The Cullens but they’re more sibling and parent-y:
- Esme is both good and bad cop, Carlisle is tired/exasperated cop
- Alice and Emmett are the siblings who genuinely get along well with everyone
- Jasper is the quiet one who sometimes gets forgotten about
- Rosalie and Edward have the most traditional “they grew up close in age and live to annoy the everloving shit out of each other” brother-sister dynamic
- Instead of sisterly arguments about clothes in a “is that my sweater???” way, Alice and Rosalie’s go more like:
“Why aren’t you wearing the outfit I laid out for you?”
“I am not wearing that ridiculous thing to high school, Alice! I’ll look like even more of a freak!”
“I’ll have you know that ‘ridiculous thing’ came straight off the runway of Versace’s fall/winter collection!”
“Well, even Versace makes mistakes.”
“In the name of Gianni, you take that back!!!”
- Esme’s number one form of discipline is grounding (duh)
- Rose generally knows her limits with Esme but can give a whole lotta attitude to Carlisle and he’s too pure to realise he’s being roasted until Esme scolds her
- They often have to ban stuff but more as a precautionary measure than disciplinary (eg, the words “Emmett, step away from the fireworks” have been uttered on several occasions)
- Esme organises the occasional family hunting trip and insists that afterwards they gather round a fire to sing songs and roast marshmallows they can’t eat because she once overheard a soccer mom talking about a family camping trip (this then spurred the “we get pulled out of school to go on camping trips when it’s sunny!!!” excuse which to them is an inside joke)
- Rosalie and Emmett like to spend time together that incorporates both of their interests, which usually just means Rose throwing mechanical tools at Emmett to see if enough force will eventually crack his skin. Alice keeps score and tries to give tactical advice based on her visions but the rest of the Cullens have been too scared to enter the garage anytime they’ve heard Emmett say “babe, do it harder!”
- Throughout the decades, Edward has always kept angsty journals, which Emmett always steals and passes to Rose. Whenever she’s bored she pulls one from her collection, lights a bunch of candles, outs all the lights and does a dramatic reading of some random entries for Alice, Emmett and Jasper while holding a torch under her chin
- Alice dresses Rose up in her own designs and they have high-fashion photoshoots any humanless place they can get to. It gives Alice a chance to express her passion without the career she’ll never grow old enough to have, while Rose loves feeling and being told she’s beautiful. Rose and Emmett’s room is wallpapered with framed mock Vogue covers of Haute Couture Rosalie sparkling in the middle of a sunny desert, hanging off the side of a cliff, making snow angels on Everest, straddling a great white shark, sitting with her legs over the side of an erupting volcano, and more
- They’ve all tried to set Edward up several times pre-Bella which usually ended up with them apologising to the potential date for his absolute disinterest and occasional rudeness
- Several baseball games have been cut short because of Rose ripping a limb from Edward anytime he’s teasingly cocky
- Jasper’s power is mostly needed to calm Rose down whenever Edward infuriates her
- They celebrate Chrismukkah, obviously
- The reason Carlisle has so many scarves is because they’re all the kids buy for him for Father’s Day/Xmas/his birthday-not-birthday since they have no fuckin clue what to get a multi-billionaire whose only interest is his wife
- Esme imposed one strict rule about Mother’s Day: any gifts must be homemade. This was the result of the kids annually arguing about what to get her and eventually warring with individual presents trying to out-do each other, which led to Alice robbing a Monet painting from the Met only for Esme to sternly tell her “put that back immediately”
- Homemade gifts for Esme usually include an original song from Edward, an Esme-inspired fashion line from Alice (each year the theme is inspired by Esme’s specific interests, hobbies, or qualities), something dark but oddly touching from Jasper (“here’s a scrapbook. Look, there’s the ticket from that show we saw the day you first physically restrained me from killing a human”), something that screams ‘family’ from Rose like a patchwork quilt or something because she knows she and her siblings substitute for something neither she nor Esme can ever have but she wants Esme to feel like she has it regardless, and finally, an indecipherable family portrait made of macaroni from Emmett