‘Desperate Housewives’ sentence meme - MASTERLIST
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“For God’s sake, you promised to be supportive.”
“You can’t marry that sunflower seed.”
“That’s just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.”
“When was the last time you had sex?”
“I’m sorry I’m not handling accessory to murder as well as the rest of you.”
“Do you know how bored I was today? I came THIS close to actually cleaning the house.”
“Human beings are designed for many things. Loneliness isn’t one of them.”
“I can pick locks. Adultery gave me some valuable life skills.”
“Are we gonna talk about what I said?”
“You’re… colorful. Colorful in a way that might respond to medication.”
“Stop pretending we have a future.”
“I’d stay and say hi but that would involve a lot of listening and sad nodding.”
“I don’t wanna move on. I came here to see you.”
“When is your midlife crisis going to end, because it’s really starting to tick me off!”
“I’ve read the constitution and it does NOT protect ugly people.”
“He’s so self-centred he doesn’t even know how self-centred I am.”
“In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.”
“Leave before there’s a terrible misunderstanding between my foot and your ass.”
“We’re not very nice people, are we?”
“It’s a rare man that understands the value of a perfect rose.”
“I always assumed I’d have sex for the first time before you had it again.”
“To be honest, the only thing I don’t like about sex is the scrotum. I mean, obviously it has its practical applications, but I’m just not a fan.”
“We’re not negotiating my uterus.”
“In the future, leave the cleverness to me.”
“Return the shoes? I can’t talk to you when you’re hysterical.”
“She came up to me, and within two seconds of touching my bag, she knew it was expensive.”
“Think of a world where the toilet seat is never up!”
“Sexomnia. It’s real. Look it up.”
“Look, I’m in a dress, I have make-up on.”
“I don’t wanna wake up some morning with a sudden urge to blow my brains out.”
“Friends come and go, but crowns are forever.”
“Alright. If you’re a superhero, what’s your name?”
“It’s always easier to concentrate after sex.”
“Try not to take too long because I miss you already.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve never been good with ass comments.”
“Since we caught Bin Laden, we can stroll on the plane anytime we want.”
“What the hell kind of street do we live on, anyway?”
“When was the last time you were in a bar and you heard a guy turn to his friend and say ‘Hey, check out the soul on that girl’?”
“Hey. Lean on me. I’m a lot stronger than you think.”
“Come in! And don’t be an axe murderer.”
“Oh my God, you’re serious? No sex at all? Not even a…?”
“Please don’t mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection.”
“I promise no feather duster and no purple bra.”
“Today I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours– there are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas.”
“Sometimes evil drives a minivan.”
“You’re dying, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.”
“A dress this gorgeous is meant to be seen. Every day it hangs in the closet an angel loses its wings.”
“Really, does it look like I eat cake?”
“We can still have sex, just try not to wake me.”
“I have an “Isn’t that Ironic?” app that usually buzzes when people say stuff like that.”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I have a date.”
“Why can’t we ever have normal soups? Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?”
“You once called your face ‘proof of God’s existance’.”
“Okay, see… this is the problem with sobriety. It ruins lives.”
“We’re not like other families, are we?”
“How about this? Go the bank and get a hundred thousand singles and roll around naked on them. And then apologize to everybody in the bank and then come home.”
“I’ve lived with this bitterness so long, I’d be lonely without it.”
“We were both half-naked and there was a condom wrapper and he said I was amazing, which totally sounds like me.”
“You’d settle for that– a life filled with repression and denial?”
“I said it was a good explanation, not a great one.”
“My favorite game is counting all the things I’m dying to say to you, but I don’t! Like… “pipe down, you annoying nutjob!” I could NEVER say that.”
“It’s never bad luck when I look fabulous.”
“I hate you. A lot. But I do foresee a day far in the future when I might only hate you a little.”
“Twenty years from now when you’re all middle-aged and alone, you’ll regret this.”
“Why is there a big ass piano in our house?”
“Don’t you think a chocolate fountain would be elegant?”
“You don’t wanna be happy. You’re a drama junkie. “
“Good friends share enemies too, so are you with me or not?”
“If you don’t get out of my face, I’m gonna ram this Thigh Master down your throat.”
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