joie de vivre

[bending-sickle]

“Don’t worry, please, please don’t, because worrying might spoil it, because if you worry it might not come true. Somewhere there is something waiting for you, and you can smile a little perhaps now when you are so unhappy, because how well we both know that you will be happy very very very very soon. Somewhere someone is waiting for you, and loves you, and thinks you are beautiful, and it will be so wonderful and so fine, and if you can be patient and wait and never never never never despair, because despair might spoil it, you will come there, someday, and the gates will open and you will pass through, and no one will be able to come in unless you let them, and no one can even see you. Someday, someone, somewhere.”  

― Shirley Jackson, Hangsaman (1951)

[jinxingrief]

[dionysian-mystery]

Francis Forever by Mitski

[thepeacefulgarden]

[silveclipse]

Of course I'll hurt you, Of course you'll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

[vivido]

I was given a diagnosis for OCD that, in retrospect, has made most of my life make sense now

and, in reflecting, it's a bit sad to think of everything that we categorize as an "illness"

because the parts of my brain that have made life hard - painful, at times - have also allowed me to see beauty, create beauty, in a way that I know others cannot

it has been a burden in many ways but I cannot deny that, in other ways, it has been a gift

on the other hand, it is also a bit sad to think of all the times I was applauded, for merely doing what my illness compelled me to, over and over again. for my intensity in writing, photography, art... the perfectionism, the obsession, the detail-orientation. they were called strengths but all along it was an illness. and the nuance, complexity of life, is that all along, they could be both

[vivido]

It was cloudy all day, all day until the moment you died, and I’m not religious nor spiritual nor do I believe in god. But it was cloudy all day until the moment you died, and then the sun came out through the clouds and shined across the sky, and it was radiant, and I realized it was you, and that you were okay, and happy, finally happy. And for that moment, I was, too.

[feral-ballad]

Mahmoud Darwish, tr. by Fady Joudah, from The Butterfly’s Burden; “We were missing a present”

[oldwinesoul]

"I have enough memories to drink coffee all by myself in a cafe so empty yet so crowded with the ghosts of those who have left but always stayed."

—Mahmoud Darwish

[fuckindiva]

Mahmoud Darwish, Counterpoint (for Edward W. Said) in Almond Blossoms and Beyond (tr. Mohammad Shaheen)

[gnossienne]

Mahmoud Darwish, Journal of an Ordinary Grief (يـومـيـات الـحـزن الـعـادي), 1973

[fuckyeahrudyfrancisco]

“Last night, I had a dream. In this particular dream, I died in my dreams, then awoke not knowing I was still sleeping. I decided to walk. You see, that night I walked in my sleep. I slept in my walk. I walked backwards until I saw you for the first time and I could barely muster the courage to introduce myself all over again. I’ve been trying to find the right words. I’ve been trying to take the right steps for what seems to me like thousands of years but something always seems to go wrong between us. We lived in Egypt. I was the Pharaoh’s slave. You were his daughter, and loving you led to my death. They claimed I seduced you. After they stole my life, I was resurrected as a mason. I made the foundation for your house. We met eyes for two seconds. You left and I didn’t see you again until I died. I came back as a caterpillar, I turned into a butterfly. I landed in the palm of your hand, you brushed me away, and the rejection killed me. When I awoke, I was a kick drum. You were a snare. We were both owned by this drummer named Cozy Cole and when he died, so did we. But I came back just to look for you. I left notes in random places hoping that you would stumble across them. I carved our names in trees and then prayed that it would jog your memory. I whispered your name in the wind hoping somehow, maybe some way, my voice would reach you but it didn’t and I died. I died early. I died young with bread crumbs in my hand just hoping that you would find me but you never did. So they buried me, and when they buried me, they put these coins over my eyes and I used them as bus fare to get back to Earth just so I could look for you. That’s why sometimes when we hold hands, every so often, I tend to hold on a little too tight. And I’m sorry. I just don’t want to lose you again.”

— “Again” - Rudy Francisco

[conscious-love]

The worst thing in the world can happen, but the next day the sun will come up. And you will eat your toast. And you will drink your tea.

Rhian Ellis

[anditslove]

Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things

[vivido]

it’s been a hard few months, a hard few years; and i feel grateful for everyone who was kind to me, patient with me, when i did not deserve it; who sat next to me as we worked, in silence, and although they did not know it, the comfort of having someone there lessened the tears; who stayed up with me until 6am as i cried, and who listened, and did not judge me, or try to stop me; who gave me their beds to sleep in; who just held me; i did not deserve these things but i am forever grateful for them; and i hope that i can become a person who is deserving of these things

[vivido]

My former boss sent me a LinkedIn message and I feel emotional also I don’t sleep

[weltenwellen]

Heather Havrilesky, How to Be a Person in the World