seeking grace; @viv-on-net - Tumblr Blog

Person: how are you

Me: woah.... loaded question

Mountain top

What a terrifying thought having to come down from the mountain. I am almost afraid! But we have to come down eventually. This year.. I almost can’t describe it. At times it has felt like it has been an uphill battle, but there is no doubt that I am on the peak of the mountain right now. Jesus has done so many things in my life since team life started, fostered growth in so many areas, and just loved me so much. I have learnt how to love. Not the superficial love that Hollywood sells. But the genuine, deep, unconditional, agape type of love Christ shows us and calls us to. And learning the different ways people feel loved - how they give, receive and respond to love. I have grown in faith - so much. I have grown in docility to the Spirit; every day, every minute giving the Holy Spirit permission to lead and guide me, sometimes with much hesitation. I have grown in my knowledge of what it means to be a woman of God. Of the strength and beauty in a woman who loves Jesus first and foremost, before any man (side note: a lovely middle-aged lady at a parish we recently did a retreat at told me that Jesus is “the hottest lover - your little boyfriend can’t love like He can!” *cue awkward should-I-laugh-or-not laughter) I have grown in my understanding of sisterhood - of loving, looking out for and building up the women around you, none of this tall poppy syndrome rubbish. I have grown in my ability to be still, to rest, to take time out, to have introvert time. I have grown in my relationship with Him. I have learnt how to dialogue with Him and how to listen to His words and His promptings, and to recognise Him working in my heart. I have grown in my belief of the importance of a faith community - to pick you up, push you, encourage you, challenge you, support you, and sometimes just to hug it out. I have learnt what freedom means; that in Him and in the cross we are truly free from the things of this world that enslave so many of our brothers and sisters. I have learnt how vital it is to “believe in what you are doing” (direct quote from Padre Dom) and how effective a genuine and authentic witness can be to sharing the Gospel. Most importantly, with the help of my team and all of the friends we have met and been loved and supported by this year, I have learnt what it truly means to be Catholic, to be missionary and to live the joy of the gospel. And so now after much discernment, I will be joining Freedom staff next year as a lay missionary. This means raising your salary, inviting people into your life, and taking on the true identity of the Church which is to be missionary and to go out and be fishers of men! Though what next year looks like isn’t very clear yet, I am trusting in Him and His crazy and wonderful plan for wherever my life is going. We start the last time of retreat tomorrow. There have been many tears shed already - sad and happy ones. It has been such a pleasure serving Jesus through NET & Freedom this year. Thank you Lord for an amazing 10 months. Let’s see what He has in store next!

#vivonNET2015 #emotional #tearz

Finish line

Hebrews 12:1-2 ↘

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.

We are on the home stretch, friends!

I have been sooo slack with this whole blog thing!

What a crazy 10 months it has been. Jesus has really been working in and opening my heart, especially as I continue to discern wherever next year will take me. And has Jesus been opening some doors over the last week!

All the credit to Him though, because I am continually reminded that everything happens for a reason; that everything I have gone through, everything I have learnt over the years has helped me in my everyday life or in my ministry in one way or another.

Our Thanksgiving Mass is on this Saturday; as of 3.30pm November 21, I am officially finished with my year of mission with NET. Approximately 13 days, 22 hours, 55 minutes away (not that anyone is counting). That is 13 days, 22 hours, 55 minutes left of running the race; of being with my wonderful team, of my sisterhood, of investing in this ministry I have been called to - a race that I have found exhilarating, a race I’ve fallen from a number of times, a race I have found difficult, grueling, painful, yet many times also full of joy, love and growth.

Please continue to pray for me, for my team, for the other NETters, for the staff; and for all people who will be serving in some way with NET.

Let us run with perseverance this race that is set before us.

#vivonNET2015

But there must be a real giving up of the self. You must throw it away "blindly" so to speak. Christ will indeed give you a real personality: but you must not go to Him for the sake of that. As long as your own personality is what you are bothering about you are not going to Him at all. The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether. Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up your self, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

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“…he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6, NIV) Sometimes when God is doing a work in our lives, it can begin to feel a little uncomfortable. We may encounter people who are hard to get along with or have circumstances that seem beyond our control. When this happens, instead of complaining, getting sour or trying to change everything around you, why don’t you look deep inside and say, “Lord, thank You for doing a work in me.” See, I’ve learned that God is more interested in changing me than He is in changing my circumstances. If I choose to stay sour because I’m not getting my way or discouraged because things aren’t happening on my time table, that’s going to keep me right where I am.

