Shining dead star

Sharing my little big thoughts

[vivi-worldd]

I hate pink.

It's a typical girl experience

To go through the I hate pink phase

When our bodies change and suddenly you're a woman

You get the talk from your mom

And suddenly you can't wear whatever you want anymore.

The eyes staring aren't innocent and you're aware and it's overwhelming.

You can't run and play with the other kids because you're a lady now.

All these unspoken rules and expectations

You start wishing for things to go back like how they were.

The times you don't even remember

Where wearing a bikini isn't a big deal

And playing with your male cousins isn't dangerous.

You always wished to grew up and wear makeup and be a teenager like you see in the movies.

But nobody prepared you for this.

Nobody told you about the eyes staring and the chains you'll have to live with.

The change becomes too much.

So you start to reject your femininity

"If only I was a boy" you start to think.

Being a girl means you're weak

So you start to act masculine to prove that you are strong.

The color pink who you once loved becomes a weakness.

You wear baggy clothes to hide your body

And your back is not curved because of your phone but to hide your growing chest.

Still no matter how much you try to hide

The outside behavior doesn't change

And the truth hits, you will never be a boy

They say girls mature earlier than Guys

I liked to think it was because we were smarter

But no, it's because girls were never treated as children.

From a young age we bear the burden of knowing.

Knowing that we are sexualized and it's our fault so we have to cover up.

The burden to fit in a society that doesn't appreciate you.

Maturity slaps us in the face even when we don't want it.

You were a child and you didn't deserve what happened to you.

And you are me and I am you.

You don't hate pink anymore.

It still sucks to be a girl but you learned that who you are was never the problem.

You learned that wearing makeup and dresses wasn't to attract boys attention but because you like it and it's enough.

Your body isn't something to be ashamed off

And you are more than just your curves

You have nothing to prove because your sole existence speaks for itself.

Wether you like pink or blue

Wether you run or walk

Wether you laugh or cry

You are who you are.

[vivi-worldd]

Ice cream

I wanted ice cream.

My mom said to get ice cream,I need money.

To get money,I need a job.

To get a job,I need a degree.

To get a degree,I need to study,so I studied.

But everyone was studying to get what they wanted,so I had to study harder.

I got a degree,but couldn't find a job.

To get a proper job,I needed experience.

So I worked small jobs.I learned to bow moreand to be more convenient.

I landed a good job and everyone congratulated me.

They said it's time to settle down and get married.

To get married,I needed to have a house and a car.

So I worked harder,buried myself in debts and commitments.

I got a house and a ca rand a wife.

And they said my life wasn't complete,so it was time to think about children.

But to get children,I needed a bigger house,bigger car,bigger income.

So I hustled again and got promoted and became a manager.

One child,then another.I thought that's all I wanted.

The next stage passed in a blur.

Saving up for college tuitions,driving the kids to school,worrying about them as they leave the nest one by one.

Until one day,my granddaughter asked me if I wanted to taste her ice cream.

I looked at the ice cream in her tiny hand and smiled.

I couldn't taste her ice cream because I had diabetes.