with medical terminology at all. But after her surgery, it seems she has been accumulating blood clots in the surgery area (I believe they called it hematoma), but neglected to tell anyone about her pain.
Because of this, my mam had a heart attack about an hour and a half ago. My da called me to have me drive over... and I may be saying goodbye to my mam this morning. The physicians and doctors are not confident of her survival, because she is having complications now at the hospital.Â
Now, all of these complications began around the time I started up here. Tumblr has been a home for me, and my followers have been a family for me. But I am afraid I have been neglecting my own family: moving out, becoming exceedingly busy, not being able to be there... And though I know (I know without a doubt) that none of Tumblr or you wonderful people has to do with my mam's health, it is something I cannot compartmentalize in my mind. I get on Tumblr and feel sick, I put off my replies, and I feel wrong. Not because I don't love each and every one of you. I do. So very, very much. So much. But this phone call was my deciding factor. I cannot do this anymore.
Over 200 followers is a wonderful going-away party. I cannot say that I will ever return. And I don't want to be mean - I really, really want you all to know how much I love you - but I need separation. I have not decided what I will do about my apprenticeship or trying to find an apartment in Cork. I may live in Cork; I may move back with my family in Limerick. I don't know. So many things are extremely confusing right now, and I feel like I am being torn apart.
But I am healthy, and although I am not happy (I am terrified), I believe in this decision. I don't want it to seem like I am cutting off friendships. Please try to think of me like Bilbo, finally going off to Valinor after having gone through so much... because these past months, I really feel like I have gone through so much.Â
And even if we never speak again, which is likely, I love you all. Each and every one of you. And you have other friends, other people who love you who can talk to you about my leaving. Please do not feel abandoned. I am doing this with the purpose to return somewhere, not to leave here... even if that is what is happening. Keep a smile on your face, no matter what, because Leelee wants to remember these usernames with a smile attached to them.Â
Ceileann searc ainimh’s locht - love is blind.