If you want to see change, if you want to see God open up new doors, the key is to bloom right where you’re planted. You can’t wait until everything gets better before you decide to have a good attitude. You have to be the best that you can be right where you are. When you bloom where you’re planted, you’re allowing God to work in you, and He will be faithful to complete what He’s started in you!

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viv-on-net

Oh man, the temptations and attractions of the world were so real and present today.

I was watching Coach Carter to pep myself up (the beauty of inspirational sports movies: perfect formula every time) - and one line spoke to me in particular in the Marianne Williamson poem that is quoted by Cruz:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

It just hit me, smack bang in the centre of my face. Often I feel unworthy of using my gifts, of being 'great', of standing out, of being seen.. And so I don't step up, I don't give or show all of me. But how does that serve the world? Quite simply: it doesn't. In prayer today I was reflecting on the concept of 'entrusting'. Google tells me to entrust is to "assign the responsibility for doing something to (someone)". We are each entrusted with a purpose, a mission - for me and 41 other young people this year, it is to encourage young people to love Jesus and embrace the Church. We are also entrusted with gifts, talents and treasures to serve the world and in turn ultimately serving Him. Jesus reassured me today that there is no need to feel guilty or ashamed of using what I have and what I am good at! We are only stewards of these things - we must give them back to Him and give Him the glory each time we use them!

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Prayer doesn’t have to eloquent or poetic or articulate.

Prayer can be guttural and raw and harsh.

Prayer doesn’t have to be silent or still.

Prayer can be tears and screams.

Prayer comes from the heart so let your heart pray the way it needs to.

“The Christian life consists in continuously scaling the mountain to meet God and then coming back down, bearing the love and strength drawn from him, so as to serve our brothers and sisters with God’s own love.” – Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

I have been in awe of how amazing God is this week! Ministry has been great, team has been great, discernment has been great - life is just all-around great right now.

#transfiguration #Godisgood #drunkonSpirit #vivonNET2015 #blessed

twloha

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” - Anne Lamott (via etsy)

breezeymama

As believers, we are not promised a comfortable life. But we are promised a Comforter.

hecallsmelovely

viv-on-net

It’s been two and a half weeks since we’ve been back from mid-year break and we are slowly preparing to get back into the swing of things. It’s also about that time when discernment for next year starts happening - and oh, is it happening! Jesus spoke to me ever so briefly in Adoration recently...

“I still want you.”

And what exactly He wants me for, I’m still discerning about and praying for an openness of ears, mind & heart to truly hear His voice - and more importantly, the grace to respond. Because at the end of the day, what is the good in hearing His call but not responding? Mama Mary said to DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU (John 2:5). What an exhortation. The truth is that my deepest desire is to love and serve the One who loved and chose me first. But in order to do this, I recognize that I have to work on humility. To throw away my constant desire for (some type of) control over the direction in which I am journeying. To learn to let go and let God. To fix my eyes on Him and His example. To choose to follow in His footsteps. To invite the Holy Spirit into every inch of my being and allow Him to comfort and heal. To choose love, especially when my humanness is screaming to do the opposite. To keep praying for an increase in faith & trust in His plans. St Therese of Lisieux, pray for us.

#vivonNET2015 #trust #letgoandletGod

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spiritualinspiration2

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In his works God always wants to act by means of instruments… God, who has given us a free will, wants us to serve him freely as his instruments by harmonizing our will to his in the same way the Blessed Mother did when she said: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word”. The words “may it be done to me according to your word” should always be on our lips, for between our own will and the will of the Immaculate there should be perfect harmony. So what are we to do? Let Mary lead the way and we shall have nothing to fear.

Saint Maximilian Kolbe (1894-1941), Franciscan, martyr Conference of June 13th, 1933 http://vangelodelgiorno.org/main.php (via tota-pulchraesmaria)