so i quit my job because that place was literally going to kill me and i know this is going to sound bad - but i absolutely love not working. Financially it obviously fucking sucks and i can’t afford anything but it beats having to go to bed early and leave places early, it beats having to wake up @ 4 am to go to a place where it’s severely understaffed, where the workload is too much for the said understaffed team, to a place where i’ve been bullied and harassed and where it’s a known fact people don’t like you through multiple departments because you were thrown into a role you were not qualified nor experienced for yet every single person thought you were qualified. It beats feeling empty, exhausted, and scared. It beats not wondering when you’re going to be attacked again.
I hate it. I used to love going to work. I felt like I had purpose, like I was important, like I was contributing. I felt like I was gaining something felt Like I was respected and felt like I was successful.
Then after my boss targeting me out fear and insecurity, when she held me to a different standard to everyone (she let everyone get away with murder and I would be reprimanded for forgetting to take out bin out. And when I realised when I was working 40 hours and she logged herself for 40 hours but I would only see her 1-2 times a week and for only less than 10 minutes for handover. When she tried to replace and get me to quit so she could indulge her best friend after working tirelessly and harder than anyone else; would cover every single shift that needed to be covered; doing so much of her job for her so she could leave when she wanted....it kind of takes a toll on your efforts, passion, motivation, and sense of worth.
Then the same and even more happened at my next place of work - where one chef locked me in a coolroom to swear, and yell at me. Again a few months later, called me 9 times after work hours and had texted me to again, yell and abuse me. Why was I so targeted? Maybe because I’m the only gay person in all three kitchens through the hotel?? maybe. Who knows.
So work just became this thing that I was forced to go. Work became this daily struggle and absolutely no drive, energy, passion, motivation. I felt like I was going somewhere that highlighted how shit I was. It became a distraction to my life. To my well-being. It became torture. Like I was trapped and couldn’t escape.
And now that I am not working, not going to places that assault and abuse me and send my anxiety through the fucking roof - I feel good. I feel a sense of regret and guilt but it’s worth escaping that literally hell.
doing the things i want be doing in a nutshell: relaxing it’s sooooOOOOooooooooOOOOOooooo fucking good lmao.
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